Help - Need to phrase something.

[jaxxster]

So im applying for a job at a bank as a customer services officer and need help phrasing my previous experiences and knowledge and responsibilties. I suck at putting this stuff into words correctly so if anyone could help i'd appreciate it.

This is just a draft of my 1st one

"This was a Full time and part time job that i scheduled around college and 6th form.

My main responsibilities included answering a large volume of calls on a daily basis, Dealing with customer queries about pricing and booking minicab's for clients.

I gained a lot of experience from this job, I learnt how to correctly and efficiently input data into a computer. I also learnt a strong and proper telephone manner and how to deal with customer queries effiecntly and properly.

i gained alot of experience from this job, I learnt how to build a strong rapor with regular customers and new customers."

Thanks! x

 

[blade85]

what you have is fine, you just have some typos like efficiently(the one in the last sentence)

and is learnt a word? i thought it was learned

i think you should add some more about what you did and what you gained from your job because it looks really short

 

[FAST6191]

First lose the first person. Little else to say other than it really knocks you back when it is read in a CV/cover letter.

This was a Full time and part time job that i scheduled around college and 6th form.

My main responsibilities included answering a large volume of calls on a daily basis, Dealing with customer queries about pricing and booking minicab's for clients.

I gained a lot of experience from this job, I learnt how to correctly and efficiently input data into a computer. I also learnt a strong and proper telephone manner and how to deal with customer queries efficiently and properly.

i gained alot of experience from this job, I learnt how to build a strong rapor with regular customers and new customers.

Becomes:

The job was at a taxi firm and was undertaken during high school and sixth form. It consisted of both full time and part time work as the schedule allowed.

The responsibilities of the job included:
* Telephone enquiries
* Face to face customer enquiries
* Booking

During the job the ability to work with and accurately input data into a computer was required coupled with both telephone and face to face customer service. This led to the ability to deal with repeat and new customers as and when it was required.


You might want to consider either making the bullet points into headings with the last paragraph being split and forming the content but I will leave that to you.

* Telephone enquiries
A strong, confident telephone manner was called for so as to aid both returning and new customers with their queries and complaints (complaints is perhaps a bit negative but if you are going to for the sort of job this implies then you will need it).

* Face to face customer enquiries
This called for both speed and attention to detail (think back to a Friday/Saturday night if you did any) as well as crowd management.

* Booking
This required ability to quickly and accurately enter data into a computer as well as data retrieval.

 

[MrDunk]

what you have is fine, you just have some typos like efficiently(the one in the last sentence)

and is learnt a word? i thought it was learned

i think you should add some more about what you did and what you gained from your job because it looks really short

I agree you should add more of what you gained from the experience to help your length