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BORTZ

DO NOT SCREENSHOT
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Lhu0N.jpg

>Be 17
>at girlfriends house
>We are alone
>im sporting a cock rocket
>Shes on her period
>I ask if i can get her in the butt
>She finally agrees after some begging and pleading
>I stick it in
>FUCK YEAH
>So i finish my business
>Pull out, too fast
>OHSHI-
>She shits all over the couch
>Shes SUPER embarassed
>Did i mention it was her parents WHITE couch?
>We franticly try to clean the couch
>We know we are dead
>Fuckmyass.jpg

Fast forward a few hours

>Her dad comes home
>Discovers couch
>Rages and asks what happened
>before i can speak up and take the heat, my gf covers for me
>BLAMES THE FUCKING FAMILY DOG
>Father seems to have calmed down

Few minutes later while we are watching tv, happily past the incident

>Hear the basement outside door open and close
>gunshot
>Dad shot the fucking dog
>mfw
 

BORTZ

DO NOT SCREENSHOT
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lol i know, im just trying to bring some sort of blood infusion of life into this dead corpse forum.
lol newfags
 

Tom Bombadildo

Dick, With Balls
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Alright alright I got one.

>Be 12 at friends house (also 12)
>Playing Runescape like a boss
>Friend: "Hey, wanna see something cool?"
>Me: "Uhh...sure"
>*Friend visits porn site*
>I stare at boobies
>I like boobies
>Friend: "Let me get to the good page!"
>Friend clicks BBW
>NOPE.AVI
>Me: "Uhhh...I have to leave now"
>Leave forever
>Never go back to his house
 

Tom Bombadildo

Dick, With Balls
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Another:

>Be 14, have 17 year old gf (also sisters friend lol)
>3 weeks into relationship, I want to fuck
>Her: "Let's do it in your sisters room! lolololol it'll be funny!"
>Me: "Uhh...ok"
>Stick penis into vagina
>Turns out to be as tight as a 600lb man's pectorals
>Me: "Uhh...I think someone's coming, we better stop"
>Break up a week later
>3 months ago from today
>She's pregnant
>Sawitcoming.jpg
 

Tom Bombadildo

Dick, With Balls
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Oh oh oh another

>Be 7
>Go to catholic school
>Have wooden playground structure
>Tiny space underneath one of the platforms
>Lay down there with 2 friends during spring time to look up girls skirts
>mfw we never got caught
>mfw I have no face
 
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