Funny Quotes and Sayings From Anyone or Anywhere...

[The Viztard]

I just wanted to start a topic on funny quotes...'cause i couldnt find a already started one...well i think quotes are interesting so w/e...also interested in what you guys got...

so to start off...lol (you prob heard some of these before...)

-"If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"

-"Your job is still better than asking "you want fries with that?"

-"Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route..."

-"Don't steal. the government hates competition."

-"I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen."

-"I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent."

-"Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer."

-"You do not need a parachute to skydive. you only need a parachute to skydive twice."

-"Ok, so what's the speed of dark?"

-"Junk: stuff we keep; Stuff: junk we keep"

-"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

-"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."

-"Fight crime: shoot back!"

-"A friend: someone who likes you even after they know you."

-"I'm planning to retire and live off my savings. What i'll do the second day, i have no idea."

-"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...unless you're Jerry"

-"Its not the size of the wave, its the motion of the ocean...hehe get it?"

 

[DarkAura]

I have all these. http://www.coolfunnyquotes.com/

 

[The Viztard]

I have all these. http://www.coolfunnyquotes.com/

...awww...killjoy...lol...j/p, well thats cool too...

 

[Rayder]

Gas is becoming very expensive. Conserve gas, fart in a jar.

 

[DarkAura]

Gas is becoming very expensive. Conserve gas, fart in a jar.

That's what I say sometimes.

It's not really a quote, but I got it from my brother.
If a quiz is quizzical, then what's a test?

 

[The Viztard]

Gas is becoming very expensive. Conserve gas, fart in a jar.

QUOTE(Rayder @ Jun 3 2008, 05:02 PM) Gas is becoming very expensive. Conserve gas, fart in a jar.

That's what I say sometimes.

It's not really a quote, but I got it from my brother.
If a quiz is quizzical, then what's a test?

lol...to both..haha

 

[myuusmeow]

Wife: Hey, let's spend a lot of money
Husband: Sure
*five minutes later*
Wife: Honey, this is the gas station.
Husband: You wanted to spend a lot of money.

My pastor said this.

 

[VBKirby]

Here is something I've been working on for the past year. Whenever I think of something inspirational, (in other words, negative or cynical) I write it down. These are Brian Inwood's Words of Wisdom. (Brian Inwood is my real name)
Bask in my wisdom.

Brian Inwood’s Words of Wisdom

-Cynicism is just another word for experience.
-Friends may come and go, but memories last forever. Or at least until you forget.
-You’re only flaw is that you’re screwed up.
-Despite popular belief, it’s not that hard to flush the toilet.
-It turns out that suicide is painful.
-When you ask someone a question to which they reply “look it up on Wikipedia”, you are legally aloud to smack them.
-It is okay to kill insects since they are small, creepy, and easy to squish.
-If you’re happy, chances are you’re a moron.
-Even though it’s just a Treasury, you still have to buy it to have the whole set.
-No matter how filthy, stinkin rich you are, you’re still a total moron if you buy a 3000 dollar chess set.
-“Catch and Release” is just a nice way of saying “Torturing fish for fun.”
-Any word with a “KH” in it is automatically funny.
-Mouse traps are an inhumane way to kill mice. Letting your cat torture and rip it to shreds before finally killing and devouring it is the kindest way to kill a mouse since “it’s nature”
-When you propose via hangman, it sends mixed messages.
-No matter how fast you can run, don’t annoy the cheetahs.
-While April, May, and June are good names for girls, it is unwise to name your daughter February.
-If you can’t tell what the commercial is about, it’s a car commercial.
-Nose picking is a necessary evil.
-When someone says you aren’t funny, don’t make it worse by making a pun.
-If you don’t cry during “So Long Old Friend” in Here Comes Garfield, you have no heart.
-Remember, it’s the thought that counts. So think of something good.
-Don’t order a glass of milk at a restaurant. The server will look at you funny.
-Nobody has ever laughed while reading a joke book.
-Retiring from your job is not your main goal. Retiring with MONEY is your goal.
-It’s only “just a game” when you lose
-The harder you work on something, the less it will be noticed.
-“Coloured In Law” states that “The amount you enjoy your picture uncoloured is equal to the amount you will hat it coloured in".


The flushing toilets joke was from the fact that nobody flushes the toilet in public washrooms.
The Suicide IS painful joke is a refference to the M*A*S*H sign on in which the words go "Suicide is painless"
I invented "Coloured In Law" from my own experience of adding colour to pictures.