One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, but other times there was one only. This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord, “You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?” The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.” "Oh really? You won't mind giving me your sandals then." The Lord said "My sandals, child?" "Yes. Your sandals, and some plaster-of-paris, and then we're going back." "Back?" The Lord spluttered. So I said to the Lord "Yes. Back. And when we get there we're going to have a real close look at those single sets of footprints" The Lord replied, "Goodness me, is that the time? Where does the night go eh? Well, I must be off, I'm late for a taco appearance you know. Then meeting with the Pope all day. Frightfully busy. You know how it is. I'll call you." So I shouted at the rapidly diminishing figure of the Lord, as he bolted up the sand dunes, "YOU LOUSY SON OF A BITCH."