Does somone want to read my english paper and tell me if its good?

Discussion in 'General Off-Topic Chat' started by camochase, Jan 18, 2013.

  1. camochase

    camochase GBAtemp Regular

    Oct 26, 2010
    United States
    Modding: should it be illegal?
    So you are at home and you have your friends over. You are trying to watch Lord of the Rings. But guess what your friend dropped your dvd player and it broke and all you have is a Wii. Then one of your friends mentions modding your Wii. The room is now divided into a hot debate over if it should be legal and you do not know what to think. Most of your friends are on the legal side. It is time to make up your mind and quick. There are multiple things to consider what kind of benefits would you get from modding it, is it even legal to mod, and what do game companies think?

    There are many benefits to console modding it is used around the globe to make the system your own and to unlock its potential. One of the many uses is turning your console into a media center to play movies or music. The Wii is one system that is widely used for this type of modding. One mod is WIIMC designed by teams Tantric and Rodries can play pretty much anything a computer can . The program does many things:
    WiiMC (Wii Media Centre) is an open source media player for the Nintendo Wii.
    Features include:

    • Ability to play virtually any video or audio format
    • DVD playback, with DVD menu support
    • Picture viewer
    • Music player
    • Online media support, including SHOUTcast, YouTube, and Navi-X
    • SD, USB 2.0, SMB, HTTP, and FTP support
    • Attractive libwiigui-based interface, designed with the Wii in mind.(Tantric)
    You can see why this would attract many people into modding their Wii. There are many other programs the do the same kind of thing for other consoles like the PS3. Another big use for modding consoles is an emulator. Practically everyone who loves old games like Super Mario World have used an emulator a time or another. They own the games but have no way of playing them so simple fix is to get a digital version of the game. It is illegal to download the ROM from the internet you would have to back it up yourself to avoid piracy. One big emulator for Wii and computer alike is Visual Boy Advance it lets you run your favorite Gameboy games from the comfort of home on a tv .It allows you to play several types of games from the original Gameboy to the Gameboy Advance. Overall there are many pros to modding console, but still many people argue the legal issues of emulators and bypassing safety parts of the console to install a mod.

    The legal issues of a mod are argued over for many reasons but one big one is of how vague the law is. But one universally known fact about modding that it voids any warranty you have on the console. One arguing point about the legality of modding is hardmodding vs. softmodding. Hardmodding is where you modify the hardware of the system by opening it up and installing something like a chip or modifying what is already in the system to bypass security measures, and softmodding is where you take advantage of a software exploit in the system to run your own code and install your own software. The Digital Media Copyright Act more commonly referred to as DMCA. “ VIOLATIONS REGARDING CIRCUMVENTION OF TECHNOLOGICAL MEASURES.—(1)(A) No person shall circumvent a technological measure that effectively controls access to a work protected under this title...”(“DMCA” 112 STAT. 2863) Under this bill hardmodding in most cases is illegal. Not many have been charged for hardmodding, but in the case of Matthew Crippen he was taken into custody by Homeland Security but the charges were eventually dropped. So that leaves us with softmodding it is one of the most popular because it is cheap and in some cases free. There is no case that has not been dropped against softmodding, but that doesn’t mean it’s not wrong.

    The views of modding differ not only in gamers but also in the companies. There is no doubt that the big game companies do not tolerate modding because in most cases it leads to piracy. Just look at Nintendo’s official statement on emulators:
    The introduction of emulators created to play illegally copied Nintendo software represents the greatest threat to date to the intellectual property rights of video game developers. As is the case with any business or industry, when its products become available for free, the revenue stream supporting that industry is threatened. Such emulators have the potential to significantly damage a worldwide entertainment software industry which generates over $15 billion annually, and tens of thousands of jobs.(“Legal Information”)
    They are not the only company that thinks like this Sony and Microsoft do too. Large amounts of gamers and citizens back their opinion too. But there is many companies that are trying to set a new standard with open modding. The new and upcoming game console OUYA is going to be one of the first open source tv gaming console. OUYA’s policy on hacking is pretty much hackers welcome “Hardware hackers can create their own peripherals, and connect via USB or Bluetooth. You want our hardware design? Let us know. We might just give it to you. Surprise us!”(OUYA). This is important to the gaming industry and modders alike. Modders will have no legal lines to cross the possibilities to mod OUYA are infinite.

    So after your friends have introduced to you all the facts about the benefits of modding, if its actually legal, and what the gaming companies think its time for you to pick a side. Its a hard choice. Most people already made this hard decision.It will let you play your movie on your big tv, but some of your friends think it is wrong. You plan on softmodding if you do so you can avoid legal issues, but the law is shaky on softmodding. You can keep your warranty or make the Wii unique. What do you want to do its time for you to chose.

    so basicly im wondering if there are any errors i missed and if it is plain outright any good. I procrastinated way too much so i rushed it. please no flaming and thanks for your guys time and its just a highschool paper
  2. camochase

    camochase GBAtemp Regular

    Oct 26, 2010
    United States
    sorry i kind of just copy and pasted it so the format is off
  3. Wolvenreign

    Wolvenreign Transhuman Satanist Furry Technocrat

    Jul 7, 2008
    United States
    Indianapolis, IN
    Unless I'm missing some kind of joke, I think this should be moved to Art Studio.
  4. Gahars

    Gahars Bakayaro Banzai

    Aug 5, 2011
    United States
    New Jersey
    Alright, let's see...

    1) The use of "You" in the paper. While there's really no official rule against it, you're better off avoiding addressing the reader directly (in most circumstances). It's just kind of awkward and distracting.
    2) You shouldn't sentences with "But". No ifs, ands, or (especially) buts about it.
    3) I don't know, the whole personal example thing doesn't sit right with me. You might be better off starting the paper with some statistics (maybe about how many people mod, how much money is spent on modded consoles, etc. if you can find them) and then bridge that into your argument. Remember your audience - which, in this case, would be your teacher.
    4) "There are many benefits to console modding it is used around the globe to make the system your own and to unlock its potential." This is a run-on. Reword it.
    5) A lot of your sentences are very short and choppy, which detracts from your paper. You should consider spicing up your sentence structure - short sentences are fine, but there should be complex ones in the mix as well.
    6) You use a lot of terminology that the layman just isn't going to understand or be familiar with. Remember, you have to write for your audience - Do you think your teacher will know what the significance of a "libwiigui-based interface" is? Hell, I'm a gamer and I don't know. This isn't to say you can't use the relevant terminology for your paper, but you have to make sure you explain it properly.
    7) You focus almost exclusively on the Wii. If you're talking about modding as a whole, you should probably broaden your focus.
    8) There's a serious lack of commas in a lot of your sentences.
    9) You bring up "facts" without citing any sources (like in your point about emulators). If you're going to make a claim, provide proof.
    10) The paper doesn't feel all that well developed. You seem to jump from one thought to another without ever spending enough time to fully develop and explain them.
    11) Your paper seems really, really short. Are you sure it meets your teacher's length requirements?
    12) The ending seems kind of weak and halfhearted - it feels less like the summation of the arguments on both sides and more like you shrugging your shoulders in apathy.

    So yeah, you should definitely keep working on this. The subject matter isn't bad, but the execution needs more work.
    Satangel, Ace and Brian117 like this.
  5. Brian117

    Brian117 GBAtemp Psycho!

    Oct 1, 2007
    United States
    Cleveland, OH
    Alright, let's see...

    1) You asked us DOES someone want to read your paper, but yet you gave us NO choice in just posted it anyways without any consideration.
    2) No I do not want to read it.
    3) Why, you ask yourself deeply while you ponder the thought?
    4) Because I'm lazy.
    5) k.
    6) penis.
    jonthedit, Ace and Tom Bombadildo like this.
  6. emigre

    emigre Oh Jeremy Corbyn

    Jan 28, 2009
    United States
    My friend dropped my DVD players? Why the fuck is he carrying it? Wouldn't the DVD player already be connected to the television?
    jonthedit likes this.
  7. Ace

    Ace GBATemp's Patrick Bateman

    Apr 8, 2009
    Gahars sums it up pretty well, and let me just be clear on that: it's not good. However, I can tell you're not a dumb kid if you're posting this in a gaming community like GBAtemp. I see your issue with this paper mostly being in the thesis. Because you mostly have an unclear thesis, your remaining arguments and (non-existant) sources fall apart quickly and are not very engaging. In short, your thesis is weak, and thus the rest of your paper is, too. I present to you some sound advice:

    By: Ace
    Remember that your thesis needs to show your conclusions about a subject. In your example, you brainstormed the following topic because you're interested by it:

    "Modding electronic devices."
    This fragment isn’t a thesis statement. Instead, it simply indicates a general subject. Furthermore, your reader doesn’t know what you want to say about modding. What do you do?

    Narrow your topic.
    What you're gathering about modding as your research the topic is that while the consumer gains many more functions on their property from modding their devices, a company producing a device may be losing money if you do modify it: thus, there is both legal and moral questionability toward the act. So, you change your thesis to reflect what you're thinking:
    "Legal and moral questionability of modding electronic devices."

    Now you're showing that you're focusing on a segment of the previous topic you chose: the legal and moral questionability of modding. You should note that this fragment is not a thesis statement either because your reader doesn’t know your conclusions on the topic. What comes next?

    Take a position on the topic.
    After researching your selected topic a little while longer, you decide that what you really want to say about this topic is that despite the legal repercussions associated with illicit device modding, the consumer benefits from modifying their own electronic devices far outweigh the consequences that the companies may have to take from these modders and hackers, and that maybe 'open' electronic systems should be endorsed by the companies themselves as a selling point for their devices.

    You revise your thesis statment to show your thoughts like so:

    "Though there may be legal repercussions for the act, 'modding' electronic devices is ultimately benefitial for the end consumer in terms of device entertainment value, popularity and productivity which outweigh the potentially lost/gained expenses that modding can cause."

    This statement establishes your position, but the terms modding and benefitial for the end consumer are vague. Oh no, Ace: what do I do now?!

    Use specific language.
    You decide to explain what you mean about modding and benefitial for the end consumer, so you write:

    "New tools and technologies that enable consumers to archive, annotate, appropriate, and recirculate media content on unauthorized devices are increasingly exploited by users to enhance product development and sales to provide a longer device lifespan for the consumer of the device."

    This statement is specific, but it isn’t a thesis. It merely reports a fact instead of making an assertion. We're not yet finished with this thesis.

    Make an assertion based on clearly stated support.
    You finally revise your thesis statement one more time to look like this:

    "Because new and illicit, user-created technologies and innovations enable consumers to archive, annotate, appropriate, modify, and recirculate unauthorized media content on electronic devices, the consumer has a right to apply these user-made modifications on their electronic devices to provide enhanced services and lifetime for the electronic device on the grounds that the modifications in reality enhance product development and sales."

    Your thesis is officially created! It is a strong thesis that explains exactly what happens in modding and your position on it: it is one, clear main point.
    Notice how your completed thesis now answers the question, "What should be done about consumers who mod their devices, and why?" When you started thinking about the paper, you may not have had this specific question in mind, but as you became more involved in the topic, your ideas became more specific. Your thesis changed to reflect your new insights.

    I hope this is useful to anyone who reads it, because I've frankly read too many poorly-written high school papers that lead me to extreme boredom and snoredom. I bid you good luck on your paper, too!
    Schizoanalysis, Brian117 and Gahars like this.
  8. porkiewpyne

    porkiewpyne Report-er

    Global Moderator
    Jun 8, 2008
    ^Dat font colour LOLOLOL
  9. Ace

    Ace GBATemp's Patrick Bateman

    Apr 8, 2009
    EDIT: I see what you mean. Richtext is a bitch to use with the Tempstyle DARK, so now it should be fixed.
  10. wrettcaughn

    wrettcaughn Misunderstood Moral Elitist

    Mar 14, 2009
    United States
    If this paper is for an English class you may be in trouble. The use of English is very poor. Run on sentences, improper use of and lack of punctuation, many redundancies, double and even triple negatives... If I had the time I would take a red pen to it, but alas, I'm am at work and cannot.

    The best way to improve your English and writing abilities is to read. A lot. And practice. A lot.
  11. Schizoanalysis

    Schizoanalysis From somewhere inside the rabbit hole...

    Jun 23, 2009
  12. Chary

    Chary Never sleeps.

    pip Reporter
    GBAtemp Patron
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    Our Patreon
    Oct 2, 2012
    United States
    It has potential. The sentence structure, as said before, needs to be improved upon.
  13. jurassicplayer

    jurassicplayer Completionist Themer

    GBAtemp Patron
    jurassicplayer is a Patron of GBAtemp and is helping us stay independent!

    Our Patreon
    Mar 7, 2009
    United States
    Rule number 1 when creating an essay: Don't talk about piracy if it doesn't include the sea because it's a dumb idea. That is like me talking about anime to my English teacher and saying how it's the epitome of modern art and that Chuunibyou is a fine example of such works.
  14. Ace

    Ace GBATemp's Patrick Bateman

    Apr 8, 2009
    It's funny, I wrote a lengthy research paper on Internet piracy last year and enlisted help from GBAtemp by starting a thread in this very subforum with a survey on piracy. Without GBAtemp and the rest of the Internet, I could not have possible gotten an A on that research paper. My paper's thesis was as follows:

    "Modern surveys have consistently shown that the generation of first-world adults and youths that were born during or after the mainstream trending of the Internet, who have shown a growing tendency to unlawful redistribution and reproduction of copyrighted works through the Internet, rationalize this illicit behavior by claiming that the 'draconian' legislation is unrealistic, and do not provide reasonable safe harbors for deriviative works and fair use, nor practical methods of acquiring permissions for copyrighted works in the event of legitimate demands for these same permissions for neither consumers nor creators of deriviative/parody works."

    I used the above method of carefully crafting a thesis statment and rolling down from there, because once you do have an idea to express, the sources supporting these same ideas will be apparent to you as you write and describe them. Your main job at that point then remains to break down all the little jargon into understandable terms, as I showed above by saying 'use specific language'. Once you can easily show your one, clear main point, it is easy to see how this is then tested: through interviews with these 'first-world adults and youths[...]', or further research in previous studies on internet piracy.

    Further, it makes the writing of the introduction, conclusions, discussions, references and appendices MUCH easier to write because you're using one main direction and often just a reliable selection of sources to base your work on. It's one of the several don't's of writing research papers my English teacher told us at the time: 'Don't be afraid to choose a specific topic, because if your thesis is good, and you are able to break down words so that anyone can understand, you're golden!'