Dealing with a narcissist

Mike_Hunt

Well-Known Member
OP
Newcomer
Joined
Sep 16, 2021
Messages
96
Trophies
0
Age
15
XP
278
Country
United States
I strongly suspect my father is narcissistic. What personal advice do you have, web pages and books to read and so on?
 

mr_switch

Active Member
Newcomer
Joined
Jun 4, 2018
Messages
37
Trophies
0
XP
1,243
Country
New Zealand
There is a subreddit dedicated to this topic. My advise is to cut off all contacts with narcissist or if you have no choice but to deal with him daily just employ the grey rock method.

r/raisedbynarcissists
 

JuanMena

Old Skull ☠️
Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
2,315
Trophies
1
Age
28
XP
4,600
Country
Mexico
You're 15, right?

I'm thinking you're too young to realize most of things in life yet. I've been there because I too was once young.

I just deliberately deleted my previous comment but wondered about your age, to see if this was a kind if problem between two adults. Unfortunately not, and most of us (adults) will tell you to deal with it, which might be not what you want to hear because of your age.

Maybe you should spend more time outside of your home. You seriously need yo pump up your testosterone a bit. Perhaps you're not resting enough? (sleep problems?)

Also, what Alexander said is super important.
 
  • Love
Reactions: Alexander1970

FAST6191

Techromancer
Editorial Team
Joined
Nov 21, 2005
Messages
34,119
Trophies
2
Website
trastindustries.com
XP
23,035
Country
United Kingdom
Personally I try not to deal with such people at the level of familial relationship. The best armour is not to be there when the attack it made and all that. In business then the self serving nature of such people means you will encounter them, sometimes they are good at what they do and sometimes they are an example of politics or the peter principle (everybody rises to the level of their incompetence).
Depending upon your age, income, family status (will cutting them out necessarily cut out others* you would rather be in contact with sort of thing) and more that may be harder to pull off.

*not necessarily because they forbid it but others are in their orbit and dislike you pulling away. Throwing around the word cult is a bit premature at this point but there is a reason most such things are headed by such.

It also depends upon you yourself. What skills you have, what your mindset it like.
For instance I am a cold and clinical bastard that has never felt lonely, and is happy to analyse every single move at all points with an almost perfect memory for conversations and interpersonal interactions. Quite easy then to figure out if someone is self serving to the degree of some kind of clinical narcissism and then whether their actions and responses work for my cost-benefit, even if they either collapse it to their benefit or run away when the going gets tough leaving me to shoulder burdens they should have had.
You may however not have such perks (or be able to gain them -- people think in different ways and trying to change your thinking radically is dubious at best), and even if you did your cost-benefit risk analysis will necessarily be different ($500 might be a cost of doing business for me, crippling for you to lose).
That said if you seek validation through them then don't. If you get it then it will likely still be self serving, if not meaningless, so eh.

Do be sure it is actually the case as well; children rebel against their parents, I would say it is actually an essential aspect of growing up. Leading by example, reinforcing social standing when you do something to damage it... such things can appear as narcissism to those not necessarily familiar with it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: mr_switch

JuanMena

Old Skull ☠️
Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
2,315
Trophies
1
Age
28
XP
4,600
Country
Mexico
Personally I try not to deal with such people at the level of familial relationship. The best armour is not to be there when the attack it made and all that. In business then the self serving nature of such people means you will encounter them, sometimes they are good at what they do and sometimes they are an example of politics or the peter principle (everybody rises to the level of their incompetence).
Depending upon your age, income, family status (will cutting them out necessarily cut out others* you would rather be in contact with sort of thing) and more that may be harder to pull off.

*not necessarily because they forbid it but others are in their orbit and dislike you pulling away. Throwing around the word cult is a bit premature at this point but there is a reason most such things are headed by such.

It also depends upon you yourself. What skills you have, what your mindset it like.
For instance I am a cold and clinical bastard that has never felt lonely, and is happy to analyse every single move at all points with an almost perfect memory for conversations and interpersonal interactions. Quite easy then to figure out if someone is self serving to the degree of some kind of clinical narcissism and then whether their actions and responses work for my cost-benefit, even if they either collapse it to their benefit or run away when the going gets tough leaving me to shoulder burdens they should have had.
You may however not have such perks (or be able to gain them -- people think in different ways and trying to change your thinking radically is dubious at best), and even if you did your cost-benefit risk analysis will necessarily be different ($500 might be a cost of doing business for me, crippling for you to lose).
That said if you seek validation through them then don't. If you get it then it will likely still be self serving, if not meaningless, so eh.

Do be sure it is actually the case as well; children rebel against their parents, I would say it is actually an essential aspect of growing up. Leading by example, reinforcing social standing when you do something to damage it... such things can appear as narcissism to those not necessarily familiar with it.
Quite off topic, but you're not a bastard, nor cold.
You're just introvert, which means that you don't require lots to be happy/feel accomplished, which is why is almost impossible for you to serk out the appreciation of others.

I have in my mind two certain staff members, one if the is Narcissist, and the other is Egocentric.

At OP: What Fast is saying, is that it might as well be a problem comming from your own growing up nature. It is why I suggested you're not sleeping well. People tends to be a bit neurotic with the lack of proper rest.
 

FAST6191

Techromancer
Editorial Team
Joined
Nov 21, 2005
Messages
34,119
Trophies
2
Website
trastindustries.com
XP
23,035
Country
United Kingdom
Quite off topic, but you're not a bastard, nor cold.
You're just introvert, which means that you don't require lots to be happy/feel accomplished, which is why is almost impossible for you to serk out the appreciation of others.

I have in my mind two certain staff members, one if the is Narcissist, and the other is Egocentric.

At OP: What Fast is saying, is that it might as well be a problem comming from your own growing up nature. It is why I suggested you're not sleeping well. People tends to be a bit neurotic with the lack of proper rest.
I would maintain what I said is correct. Empathy lacking in almost all cases and what is there is usually more of an emulation. Bastard tends to follow from that as well. More than adequately describes me.
As far as introversion. Not really. I doubt I would rank as any kind of extrovert but social situations are fine and can do that for weeks on end.
 

JuanMena

Old Skull ☠️
Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
2,315
Trophies
1
Age
28
XP
4,600
Country
Mexico
Bastard tends to follow from that as well.
Is bastard a psychological term?
Contrary to what I presume might be common thought, you're not antisocial.
Of course I'm not gonna play the Internet Detective here, but you've manifested introvert tendencies before.
Not trying to convince you, I think we're all smart enough to know what's our psychological behavior here.
 

zxr750j

Well-Known Member
Member
Joined
Sep 29, 2003
Messages
613
Trophies
0
Location
Utrecht
XP
1,777
Country
Netherlands
@Mike_Hunt : Knowing your father is a narcissist makes your life hopefully somewhat easier, it can explain a lot of his (negative?) behavior. Give him a compliment if you need something, and if you encounter problems in daily life (aggressiveness, lack of support of attention): go seek help! This might not be the best place to get good advice. Mostly men with technical tendencies, so autism or people leaning to it might be well represented. Though I find most people here are very nice, even the bastards.
 

Dr_Faustus

Resident Robot Hoarder
Member
Joined
Mar 25, 2021
Messages
165
Trophies
0
Age
31
Location
The Best State on The Best Coast
XP
195
Country
United States
Being narcissistic is not that bad honestly. You can find far worse qualities in people and have a worse time with them for it. That said environment helps create the personality in people. You take the good with the bad and just be glad you do not have a physically abusive parent or verbally abusive that you could deal with most of your young life.

Also do not get me started if your parents are heavily religious, then that's just abuse with the excuse of god on the backhand.
 

VinsCool

Persona Secretiva Felineus
Global Moderator
Joined
Jan 7, 2014
Messages
14,336
Trophies
3
Location
Another World
Website
www.gbatemp.net
XP
20,766
Country
Canada
Just take advantage of it.
Shower your dad with compliments and make him feel he is the best, you can then ask for whatever you want and you will get it.

Or.

Don't listen to my advice, and don't bother with any of this, there is pretty much no point focusing on a simple personality trait.
 
General chit-chat
Help Users
    KennieDaMeanie @ KennieDaMeanie: https://youtube.com/shorts/mCVK2BkF6MQ?feature=share