Chuck Norris got pwned...
- Thread starter VVoltz
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![[M]artin](/data/avatars/l/53/53229.jpg?1568173037){kind=avatar}
Chuck Norris has a bank. The Bank of America.
Chuck Norris doesn't keep his money under his mattress, he keeps it in Fort Knox.
or rather
The United States doesn't store its money under a mattress, they store it in Chuck Norris's wallet. Fort Knox
(no, that wasn't very good either....somebody make a Chuck Norris + Fort Knox joke)
Chuck Norris doesn't keep his money under his mattress, he keeps it in Fort Knox.
or rather
The United States doesn't store its money under a mattress, they store it in Chuck Norris's wallet. Fort Knox
(no, that wasn't very good either....somebody make a Chuck Norris + Fort Knox joke)
The United States doesn't store its money in Fort Knox, they store it in Chuck Norris's wallet.
Fix'd. That sounds better to me now. Unless you know, it was already made before.
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There are two hands that can beat a royal flush. Jack Bauer's right hand and Jack Bauer's left hand.
Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of clothes.
If Jack Bauer had been a Spartan the movie would have been called "1".
The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.
Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon.
Professor Charles Xavier from X-Men once tried to read Jack Bauer's mind. Now he's sitting in a wheel chair.
When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Jack Bauer.
There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. The first two are Jack Bauer, and the third one is heart attack from hearing Jack Bauer is coming for them.
Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
Withholding information from Jack Bauer is now classified as a suicide attempt.
Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
Jack once shot himeself 10 times, just to prove 50 cent is a bitch. He proceeded to wrestle and aligator while talking to Chloe about schematics.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
Jack Bauer doesn't have a refresh button on his web browser. All events take place in real time.
Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?
and my fav one
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Jack Bauer would meanwhile do something important.
Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of clothes.
If Jack Bauer had been a Spartan the movie would have been called "1".
The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.
Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon.
Professor Charles Xavier from X-Men once tried to read Jack Bauer's mind. Now he's sitting in a wheel chair.
When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Jack Bauer.
There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. The first two are Jack Bauer, and the third one is heart attack from hearing Jack Bauer is coming for them.
Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
Withholding information from Jack Bauer is now classified as a suicide attempt.
Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
Jack once shot himeself 10 times, just to prove 50 cent is a bitch. He proceeded to wrestle and aligator while talking to Chloe about schematics.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
Jack Bauer doesn't have a refresh button on his web browser. All events take place in real time.
Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?
and my fav one
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Jack Bauer would meanwhile do something important.
Chucknorrisfacts.com dude... just read...
:Edit: If you don't get it; you don't deserve to.
That cat pic always gets me!
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@ x65943:
If your throat closes, putting oxygen in your mouth will not solve anything - as you will be introducing oxygen prior to the area of obstruction -
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You either need to be intubated to bypass obstruction or create a stoma inferior to the the area of obstruction to survive
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JuanMena:
It was waiting for you to order another one.
Seems like, your PSU was waiting for a partner. -
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