In all fairness, not all mothers deserve praise. Mine, for example, is a pathetic drunken half-wit who threw a knife through my hand. So feel free to take the piss out of her if you have any 'yo mamma' jokes you need to unload on the world.
Here's some more of my classics;
- 'I'm still not sure what it is I dislike about the French. It used to be simple; their laziness and utter uselessness in war. But as I've grown up I've learned to hate them on entirely new levels. I think the main thing that bothers me now is that the women there have underarm hair long enough to put in dreads. For some things there's just no excuse.' - Regarding the ignorant French Exchange Student who introduced himself to the class by having one of the girls suck him off during class. For the record not all French people suck. His fellow exchange student was Celeste, a truly amazing young woman...Sorry, lost my train of thought...
- 'Clearly some girls aren't satisfied with mere camel toe, what with you going for a full camel face.' - Directed at an annoying ex girlfriend.
- 'I don't date girls who look like seahorses. I know inner beauty is what's important, but there's a limit to how much outer ugliness it can counteract.' - Explaining to a girl named Zoe that she had absolutely no shot with me whatsoever.
- 'You know that little voice in your head that said you could win this fight? Yeah, it was lying to you.' - My standard victory quote.
- 'You fuck up so often you're practically kicking your own ass, why would I need to get involved? Might just leave you to it and go for lunch.'- The reason why actually attacking one of my enemies is far from necessary, he ruins his life without any help from me.
- 'Words simply cannot express how much off I want you to fuck.' - A phrase my friends found so amusing that most of them have it as their favourite quote on Facebook.
These aren't actually mine but they're still worthy of mention:
- 'Looking at you I can see that even anal sex sometimes leads to pregnancy.' - Amelia Varell, regarding the girl I insulted in my first post.
- 'I have to get up early in the morning to hate you, else there isn't time enough in the day.' - Dylan Moran.
- 'Nobody is above justice. Remember that when you're bleeding out in a gutter for pissing me off.' - Something a friend of mine said to his nemesis.
