Hey guys and gals. Been thinking as I sit in the library checking my emails that kids these days really don't know how to construct a decent insult any more. They don't put any imagination into it these days. I don't expect everyone to mastercraft their custom insults the way I do, but surely we can do better than 'shut up, gay lord'. So, as odd a request as this may seem, I want you to tell me what the funniest, sharpest or just outright cruelest insults you've ever heard, be they from you or someone else. You don't have to disclose the target of the remark if you don't want to. I'll start with a few of my more scathing remarks from across Time... - 'She looks like the ill-advised cross-breeding of an especially stupid snow owl and a jar of Vegemite. She stinks worse than a heady cocktail of Canadian wolf urine and Basil Brush's joke book. She'll burn your retinas out from fifty paces. It's the B.O equivalent of an Exocet missile.' - a colourful description of the girl my former friend betrayed the love of his life for. - 'You carry yourself with all the grace and charm of a suicidal rhinoceros with terminal diahhrea attempting to play the Moonlight Sonata on a burning piano made of cacti using just its testicles.' - My way of telling a former friend of mine that he's hopeless at everything. - 'The carbon molecules that make up your being would serve the galaxy much better as a pencil.' - Something I once said to my dad. - 'See this? c[_] This is my Care Cup. Notice that it's empty.' - My online way of explaining that I simply could not give a shit. - 'When mankind evolved from monkeys, you were merely an observer, weren't you?' - Something I say with alarming regularity to the local idiots. - 'You're a perfect poster child for a campaign against natural selection.' - Explaining to my little brother that his slightly racist and ignorant Eugenics group on Facebook can hardly preach about the purity of the gene pool when he's in charge of it. - 'He does at least serve one purpose. By existing, he's pushing scientists across the globe to invent time machines to prevent him ever happening in the first place. Unfortunately anyone with even a slight grasp of temporal physics will tell you that obliterating him with a time machine you invented solely because he was so annoying would be a paradox and potentially put an end to the entire universe. His singing is the least of our problems.' - My friend Kai's description of Justin Bieber. Also applies to Rebecca Black, Miley Cyrus, the very existance of Paris Hilton, etc. I'll chime in with more later. Anyone got anything that can top those beauties? Surely we as a species are capable of more than the cliched and worn out insulting comments about people's sexuality. Blaze.