Best insults you've ever heard?

Discussion in 'The Edge of the Forum' started by Blaze163, Aug 14, 2012.

Aug 14, 2012
  1. Blaze163
    OP

    Member Blaze163 The White Phoenix's purifying flame.

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    Hey guys and gals.

    Been thinking as I sit in the library checking my emails that kids these days really don't know how to construct a decent insult any more. They don't put any imagination into it these days. I don't expect everyone to mastercraft their custom insults the way I do, but surely we can do better than 'shut up, gay lord'. So, as odd a request as this may seem, I want you to tell me what the funniest, sharpest or just outright cruelest insults you've ever heard, be they from you or someone else. You don't have to disclose the target of the remark if you don't want to. I'll start with a few of my more scathing remarks from across Time...

    - 'She looks like the ill-advised cross-breeding of an especially stupid snow owl and a jar of Vegemite. She stinks worse than a heady cocktail of Canadian wolf urine and Basil Brush's joke book. She'll burn your retinas out from fifty paces. It's the B.O equivalent of an Exocet missile.' - a colourful description of the girl my former friend betrayed the love of his life for.

    - 'You carry yourself with all the grace and charm of a suicidal rhinoceros with terminal diahhrea attempting to play the Moonlight Sonata on a burning piano made of cacti using just its testicles.' - My way of telling a former friend of mine that he's hopeless at everything.

    - 'The carbon molecules that make up your being would serve the galaxy much better as a pencil.' - Something I once said to my dad.

    - 'See this? c[_] This is my Care Cup. Notice that it's empty.' - My online way of explaining that I simply could not give a shit.

    - 'When mankind evolved from monkeys, you were merely an observer, weren't you?' - Something I say with alarming regularity to the local idiots.

    - 'You're a perfect poster child for a campaign against natural selection.' - Explaining to my little brother that his slightly racist and ignorant Eugenics group on Facebook can hardly preach about the purity of the gene pool when he's in charge of it.

    - 'He does at least serve one purpose. By existing, he's pushing scientists across the globe to invent time machines to prevent him ever happening in the first place. Unfortunately anyone with even a slight grasp of temporal physics will tell you that obliterating him with a time machine you invented solely because he was so annoying would be a paradox and potentially put an end to the entire universe. His singing is the least of our problems.' - My friend Kai's description of Justin Bieber. Also applies to Rebecca Black, Miley Cyrus, the very existance of Paris Hilton, etc.

    I'll chime in with more later. Anyone got anything that can top those beauties? Surely we as a species are capable of more than the cliched and worn out insulting comments about people's sexuality.

    Blaze.
     
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  2. TwinRetro

    Global Moderator TwinRetro Don't start nothin', Won't be nothin'

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    If I wanted any lip from you, I would jiggle my zipper.
     
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  3. jalaneme

    Member jalaneme Female Gamer

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    AVGN has the best insults XD
     
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  4. qwertymodo

    Member qwertymodo GBAtemp Advanced Fan

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  5. EyeZ

    Member EyeZ GBAtemp Addict

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    I was told you weren't fit enough to eat with pigs, but i told em you was.
     
  6. emigre

    Member emigre Has complex motives

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    This thread is EoF material.
     
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  7. Vulpes Abnocto

    Former Staff Vulpes Abnocto Drinks, Knows Things

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    I wish I had been with budrow66 and his girlfriend last week when they pulled into a gas station to find a tweaker girl (anorexia-skinny and obviously tweaked out on meth or some other drug) yelling at her wannabe-gangsta white boyfriend.
    Guy: You don't have to be such a bitch!
    Girl: Oh you haven't even seen what a bitch I can be, douche-canoe!


    Yeah, everybody I dislike will now be known as "douche-canoe". It's almost poetic.
     
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  8. NeoSupaMario

    Member NeoSupaMario GBATemp's Official Stegosaurus

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    Why you big, scruffy-looking nerf-herder!

    -best insult ever. (and that was not directed at anyone)
     
  9. Black-Ice

    Member Black-Ice Founder of the Church of Renamon

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    I've seen better threads and comments from this guy.

    ~Best insult eva.
     
  10. Depravo

    Global Moderator Depravo Jaded curmudgeon

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    - Prince Edmund.
     
  11. p1ngpong

    Supervisor p1ngpong Legit Boss Harold

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    [yt]PSEYXWmEse8[/yt]

    /thread
     
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  12. DoubleeDee

    Member DoubleeDee GBAtemp Regular

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    Yo momma so fat, she eats a lot.
     
  13. FAST6191

    Reporter FAST6191 Techromancer

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    Best insult- one where you insult a person to their face or otherwise diss their logic, they wander off thinking they have won and only realise they did not long after the point where smacking you turns from a justifiable response to them being the violent arsehole.
     
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  14. chavosaur

    Reporter chavosaur Austin Trujillo

    pip
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    Gotta study all this to pwn all the assholes who think they're the best at everything at school :creep:
     
  15. Santee

    Member Santee Jalapeño

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    Your mother is so fat, the recursive function computing her mass causes a stack overflow.
     
  16. Fear Zoa

    Member Fear Zoa This... This is the world we live in

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    How is this thread not filled with quotes from full metal jacket?
     
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  17. Law

    Member Law rip ninjacat that zarcon made me

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    your face

    the best insults are the low effort ones, because it really shows you don't give a shit.
     
  18. FailName

    Member FailName ░▒▓█▓▒░

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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfYJsQAhl0
     
  19. Luigi2012SM64DS

    Banned Luigi2012SM64DS G-old member

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    You look like you've been run over by a hippo.
     
  20. TwinRetro

    Global Moderator TwinRetro Don't start nothin', Won't be nothin'

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    You look like someone stuffed the contents of my mother's makeup bag into a shotgun, and pulled the trigger point blank at your ugly mug.

    You're so ugly, the doctor slapped the wrong end when you were born.
     

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