Best insults you've ever heard?

Discussion in 'The Edge of the Forum' started by Blaze163, Aug 14, 2012.

  1. Blaze163
    OP

    Blaze163 The White Phoenix's purifying flame.

    Member
    3,769
    789
    Nov 19, 2008
    Coventry, UK
    Hey guys and gals.

    Been thinking as I sit in the library checking my emails that kids these days really don't know how to construct a decent insult any more. They don't put any imagination into it these days. I don't expect everyone to mastercraft their custom insults the way I do, but surely we can do better than 'shut up, gay lord'. So, as odd a request as this may seem, I want you to tell me what the funniest, sharpest or just outright cruelest insults you've ever heard, be they from you or someone else. You don't have to disclose the target of the remark if you don't want to. I'll start with a few of my more scathing remarks from across Time...

    - 'She looks like the ill-advised cross-breeding of an especially stupid snow owl and a jar of Vegemite. She stinks worse than a heady cocktail of Canadian wolf urine and Basil Brush's joke book. She'll burn your retinas out from fifty paces. It's the B.O equivalent of an Exocet missile.' - a colourful description of the girl my former friend betrayed the love of his life for.

    - 'You carry yourself with all the grace and charm of a suicidal rhinoceros with terminal diahhrea attempting to play the Moonlight Sonata on a burning piano made of cacti using just its testicles.' - My way of telling a former friend of mine that he's hopeless at everything.

    - 'The carbon molecules that make up your being would serve the galaxy much better as a pencil.' - Something I once said to my dad.

    - 'See this? c[_] This is my Care Cup. Notice that it's empty.' - My online way of explaining that I simply could not give a shit.

    - 'When mankind evolved from monkeys, you were merely an observer, weren't you?' - Something I say with alarming regularity to the local idiots.

    - 'You're a perfect poster child for a campaign against natural selection.' - Explaining to my little brother that his slightly racist and ignorant Eugenics group on Facebook can hardly preach about the purity of the gene pool when he's in charge of it.

    - 'He does at least serve one purpose. By existing, he's pushing scientists across the globe to invent time machines to prevent him ever happening in the first place. Unfortunately anyone with even a slight grasp of temporal physics will tell you that obliterating him with a time machine you invented solely because he was so annoying would be a paradox and potentially put an end to the entire universe. His singing is the least of our problems.' - My friend Kai's description of Justin Bieber. Also applies to Rebecca Black, Miley Cyrus, the very existance of Paris Hilton, etc.

    I'll chime in with more later. Anyone got anything that can top those beauties? Surely we as a species are capable of more than the cliched and worn out insulting comments about people's sexuality.

    Blaze.
     
    1 person likes this.


  2. TwinRetro

    TwinRetro Don't start nothin', Won't be nothin'

    Global Moderator
    6,181
    4,802
    Aug 29, 2008
    United States
    Las Vegas, NV
    If I wanted any lip from you, I would jiggle my zipper.
     
    2 people like this.
  3. jalaneme

    jalaneme Female Gamer

    Member
    6,248
    195
    Nov 27, 2006
    London
    AVGN has the best insults XD
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. qwertymodo

    qwertymodo GBAtemp Advanced Fan

    Member
    817
    117
    Feb 1, 2010
    United States
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. EyeZ

    EyeZ GBAtemp Addict

    Member
    2,337
    274
    Dec 4, 2009
    I was told you weren't fit enough to eat with pigs, but i told em you was.
     
  6. emigre

    emigre Has complex motives

    Member
    7,973
    11,499
    Jan 28, 2009
    London
    This thread is EoF material.
     
    6 people like this.
  7. Vulpes Abnocto

    Vulpes Abnocto Drinks, Knows Things

    Former Staff
    6,664
    6,710
    Jun 24, 2008
    United States
    I wish I had been with budrow66 and his girlfriend last week when they pulled into a gas station to find a tweaker girl (anorexia-skinny and obviously tweaked out on meth or some other drug) yelling at her wannabe-gangsta white boyfriend.
    Guy: You don't have to be such a bitch!
    Girl: Oh you haven't even seen what a bitch I can be, douche-canoe!


    Yeah, everybody I dislike will now be known as "douche-canoe". It's almost poetic.
     
    1 person likes this.
  8. NeoSupaMario

    NeoSupaMario GBATemp's Official Stegosaurus

    Member
    352
    352
    Aug 19, 2011
    United States
    Why you big, scruffy-looking nerf-herder!

    -best insult ever. (and that was not directed at anyone)
     
  9. Black-Ice

    Black-Ice Founder of the Church of Renamon

    Member
    4,228
    9,085
    Oct 31, 2011
    London
    I've seen better threads and comments from this guy.

    ~Best insult eva.
     
  10. Depravo

    Depravo KALSARIKÄNNIT

    Global Moderator
    GBAtemp Patron
    Depravo is a Patron of GBAtemp and is helping us stay independent!

    Our Patreon
    5,211
    3,396
    Oct 13, 2008
    Purgatory
    - Prince Edmund.
     
  11. p1ngpong

    p1ngpong The King is Dead

    Former Staff
    6,413
    10,162
    Apr 18, 2008
    Croatia
    DS Scene
    [yt]PSEYXWmEse8[/yt]

    /thread
     
    5 people like this.
  12. DoubleeDee

    DoubleeDee GBAtemp Regular

    Member
    104
    206
    Jun 11, 2012
    England, London, Hackney.
    Yo momma so fat, she eats a lot.
     
  13. FAST6191

    FAST6191 Techromancer

    pip Reporter
    22,927
    8,601
    Nov 21, 2005
    Best insult- one where you insult a person to their face or otherwise diss their logic, they wander off thinking they have won and only realise they did not long after the point where smacking you turns from a justifiable response to them being the violent arsehole.
     
    1 person likes this.
  14. chavosaur

    chavosaur Austin Trujillo

    pip Contributor
    4,779
    8,609
    Mar 11, 2012
    United States
    Huntersville, NC
    Gotta study all this to pwn all the assholes who think they're the best at everything at school :creep:
     
  15. Santee

    Santee Jalapeño

    Member
    812
    319
    Nov 13, 2008
    United States
    Conneticut
    Your mother is so fat, the recursive function computing her mass causes a stack overflow.
     
  16. Fear Zoa

    Fear Zoa This... This is the world we live in

    Member
    1,437
    422
    Jun 18, 2009
    United States
    Maryland
    How is this thread not filled with quotes from full metal jacket?
     
    1 person likes this.
  17. Law

    Law rip ninjacat that zarcon made me

    Member
    4,132
    217
    Aug 14, 2007
    ‭jerkland
    your face

    the best insults are the low effort ones, because it really shows you don't give a shit.
     
  18. FailName

    FailName ░▒▓█▓▒░

    Member
    159
    66
    Sep 26, 2011
    United States
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfYJsQAhl0
     
  19. Luigi2012SM64DS

    Luigi2012SM64DS G-old member

    Banned
    2,060
    309
    Aug 27, 2011
    Canada
    Minecrapt
    You look like you've been run over by a hippo.
     
  20. TwinRetro

    TwinRetro Don't start nothin', Won't be nothin'

    Global Moderator
    6,181
    4,802
    Aug 29, 2008
    United States
    Las Vegas, NV
    You look like someone stuffed the contents of my mother's makeup bag into a shotgun, and pulled the trigger point blank at your ugly mug.

    You're so ugly, the doctor slapped the wrong end when you were born.