Becoming an actual pirate

Discussion in 'The Edge of the Forum' started by BORTZ, Jun 29, 2013.

  1. BORTZ

    BORTZ Tired of being the good guy

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    Dec 2, 2007
    United States
    If you want to become a real pirate, in todays world, its going to take a bit of work.

    1.Beard. You need to be able to grow a beard. If you cant grow a beard, youll need to get a prop beard.
    2.You must only have one eye, so that you can legitimately wear an eye patch. JK, the reason pirates wear eye patches is so that when they go to the below decks after standing in direct sunlight, they can lift the patch and see in the dark. So dont gouge your eye out just yet.
    3. When the real amputations come into play is with your peg leg. If you dont have a real peg or prosthesis, no one is going to take you seriously. So maybe go serve a few years over seas and maybe youll get a bullet or gang green and the hospital will take on of your legs (hopefully).
    4. A parrot. You'll need one.
    5. Your boat. A wood vessel is not going to cut it. The police and coast guard will laugh at you, light your boat on fire, and laugh as you sink. You should get yourself a good speed boat or something.
    6. Now you need bounty. The best place to get bounty nowadays is a cuise ship. I would start by targeting the smaller ones (i think Carnival brand ships) then work your way up. People say you need to go into the Indian ocean to get away from most of the authorities but 3 miles out from land its whats called "Pirate radio law". Or anything goes basically.

    There you have it, now you are a real actual pirate.

    If you really wanna nail both senses of the word, set up a laptop or something while you out at sea to download every torrent you can get your little cursor on.
    Gahars and EZ-Megaman like this.
  2. FAST6191

    FAST6191 Techromancer

    pip Reporter
    Nov 21, 2005
    United Kingdom
    Being in international waters.....
    EZ-Megaman and BortzANATOR like this.
  3. Tom Bombadildo

    Tom Bombadildo Honk!

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    Jul 11, 2009
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    I forgot
  4. Nebuleon

    Nebuleon MAH BOI/GURL

    Dec 22, 2012
    Gang green is not a disease, it is a color.
    Ammako likes this.
  5. Gahars

    Gahars Bakayaro Banzai

    Aug 5, 2011
    United States
    New Jersey
    Can I get around all these steps by just applying for Somalian citizenship?
  6. DiabloStorm

    DiabloStorm Five Gold Star Medalist

    May 29, 2011
    Charicific Valley
    Nebuleon and Ammako like this.
  7. Ammako

    Ammako GBAtemp Guru

    Dec 22, 2009
    Exactly what I was thinking.