1. JuanMena

    OP JuanMena I❤90's
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    So, we're just starting this new month of August!
    And this time I'm going to include a newer format to inform your demise and your suffering.
    Are you ready?
    Let's-A-Go!

    • First Covid-19 Vaccines will be sold in first world economy countries. Results may differ from person to person. International Media will question effectiveness
    • More Vaccines are invented... ALL OF SUDDEN!
    • Rusia will start a commercial war with the USA, China and Europe to take control over Covid-19 Vaccines
    • China will warn International Media about a "new virus" being identified in Foreign Vaccines other than theirs
    • Earthquake in Chile
    • Earthquake in Middle East country with awful consequencies
    • A pharmaceutical company will be sending thousands of free Covid-19 Vaccines to African countries. Africa will be the subject for testing.
    • More news about the very first ever HIV cure
    • More floodings in North America + new protests
    • The Sun will have a new kind of Magnetic Explosion rendering useless technology for some days
    So, what will it be? Make your bets before time runs out!
    Have a great month!

    This Month's Horoscope:

    Aries:
    • Relatives will introduce you to new people that could surprise you.
    • This month you won't be able to do much... fucking lazy.
    • If you're looking for a job, most likely you won't find one, because you're a lazy ass. If you're indeed looking for it, you might find it, and I'll stop calling you a fucking lazy ass.
    • This month, there's going to be changes at home... maybe you'll be finding a new job and you won't be around anymore. Just saying.
    • As you're a lazy ass, you'll be spending your time eating a lot, so you'll gain a lot of weight in consequence... that's when I'll call you lazy fat ass.
    • This month you'll get dumber... lazy fat ass

    Taurus:
    • If you're in a relationship... well... you were...
    • Won't be having lots of social life, because, unlike Aries, you're not a lazy fat ass... and that's why you're single... dumb
    • Oh my god, you'll be having a lot of trouble at work... and you'll remain single... still
    • Your family is going to drive you nutz, as a consequence, you'll feel like killing them all...
    • This month you won't be feeling at your 100%... maybe... a 90%... probably less... 4...5...
    • If you're trying to get smarter, you'll be succeeding in that

    Gemini:
    • Still single as fuck because you suck
    • Social life... what's that? Because you suck
    • If you have a job... you'll be doing pretty good! You don't suck anymore! Congratulations!
    • You'll be making more money than you normally do... Hey... you're starting to sound pretty decent!
    • You'll be giving the support that your family needs... and that sucks!

    Cancer:
    • If you're in a relationship... most likely its with Taurus... was
    • Your friends seems to be Gemini... you won't see them at all
    • If you do on-line stuff, you'll be doing a lot... wonder if you're trying to compensate your lack of social life? Who knows... I don't
    • Seems like your on-line stuff will get you some moneys, but you'll be spending it as soon as you get it... because... foreveralone
    • As a consequence, you'll try to get more work, wich will end up tiring you a lot... so... no sex for you because headache

    Leo:
    • Oh, hi there handsome! As always, you'll be seeing lots of people following you!
    • Social life will sky rocket! Even if you're not going outside too often...
    • A completely unusual and totally anticipated job offer for you!
    • Seems like luck is on our side. We'll be getting money because we're cool and handsome and awesome!
    • You'll be spending it with family... if you don't have one... then it's all yours! Win-Win!
    • You received EXP Points: Health +1, Luck +1, Handomeness +100!
    • Winning as always

    Virgo:
    • You'll turn on the oposite sex this month. You're not horny... they are
    • Seems like you'll be having lots of social life this month!
    • This month: You'll do it... your waaaay... for what has a virgo, but not themselves...
    • Oh bummer! Seems like your social life exponentially growth is because you'll get poor this month, buh-huh mother fucker
    • You'll be spending lots of time with relatives... wonder why?
    • This month you're going to take more care of yourself...

    Libra:
    • Bad luck for you if you're in a relationship... tsssk! Seems like you're dating Taurus or Gemini
    • Seems like you'll be spending lots of time glued to your phone screen...
    • Everyone will try to get you on their pictures! EXP Points: Popularity +2
    • Money is so-so
    • Family is so-so
    • Health is so-so too... damn you're boring as fuck

    Scorpio:
    • If you're single, you'll be attracting lots of eyes onto yourself. You're horny but you're too proud to admit it... but I know the truth... I have a specific set of skills and I'm going to find you...
    • As always, you'll be spending more time on the streets rather than your home... use the occasion to get into new business with new people. Just don't go with Gemini, Virgo or Libra
    • Holy fuck you'll be getting lots of money this month...
    • Hey... Family... do you speak it?
    Sagittarius:
    • Seems like you're the same spoiled child you've always been. This time you'll have a huge fight with your partners over who's right and who's wrong. Spoiler Alert: Everyone's wrong but me
    • Holy shit! Seems like you'll be spending your time with Scorpios, lots of social life this month
    • Still poor as fuck
    • Congratulations, unlike Scorpio... you seem to be able to speak Family
    • You'll still be dumb this month
    Capricorn:
    • If you're single, you're still going to be this month. Seems like you're horny, but no one is there to finish you off
    • As you're horny as fuck, you'll be looking for people who's also horny as fuck
    • Job seems fairly secure, but bad news is: You're still horny
    • Family seems okay too, but it's a good time to get rid of... things that you don't need in your home
    • Seems too, you'll gain some weight this month, because as you're horny, you'll be replacing sex with food. So go get some exercise and take care of your body you idiot
    Aquarius:
    • This is not a month to be all me, me, me, me, me... that's for Leo's only, so don't try to copy us you cheecky bastard
    • Your crazy ideas are fun, but they don't explain reality
    • Seems like this month, you'll get a lot of job, and you'll realize that you can't do everythng for yourself... you're not a Leo... capisci?
    • Still poor as fuck
    Pisces:
    • Holy shit you're horny... care to meet some Leo's in the meantime?
    • You'll be the soul of the party this month
    • Holy shit, you're getting a new job. If you have one, you'll get a promotion
    • Save money you dumb idiot
    • You'll find support on your family this month
    • Seems like you'll be looking to get more energy this month. Take a fucking red-bull and keep breathing
     
    Last edited by JuanMena, Jul 31, 2020
  2. alexander1970

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    Zodiac Sign - Chaot

    Corona Chaos in Austria.
    Nodody really knows about the "Rules"...neither the Government.

    More Infected as in the "First Wave"....
    That will be very bad....

    ....and no,this Time it is no "Joke" from me...
     
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  3. JuanMena

    OP JuanMena I❤90's
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    Really?
    I hope everything's okay wth you freind.
     
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  4. alexander1970

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    It is a "Prognosis"...:)

    It lies in the Stars.....:huh:


    But very likely,of the dumb und careless Behavior of our People.....
     
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  5. JuanMena

    OP JuanMena I❤90's
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    I still don't get it...
    Do I look like someone who posts serious stuff? :rofl2:
     
  6. alexander1970

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    ....Me ?

    I do not think so.. icecream.gif
     
  7. alexander1970

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    By the Way...

    Who is this Guy named August Deadpool please ? hmmm.gif
     
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  8. JuanMena

    OP JuanMena I❤90's
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    Hahaha! August Deadpool.
    I forgot to add an apostrophe :rolleyes:

    What zodiac sign are you my freind? Have you read your luck?
     
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  9. alexander1970

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    No,but I fear I will get one from you....:P:D
     
  10. JuanMena

    OP JuanMena I❤90's
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    Just read it. You might get surprised.

    I'm Leo.
     
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  11. AmandaRose

    AmandaRose Do what I do. Hold tight and pretend it’s a plan
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    Ok so I don't believe in the bullshit of horoscopes but lets break this down

    Virgo:
    • You'll turn on the oposite sex this month. You're not horny... they are.
    I always have and always will turn on men with my sexiness :rofl:


    • Seems like you'll be having lots of social life this month!
    Well yes from tomorrow I'm allowed back out into the wild due to shielding ending here in Scotland.
    • This month: You'll do it... your waaaay... for what has a virgo, but not themselves...
    I always do it my way so no change there
    • Oh bummer! Seems like your social life exponentially growth is because you'll get poor this month, buh-huh mother fucker
    My business has been shut down for 4 months so yes I am rather low on cash.

    • You'll be spending lots of time with relatives... wonder why?
    Again I am allowed out in the wild from tomorrow so obviously
    • This month you're going to take more care of yourself...
    Probably not :rofl:
     
    Last edited by AmandaRose, Jul 31, 2020
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  12. JuanMena

    OP JuanMena I❤90's
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    See everyone? I'm a fucking psychic and an Xmen.
     
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  13. Nobody_Important4u

    Nobody_Important4u Barely real
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    I am Aquarius and it's awfully acurate

    Stop stalking me
     
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  14. JuanMena

    OP JuanMena I❤90's
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    See everyone? I'm a fucking psychic and an Xmen. FEAR ME FOR I'M DEAD AND I CAN TALK WITH DEAD PEOPLE.

    Just kidding, the only dead man I've talked to is myself.
     
    Last edited by JuanMena, Jul 31, 2020
  15. PineappleGod

    PineappleGod 100% Shit, 0% Post
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    I'm already lazy as fuck, can't get lazier.
     
  16. alexander1970

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    Typical Zodiac Sign - Pineapple. vain.gif
     
  17. JuanMena

    OP JuanMena I❤90's
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    Yes you can.
    What if you loose both of your legs or your arms?
    What will you do, when everyone needs to do everything for you?

    That's when you become lazier than you already are.
     
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  18. The Real Jdbye

    The Real Jdbye Always Remember 30/07/08
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    Accurate. I have been unusually horny this month.
     
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  19. JuanMena

    OP JuanMena I❤90's
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    That's normal as you're a Fire Type pokemon.
    No surprise there.
    Do you have hands?
    Or fingers?
     
  20. The Real Jdbye

    The Real Jdbye Always Remember 30/07/08
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    No, but I have very flexible paws.
     
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