Apple fires Phil Schiller, replaces him with Siri

Discussion in 'The Edge of the Forum' started by Ron, Oct 25, 2011.

Oct 25, 2011
  1. Ron
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    Member Ron somehow a weeb now.

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    CUPERTINO, CA — Bad news and good news for Apple’s Phil Schiller: you’re fired, but your iPhone 4S can stay.


    CEO Tim Cook has named Siri, iPhone’s new intelligent assistant, to the position of Senior VP of Worldwide Product Marketing, effective immediately.

    Praise for Siri’s intelligence has been pouring in since her debut as part of iPhone 4S, but apparently she wasn’t happy being an assistant.

    Siri is an upgrade from Schiller in several ways. She never sleeps, nor does she require health insurance. (Cook did pony up for two years of AppleCare.) Unlike Schiller, who took up valuable office space, Siri lives in a drawer. Though our source reports that she’s already asked for a larger drawer.
    Most important, Siri is proving herself a whiz in marketing matters. During her first day on the job, she’s killed one ad campaign, written one of her own, reworked the 2012 media budget and allocated $48 million to fund the creation of a male counterpart of slightly lesser intelligence.

    Reached for comment, Siri would only say, “I am a humble intelligent assistant — with a boatload of stock options.”

    Other Apple executives, while publicly applauding the decision to promote Siri, seem worried about their own job security. Some have been heard sucking up excessively to their iPhones in public.

    After elevating Siri, even Tim Cook seems to be looking over his shoulder. At the start of the most recent executive meeting, Cook asked Siri if her seat was okay. Siri’s reply: “I’d be even more comfortable in your chair, Tim.”



    Source
    Siri, Oh Siri, how you make me laugh. Is AI replacing humans already?


    Edit: Is fake news, *waits for move to EOF*
     
  2. Nebz

    Member Nebz The N00b

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    Smells like fake news....

    EDIT:
    :wtf:
    >mfw "Google" is reading this topic

    EDIT 2: You now have a source... totally fake, bro.
     
  3. DeathStrudel

    Member DeathStrudel GBAtemp Fan

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    Wait.....you know that's a fake news site right?
     
  4. Ron
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    Member Ron somehow a weeb now.

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    I just realized it is :P

    Waits for EOF move
     
  5. AceWarhead

    Member AceWarhead "Must Construct Additional Pylons"

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    Next thing you know, Siri is CEO of Apple.
     
  6. Crimson Ghoul

    Member Crimson Ghoul GBAtemp Regular

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    +1
     
  7. ShadowSoldier

    Member ShadowSoldier GBAtemp Guru

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  8. RiderLeangle

    Member RiderLeangle GBAtemp Advanced Fan

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    OK... Why do I just know no one is going to get this joke but I'll try anyways....


    [​IMG]
     

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