Any advice for a shy man?

Discussion in 'The Edge of the Forum' started by test84, Jul 1, 2008.

Jul 1, 2008

Any advice for a shy man? by test84 at 4:25 AM (3,683 Views / 0 Likes) 52 replies

  1. test84
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    Member test84 GBAtemp's last ninja 2.

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    its that I'm not shy with strangers, its just girls that makes me nervous.

    I had to solve this problem sometime ago but postponed it and want to solve it here and now, but donno why.

    tried readin stuff but didnt help, I tried thinking that they are same as my older gf's but even that didnt help.

    any add-vice?

    EDIT
    it seems that since its posted in testing area, its for fun, but I feel at home at this part of gbaTEMP and thus posted the topic here, please dont spam. -your own test84
     


  2. fischju

    Member fischju Rehabilitated Jaywalker

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  3. Orc

    Member Orc ‎(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

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    What do you think makes you shy in the first place? What makes you uncomfortable around women?
    PRO-TIP: Women are just the same as all the other strangers. They'll only be judging you if you approach them looking like a psycho-rapist.
    What is it that your ex-GFs have that made you comfortable with them?
     
  4. Man18

    Member Man18 GBAtemp Maniac

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    Dont be afraid of women. You screw up with one just remember there is a shit load of them. You have many tries.
     
  5. test84
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    Member test84 GBAtemp's last ninja 2.

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    thats whats funny about me, I know all these, it gets so hard to go there and even ask the girl if she's interested or not.

    Just going there and saying the first word is the hardest part, rest is easy since I was always happy and successful with the girls i had but most of them were from places that they knew about me, none was this was that I had to go first.

    Its strange. maybe not.
     
  6. test84
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    Member test84 GBAtemp's last ninja 2.

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    my Ex's? umm, nothing special, we were just friends (maybe I didnt understand ur question well, sry)
    I can get close almost with any type of human beings (if I'm in the mood and I want to), but the problem is just with girls, I cant approach them and I just watch them slip by.
     
  7. Veho

    Global Moderator Veho The man who cried "Ni".

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    Spend time in company of people who love to make you blush. After longer exposure, you become desensitized to the stuff that used to embarrass you. That will help you relax in awkward situations (that used to freak you out) later on.

    That's not the entire solution, that's about half of it, but it's a start. [​IMG]
     
  8. Cyan

    Global Moderator Cyan GBATemp's lurking knight

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    I'm shy too, and I can't help you there.

    I think Orc asked the good question : what do you think makes you doubt yourself and become shy.

    If it was for me, I would say I don't like speaking to people I don't know and doing the first step to start a conversation.
    I feel like I would loose my senses and forget my words, and plus, I think I'm bothering other people who didn't ask for me to speak to them.
    I'm like "don't do others what you wouldn't like others do to you", and I think I'm a burden to others (because everyone I knew tried to avoid me at school and even after).

    Test84, you said you have problems only with women, but I'm even more shy because I do have problems with every one.
    I refrain to do things, like I don't enter shops even If I want to buy something because I would have to speak.


    I've difficulties to make friends and I know nobody in my town who I can speak with.
    I don't approach others because I think it's useless and I will not be interesting for them.

    As for girls, I would like to make friends too (only friend, not girl friend), but I'm afraid they thinks I want to go out with them, or being a pervert (of course, if mens speak to womens, that's only for sex ¬_¬).
    I's hard to speak with stranger without thinking I don't have bad ideas.


    And when I do have to guts to ask someone if we can see again (even some old school friend, boys or girls), they always answer "yes no problem", but i's a polite answer and they do not want to. If I insist they let me know I'm not welcome.

    And then I go back to my loneliness state for few months, thinking I'm an idiot because I already knew it was useless, and I'm better alone. Nobody bothers me, and I bother nobody in return.



    It would be very hard for me to be with people doing that, I couldn't stand being their friend if they were putting me in bad situation constantly.
    But I understand what you are trying to do, and I'm sure it's working.
     
  9. beautifulbeast

    Member beautifulbeast GBAtemp Fan

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    @test84: usually, what we understand as shyness is usually referred to as "high reactiveness" in Psycology. I'm telling you this because it might help you in understanding your problem, accept it as something absolutely normal and common and then grow over it. Everybody feels like that at some point, but it's not that big of a deal and it will go with time.

    Maybe you could try hooking up over the internet? People are more prone to open themselves via chat.

    @Cyan: I feel your pain. The world sucks.
     
  10. cherryduck

    Member cherryduck GBAtemp Regular

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    The only thing you can do is get up and talk! There was this girl at college my mates kept daring each other to go up to and talk to and no one would, so I just walked up and said "Hi, do you mind if I keep you company for a bit?" She said yes and we just sat and talked for a bit. I was shitting myself when I was walking up to her but it really wasn't that bad. Even if your really crapping your pants the only way to get over the fear is to go and do it.

    No matter how you see yourself, probably something along the lines of "I'm a really nice person if people take the time to know me", well to be honest none of that matters if you keep it all inside your head, all that people on the outside will see is a lad who sits there saying nothing. What matters is how you act socially, because nothing that goes on inside your head is worth a penny outside your head unless you show it.
     
  11. Veho

    Global Moderator Veho The man who cried "Ni".

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    I didn't mean it as negative as that. Not mocking you or going out of their way to make you feel uncomfortable, or even being obnoxious all the time. Just people and situations you're shy around even though you know you shouldn't be. Like talking to girls, for example.
     
  12. WildWon

    Former Staff WildWon EXTERMINATE!

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    I really can't give you any major advice based on personal experience, because i was very shy for years around girls. All i can say is, upon meeting a decent chick, be forward, be humble and polite, but talk to her like a guy. I mean, do say "wanna play lightsabers in the bathroom?" or anything like that [​IMG] but don't change your ways when talking to ANYONE really. If you're straight forward, but STAY POLITE AND HUMBLE (i can't stress that enough), you'll be surprised how far it'll take you.

    I've only learned this after getting married (to a chick that PICKED ME UP!). Now, i unintentionally flirt quite regularly... but its because i'm NOT flirting, i'm just calm and collected with the women now. I have nothing to fear about being turned down, because i'm not LOOKING to do anything.

    If you aren't afraid of being turned down, then there's nothing to fear

    Oh, as well, (as others have said) talk to any girls you can that you think are relatively attractive. Its practice. Not so much to learn what to say, but to control your nerves. It works wonders!
     
  13. test84
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    Member test84 GBAtemp's last ninja 2.

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    Thanks peoples,
    Everyone is basically saying that "Just Do it", but thats the problem, I cant do that.

    Its not that simple for me and my other problem leads to say "forget about it", and I just let it slip away.
     
  14. 8BitWalugi

    Member 8BitWalugi Taiyohhhhhh!

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    I (in a way) understand
     
  15. Linkiboy

    Member Linkiboy GBAtemp Testing Area

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    Then you're hopeless. The first time is always the hardest. Even if you get rejected, its how you react to it that matters. Just don't break down...
     
  16. Hiratai

    Banned Hiratai I'm like *tick* *tick*

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    Go slap a titty. Just be ~ it.
     
  17. PBC

    Member PBC What!? I can change this??

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    Well...I'm a pretty shy person myself. So I understand how test is feeling aprehensive about this whole thing. I've always been shy and I'm shy every step of the way. but I've had acouple girl friends in my day. Usually years apart though, I'm very selective and don't settle. And I have alot of anxiety. Not being able to make a phone call when I want to. Not being able to look them in the eyes. Give them a hug, reciprocate affection. But I'm working on it! Its a problem of self-image, self-worth, self-esteem...etc

    So I'm shy to approach. When I do find something I like...I'm always unsure about how to go get it. And I waste alot of time second guessing myself. And having alot of self-critisism.

    When I do find a girl who will like me back, I'm slow to get close to them. I'll love them to bits in a matter of a week, but I'll be too scared to really tell them I think very highly of them. And again...I beat myself up for the way I act around them. Which is sometimes foolish, I just cant' help it.

    ADVICE: Maybe you need to make yourself happy before you go in search of someone else to make you happy. I know that could sound mean, but its pretty solid advice. I've been trying to improve myself and its making me more confident. Making me able to take chances and meet new people. I'm still down on myself, don't get me wrong. And I know the last thing I want to feel is even more rejected...but If you can get yourself feeling good then you can assert yourself.

    I just met a girl I had contacted on a social networking site (not a stalker I swears) for the first time the other day...and I made sure one of the first things I did was give her a big hug. She thought it was nice. It broke the ice and gave me the confidence to hang out with her for 12 solid hours that first day. Not gonna say she is going to be a girlfriend, but shes an awesome person that I'm glad I got to know in any way I can.

    Stay positive, and if you don't try you can never find success. Life is full of strange opprotunities...you don't need to rush, but you shouldn't sit idle either. Do everything at a pace comfortable to you. and try to bring up your confidence. Sometimes just having a girl as a friend helps you get comfortable with what its like to have a girlfriend.

    Anyway, wishing you the best. test.
     
  18. Cyan

    Global Moderator Cyan GBATemp's lurking knight

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    PBC, I feel you're like me.

    I don't make phone call, even at my work. I let the others doing that.
    but I can answer the phone without problem (at work only), because I know my job and know what to say. I'm not the one asking, I'm the one helping [​IMG]

    And as strange as it can be, I'm working in a place full of people to serve each days (I'm making ID cards, passports, car licenses, etc.). I'm ok with other people coming to me at work. But if I'm not at the working place, I feel anxious if someone else speak to me.
    For example, now I need a haircut but I'm not going and don't want because I need to take on me do things, I don't like to speak to stranger and let them cutting my hair.


    I think you are a little better than me because you can contact and meet others with internet, and you already had girlfriends.

    On internet I'm still very shy and I don't go speaking to other people because I don't know what to speak about.
    When I can speak with others, they are not interested in my shy chatting style and doesn't want to know me more.
    I think they feel like I'm uninteresting.

    Other thing, you can hugs if you want. Me, I'm afraid of contact/touching others and I don't like to be touched.
    I never went out with a girl, never hold hands or kissed.

    I understand there's many levels to shyness, but when others people say they are shy and explain all the things they are doing, I'm like "you are not shy, I am".
    I think I don't have only Shyness problem, there are many things that makes me the way I react.


    I wish you can stay friend with the girl you met, and she can help you with your self-image and self-esteem.
    I don't know if I can have a good esteem of myself now, it may be too late to trust what others could say to me.
     
  19. TrolleyDave

    Former Staff TrolleyDave Philosolosophising

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    Can I suggest a couple of things to overcome the initial shyness of talking to women. Whenever you're somewhere like a fast food joint or a supermarket always pick the checkout/register with the hottest woman. You don't actually have to flirt with them, it'll just get's you used to talking them.

    A supermarket is probably the better option as you can hold a mini-conversation with them. Nothing serious, just you know stuff like "Busy day?" or "Any dumb customers?". General stuff like that. If you see a hot woman wearing a watch just go up and ask them if they know what the time is (remember to make sure your watch ain't visible!).

    You'll soon get used to talking to women. I wouldn't get too concerned about making moves on women until you can hold good conversations with them and make them laugh. Once you get them that comfortable then you can start to worry about making moves on them, and trust me on this one - when you're not worrying about whether you should do it or not it comes pretty naturally as women tend to give you alot of signals which you'll learn to pick up on.
     
  20. test84
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    Member test84 GBAtemp's last ninja 2.

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    In my country women just work at Lingerie store and places like that, which, *cough*, don't go.

    Its hard even to stare back at them, I tried so hard in last 2 days but I cant even look back in the eye, I just escape.
     

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