am i somewhat heartless?

[nryn99]

i'm not sure but in situations where people usually is sad, i don't feel the same, i can still laugh even though people around me doesn't

like...

#1 waaaay back, when i was younger, my cousin died a few months after she was born, everybody else was cying, i didn't, i feel like it was nothing.

#2 a few years before, a very close friend died because of leukemia, and when me and my friends saw her corpse, they cried, but me? it feels like it was just a piece of something, i don't feel like i lost something very dear to me.

#3 every time i see an car accident, a bombing incident, or flood, i don't pity the people involved, instead i am amazed of how much the car is destroyed, or how big the explosion is, or how many houses the flood destroyed.

#4 my "ninang"(as we call it here) or godmother (i guess this is the translation) is in an almost dying state, and just last night we took her to the hospital because she can't breathe, while i was looking at her, i didn't feel anything, no pity, instead i wanted to look for a television to watch my favorite show. and to think she cared for me when i was young, and she was there whenever i needed something.

#5 whenever i see in the news a girl was raped... suddenly i imagine how she was raped, as if i'm doing it.

the only time i cried for the past 5 years, from most recent

#1 when my flash disk broke and i have important files in it,(NO PORN)

#2 my gf before my last broke up with me, that was really very sad moment, cried right at the spot

however, the day after these 2 events i feel okay again like it never happened, all i need was sleep and poof.

and also most of the time... i am smiling i hate being angry, makes me wanna punch myself, it hurts doing it though

 

[Infinite Zero]

Frankly, you are heartless especially at the [censored] part(phoenixgoddess! WHERE ARE YA.)

 

[Wabsta]

Nah you're perfectly normal

#2 my gf before my last broke up with me, that was really very sad moment, cried right at the spot

Proves that you have a heart. You just don't show your emotions that much

 

[KinGamer7]

The part that worries me most is #5, when you say that you imagine how a girl is raped as if you were doing it.

Judging from your examples you just sound as if you don't express your emotions that often (do you see it as a sign of vulnerability or anything like that?), but the fact that you cried when your flash disk broke is just weird when you were completely apathetic to the unfortunate situations of actual people. I wouldn't worry about it, but that particular example is a bit odd.

 

[BobTheJoeBob]

Are you autistic? ( I mean this in the serious tone). From what I know about autism, they don't feel very much emotion.

 

[Wabsta]

The part that worries me most is #5, when you say that you imagine how a girl is raped as if you were doing it.

Judging from your examples you just sound as if you don't express your emotions that often (do you see it as a sign of vulnerability or anything like that?), but the fact that you cried when your flash disk broke is just weird when you were completely apathetic to the unfortunate situations of actual people. I wouldn't worry about it, but that particular example is a bit odd.

But if she it hot.. Nothing wrong with that, everyone has fantasies!

 

[nutella]

Perhaps you have a just morbid curiosity. It's actually more common than you think but it's still not normal. You may or may not grow out of it. It's hard for some people to empathize with something that doesn't have a face. But I'm no psychiatrist so don't just assume things here.

 

[KinGamer7]

The part that worries me most is #5, when you say that you imagine how a girl is raped as if you were doing it.

Judging from your examples you just sound as if you don't express your emotions that often (do you see it as a sign of vulnerability or anything like that?), but the fact that you cried when your flash disk broke is just weird when you were completely apathetic to the unfortunate situations of actual people. I wouldn't worry about it, but that particular example is a bit odd.

But if she it hot.. Nothing wrong with that, everyone has fantasies!

Fantasies, sure! But raping? Really?

 

[nryn99]

The part that worries me most is #5, when you say that you imagine how a girl is raped as if you were doing it.

Judging from your examples you just sound as if you don't express your emotions that often (do you see it as a sign of vulnerability or anything like that?), but the fact that you cried when your flash disk broke is just weird when you were completely apathetic to the unfortunate situations of actual people. I wouldn't worry about it, but that particular example is a bit odd.

well that #5 happens unwillingly, i mean that idea suddenly springs into my mind,

for the past year it's been hard for me to concentrate on something i'm doing at the moment, and i have difficulty in sleeping because i cannot calm myself, i want to constantly think about something, I've already wrote an alternate world in my mind, i mostly dwell on fantasies, i don't know if this is mentally wrong but i have a lot of problems, i guess this is what you get from trying to walk different paths in life, hehe

 

[KinGamer7]

well that #5 happens unwillingly, i mean that idea suddenly springs into my mind,

for the past year it's been hard for me to concentrate on something i'm doing at the moment, and i have difficulty in sleeping because i cannot calm myself, i want to constantly think about something, I've already wrote an alternate world in my mind, i mostly dwell on fantasies, i don't know if this is mentally wrong but i have a lot of problems, i guess this is what you get from trying to walk different paths in life, hehe

Fair enough if it's unintentional, because it can be difficult to control wandering thoughts. What do you mean by "trying to walk different paths in life" though?

 

[nryn99]

Are you autistic? ( I mean this in the serious tone). From what I know about autism, they don't feel very much emotion.


nope i'm not autistic, but me and my parents think i have ADHD

i hate waiting doing nothing, i'd rather walk around getting tired than sitting doing nothing

QUOTE(KinGamer7 @ Oct 26 2010, 11:08 AM) The part that worries me most is #5, when you say that you imagine how a girl is raped as if you were doing it.

Judging from your examples you just sound as if you don't express your emotions that often (do you see it as a sign of vulnerability or anything like that?), but the fact that you cried when your flash disk broke is just weird when you were completely apathetic to the unfortunate situations of actual people. I wouldn't worry about it, but that particular example is a bit odd.

But if she it hot.. Nothing wrong with that, everyone has fantasies!

Fantasies, sure! But raping? Really?

wait, i didn't plan to [censored] someone, it only cross my mind and do something with my hands and i move on, forget about the idea and do other stuff

 

[KinGamer7]

wait, i didn't plan to [censored] someone, it only cross my mind and do something with my hands and i move on, forget about the idea and do other stuff

Sorry for the confusion; what I meant was fantasising about [censored], not acting it out.

 

[nryn99]

well that #5 happens unwillingly, i mean that idea suddenly springs into my mind,

for the past year it's been hard for me to concentrate on something i'm doing at the moment, and i have difficulty in sleeping because i cannot calm myself, i want to constantly think about something, I've already wrote an alternate world in my mind, i mostly dwell on fantasies, i don't know if this is mentally wrong but i have a lot of problems, i guess this is what you get from trying to walk different paths in life, hehe

Fair enough if it's unintentional, because it can be difficult to control wandering thoughts. What do you mean by "trying to walk different paths in life" though?

well i want to be a programmer, an was online gamer, i've read a philosophy book, i experienced a time when you don't have money, and a time where you have a lot, i was a addicted to porn years ago, i sometimes believe or sometimes don't believe in god, a lot more

 

[CrimzonEyed]

At #5:
I imagine me kill the one raping the girl. Everytime i see on tv or news paper that a girl have been raped/beaten by a guy, i get mad as hell and feel like i cold blod kill the bastard/s that did it.
Hurting women = WRONG

 

[nryn99]

At #5:
I imagine me kill the one raping the girl. Everytime i see on tv or news paper that a girl have been raped/beaten by a guy, i get mad as hell and feel like i cold blod kill the bastard/s that did it.
Hurting women = WRONG

well that's why i made this post 'cause i don't understand myself, i know what's right and wrong, but still why can't i refrain from thinking things like that,


one thing though is everything i fantasize, even planned revenge stays only in my mind, i'm a totally different person in the web/phone than personal.

i don't want to hurt other people, even though i hate someone so much, when we are together i easily turns a blind eye and pretend to forget.

example there was a guy who borrowed my phone and sold it, even though i realized that, when we saw each other he said it was stolen and i just played along 'till i didn't see him anymore,

 

[Infinite Zero]

If it comes to the censored word especially to girls like me, it means more than what you think

hearing the part where you imagine doing it yourself is mentally... "wrong."

You seem to care more of your material possessions than your relatives and "human" friends

 

[KinGamer7]

At #5:
I imagine me kill the one raping the girl. Everytime i see on tv or news paper that a girl have been raped/beaten by a guy, i get mad as hell and feel like i cold blod kill the bastard/s that did it.
Hurting women = WRONG

well that's why i made this post 'cause i don't understand myself, i know what's right and wrong, but still why can't i refrain from thinking things like that,


one thing though is everything i fantasize, even planned revenge stays only in my mind, i'm a totally different person in the web/phone than personal.

i don't want to hurt other people, even though i hate someone so much, when we are together i easily turns a blind eye and pretend to forget.

example there was a guy who borrowed my phone and sold it, even though i realized that, when we saw each other he said it was stolen and i just played along 'till i didn't see him anymore,

Actions always have consequences, whereas thoughts are relatively harmless. You shouldn't have denied the fact that that guy sold your phone, and should have confronted him about it. Also, if you really hate someone, for whatever reason, then it's usually best to just avoid that person.

 

[nryn99]

If it comes to the censored word especially to girls like me, it means more than what you think

hearing the part where you imagine doing it yourself is mentally... "wrong."

You seem to care more of your material possessions than your relatives and "human" friends

i disagree, i care about my mom working to hard, id rather have my mom rest than work hard to buy me a new pc


i'd like to add, forget things easily, talking about this kinda refreshes my memory, i'd like to add that in these events:

#2 a few years before, a very close friend died because of leukemia, and when me and my friends saw her corpse, they cried, but me? it feels like it was just a piece of something, i don't feel like i lost something very dear to me.

and

#4 my "ninang"(as we call it here) or godmother (i guess this is the translation) is in an almost dying state, and just last night we took her to the hospital because she can't breathe, while i was looking at her, i didn't feel anything, no pity, instead i wanted to look for a television to watch my favorite show. and to think she cared for me when i was young, and she was there whenever i needed something.



i haven't seen both for around 5 months

 

[nryn99]

ignore thread, going into my head is a bad idea...

 

[CrimzonEyed]

At #5:
I imagine me kill the one raping the girl. Everytime i see on tv or news paper that a girl have been raped/beaten by a guy, i get mad as hell and feel like i cold blod kill the bastard/s that did it.
Hurting women = WRONG

well that's why i made this post 'cause i don't understand myself, i know what's right and wrong, but still why can't i refrain from thinking things like that,


one thing though is everything i fantasize, even planned revenge stays only in my mind, i'm a totally different person in the web/phone than personal.

i don't want to hurt other people, even though i hate someone so much, when we are together i easily turns a blind eye and pretend to forget.

example there was a guy who borrowed my phone and sold it, even though i realized that, when we saw each other he said it was stolen and i just played along 'till i didn't see him anymore,

Well if you remove #5 I'm almost the same as you. Was on a funeral befor when my grandmothers sister died who i liked alot. But at the funeral i dind't shed a single tear nor felt any sad, only bored and hungry. Also if i see accidents on TV i don't care a shit about the people that are hurt in the accident.
BUT, if i see a accident myself i do everything i can to help the people even though i don't know them or don't care for them. I Simply wan't to be of use if i can.