A modest proposal

alidsl

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I have not quite finished it yet but my english homework was to, well...

A modest Proposal

Don’t you just hate it when you sit down to watch the news and you see all these news stories about inorganic fertilizers ruining our food, killing wildlife and the stories of cemeteries getting overcrowded. I think there are too many old people walking our streets and they are a tax burden to us. Wouldn’t the world be such a dream without these things happening? It’s the old people that are taking money from their children and not contributing anything to society in return.

I think that most people will agree that old age homes are using up too much space, space that could otherwise be used for more houses for our overcrowded country, or a farm so we can gain more food to feed the mouths of millions. We can do something about this; we can get the old people to contribute something to help the younger generation.

My idea will not only help the millions of bad food grown using inorganic fertilisers, but will help the growing economy by disregarding pensions that take up too much of most companies profits. You must agree that the old people just become too cranky and forgetful, and it will save time and money by giving up on funeral burials.
You see, I am proposing that we use dead bodies for fertilizer, this will enable cheaper fertilizer and, in the long run, cheaper food for the poor. I also think that, once retired, the person must be drowned in water in order to cleanse the body of dirt so the person cannot be contaminated, then the last stage being put the body in pesticide (so pests aren’t attracted to feast on the body) then sell the bodies to use as organic fertilizers, if any bodies aren’t sold before rotting the carcass can thrown out. Before this procedure all dangerous chemicals (to plants) will be removed from the body.

Also if someone tries to evade retirement on their 60th birthday they will be forced to retire (if they are no longer contributing as much to the economy) and used in the procedure, so that they do not work too slow and steal a younger, more energetic, person’s rightful place to work. Alongside this if someone has not found consistent work by the age of 30 they should also be put through my scheme as they are unhelpful to society.
I am also proposing that anyone contracted with a disease that can be life threatening, can be put through the same procedure as before. Thus saving the thousands of pounds put towards researching these diseases. Also, disabled (physically) people should take an IQ test when 14, if the IQ of the person is lower than 135 that person will be drowned and used as fertilizer, that way keeping the clever to add something to society in the form of a science lab. Mentally disabled children do not have the capability to work in a proper environment so (when diagnosed as mentally disabled) be used in the scheme.

Of course the advantages to my scheme would be overwhelming, from saving government money to giving farmers and builders more land to work on. This scheme will stop the adults with old, retired parents having to spend money on the older generation, making the younger generation able to live their lives to the full capacity, more educational abroad trips etc. We will not have to pay as much tax, as the NHS will not need as much money because of no patients with life threatening diagnoses.

We also are in need of land inside of the greenbelt of towns, the demolition of old age homes and burial grounds will provide space for children’s parks and buildings, as well as office block and farms.

The argument of inorganic fertilizers being bad for human health has been going on for years, the idea of using these easily accessible organic fertilizers would be perfect. The pesticide placed on the body will keep rats and their diseases away and when the body rots it will soak into the soil, filling the soil with nutrients that will help the plants to grow and produce nicer crop.

Aside from the mainstream advantages there are other advantages involved, we can use organs, removed from the human body before being covered in pesticide, as testing for scientific experiments. The organs could also be used in case of a need for a transplant on an important person or a person who is contributing greatly to society. It would also help in schools where, instead of using animals, we can use human organs for research, which is much more realistic than animal organs.

We can also use different parts of the body for other things, such as, a new bone carving industry for the bodies not sold, bone would be similar to the ivory sales and I’m sure would make a great business. Making unique ornaments for tourists to buy, improving the tourism in England.

People would say that this is morally wrong, those people should look at the animal kingdom, where worse things happen every day. In the great wildebeest migration when the wildebeest are slaughtered by crocodiles at the mara river. Some sharks are cannibals and eat those, of their own species, who are sick or weak, there are even records of sharks in the womb attacking their birth mates. The animal kingdom is like this yet no-one complains. The same thing can be said about calling this scheme genocide, it’s a survival of the fittest.

Maybe farmers will complain about using a dead body for fertilizers, but we use manure and dead animal bodies and nothing bad comes of it, there is no reason for a complaint on their side. We can make life better for the farmers as the profits they would gain would be much better than their current situations.

I strongly believe that this scheme is the best way forward for the current developing Britain, it will make our country have its own trade (bone ornaments) and more attractive tourism and will help stabilize the current population situation. These people are just sucking money in without returning with anything positive, just unnecessary tears. I know we love dear Gran and Gramps but we have to let go of them someday, so why not do it now and spend time on working and contributing towards a better life for all, rather than an overpopulated and poor England. I hope that you all think logically and thoughtfully about the scheme before commenting on the subject. Thank you.

j/k

done
 

alidsl

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updated if anyone cares
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Gore

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was going to copy it in case it fit a writing prompt later this year, but it's of bad quality!
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