A Journey into GBATemp Cringe

[VinsCool]

This xenoblade thing is cringeworthy

 

[jDSX]

I am guessing Foxi4 is Matthewmatosis a cynical but honest youtuber

 

[Feeling it!]

No, the game is is predictible and reading the summary confirms that suspicion.

Let me indulge you a little bit and allow you to jump into my cynical, analytical brain of a game reviewer for a few minutes - by doing so I will effectively explain why everyone who likes this game is a dildo. This is exactly what's going through my head as I recall my experience with the game.

Here's the first few hours of the game in a nutshell. The game starts with lengthy exposition about the history of this world and the battle between the bio-thing and mecha-thing. This is important because it will have no bearing on what you'll be doing and could be wholely omitted since the introductory cutscene explains the situation anyways. Once something finally happens, huge-ass robots attack a settlement. We see our heroes accompanied by the scrawniest, dodgiest-looking fucker on the planet. You immediatelly know that he's going to betray them, so in order to subvert your expectations he does so 5 minutes later rather than immediately. Mind you, you haven't even started playing the game yet. This scene is supposed to make you feel something - I don't know what because I don't know or care about these characters, this is the first time I've ever seen them. My emotional attachment to the cast equals zero as a result, so the cowardly act of betrayal has no impact on me. It is inconsequential though as the fleeing Obvious Asshole Dude is immediately killed by the Mechonis anyways, making the whole introduction of this chatacter a pointless exercise in frustration - he might as well not have been there. Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves though - first we get a chit-chat about Dunban being the saviour of humanity with a kick-ass sword that's capable of destroying the robots, however the sword saps his life force when he activates it and, naturally, only he can use it because of plot convenience. He is weakened, so using the Magic Maguffin Sword might actually kill him, but he bravely does so anyways. I think to myself - "okay, so he's Jesus-man, sacrificing himself to save humanity. I'll refer to him as such from now on. Trope character, but it's cool and inoffensive to my sensibilities. Jesus-man then proceeds to kick ass in cool battles with cool enemies - great, I'm feeling it. The conflict continues and Jesus-man is victorious, but fatally "injured", I guess. I think to myself "well, that's the end of the game then - they lost the ability to use the only weapon capable of destroying the robots, now the robots will come and kill everyone". That doesn't happen though because the robot army is apparently led by General Stupid, alternatively because nobody knows what's happening in this plot at any point in time - hint, it's always "nothing". This concludes the prologue.

A year passes and we see Jesus-man resting at his home with his sister bringing him some food. This character is introduced because the players need something to jerk off to while the game tries to start. Jesus-man tells his Obvious Love Interest For The Protagonist to bring some food to the lab because our future excuse for a main character might be hungry. From this point onwards instead of carrying on with the "saving the world" business we take control of a scrawny little teenage shit called Shulk. Typical, this is going to be another "from zero to hero" story - standard JRPG trope. Yay? I'm supposed to play as this whiny little prick? Instead of Jesus-man, who was actually cool? Do I have to? Okay. I'm already incensed, but I carry on. Sulking Shulk meets up with his friend Giant With a Golden Heart/Comic Relief. The first thing Reyn does is fuck things up with the Maguffin Sword, establishing his role as the Knuckles of this group - a brawny dumbass. Shennanigans of no consequence ensue - Shulk has to do "things" because someone needs to introduce the player to the town. Soon enough the Scooby Doo gang goes to a cave to join Love Interest since even a loser like Sulk needs to get his dick wet sometimes. This concludes chapter 1.

While the kids are fucking about, the robots finally come up with the idea that they could've killed everyone throughout the year of Jesus-man's incapacitation and perhaps attacking now would make sense. Jesus-man gets out of bed despite his injuries and attempts to save the town once more for two reasons - because he's cool as fuck and because nobody gave him the memo that he's not the protagonist anymore. He tries to use the Magic Maguffin Sword, but is too weak to do so. The fate of humanity is in Sulk's hands all of a sudden, God helps us all. He picks up the sword and finds out that he can use its power, establishing himself as the character that'll ruin the game from now on. Shame that we already knew that as he's the protagonist and it comes as no surprise whatsoever. This is somehow shocking to everyone, prompting Jesus-man to turn into Yoda-Jesus One Kenobi, because someone has to train young Sulk Skywalker in the ways of the force. Dildo Baggins passes on the Magic Maguffin to Sulk Skywalker. At this point you've been playing the game for two hours and nothing has pushed the plot forward yet, so Fiora gets killed during the defense of the town because she got confused and mistook this game for Final Fantasy 7 and the game needed an Aeris to give Sulk some motivation and a reason to be depressed and angsty. He does just that and much to my disappointment wins the fight against the Big Bad. The battle is won, yay. This concludes chapter 2.

In the beginning of chapter 3 Sulk and the Fellowship of the Maguffin finally go on a merry adventure of killing defenseless rabbits, which seems to be their favourite pass time. Enemies worth facing, considering the fact that we spent the last two hours killing cool as shit mechs as an infinitely more interesting character. I begin following the arrow that's supposed to lead me to the next objective, killing rabbits on the way for about an hour, getting stuck in the environment several times before turning back since apparently I took the wrong way and found a mech in a lake instead of whatever the fuck I was supposed to find. I'm a bit sleepy and the idea of going to bed is infinitely more alluring to me than continuing to play the game, so I'm out. The next day I feel no desire to continue, so I delete the game from my HDD. I feel cheated despite pirating the game because I've wasted valuable bandwidth. I want a refund.

Did I miss something? ;O;

.....uh-----wow wha the fauck that I am blown away by this level of detail.
Dude don't worry Jesus-man is not done for and the mega muffin ages sulk thing XD
I would rather play your version of the game XD dude wow you need a medal.
Without ruining anything the game gets better and the characters get better but of course there is that cyanide you gotta munch to get to the jesus-man. I think your version of things and view on it are amazing and you deserve a medal.

I also forgot to mention that you can remove shulk from your party later on and replace him with jesus-man.

 

[Foxi4]

.....uh-----wow wha the fauck that I am blown away by this level of detail.
Dude don't worry Jesus-man is not done for and the mega muffin ages sulk thing XD
I would rather play your version of the game XD dude wow you need a medal.
Without ruining anything the game gets better and the characters get better but of course there is that cyanide you gotta munch to get to the jesus-man. I think your version of things and view on it are amazing and you deserve a medal.

I had to double-check some facts with a plot synopsis as the initial battle and the battle in chapter 1 blend together in my head. That, and I wasn't sure if Love Interest dies later or right away. The original draft was close enough though, and since so many years have passed since I slept through this game, I maintain that I wasn't cheating.

My point is that the game isn't abyssmal, it's just not the second coming of Christ either, and that's how every Nintendrone describes it as. It's just another JRPG, and while it has some elements that stand out, like the battle system (a blend of Turn-based and Real-time, except executed worse than in, say, Fallout 3 and featuring a magic "ring" for the combatants because the Wii's hardware sucked and its puny RAM was bleeding bullets even with the map cut down to that limited area), but other than that it's standard affair.

You acknowlege that the game has kinks in the armor and I respect that, it's a better attitude than that of most Xeno die-hards. You have to understand though, I'm a busy man and I don't have time for games that take 3 chapters to start. There's no reason for me to wait until the fun starts - I'm playing a video game, the time for fun is "now".

Also, a little side note to future developers, don't start your game as "cool as shit" just to follow it up with two hours of "boring shit" - I know what you're doing, you're trying to lull me into a state of anticipation of the next "cool as shit" segment - I can see through that and it's not working, you're just making me sleepy.

 

[Feeling it!]

I had to double-check some facts with a plot synopsis as the initial battle and the battle in chapter 1 blend together in my head. That, and I wasn't sure if Love Interest dies later or right away. The original draft was close enough though, and since so many years have passed since I slept through this game, I maintain that I wasn't cheating.

My point is that the game isn't abyssmal, it's just not the second coming of Christ either, and that's how every Nintendrone describes it as. It's just another JRPG, and while it has some elements that stand out, like the battle system (a blend of Turn-based and Real-time, except executed worse than in, say, Fallout 3 and featuring a magic "ring" for the combatants because the Wii's hardware sucked and its puny RAM was bleeding bullets even with the map cut down to that limited area), but other than that it's standard affair.

You acknowlege that the game has kinks in the armor and I respect that, it's a better attitude than that of most Xeno die-hards. You have to understand though, I'm a busy man and I don't have time for games that take 3 chapters to start. There's no reason for me to wait until the fun starts - I'm playing a video game, the time for fun is "now".

Also, side note, don't start your game as "cool as shit" just to follow it up with two hours of "boring shit" - I know what you're doing game, you're trying to lull me into a state of anticipation of the next "cool as shit" segment - I can see through that and it's not working, you're just making me sleepy.

Yeah even now at the point I am at with the game, The side quests are the most boring shit since skyrim.
Also there are some points where the game can feel like your insides are decaying away while playing. XD

 

[Exavold]

I posted many cringeworthy things here.

That's why I deleted all my previous profile posts.

Envoyé de mon GT-I8190 en utilisant Tapatalk

 

[Veho]

We are all mature adults here and there is no way this thread could ever turn into a gigantic shitstorm.

 

[Foxi4]

We are all mature adults here and there is no way this thread could ever turn into a gigantic shitstorm.

It's the EoF, the thread can go wherever it wants. YOU HAVE NO POWER HERE! ;O;

Besides, I think I explained my point, we're back to Temp Cringe now.

 

[Feeling it!]

We are all mature adults here and there is no way this thread could ever turn into a gigantic shitstorm.

I did not think anything was cringe here though and I got a good laugh.

It's the EoF, the thread can go wherever it wants. YOU HAVE NO POWER HERE! ;O;

Besides, I think I explained my point, we're back to Temp Cringe now.

Yeah it was decent on both parts and it was a small demonstration of 1 fragment of what can happen even though we kept it tame.

 

[VinsCool]

That's why I deleted all my previous profile posts.

Envoyé de mon GT-I8190 en utilisant Tapatalk

I have no regrets ;O;

 

[Exavold]

I have no regrets ;O;

I do.

Envoyé de mon GT-I8190 en utilisant Tapatalk

 

[VinsCool]

I do.

Envoyé de mon GT-I8190 en utilisant Tapatalk

 

[Exavold]

View attachment 50787

I regret a lot of decisions that I made here.

Envoyé de mon GT-I8190 en utilisant Tapatalk

 

[Trolling]

New cringe, Someones attempt to get revenge on this site with "menuhax is dead"

Why did i click that anyway :/

 

[VinsCool]

I regret a lot of decisions that I made here.

Envoyé de mon GT-I8190 en utilisant Tapatalk

Anything posted in my profile is legacy. Never forgotten.

 

[Veho]

Besides, I think I explained my point, we're back to Temp Cringe now.

You mean the strong deterrent of "no flaming pls u guise" in your first post, or was there another post somewhere in the thread (I really didn't fell like reading through this thread, please don't make me).

EDIT: Were you talking about the large post at the top of the page? I wasn't, I was just commenting on threads where people point and laugh at other people's posts in general.

 

[Feeling it!]

You mean the strong deterrent of "no flaming pls u guise" in your first post, or was there another post somewhere in the thread (I really didn't fell like reading through this thread, please don't make me).

The post is a great summary of the first part of xenoblade chronicles and is better fan fiction material then the cringe of cringe kingdom. XD
I think we have all enjoyed this thread 2day.
PS: You are one of my fav mods.

 

[Foxi4]

You mean the strong deterrent of "no flaming pls u guise" in your first post, or was there another post somewhere in the thread (I really didn't fell like reading through this thread, please don't make me).

EDIT: Were you talking about the large post at the top of the page? I wasn't, I was just commenting on threads where people point and laugh at other people's posts in general.

Oh, I completely misunderstood you then - my bad. Anywho, I see no harm in creating a collection of brainfarts - if someone will vehemently object to their inclusion in the thread, their screen shot can always be removed.

 

[Veho]

Anywho, I see no harm in creating a collection of brainfarts

Me neither, that's why I said there was no way this thread could ever turn into a gigantic shitstorm

 

[Foxi4]

Me neither, that's why I said there was no way this thread could ever turn into a gigantic shitstorm

I see what you did there. :^)