I saw this on Dorkly ----- 1. Inspector Gadget This guy loves all the bits and pieces associated with gaming. He actually bought the Nintendo Power Glove and the Virtual Boy. He has Rumble Paks on his Rumble Paks. Maybe he just really likes Nintendo… No wait, there’s a stack of every color of PlayStation memory card ever made. He always shows up with his own controller in pristine condition, and you laughed at him when he brought over the Master Chief helmet that came with the Legendary edition of Halo 3, because it’s tiny and you can’t actually wear it. Then he used it to build a scale model that actually fit, and you were kind of jealous. 2. Freak of Nature Ok, I thought pot made your reaction time slower. I thought being on the phone while doing stuff made you less skillful. I thought having played the game before would give me some kind of advantage. Yet here you are, high as a kite, talking on the phone with your girlfriend, never having played this game before, and beating the crap out of me. I don’t know whether to salute you or cut you up into little pieces and hide them in the CD tray. 3. Purist/Completionist Doing stuff out of order just freaks this guy out. Don’t ever invite him to play multiplayer on a level he hasn’t played through himself on single player. He won’t put down a game until he has every scenario beaten, every achievement achieved. “I’d love to play MF2 with you, man,” he says, “but I’m still working on GTA IV.” He still brags about how, at the age of 12, he got every star in Super Mario 64 in perfect order. You wonder seriously whether he puts this on his resume. 4. Old School Elitist He’s indifferent about games today, but oh man, were you alive when the first Super Mario came out? That game was tight. The mechanics, the controls, both groundbreaking and breathtaking. Halo can’t hold a candle to GoldenEye; A Link to the Past leaves Uncharted in the dust. His reaction to any Call of Duty titles is lukewarm at best, though in a private conversation he’ll admit he finds the realism of the guns frightening. 5. This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things This guy loves his old games, but he can’t play them any more because every one of his consoles is completely trashed. The floor of his room is littered with scratched CD’s, and even when playing his 360 you can’t use the left trigger or it’ll erase his whole hard drive. His controllers have brown grime in every nook and cranny, and starting up his console blows a hurricane of dust up from behind the TV. Because of this guy, you get down on your knees and thank your older brother for forcing you to swiffer the entertainment center, lest you receive a beating by his hand. 6. Hardcore Elitist No points for originality here— he plays games until dawn, with empty energy drink cans covering every horizontal surface in his room, which, yes, is still in his mom’s house. You’re his only friend left that isn’t represented by an avatar, because he makes way too many gaming jokes and disdains anyone who isn’t on at least their fourth prestige in Call of Duty. Any game he touches, he masters; if only that were a marketable skill. 7. Whiner This guy has never lost a fair game, ever. He always wins. Except when he loses, but that’s only when the game is glitchy, every other player is modding, the connection drops, someone resets the modem, a small focused lightning storm over Texas brings the servers down, or everyone else had made more animal sacrifices to the gaming gods. I mean, if it weren’t all that stuff, he’d win all the time, no problem. ---- I think I'm more of a Purist/Completionist. Heh. Almost have all the stars in Galaxy! Only...6....more.