Tempmas 2013, Week 2: A Tempmas Story

Wellington2k · Dec 16, 2013

The Meeting on Tempmas Eve

This is the story of Tim who, on Tempmas Eve,
saw a sight you may never believe.
Tim, while sleeping in his bed,
was startled by a noise overhead.
“What could it be?”, Tim thought to himself
as grabbed a book from his bookshelf.
Tim picked out a book about Temp Claus
the jolly man who left presents without cause.
“Could it be that Claus has come here
to leave me presents, is that what I hear?”
So Tim put back the book and went through his door
hoping to catch a small glimpse of Temp Claus before
he left the house on his wonderful sleigh
for Tim knew that Claus could never stay.
Tim slowly tip-toed down the stairs
hoping to see the great Temp Claus there.
But when he turned the corner to see the Temp Tree
there was nothing but presents as big as can be!
“Surly Temp Claus has been here”, said little Tim,
“these presents have got to be a gift from him!”
Tim wondered if he should take a small peak
at one of the many gifts that laid at his feet.
Out of all the gifts laid out on the floor
one gift stood out all the more.
It was a box, not too big and not too small,
but this box is the one that stood out among them all.
So Tim decided to take a quick look
pulling off the wrapping as slow as he could.
But the excitement soon began to rush over little Tim,
and with one eye closed he took off all the paper, right then.
And what wonder was before his eye?
It was a Gateway flashcart! No one could deny!
Tim could hardly hold back his joys,
but that’s when he heard a small noise.
Tim looked behind him without a moment’s pause.
And who stood there? Why it was Temp Claus!
He stood with his arms crossed in all his glory
and Tim felt as if he needed to tell his story.
He started with the noises he heard in his room
and ended with the reasons he opened his present too soon.
Claus then spoke to Tim, who was no more than ten,
“Tim, I want to tell you that I understand.”
So Tim and Temp Claus went back up the stairs
and Claus tucked Tim in bed which showed how much he cares.
Then Claus told Tim, “You must get some sleep,
for soon there will be gifts to open and turkey to eat.”
“But what about the present I already opened?” said Tim.
And Claus replied, “I’ll go downstairs and wrap it back up again.”
“I’ll even hide it under the tree once more,
so you’ll be surprised even though you opened it before.”
So Tim gave Temp Claus a big hug
then Claus made sure Tim was in his bed snug.
Claus said “goodnight” and then closed the door
and Tim heard the voice of Temp Claus no more.
Except for the sound heard as he relaxed,

Tim heard Temp Claus say “Merry Tempmas!”

THE END

death360 · Dec 17, 2013

A Bricked X-Mas Story

On Christmas Day, a distinct thread on the GBA Temp forums caught my eye as I scrolled through the latest stories. Various Tempers were reporting experiencing unusual psychological symptoms after discovering that the 3DS flashcarts they had recently purchased were somehow overriding the Nintendo 3DS’s firmware by automatically installing an update which prevented you from ever playing ROMs. This happened to be a strange coincidental pattern that I noticed among their posts. In a nutshell, these Tempers were practically screwed for the rest of their short, miserable existence. The common psychological symptoms among the Tempers included suicidal or depressive thoughts, hearing voices, anxiety attacks, madness, bleeding eyes, accelerated aging, wrist cutting, leg chopping, instant blindness, amnesia, and even time slips where people were temporarily transported to other spatial dimensions beyond our own. What a terrible way of spending your Christmas holidays: finding out you have a bricked 3DS. Who the hell WOULDN’T go insane, anyway? Just imagine the ridiculous amount of money these poor souls spent up. I personally felt rather unfazed by all these “doom and gloom” GBA Temp anecdotes.
I lifted myself up from the swivel chair, ambled over to the opposite side of my room, and recognized the flashcart’s retail box resting above my bed. My newly received Christmas gift. The name “Teabag Industries” graced the front cover of the box. After opening the retail box, I plucked out the thin cartridge and warily skimmed through the instruction manual that came inside the box. One does not simply skip reading an instruction manual, I contemplated. No need for unnecessary software updates. I could not afford wasting any more money. I inserted the cartridge into my black Nintendo 3DS. Fools. This is too damn easy even a caveman can do it! Ominous looking bold, red words appeared across the 3DS’s screen:
YOU JUST GOT DUPED! THE FLASHCART YOU BOUGHT IS A FAKE PIRATED VERSION PROGRAMMED TO UPDATE A 3DS’S FIRMWARE. – X-MAS GREETINGS FROM YOUR FRIENDS AT TEABAG INDUSTRIES
The image of a Santa Claus stick figurine squatting up and down on top of another stick figurine flickered in an ongoing perpetual loop while a Christmas carol played in the background until a new message showed up.
FIRMWARE UPDATE MIGHT TAKE A FEW SECONDS… COMPLETE.
The brightly lit screen faded into a dark void absent of life. I mashed all the buttons in a desperate maneuver as if to resuscitate the 3DS, but to no avail.
“No mames, no mames shit just got real, son!!! What in the frack?” I blurted out.
My worst nightmare had been realized. A bricked 3DS. No way. Not me. In a fit of rage, I swung the 3DS straight against the wall, the impact tearing the 3DS in half. I nearly wept at the traumatic sight. For an instance, I found myself envisioning some sort of an LSD trip gone wrong where seconds seemed like hours and time seemed disjointed. Time slip. I returned to my desktop’s monitor which showed newly posted comments on the GBA Temp thread describing people who mysteriously disappeared or committed suicide after their Teabag Industries flashcart updated their 3DS’s firmware. Even zombies came along to the party. The madness was exceeding my boundaries of patience and that is when I decided giving Teabag Industries a phone call.
“Teabag Industries. How may I help you?” A robotic voice readily answered on the other line.
“I got a flashcart from you guys, but when I inserted the cartridge into my 3DS, some random Santa Claus dude came out teabagging and pretty much bricked it,” I said in a disgruntled voice. “I would appreciate it if I got a refund or a new functioning flashcart.”
To my relief, the employee informed me that Teabag Industries would soon send me a replacement before New Year's Eve. Within a short time period, Teabag Industries had fixed the flashcart fiasco by sending emails to those affected, letting people know that they would be receiving a fully functional flashcart thus preventing humanity’s mass extinction.
P.S. And now to buy a new 3DS…

Xexyz · Dec 17, 2013

One Vital Mistake on Tempmas!

A little boy named Link had a system, it was a 3DS! The boy loved it, adored, and was proud of it. It was May 30th, 2013, while he was playing a game, then suddenly... BOOM! His brother named Ness barged into the room. Ness exclaimed, "I read this thing on GBATemp about the Gateway 3DS! It works on 4.1 through 4.5" Link replied "Yes, finally! I can play games without buying them!" Many months later the priced was announced. It was priced at $90. Link was sad about the price. Fast forward to December, Jimmy asked his parents for the Gateway 3DS. They declined with no regret. He was greatly disappointed by the attitude of his parents. To his last resort Link searched online for "GBATemp". He joined with the username "WonderfulLink". While he felt down, something quickly caught his eye. To his delight, on the front page, there was a Tempmas contest! He yelled to his brother "Ness! I can win a Gateway!" Ness quickly ran from his room and told him to click on it. Under pressure, Link quickly clicked on it, he was surprised it was a writing contest. He thought out his delicate and complex story and began to type. His brother told Link to call for him when he was done typing. After 2 grueling hours, he clicked the post button, then something clicked in his mind. "I should check how many words I wrote," Link whispered. The results came up with 880 words! "Surely this should work," Link though in his head. "Ness! Ness!" Link yelled. "You're done?!? Finally, I thought you take forever" Ness replied.

Many days later, Link got a PM about the contest. The PM reads, "Congratulations, you won the Tempmas contest! Your Gateway will arrive soon." Both were full of happiness and joy, and that he was a small little boy. He checked his 3DS that he didn't touch since May, the firmware reads 4.5.0-10U. He was excited for his Gateway, but he wasn't letting Ness use it! No way! Later through the day, Link heard a knock on the door. It was a brown box that labeled it was from China. He eagerly opened the box, he was shocked his gateway was already here! He went to the site and downloaded the firmware. By being quick and sly, he installed the exploit with Ness knowing. Throughout the day, he dumps his NAND for you know... EmuNAND. "Ness! I'm booting EmuNAND right now!" Link yelled with excitement. Ness barged into his room once again. Link follows the steps for the EmuNAND setup, and he is so happy to play games. He had read a recent thread about the new "MiiVerse" update. Link was once again, excited for the new update. He went to the system settings to check his version. The day the update was released he made his one vital mistake, he exited the system settings. He clicked the eShop icon like there's no tomorrow. The 3DS prompts him with the new update, he pressed agree. 5 Minutes when by and the update is now complete! "Link, we're going to the store, are you coming?" his mom asked. "Yes. I'm coming," Link replied. He shut off his 3DS and grabs his coat. He opens the house door to greet his mom inside the car. They go to the store called the "BEX". Link was bored thinking it would be to go to the store. After 3 hours at the store,

The next day Link wakes up to a beautiful sight, the Sun with its gleaming, lush yellow light. He goes downstairs to the kitchen, he opens a box of fresh RetrO's, a sugary mixture of goodness. He fixed a bowl of them and starts to eat them. After his quick, yet relaxing breakfast. He walks into his own paradise, his room. He turns on the 3DS, eager for some game time, he felt something odd. His hawk like eyes catches something, there's a MiiVerse icon on his 3DS! Link is starting to feel anxious as he thinks his 3DS as in EmuNAND. He restarts his to find the same icon. He stares at his 3DS, it was dead to him. Feeling blue, he went on GBATemp to cheer his spirits. He created a thread called "EmuNAND updated my SystemNAND!" Various members tried to help him cope his loss. Many people suggested using a hardwired NAND mod. He feels he can do this treacherous task, but he felt that he would pull the plug of the 3DS life. Other members suggested selling the 3DS for another one, but what can he do? After all, he was just a small boy. He is now stuck with a dull, grey background with a MiiVerse logo slapped on it. He looked at his 3DS as a door stopper or paper weight perhaps. Many years pass by, when he visits his parents for Christmas or Tempmas as other Tempers call it. He remembers about his familiar dull grey 3DS. He goes to his old and paradise like room, feeling nostalgic and grown up. He regrets the day he updated his 3DS. He learned his lesson to read GBATemp carefully, and don't flame others for his own mistake. After the Tempmas holiday, he felt better and moved on about this mistake.

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(Based on true GBATemp threads)

(568 words) 17/17/13 12:43AM

UPDATE: 12/17/13 11AM

(761 words)

UPDATE: 12/17/13 9:08PM
(880 words)

Pedeadstrian · Dec 17, 2013

So here's my entry. I won't tell you which one, but it's themed/inspired/whatever off of a famous Christmas story/carol/poem/whateverthehellyoucallit. It's called "Twas The Night Before Tempmas."

Twas the night before Tempmas, when in this forum of ours
Not a troll was stirring, not even Gahars.
The forum rules were followed by the members with care,
In hopes that St. TwinRetro won't take affair.

The furries were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of wolves and foxes danced in their heads.
And Bortz in his Spiderman onesie, and I in my lonely bedroom,
Had been waiting for our buffering Dragon Quest videos to resume.

When out on the front page there arose such a clatter,
I lazily turned on my computer from bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the Firefox icon I flew in a stupor,
Even though I accidentally deleted all my pirated games in a blooper.

The monitor on my nightstand shone a glow,
Gave the lustre of security officer's offices to objects below.
When, what to my drooping eyes should appear,
But a giveaway post to finally give me some cheer.

With little ol' Finn, the star of the Adventure Time show,
I knew in a moment it must be St. TwinRetro.
More abundant than noobs his sponsors they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now nds-card! now, 3DSCardShop! now, with free shipping!
On, RealHotStuff! On, Gateway! on, on 3DS-Flashcard and damn, my rhyming is slipping!
To the top of the front page! to the top of my porch, standing tall!
Now ship away! Ship away! Ship away all!"

As bombs that before the wild infidels fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, Amazon Drones to the sky.
So up to the clouds the sponsors they flew,
With the cargo plane full of flashcards, and St. TwinRetro too.

And then, in a crash, I heard at my door,
The apathy of each Fedex worker as if their job was a chore.
As I took out my fist, and started shouting out loud,
Through the back door St. TwinRetro came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, that image being a photo of himself,
And his clothes were all soggy with tears of origin both boy and elf.
A bundle of flashcards he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his sack.

His eyes-how they were black! his dimples, how they filled me with fright!
His cheeks were like napalm, his nose like a murderous night!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
I think he was trying to look like The Joker, though.

The stump of a crack pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a $1 wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round tummy,
That shook when he laughed, because he thought children were yummy!

He was chubby and plump, quite odd for a crack smoking elf,
And I cried when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon made me feel nothing but dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all my 3DSes, except the one on 4.5, that jerk.
And laying his finger aside his ear,
And he took all my 3DSes with him, I fear.

He sprang to his sleigh, which was a airport rental,
And away they drove, after hitting a light pole.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Tempmas to all, and if you remove your submission after the contest is over, I'll slit your throat at night!"

Kishnabe · Dec 17, 2013

How Ganon stole Tempmas?

Tempies all loved Tempmas, well everyone did but…. that lurking bitter Ganon. Oh he hated Tempmas, for they loved for gaming be it hacking or plain discussion. As a lurker, he was too arrogant to see their ways. As he scrolled the plethora of sub-forums, the constant chattering of EmuNand, Firmware Updates, and Flashcards annoyed his little heart. Even after many reincarnations he could never change his entitled attitude; he was jelly over the Tempians like he was of the Hyrulians in his past lives. He wanted to stop their festive attitude. A brilliant idea forms from his hated. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_vAXPRvRJs.

Wearing his Santa hat just in case a Tempy caught him. Prepared with his Trident in hand, he silently strolls down the mountain trail to Tempville at night. Sneaking into their building, he sees the sight of their machinery that holds their servers. With his trident, he skewers through it bulkiness. Ganon, did not stop there, he knew where nds-card, 3ds cardshop, RealHotStuff, and Gateway hid all their stockings. Plundering all as he went from shop to shop. He heard a little noise, as he was about to leave. Turning fast, he saw a little Tempy! Little Zelda(daughter of a reseller), who was not more than three. She had gotten out of bed for some water. She stared at Ganon, and obviously being a Tempy she did not discriminate against his pig face. Zelda said, "Santy Clausy, why, "Why are you taking our Flashcarts? WHY?". Being a conniving smart pig he replied, "Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied, "These flashcarts are all defective!” "So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear. "I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here." Zelda being naïve believed Ganon fib. Ganon smirked as he trailed back to wooden shack. HIs black steed hoofed as he drew near. All of Tempville slept as Ganon laughed at his bags of accessories, carts, and usb. The excitement of seeing their painful cries kept him up waiting for that exact moment when all of Tempville awoke to see their devices disappeared.

When morning came, he expected to hear shrieks of sadness. Yet, to his dismay they had backup servers, the people of tempville were singing,” Merry Tempmas”. He marched down and stood puzzled at their excitement "How could it be so? It came without flashcarts! It came without firmware! "It came without EmuNand!" While in his puzzled state, A little boy with his wooden sword and funny green hat strolled near him. The kid shared a heart container, at that moment Ganon heart squeezed tight as it tripled in size. His Piggish form evaporated to that of his human Ganondorf form. All the hate he had for Link, and Hyrule in his past life dissipated. The pureness of Tempmas had negated his darkest energies….with that a kind Ganondorf appeared. Ganondorf became one without all the entitlement but that of a commutative mindset. Ganondorf shouted, “ Merry Tempmas, as he joined their festiveness”. He returned all he stole and eventually stop being a lurker and signed up for a gbatemp account. So that he may join Tempmas every year.

Maybe all this time he felt alone, afraid being the only male of Gerudo would bring cause to discrimination. The people of Tempville accepted him for who he is and forgave his mischievousness. May have not known the little boy was Link, but maybe that was for the better for all of Tempville . J

The END….till the Triforce of Power, once again consumes Ganondorf.

*I wish you all a Merry Tempmas, I hope that you would forgive my weak grammar and other literacy mistakes. Hope it was a good read, tried to come up with a way to include the Triforce but that would not fit well for meaning of the story. I know you guys know where I based my story from, that being , “ How Mr.Grinch Stole Christmas’. Grinch was a snarly character in the beginning, and Ganon was alike. So I drew Inspiration form that….I learnt a bit more about Legend of Zelda in the process. So a win-win scenario. Best of Luck to everyone here J.

Kishnabe · Dec 17, 2013

Note the "Youtube link is a reference to how he may sound"....to stimulate an Image of Ganon...if you would need it. Honestly that link creeps me out.

I did not plagiarize, I did however used some sentences from the Grinch but rewrote them in my own words.

ILOVETOPLAYNESGA · Dec 17, 2013

This looked like a fun one, and though my writing skills are not what they used to be I thought it would be fun to make something anyway.

Elf Adventure

Twas the night before Tempmas and all through the house, not a gamer was playing for there was an electricity black out. Or so everyone thought, but one lad had a DS, now carrying the gaming clout. As he searched through each game, he found one quite lame, Elf Bowling was its name.

Upon dusting it off and popping it in, he found no elves to hurt much to his chagrin. All of a sudden, he saw some elves peeking out, then quickly charging in. Out of the game they popped with a snap, and quickly beat the lad to the baseball bat.

“We are sick of our pain becoming your gleeful gain,” they said with a frown, “we would much rather not be the ones going down. Help us to become employed in a new game that our future may be enjoyed.”

As he searched through his shelves to find a new game for these elves, they threw in a new condition, one that was already part of the mission.

Make certain this game is not Spud or another game covered in elf blood.

While the lad rolled his eyes he found yet another surprise. All of his console games were now of a much larger size! As he reached out to grab Mario Kart, he was suddenly driving, although not in a fashion all that smart. Each wall that he passed, it seemed he must smash, all the while screaming, “This is SO MUCH HARDER WITHOUT THE CONTROLLER!” When at last he finished the final lap, he was more then ready for a nap.

However, out of the game he came with pop, only to see those elves grinning in glee for straight into Super Smash Bros he dropped! “

Aha!” he thought, “now to play as Star Fox.”

But just as he was about to select his character, he was warped to a match as Daisy. Not being used to a dress or high heels, he kept tripping and falling but managed to pull out an umbrella. Just has he did over the edge he flew, right out of the game faster than even the elves knew!

Now he too had a weapon, but how well could this umbrella hold up to his beloved baseball bat?

“All right!” he cried in a matter quite fierce, “You have made your point, now lets get serious! I see why you want a game without boredom and pain, but most importantly one not so lame! If you are willing to do some work there is a place with a lot of space. You may run a casino or take care of plants, and when it is done bring joy to everyone.”

“What game is this!” they cried with a start, “And what would be our part!”

“A simple game called Harvest Moon,” he responded, “Where all you must do is change your costumes! Then you will play the part of Harvest Sprite, and never again need feel fright. For you will use your might to help those with a time plight.”

Upon finding the game and watching them go, this lad wondered when his electricity would once again flow. With that thought the lights came on in a flash, startling the lad who was now very glad and wanted to share this adventure which he had.

robman62 · Dec 17, 2013

Here is my story, it begans normally then I got into a rhyming mood :rolleyes:

Judith the flashcart reindeer.

We have all heard of the valiant efforts of the great Rudolph and that ragtag bunch of reindeer, who helped lead Santa and his sleight through that foggy Christmas night, those were great days. Times have changed since then, people have changed, Santa changed. Santa was now a much more modern looking guy, he dresses differently, more "hip," and even the reindeer are different. Reindeer are no longer actual animals, since PETA got a hold of Santa's real address they hounded him senselessly and even tried to turn the kids against their beloved Santa. Reindeer are now kept on cartridges much like a ds game. Each reindeer cart has their own personality and name, but unlike the originals these reindeer get damaged and at times lose save data which is bad news. Many things have changed indeed here in the future, the only thing we couldn't change is the weather. Here we are on another foggy Christmas and Santa was preparing to head out and deliver the toys for children. "Oh ho ho ho boy is this a foggy night" said Santa, "this reminds me of my late Rudolph, well I hope these carts can handle a night like this." With a new kind of reindeer of course we need a new kind of sleigh, then new sleigh is produced by Nintendo, and for Nintendo sake is called the Sleii. The Nintendo sleigh is basically a red pod pulled by virtual reindeer held in the carts. This night would be the maiden voyage of Santa's new Sleii after his last Sleii conked out on him. Santa's loaded up his new fangled Nintendo Sleii to find there is an issue. The Sleii is not running any of the reindeer carts available, now the elves were in a panic. "What should we do!" Yelled the lead elf, "we do not have time to run to gamestop to purchase new reindeer carts." The house was in an uproar, the elves began to cry, then out of a lowly box covered in Chinese characters a small voice chimed "try me!" "What was that?" Said Robman62, Santa's favorite elf. "It's me Judith the flashcart reindeer!" Said the voice from the box, the voice continued "I can play all reindeer carts and also homebrew. I should be able to run all of the current reindeer files, and even the retro ones we all remember and love."

The elves ran to their computers and loaded up their favorite reindeer files onto the flashcart and we're able to set up the sleigh, and with a massive shout of "yippee hurray!" They Santa Claus on his merry way. Santa loaded up the program and made a huge grin, when he saw his favorites were all loaded in, "on Dasher, on Dancer, on Donder, on Blitzen, on Judith the flashcart, on Rudolph on Vixen, on Yoshii, and Samus, and even go Link." Robman62 smiled as he wondered what the children will think. Kids will wake up with wonder and look to the sky, and see all their favorite Nintendo characters fly by, with Santa in tow on his Jolly red sleii, Merry Christmas to all in a big Tempmas way!

garrettcorn · Dec 18, 2013

THE TEMPEST TERROR and how to deal with him

Was the night before tempest eve and all was alright, but little did I know there would be quite the fright
The day before tempest eve had been quite the sight was sunny and all was alright
The kids ran and played and made me bright
I put them to bed with a sweet lullaby about tempest past and tempest cheer
After they drifted into deep tempest dream, I went off to bed as happy as could be

I woke up and there was a sight the clouds had moved in and the ground was all white
I thought this was good and cheered with delight, nothing was better than a white tempest night
I went to wake the kids in the height of my delight, and that is when the first fright met my sight
The kids were all gone not a munchkin in sight, I ran through the house during my fright
Yet no a kid in sight, I finally found a clue to fight
“Bring your momma and bring you money if you want to see them again” --- signed tempest terror
Oh what a big fright the tempest terror was not one to fight
I grabbed my wallet and headed to find my dear old momma which was quite light

After finding my momma and wallet I set out in search of this one called tempest terror. There was a map on the back of the clue with directions to the nearest target where an amazing sale on 3ds xl’s was going on(I’m not trying to advertise

). I found the tempest terror in the electronics department holding my loved kids at a “ray” gun point…. I was so scared and asked what he wanted in exchange for my kids (I felt as if I was buying children off the black market anyways), he said nothing at all which made me more terrified than ever, but I just waited and stared. Then all of a sudden a bunch of zombies came running through the isles at us, but right before they were able to bite my momma’s head off I purchased a gun from a glowing box with $950 from my wallet! I was extremely lucky and got a PPSH (my personal favorite Zombie slaying gun daum it racks up the points… I love der riese!) and plastered the zombies brains all over the Hannah Montana CD’s (no one wants those anyways haha did I hear someone say slut??? Oh whatever back to the story) the battle continued my momma got a bowie knife from customer service and was going ham, while tempest terror was mowing through zombs with his ray gun like a hot knife through butter. He finally got enough money to upgrade his gun, but little did he know I grab my kids and was on the run! We got home just before midnight and hurried to bed, because tomorrow was tempest eve, and the kids were excited to open the gifts so we all slept for 36 hours, to pass it really fast! On tempest day we all woke to celebrate and open what Santa had brought us!

The end.

good luck all and have a very happy merry tempest!!!!!

Shinitai · Dec 18, 2013

Here I come to post mine. I hope swearing is OK. I've seen other stories have swears, but not nearly as many as mine.
Also I'm not a native speaker so I'm sorry for any weird grammatical errors or stuff like that.

Aight, so this is a, err, a story, see? And, hum, it's, about a... a... a guy! That's right, a story about a guy. And this guy is a... fucking... uh... GBAtemp member? Yeah, yeah, that's perfect. And what's interesting about THIS guy is, the fact that, he, like, he, as in himself, is, like, a, guy, that, hum likes videogames I guess? 'Cause that's how people at GBAtemp roll right?

Oh my God, dude, this is going SO WELL. I'm gonna ACE this shit!

Anyway, so this guy is also the chosen one. He was chosen by the king of GBAtemp or whatever, to do some random heroic shit. Yep, heroic shit, that's what I said. So yeah, 'cause, err, his mom was killed. So sad, I know, right!

Also I forgot to mention, this story is actually a holiday story. I shit you not. Because to fight the evil sorcerer that killed his mom, this guy must get into a Tempmas-themed videogame. Yep, no shit. It's also a true story btw.

So as I was saying, the guy gets into the videogame with his magic powers (because yes, he is a magician now. Deus ex machina alert!), and he travels through the Tempmas-themed city full of Tempmas-themed houses and stuff, looking for the sorcerer.

Finally he finds the sorcerer and they fight. Oh, they fucking fight all right. The guy's all like "hyaaa!" and the sorcerer be like "wooh!" and then the guy's like "haaaaaayyiia!!!" and the sorcerer's like "wattaaa!!".

Man, I'm dropping some SERIOUS action right here. Now THIS is an intense battle if I ever saw one.

So the guy is actually in trouble, as you probably inferred from the super-descriptive sound effects earlier. He's on the ground, agonizing from pain, because it turns out the sorcerer was pretty powerful after all, so maybe he shouldn't have tried to fought him head on like that. Seriously, who does that?

But there's still hope! Because it's fucking Tempmas, baby! So the guy calls for Santa's help with all his might. But Santa isn't coming for some reason! And the sorcerer goes "Santa isn't coming, and I know why. I know YOUR SECRET."

YEAH! A *secret*! Man this story's got drama, it's got action, it's got mistery, it's got EVERYTHING!

So anyway.

"Santa isn't coming because you're an asshole!" cried the sorcerer. "Santa doesn't help assholes! And your mom was an asshole too, that's why I had to kill her!"

Ohhh, what is this, ethically ambiguous characters? Won't you look at THAT!

But then Santa comes anyway! So it turns out the guy wasn't an asshole after all! Well, he IS a GBAtemp member, and everyone is like an angel there, amirite!?

Also, PLOT TWIST ALERT, Santa reveals the guy is actually YOU! Yeah, you who are reading this. Unless you happen to be a girl, in which case, ohhh, PLOT TWIST ALERT, the guy was actually a girl all along! Didn't see THAT one coming now did you?

So you combine your magics with Santa's powers and destroy the sorcerer! Then you come out of the videogame, but your mom is still dead, because YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER I KEEP TELLING YOU, VIOLENCE IS NEVER THE SOLUTION, GOD DAMMIT. You absolutely DESTROYED that poor soul for nothing! I hope you're satisfied at least!

And then, *of course*, you hit your head or something and lost your memory. But as I said, true story, totally happened.

Thanks for reading, and merry Tempmas everybody!

So that was it. I hope you liked it. Honestly I'm quite happy with the result myself

.

peeboy · Dec 18, 2013

It was winter again. Trees hung lifeless outside, their leafless branches contorted like skeletal fingers desperately reaching for warmth. Kids played outside in the day, while Christmas lights shone brightly at night.
Everyone loved this time of year. School would soon be over for the holidays and eager excitement would grow daily until Christmas day and the opening of gifts and festivities with family. Everyone loved this time of year.

Except me.

Every year that passed since the incident thrust me to greater heights of rage and anger. This year I would get him. This would be the year.

It was five years ago on the evening of December 24th that my life would change. That year the thing I wanted most for Christmas was an Acekard for my Nintendo DS. My parents would ask what I wanted Santa to bring me, and my only consistent answer was an Acekard. I had read about it on a website called GbaTemp, and thought it would be a lot of fun to have. I began to browse what I called "jeebatemp" almost daily, becoming a chronic lurker.

It was late in the night and everyone had fallen asleep. I too was sleeping soundly and would not have woken save for a loud bump. I stirred in bed thinking it was just falling snow when I heard another loud bump on the roof. As a fifteen year old, I no longer believed in Santa and thought it had to have been a storm or snow sliding around. At this point I was awake and a bit nervous. I wearily climbed out of bed, and quietly made my way down the stairs. As I approached the family room, I could clearly hear movement. Half of me wanted to scream for help, and the other half was curious to see what was happening. I hugged the hall and carefully looked into the room, and there was a man dressed as Santa Claus leaving gifts under the tree.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood on edge. I stood there for what seemed an eternity watching this... man...this Santa Clause take gifts out of a large red bag and place them gently under the tree. When he finished, he looked around and scanned the room, and spied the milk and cookies my mother left by the fireplace. He grunted and smiled as he made his way over the cookies. He ate a few of them and washed them down with the milk. He wiped his mouth clean and reached into his coat and pulled out a list. His eyes would look at the list and then up to the gifts, checking to see if he had left everything he was supposed to.

"Hmm." He said, looking at the list. "This young man has an Acekard. I have read about this on Gbatemp and it's pretty cutting edge. I think I may take it for myself and the boy can have one next year. I'd like to try it out."
With that he put the list back in his coat, and walked over to the tree. He picked up one of the gifts and was about to put it back in his bag when he heard a sound.

"Ahem" I said, as I walked into the room, staring at his back. I turned on the lights and the man froze. "I believe that gift was intended for me."

Santa inhaled deeply through his nose, and straightened his back and slowly turned to face me. "It's not yours if I haven't left it under the tree young man. It's time for you to go back to bed."

I protested calmly. "It was left under the tree, and it belongs to me. You can't leave it and then take it back."

Santa stared at me and grimaced. "How dare you, a child, tell me what I can and cannot do. I give gifts as I choose, and I choose this gift for me."
We stared at each other intently for what was only seconds but seemed hours. "Put it back." I said.

Santa slowly smiled at me and began to stretch his neck, cricking each side. "Make me."

There was no way this fat,rotund thief was taking my Acekard, and getting away with it. "I'm going to tell you one last time. Put it back."

"Or else what?"

As soon as he finished his question I charged at him like a bull. I tried to wrap my arms around him as I tackled him head on. He grunted in surprise at how fast I moved. Even though he outweighed me by several hundred pounds, I managed to get him off balance and he toppled over, crashing to the ground loudly. I stood there staring at him and said "Put it back. Now"

He cursed something under his breath, and swiped my feet from under me. I fell on the ground hard and like Bruce Lee he arched his back and flipped himself up off the ground. I quickly got back up and we squared off with our fists in front of each other. He swung at me with a quick left jab but I moved out of the way and tried to clip him with a right uppercut. He moved uncannily fast for such a fat guy. He faked a kick and when I looked down to dodge he grabbed me with both hands and threw me across the room into the Christmas tree. I yelled as I went flying and knocked the whole tree over on impact. A huge crash echoed through the house and I woke everyone up.

I could hear voices as my parents rushed out of bed to see what had happened. I looked over at Santa and he had already taken his bag and was standing by the fireplace. He looked at me with a self satisfied smug and said "Merry Tempmas. Thanks for the Acekard." And with that he was gone.

My parents were shocked at the state of the room. I tried to explain to them what happened but it just made them angrier. They couldn't understand why I was fooling around the tree and believed I was trying to find what my gifts were. I got into a lot of trouble for a long time after that. I waited every Christmas for the fat red bastard to come back but he never did. I worked out, and learned how to fight. Now I'm five years older, bigger and stronger.
This year will be different. This year I wanted a Gateway for my 3DS. And I know he's going to want one too.

I'll be waiting for him.

Good luck to all! Merry Christmas!

SheruShaku · Dec 18, 2013

A dense fog settled on the North Pole. There stands Rudolph at the center of the snowy plain that he is forced to call his home. The only visitors he ever gets are tasty little rodents that wander onto his fields. But on this Christmas Eve he is visited by King Christmas himself. "Did you come to finish me off, fat man? After banishing me from the kingdom when I was just a child?" Rudolph shouted.

Santa avoided the question, "Rudolph, with your nose so bright, I need you to guide my sleigh through this fog. I'm willing to pay whatever you ask."

"Your wife," Rudolph replied.

"My wife? Did Prancer put you up to this? You tell him if I ever catch him with the queen again I'll make him wish he was banished!" Santa said angrily.

In an instant Rudolph's dreams were shattered by the image of that muscle head on top of the mother of Christmas. He had hoped one day to win the affection of the so called sweet and loving queen of The Pole. But now he had no reason to stay and realized this job could be his ticket out. He needed a new realm and which better than the Nintendo Kingdom? Perhaps Disney, but Nintendo seems to be a better fit for Rudolph.

Santa would never risk the partnership with Nintendo by letting Rudolph crash the kingdom. Rudolph needed to think fast. "Fine, forget the queen. Give me a couple hours and I'll have a price we both can agree on," he assured.

"I'll prepare takeoff," Santa ended.

If Rudolph wanted to enter the Nintendo Kingdom, he would need their full attention. He needed dirt on them and that would require a trip to Santa's village. Upon entering the village he could tell the people were disoriented in the fog. Their relief was evident as Rudolph's light cut through it all and revealed the village's topography to everyone's benefit. Rudolph spotted a woman wearing a bedazzled triforce t-shirt and approached her. "Do you happen to know where I can get some info on Nintendo?" Rudolph asked.

"Sure. Just guide my way tonight and I'll look it up for you" Griselda replied as she pulled a small device out of her pocket. "What kind of info are you looking for?"

"I guess you could say something Nintendo doesn't want people to know about," Rudolph answered.

"I don't think we can just find that. Maybe if we find a site where Nintendo haters visit," she suggested.

"No, better yet, how about a site where Nintendo's enemies hangout?" he queried.

"Oh! Then you want GBATemp.net," she added. "Perfect, I think this has all the information you're looking for. So if you don't mind me asking, what's this all about?"

"Well I'll be traveling soon and I'm hoping something here will be my ticket in. Will you help me?" he begged.

"I'll be glad to do whatever I can," she assured.

Before they could fully flush out their plan, they notice the air they're inhaling is beginning to clear. Rudolph's time is up, the fog has lifted. Santa's Sleigh can be heard launching to not waste any more time caused by the delay. Rudolph: "Crap."

Little did Rudolph know that his plan will come to use when Nintendo breaks its partnership with Santa. The rift comes from an update to Nintendo's consoles and handheld devices. But Rudolph won't be able to succeed without GBATemp and its users. It's up to them to get everyone to update their devices and dig up enough dirt to allow Rudolph a chance at happiness with a Nintendo princess or queen.

MelodieOctavia · Dec 19, 2013

Winners of Week 2 are ready to be announced!

1. shango46, you have the choice between a Steam game or a Gateway 3DS cart!
2. Sterling, you win a Gateway 3DS cart!
3. robman62, you also win a Gateway 3DS cart!

In the event that shango46 declines the Steam game, it will go to Sterling. If Sterling declines the game, it will go to robman62.

PM me with your name, address, phone number and Steam name if you won and want the Steam game!

Ryukouki · Dec 19, 2013

Congratulations to the winners!

...

Sterling · Dec 19, 2013

There was some stiff competition this year, so I'm surprised I got second. Next time though, I'm going to follow the rules to the letter instead of spending a lot of time editing it down. If Shango prefers the Gateway, I'll be more than happy to snag the Steam game instead of a Gateway.

Shinitai · Dec 19, 2013

Aw, man!
Well, I tried.

Congratulations to the winners!

robman62 · Dec 20, 2013

Great news! All of the stories were great, thanks for the honor of choosing my story. I love gbatemp! Merry Tempmas all!

MarkDarkness · Dec 20, 2013

Sterling said:
There was some stiff competition this year, so I'm surprised I got second. Next time though, I'm going to follow the rules to the letter instead of spending a lot of time editing it down. If Shango prefers the Gateway, I'll be more than happy to snag the Steam game instead of a Gateway.

Really solid entry, Sterling.

I had a good feeling about my submission this year, but meh. Maybe next time.

Kishnabe · Dec 20, 2013

I think you misspelled my username TwinRetro

JK, Congratz to Sterling, Robman and Shang!

On to merry WK 3.

Sterling · Dec 20, 2013

MarkDarkness said:
Really solid entry, Sterling.

I had a good feeling about my submission this year, but meh. Maybe next time.

Thanks Mark, I liked your entry too.

Tempmas 2013, Week 2: A Tempmas Story

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