Cooking Tutorial #1: Eggs

[JuanMena]

Ever wondered about how to cook an egg? This article is for you!

Step 1: find a chicken, make sure it is a chicken who has hopes and dreams for their next generation, stalk and observe that chicken for several weeks, learn its habits and behaviors

Step 2: observe the chicken's eggs. how do they look, feel, smell? don't steal one yet, you'll need an adequate decoy/replacement to leave behind when you finally do get that egg

Step 3: determine what type of material you will use for your decoy. will you whittle one from wood? what type of wood? will you model one from clay? paper mache? origami? do your research and be aware of climate conditions that may adversely affect your decoy.

Step 4: once you've determined your material for your decoy... you have to get naked and covered in mud.
Slowly crawl chest on the ground towards the chicken, and release your decoy.
If you're lucky enough Chicken will fall for it, and you've got yourself a Chicken.

Step 5: do the same with a Rooster, but be sure to use femenine pheromones to attract the Rooster towards your decoy. You don't need to be naked for this step

Step 6: say 'Hey Alexa, play my Jazz music playlist' and meet your chicken to the rooster. Hopefully they'll produce an egg 9 months later.

Step 7: 9 months later, you should have an egg to be consumed raw, boiled, fried or blended.

Step 8: profit!

 

[Veho]

Wow, that sounds like a lot of hard work. Really makes you wonder how those store bought eggs cost so little.

 

[JuanMena]

Wow, that sounds like a lot of hard work. Really makes you wonder how those store bought eggs cost so little.

Well... have you heard of *forced* child labour?
That's why you should stop consuming animal based products and go vegan instead.

 

[Alexander1970]

You are a really awesome Cook and makes the People Appetite for more.

Well... have you heard of *forced* child labour?
That's why you should stop consuming animal based products and go vegan instead.

This is ok,very nice and good for todays People....



....but this is not my World of Food......

- I have "killed" Chicken,Rabbits and Fishes......personally,with my own Hands.
- I have cooked Lobsters - alive.......with my own Hands.
- I have gutted Rabbits,Wild Fowl and Game....with my own Hands.

Thinking of me different now ?
Please do it....I am a MURDER !!!

What have you expected from someone who plays "Wolfenstein" Games and having a Pink Profile Page ?

 

[JuanMena]

You are a really awesome Cook and makes the People Appetite for more.


This is ok,very nice and good for todays People....



....but this is not my World of Food......

- I have "killed" Chicken,Rabbits and Fishes......personally,with my own Hands.
- I have cooked Lobsters - alive.......with my own Hands.
- I have gutted Rabbits,Wild Fowl and Game....with my own Hands.

Thinking of me different now ?
Please do it....I am a MURDER !!!

What have you expected from someone who plays "Wolfenstein" Games ?

But... but...





What kind of decoy you used to get such benefiting rewards?

 

[Alexander1970]

But... but...





What kind of decoy you used to get such benefiting rewards?

...it was my Job.
And 1000s of People where happy with the (prepared and cooked) Results.

 

[FAST6191]

Well... have you heard of *forced* child labour?
That's why you should stop consuming animal based products and go vegan instead.

But if the forced child labour market dries up for meat production then I don't think the forced child labour market has enough openings to spare, or if it does then the wages will go down even further and those child labourers will be in an even worse position.

They will be wading through animal shit either way but I would much rather they be crushed by a cow (you can dodge those at least) than felling a tree to make way for more harvest space or getting a coconut drop on their head.
Equally one results in a leg of lamb for me to nibble on, the other results in kale. I know which one I would prefer.

 

[JuanMena]

But if the forced child labour market dries up for meat production then I don't think the forced child labour market has enough openings to spare, or if it does then the wages will go down even further and those child labourers will be in an even worse position.

They will be wading through animal shit either way but I would much rather they be crushed by a cow (you can dodge those at least) than felling a tree to make way for more harvest space or getting a coconut drop on their head.
Equally one results in a leg of lamb for me to nibble on, the other results in kale. I know which one I would prefer.