Waifu/Husbando Culture

[NostalgicPoet]

I was planning on having this as my first blog post, but I decided to have this tangent as a thread because I want some feedback.

Before playing Rune Factory 4, I decided that I wanted to marry a character named Leon. He comes later in the game, but I was prepared to wait to get him. While progressing one female character, Clorica, had caught my attention. While researching the game, I can't say that her design caught my eye much, as I preferred the more creative designs of Dolce and Leon. But as I played, I found myself getting more and more attached to her. She was adorable, from her dialogue to her general demeanor, and I can't say that I didn't develop a little crush on her. At the time, I didn't realize gay marriage wasn't possible in the game, so I was torn on who to marry, since I really liked both of them. After finding out, I was a little bit sad that I never got the option, but I was fine with my first choice. That didn't exactly stop me, however. Every day in the game, I would bring Clorica her favorite food and would tell her I loved her, despite it having no effect in-game, because she would say, "I love you, too!" I knew she wasn't real, but she also made me happy whenever I played the game. She was essentially my waifu for Rune Factory 4.

The same effect would apply to Fire Emblem, both Awakening and Fates, but to a much lesser extent due to the different gameplay and focuses of the game. In Fire Emblem Awakening, I was absolutely head over heels for Chrom (I know, I'm basic) and married him as soon as I could. In Fire Emblem Fates, I found a lot more candidates. For husbandos, I looked to Leo, Takumi, and Niles, and for waifus, I loved Hinoka and Setsuna.

I don't usually use terminology such as waifu or husbando, but I feel as though there is a lot of negativity surrounding these topics and their existence. I don't believe that waifu/husbando culture is bad. By having them, I could apply traits found in the characters in my personal tastes in lovers. By looking at my choices, I can tell what I prefer in men and women so I won't have to spend time trying to figure out what I like. For men, I like goofy guys, sarcastic jerks who are nicer once you get to know them, and troubled men. In women, I seem to prefer air-heads, like Setsuna and Clorica, or athletic and strong-willed women, like Hinoka.

Again, I don't think with the mindset of waifu/husbando, more of just which characters I like. However, I was curious about the topic.

There will always be those who take something too far, but overall, I don't think this mindset is harmful to men or women in real life. But I like discussion, so please post your thoughts on the matter.

 

[Deleted User]

Alright, I've wanted to talk about this topic for a while now, as I feel the exact opposite of how you feel. I absolutely HATE the whole waifu culture and think it harms people.
Let me say first off that I hate anime, despise it. I hate everything anime, up to the people who watch it. There are so many people who watch anime who also have absolute crazy worldviews political, cultural, and socially that anybody who posts an anime reaction gif or has an anime profile pic I automatically believe to be a reprobate.

Is this a bad worldview? Probably. It is not good to judge everybody via a label. And I really try to not treat people inside the anime culture with disrespect, and I try not to dig into the person making the post online, but sometimes its hard not to, and when I see they are one of.... them. I lose all respect for them.

Waifu culture though, I feel it is very harmful. Let's look at Japan, the epi center of waifu culture.
They have a whole culture centered around men/boys who live in their parent's basement.

Is this PRIMARILY because of waifu culture? Most likely not, but waifu culture is a STRONG main cause. Waifu culture gives men a "eh, I guess I'll just stick with this 2D girl instead of finding a real 3D girl" and I believe its part of why some men hate women. They lash out viserally at women, because they don't see them as somebody to be nice too. They see them as objects, because their "pure aryan waifu princess loli" is the perfect mate.

I could write alot more, but I think this is appropriate for now.

Sidenote: The FE series WAS ruined by waifu garbage. Now FE games are pumped out to cater to "muh waifu" people to make sells. Do I blame them for pumping out waifu games? No, but it sucks.

 

[Chary]

Indulge in what makes you happy, but don't let it go past a certain point. Having fun with that stuff is fine, but if you're buying those anime body pillows and talking to it, you miiiiight be a little crazy.

 

[Meteor7]

Waifu culture though, I feel it is very harmful. Let's look at Japan, the epi center of waifu culture.
They have a whole culture centered around men/boys who live in their parent's basement.

Is this PRIMARILY because of waifu culture? Most likely not, but waifu culture is a STRONG main cause. Waifu culture gives men a "eh, I guess I'll just stick with this 2D girl instead of finding a real 3D girl" and I believe its part of why some men hate women. They lash out viserally at women, because they don't see them as somebody to be nice too. They see them as objects, because their "pure aryan waifu princess loli" is the perfect mate.

I don't see how the desire to find a mate, or lack thereof, has any bearing on whether or not someone makes the decision to become productive and self-sufficient or quarantine themselves in a safe space. You also seem to be implying that the only reason men will treat women with anything but absolute contempt is because they value them as a potential mate. I think that's the real objectification in your statement, if anything.

More generally speaking, romantic feelings or personal attachments develop from sensory stimulation and feedback (and I'm not speaking in the physical sense), so while I've not even come close to experiencing the sensation associated with waifu/husbando, hypothetically speaking it seems possible to elicit this same sensation through deliberate or artificial means while nothing being deviant or abnormal in the one affected. We already have seen the phenomenon wherein people become personally attached to fictional or constructed personalities in the form of books, and I don't see a reason why this waifu/husbando situation wouldn't be the same phenomenon, only to a different degree.

As for the argument that this makes men/women less likely to want to go out and find a mate in another person instead of whatever construct they have, I'd argue there's no endemic downside. While there can be, and are, many destructive patterns of behavior which appear alongside the tendency to the waifu/husbando culture, such as stunted emotional development, social anxieties, poor social skills, lack of empathy, etc, it seems much more likely to be a situation of correlation and not causation. These are all traits indicative of people who have either been abused in some way in the past, people who are downright afraid of the outdoors or other people, but it's by no means other than empirical association that being romantically fulfilled by a means outside partnering with another human is connected to what we define as destructive behavioral patterns.

 

[CallmeBerto]

Interesting topic.

I don't find the culture to be either good or bad as long as you have limits. Just like anything, if you take it too far it can be a problem. Do I have a wifu? yes best girl Rias Gremory. However I know she isn't real and I don't get hung up on her and don't go looking for mates based on her. The issue I think is that we tend to project what that person should be in our own minds. We do this in real life as well however it is easier in anime/gaming due to the fact it is safer/agro they can never hurt us.

I just don't like the fact how "flat" most characters are. Their most defining traits tends to be "oh this chick is a tsundere" "oh this chick is X" People irl are MUCH more complex then that. If you go out into the real world looking for a wifu...you are going to be disappointed....hard.



@VinLark

"There are so many people who watch anime who also have absolute crazy worldviews political, cultural, and socially that anybody who posts an anime reaction gif or has an anime profile pic I automatically believe to be a reprobate."

There are odd balls in every community. You just happen to see it more dude to the fact you are on a gaming form and those two things tend to go together. Painting everyone with a brush is silly.

"They have a whole culture centered around men/boys who live in their parent's basement."

Anime had nothing to due with that. That has mostly to due with economic and culture expectations for boys while there being next to none for girls. Men are supposed to work themselves to death to support some say at home mom. The men rightly so saw that as a shit deal (which it is) and decided to go their own way.

Yes there have always been loser men who hate women because they don't get no sex. Just like there are land whale women who become men hating feminist because men don't want to have anything to do with them.

--------------------- MERGED ---------------------------

On body pillows and talking to it. Well it depends on why you are doing that? Now are you actually insane and think that is a real person or are you looking to simulate the sensation of love? After all love is nothing more then a chemical reaction in your brain. It is no real then anger, or any of your other emotions. Once you understand that body pillows, sex dolls all make sense. These people are trying to cause the chemical reaction of love in their brains. This can be done by hold it, sleeping with it, dressing it up etc.

 

[migles]

Indulge in what makes you happy, but don't let it go past a certain point. Having fun with that stuff is fine, but if you're buying those anime body pillows and talking to it, you miiiiight be a little crazy.

marry me, be my waifu
@Lilith Valentine keeps ignoring me when i bother her to marry me :c

 

[dAVID_]

I think it's all in good fun unless it stops you from seeking new relationships.

 

[Song of storms]

We live in a society where some people are so fed up with others' bullshit that they'd rather have a fictional character as mate. I'd consider it crazy, but with news of:

- men getting their dick chopped off by crazy girlfriends/wives and seeing it as funny by people
- men getting false rape accusations
- domestic violence by both genders
- the risk of getting your partner to sleep with someone, in a society where having "friends" ready to sleep with you when you have a fight with your SO

I can see why some of the more fragile people decide to say fuck to all that. Better than being alone and miserable, for these people.

 

[sarkwalvein]

Alright, I've wanted to talk about this topic for a while now, as I feel the exact opposite of how you feel. I absolutely HATE the whole waifu culture and think it harms people.

Waifu culture though, I feel it is very harmful. I believe its part of why some men hate women. They lash out viserally at women, because they don't see them as somebody to be nice too. They see them as objects, because their "pure aryan waifu princess loli" is the perfect mate.

I could write alot more, but I think this is appropriate for now.

Sidenote: The FE series WAS ruined by waifu garbage. Now FE games are pumped out to cater to "muh waifu" people to make sells. Do I blame them for pumping out waifu games? No, but it sucks.

Hmmm, I totally agree with this edited version of your post. But who cares, probably I am a reprobate also. /s
Well, at least we both share profile pictures of serial killers. A common point there.

 

[jahrs]

Everything in life is about balance. as long as you understand that anime girls arent real people and that they are usually overly exaggerated and dont expect the same in real people. then its fine nothing wrong with getting a general idea of what you want as long as your willing to compromise with the difference between reality and fantasy.

 

[JellyPerson]

Anime girls aren't real. This is fact.
(they are very hot though )

 

[Deleted User]

On body pillows and talking to it. Well it depends on why you are doing that? Now are you actually insane and think that is a real person or are you looking to simulate the sensation of love? After all love is nothing more then a chemical reaction in your brain. It is no real then anger, or any of your other emotions. Once you understand that body pillows, sex dolls all make sense. These people are trying to cause the chemical reaction of love in their brains. This can be done by hold it, sleeping with it, dressing it up etc.

I'd like to argue that love is WAY more than just a chemical reaction. I would also argue that both uses of a body pillow are wrong. Why are you simulating love on something that doesn't have feelings?

Love is way more than just feeling, but feeling is a huge part of it. The human touch is very important, especially in a child. You can't have a that in a body pillow, or even a sex doll, and if you've come to love a body pillow, you might as well be in the state of thinking it is real.

 

[CallmeBerto]

@VinLark

I'm only speaking from an adult's prospective. The love between parents and child is completely different from the love between lovers. Why do you think love is more then just a chemical reaction?

The human touch is very important, I agree which is why people use sex dolls and what not in order to simulate those feelings. Maybe that person has no interest in relationships however they still have that desire in them (it is a instinct after all) So they use these tools to help take care of that itch. Why do you think so many men watch porn?

 

[ShonenJump]

@VinLark

I'm only speaking from an adult's prospective. The love between parents and child is completely different from the love between lovers. Why do you think love is more then just a chemical reaction?

The human touch is very important, I agree which is why people use sex dolls and what not in order to simulate those feelings. Maybe that person has no interest in relationships however they still have that desire in them (it is a instinct after all) So they use these tools to help take care of that itch. Why do you think so many men watch porn?

you cant talk to a game or pillow about having kids. In-game marriage or kids aren't ofcourse real. Thats what vinclark means. Also A obsession gone way too far

 

[CallmeBerto]

you cant talk to a game or pillow about having kids. Thats what vinclark means. Also A obsession gone way too far

I agree, however like I said -

"Maybe that person has no interest in relationships however they still have that desire in them (it is a instinct after all) So they use these tools to help take care of that itch. Why do you think so many men watch porn?"

also

as I said before "On body pillows and talking to it. Well it depends on why you are doing that? Now are you actually insane and think that is a real person or are you looking to simulate the sensation of love?"

as long as you know it is not real/don't take it too far I see no issue with it.

 

[The Catboy]

marry me, be my waifu
@Lilith Valentine keeps ignoring me when i bother her to marry me :c

But you're a man ._.
On topic, I don't personally take the notion of waifus seriously. They aren't real people who can have real experiences with. That being said, I do loves me my Mei

Also Lilith is best waifu

 

[ShonenJump]

I agree, however like I said -

"Maybe that person has no interest in relationships however they still have that desire in them (it is a instinct after all) So they use these tools to help take care of that itch. Why do you think so many men watch porn?"

also

as I said before "On body pillows and talking to it. Well it depends on why you are doing that? Now are you actually insane and think that is a real person or are you looking to simulate the sensation of love?"

as long as you know it is not real/don't take it too far I see no issue with it.

i think its this simulation games like love plus that kinda simulate love until the real thing happens. Pillow are like the opposite they just look like your favorite anime girls and that's it nothing further like sensation of love. I mean they feel comfortable with a pillow first then will deal with real relationships stuff like that after that, i can see that but.. I dunno its kinda weird. But if it helps with most people then its good i guess. But marrying your ds or pillow? that's beyond insanity

 

[Deleted User]

As others before me have said, as long as you keep one foot firmly planted in reality, I don't really see the harm in waifu/husbando culture. So long as it doesn't infect your views and expectations of actual men/women, because we're talking about caricatures; fictional characters tend to have certain traits exaggerated in comparison to real people.

Is it a little weird? Yeah. But a lot of people have hobbies or interests that can be labeled as weird by the general public. Past a certain point, you stop caring.

 

[kuwanger]

Let me say first off that I hate anime, despise it. I hate everything anime, up to the people who watch it. There are so many people who watch anime who also have absolute crazy worldviews political, cultural, and socially that anybody who posts an anime reaction gif or has an anime profile pic I automatically believe to be a reprobate.

Do I point out the deep irony of this on a gaming forum?

Waifu culture though, I feel it is very harmful. Let's look at Japan, the epi center of waifu culture.
They have a whole culture centered around men/boys who live in their parent's basement.

Is this PRIMARILY because of waifu culture? Most likely not, but waifu culture is a STRONG main cause. Waifu culture gives men a "eh, I guess I'll just stick with this 2D girl instead of finding a real 3D girl" and I believe its part of why some men hate women.

Japanese culture centers around a very competitive workforce (the metropolitan area of Tokyo is over 13 million, but the Greater Tokyo Area is over 38 million at slightly lower than the population density of NYC) with a very conformist workplace and one that no longer guarantees any long-term stability. Hmm..sounds a lot like the dating scene. I'd say that's at least a large part of the reason for NEETs with waifu being a product of this.

As for men hating women? There's definitely a good deal of misogyny in Japan but that isn't really tied to the waifu culture. If anything, I'd say Japan is experiencing the equivalent of the 60s and 70s womens movement with all the facade of the 50s. The tension between the shift and really the unwilligness to acknowledge a need to radical change the approach to gender relations has a lot more to do with it.

Consider that Japan is massively in debt and effectively requires conglomerates to hire a lot of unnecessary workers, especially token Office Ladies. Suddenly placing Office Ladies as potential actual workers would risk displacing actual or token Salary Men. It's not like the government, because of the debt, can merely buy out industrial/commercial expansion to soften the blow of the transition or otherwise cover the costs of unemployment insurance.

They lash out viserally at women, because they don't see them as somebody to be nice too. They see them as objects, because their "pure aryan waifu princess loli" is the perfect mate.

As others point out, this points out your seeming view of the general objectification of women. Men lash out at men (or women) as competition for mates. But if they're already got a "mate" in a 2D waifu, then they have no reason to lash out at women (unless they're competition). Ergo, either they're either assholes who viscerally lash out at all people or their behavior is an objectification of women (like incel) and the waifu stuff is just BS they lie to themselves about. Btw, if you do see actual waifu-ers, they have all the negative behavior of fans who turn against the creator when the story/characters no longer suit them and hate other fans who "abuse" the character.

tl;dr - Waifu culture is really a very benign side effect of a more deeply rooted problem. Addressing that problem is actually a lot harder and less obvious, so I can see why people would focus on the waifu weirdness. Having said that, as long as people don't go the level of actual fetish over waifu behavior, I don't see how it's any different than having "a thing" for celebrities, musicians, or that girl in the office you never really talk to. Meaningfully, your love/sex relationship to those people are as real as to a body pillow.

 

[jahrs]

why do i get the feeling some people here mistake sex an instinctual aspect of being a living organism and its need to reproduce. with love an inexplicable experience that causes stupidity and obvious blindness to logic. If you wanna call it a chemical reaction go ahead but im sure plenty of people out there understand that you can have sex and not love someone and vice versa. thats why some people use porn and dolls to simulate not love but sex and get that instictual nagging to shut up for 5 minutes.