Girlfriend with a male best friend?

[Kinqdra]

Hello fellow tempers!

So, I'm finally in a stable relationship after quite some time. This is the first time I've had anything like this last this long; a month and a half to be precise (not that long, I know).
Everything is going great except there's this "thing" that slightly bothers me. The thing part being her male best friend. They've known each other for about 10 years and she told me that he's like a big brother figure to her. Obviously, I'm a bit worried.
I know that jealousy is not a good thing but I just fear losing what I have. And yes, I've already heard it: "it shows signs of insecurity; you'll put her off.." blahblahblah. I try my best not to show it, but it is how it is.
She hasn't yet introduced me to him but I'm curious to see how they act around each other, just so I could judge the matter as it is and not how my mind chooses to see it.

Should I worry? Do I ask her to introduce me to him? Have you had any experience with handling this sort of stuff?

Just curious to know what you guys think about this. Thanks!

 

[cmdwedge]

If they've been friends for 10 years and you've been with her for six weeks..

Grow up, kid.

 

[Kinqdra]

If they've been friends for 10 years and you've been with her for six weeks..

Grow up, kid.

I asked for constructive advice, not unstructured criticism. Thanks for the input though.

 

[Demifiend]

(Due to my lack of IRL experiences of this, this is what I follow based on my animu)

If your girlfriend has someone who considers family, then you shouldn't worry too much, think about this in the eyes of the "big brother", he knows she has a boyfriend, and he knows she only considers him as a family member so all opportunities for said "big brother" are long gone, he may even have his own GF, so If I were in your shoes, I would trust my partner in this and I clear my suspicions away.

 

[Ghassen-ga]

I asked for constructive advice, not unstructured criticism. Thanks for the input though.

the constructive advice would be , "calm the fuck down and don't do anything stupid if u don't wanna ruin it " they have been friends for many years before you , have some sanity , they're just friends , if anything , she would chose him over you , and i can see why ,you're too suspicious , no one is into that.

 

[Depravo]

If it bothers you leave now before you make an arse of yourself.

 

[Chary]

It's easy to see such a thing as threatening, but at the same time, you have to let that go. Disapproval of someone she's known that long, let alone jealousy will sink the relationship faster than the titanic. You shouldn't need to judge the matter at all, and instead trust her.

 

[Kinqdra]

the constructive advice would be , "calm the fuck down and don't do anything stupid if u don't wanna ruin it " they have been friends for many years before you , have some sanity , they're just friends , if anything , she would chose him over you , and i can see why ,you're too suspicious , no one is into that.

Thanks for clearing things up for me haha. Sounds about right, thanks for the advice

 

[migles]

She hasn't yet introduced me to him but I'm curious to see how they act around each other, just so I could judge the matter as it is and not how my mind chooses to see it.

do that. ask her to introduce him.. meet him, see if you can also be friend with him...
but do this in an honest way, don't be a fuck head that just want to be friend with him to controll your gf...
i mean.. meet him and see if you also like him, maybe you get a new friend?

i don't see no harm if my girlfriend had a relationship with a guy since they were little kids... however. try to ask and talk if they had any experiences like dating or seen each other naked, or touched each other in parts... or tried stuff...
if they had some sexual experiences, bad news for you..
i mean... if they know each other for 10 years, and are too confortable with each other, isn't something i would be confortable with...
if this happens, then there will be loads of problems for all parts (you, she and him.. someone will get hurt or start some shit)
in this cenario, you are pretty much fucked, unless you are ok with o polygamy relationship


if their relationship is really just friends and respect each other and they never tried sexual stuff, then there is no issue... and it's totally unfair if you come asking her to leave him.. (you can go bye bye really easy if you try to stop that relationship)

 

[Kinqdra]

do that. ask her to introduce him.. meet him, see if you can also be friend with him...
but do this in an honest way, don't be a fuck head that just want to be friend with him to controll your gf...
i mean.. meet him and see if you also like him, maybe you get a new friend?

i don't see no harm if my girlfriend had a relationship with a guy since they are kids... however. try to ask and talk if they had any experiences like dating or seen each other naked, or touched each other in parts... or tried stuff...
if they had some sexual experiences, bad news for you..
i mean... if they know each other for 10 years, and are too confortable with each other, isn't something i would be confortable with...
if this happens, then there will be loads of problems for all parts (you, she and him.. someone will get hurt or start some shit)

if their relationship is really just friends and respect each other and they never tried sexual stuff, then there is no issue... and it's totally unfair if you come asking her to leave him.. (you can go bye bye really easy if you try to stop that relationship)

The last thing I want is to be telling her who she should be seeing or not, so controlling her is definitely not my goal here.
I had an unfaithful encounter in the past and I'm just worried it might happen again, so I'm trying to be extra cautious without causing too much chaos. Thanks for your share

 

[RJCline]

Most my girlfriends friends are guys lol. It just is what it is, at the end of the day shes with you and not her best friend or big brother w.e it may be. Heres the thing about all guys. NO GUY wants to just be a friend, point blank simple. Idgaf what any dude says they always want more than just friendship. He stays her best friend because thats as close as she ever let him be. Take it as a win dude. He most likely tried and failed aka kept his best friend status. After 10 years man he is and always will be in the friend zone. Shes with you and not him, why the fuck would she choose you if there was any connection in a 10 year relationship? She wouldn't. There's nothing to be jealous about. Like I said my girlfriends friends are pretty much all guys. No matter what you do there is NOTHING you can do to prevent your significant other from cheating. Head my words now. NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO PREVENT IT. If there going to cheat there going to cheat, trust issues in a relationship are a no no. All you can do is trust her and if she breaks that trust then SHE lost out on something that could have been good. Theres no excuse for cheating when you dedicate yourself to someone, but theres no amount of effort or precautions you can do to prevent it. If its going to happen its going to happen, you can't let it make you worry or change your lifestyle or yourself because your scared. You literally just have to trust her until she breaks that trust and if she does then it wasn't worth it and its better to find out sooner than later. Good luck man and don't be a pussy.

 

[DarkFlare69]

If he has at least a little respect for you then don't worry about it. If not, then be slightly worried.

 

[Kinqdra]

If it bothers you leave now before you make an arse of yourself.

Well I definitely don't want to leave as she is the best thing that happened to me in the last 2 years. I'm just looking for ways to better handle these sort of things because jealousy was always a big part of me.

 

[Engert]

That stuff that you heard about insecurity is true.

That bitch is yours and you need to tell her that if she's acting inappropriately with her "friend".

 

[cmdwedge]

Well I definitely don't want to leave as she is the best thing that happened to me in the last 2 years. I'm just looking for ways to better handle these sort of things because jealousy was always a big part of me.

Right, so you recognise that jealousy is a big part of you, and this has had an impact on previous relationships. Again.

Grow. Up. Kid.

Speaking from someone with the same woman for 12 years, married for 8. She has male friends. But relationships are built on trust, not jealousy and attempting to control people.

 

[Kinqdra]

Right, so you recognise that jealousy is a big part of you, and this has had an impact on previous relationships. Again.

Grow. Up. Kid.

Speaking from someone with the same woman for 12 years, married for 8. She has male friends. But relationships are built on trust, not jealousy and attempting to control people.

In one of my previous relationships, I completely ignored the amount of male friends my partner was hung out with, not showing a hint of possessiveness. One day, I find her holding hands with another guy. Sorry, dad, I haven't yet got it completely figured out.

 

[RJCline]

First off, lol never ask your girl if she had sexual contact with her bestfriend if you can't handle the answer because thats just going to make things worse. The less he knows the better in his case. He already is worrying about something that most likely hasn't or wont happen. I told my girlfriend in the beginning of our relationship that I don't like and won't tolerate cheating. If she ever cheats on me its done. Adios amigo. Your a man dude take your role and own that shit. Girls want a man that are MEN. Not someone that's always in there feelings lol. If they wanted that they can just date a women xD. Sounds to me that her best friend is a pussy xD He's been trying to be with her for over 10yrs and it hasn't worked lol. Like i stated in my last post no guy just wakes up one day and is like hmmm i want a girl as my best friend. No shit doesn't happen. Every guy that has a girl as a friend wants to hit that shit. That's literally there sole purpose of that friendship. He just really sucks at it.

 

[leonmagnus99]

i think yes you should be worried, there are many girls who just love mind games alot.

and they are demanding, when you arent there for them ,they go to others ,in your case she would go talk to her best friend.
and this will make you jealous no doubt, you should be honest with her and tell her that you would at least like to know that she is not flirting behind your back.

because there are girls who do that sadly .. :L good luck

 

[Clydefrosch]

so just suggest she invites him for a movie evening and then dont act like an ass if they understand one another better and have inside jokes.
if she wanted to be with him, she probably would be.

 

[RJCline]

i think yes you should be worried, there are many girls who just love mind games alot.

and they are demanding, when you arent there for them ,they go to others ,in your case she would go talk to her best friend.
and this will make you jealous no doubt, you should be honest with her and tell her that you would at least like to know that she is not flirting behind your back.

because there are girls who do that sadly .. :L good luck

lol ya ask her if shes flirting with him because its not like shes going to tell the truth if she was xD. Your advice is nonsense. Don't steer him wrong. Girls play mind games yes. But he has literally nothing to worry about as long as he mans up, treats her right and doesn't give her a reason to go to another man for her problems. Like i said in one of my previous posts, girls dont want men that are all in there feelings, they want a provider. Its human nature. Provide for them, take care of them, love them and man the fuck up lol

 

[Chary]

...As a woman, hearing that guys don't want women as best friends is baffling. I mean...not everything has to be romance...right?

 

[RJCline]

...As a woman, hearing that guys don't want women as best friends is baffling. I mean...not everything has to be romance...right?

fuck no, if youre a girl and you have a guy as a best friend, they wanna fuck. Hands down. No exceptions.