GBAtemp's Joke Thread

[brickmii82]

Hey fellow Tempers!
This thread is dedicated to the slowly dying art of "The Joke." Classic joke-telling is being replaced by GIF's, Memes, sloganing, and generally just dying out. Post up the jokes that made you chuckle! We do have to observe a few ground rules though...

1. No jokes of discriminatory, stereotyping, generally offensive nature. This includes racial, religious, political, ethnic, and sexual orientation based material. You can spew that shit at your klan meeting, but it does not belong here.

2. No blatantly sexual material. We have a younger age group that visits this forum, so it should go without explanation that it's inappropriate.

3. No flaming people. Period. Not because it's not funny to you, not because it's old and you heard it before, and not because you found something to be offensive. If you feel it's offensive, report it immediately, and if you feel the need to call out the poster, do it in PM or let the Mods do their jobs. This has already been discussed with a staff member.

4.Mods/Admins have the final say on what's acceptable and what's not. If you feel unsure, send a PM and ask for a staff members opinion. They're all good guys...well, maybe not p1ng, he scares the shit outta me!!

5. Try and have fun with this. It can go 2 ways, really well or really...not...well. If we keep it on track and free of carnage, I'm sure it'll be a nice thread to keep on your watch list.

So, without further ado, I present the first contribution...

A man is speeding over a bridge, doing 70 in a 55 speed limit area. As he gets to the end, he sees he's being pulled over by a police officer. He pulls off, and the officer comes to the window. The officer asks the man for his license and paperwork. After the man hands over the documents, the officer tells him his shift will be over soon, so if the man can surprise him, he'll let him go. The man says "well, I'm late for work." The officer responds "cmon bud, you can do better." The man retorts quickly, "No officer, it's true and my job is extremely important." The officers inquires, "Is that so! What's this extremely important job you do?" The man responds, "Well I'm an asshole stretcher, I stretch an asshole with hands till it's about 6 ft." Curious and slightly disturbed, the officer inquires further, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?"
"Give it a radar gun and put it by a bridge." Smiles the man back.

 

[Real_Redwolf]

How do you make a tissue dance?

Spoiler: Answer

You put a little boogie in it!

 

[EarlAB]

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife. She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife.
"Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

---

It's 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in. He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date. Bobby politely responds that they'll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it." Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?" "Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her." Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"

 

[Deleted member 386348]

why shouldnt you let a ninja have ur 3ds
he haxes it up

 

[EarlAB]

The bell rang for school to start and John walked in late. Mr. Clark asked, "John, why are you late?" He replied, "I was on Cherry Hill." Then he sat down. Ten minutes later Nathan walked in late and Mr. Clark repeated, "Why are you late?" Nathan answered, "I was on top of Cherry Hill." Five minutes later Kevin walked in late and Mr. Clark said to him, "Kevin, where have you been?" Kevin replied, "I was on Cherry Hill." Ten minutes later a girl walked in the classroom and Mr. Clark asked, "Hi there, what's your name?" The girl replied, "Cherry Hill."

---

Oh dear, the next one is really messed up.
Don't say I didn't warn you.

---

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

 

[ThePanchamBros]

Hey fellow Tempers!
This thread is dedicated to the slowly dying art of "The Joke." Classic joke-telling is being replaced by GIF's, Memes, sloganing, and generally just dying out. Post up the jokes that made you chuckle! We do have to observe a few ground rules though...

1. No jokes of discriminatory, stereotyping, generally offensive nature. This includes racial, religious, political, ethnic, and sexual orientation based material. You can spew that shit at your klan meeting, but it does not belong here.

2. No blatantly sexual material. We have a younger age group that visits this forum, so it should go without explanation that it's inappropriate.

3. No flaming people. Period. Not because it's not funny to you, not because it's old and you heard it before, and not because you found something to be offensive. If you feel it's offensive, report it immediately, and if you feel the need to call out the poster, do it in PM or let the Mods do their jobs. This has already been discussed with a staff member.

4.Mods/Admins have the final say on what's acceptable and what's not. If you feel unsure, send a PM and ask for a staff members opinion. They're all good guys...well, maybe not p1ng, he scares the shit outta me!!

5. Try and have fun with this. It can go 2 ways, really well or really...not...well. If we keep it on track and free of carnage, I'm sure it'll be a nice thread to keep on your watch list.

So, without further ado, I present the first contribution...

A man is speeding over a bridge, doing 70 in a 55 speed limit area. As he gets to the end, he sees he's being pulled over by a police officer. He pulls off, and the officer comes to the window. The officer asks the man for his license and paperwork. After the man hands over the documents, the officer tells him his shift will be over soon, so if the man can surprise him, he'll let him go. The man says "well, I'm late for work." The officer responds "cmon bud, you can do better." The man retorts quickly, "No officer, it's true and my job is extremely important." The officers inquires, "Is that so! What's this extremely important job you do?" The man responds, "Well I'm an asshole stretcher, I stretch an asshole with hands till it's about 6 ft." Curious and slightly disturbed, the officer inquires further, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?"
"Give it a radar gun and put it by a bridge." Smiles the man back.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side

 

[joyoshi]

What do you call a JedI with cancer?

Leukaemia Skywalker XD

Did you even read the first rule of what you quoted?

 

[Touko White]

what does an EOF thread do?
ignore anything that is being said

and that isn't a joke, it's the truth