It's difficult to explain every aspect as I said before. And as to be expected, I missed somethings.
So as I alluded to in my previous blog. My stepfather had anger issues. And I forgot to mention my stepbrothers. And his side of the family. Which also plays a larger role. And the family I had, with my Mom and grandfather and grandmother... which also plays a bigger role.
My grandfather was a war vet, he never talked about Vietnam, and often pretended he was never apart of it. However, my Mom told me he was. Along with that I had forgotten to mention something that is also important, like I said, plays a role later. But around the age of three or four. He had a heart attack. He survived it, but his body had drastically aged as a result of it. Looking closer to his fifties while being around forty-five. He had anger issues, but a different kind. His anger was out of care and love. As well. he wanted a boy, when my mom was born, he didn't get that. So in some way, part of that plays into how he treated me. According to my mom, he was looser with me with rules. At around the age of 6, he forgot to pick me up for school and was late. He felt so awful that he bought me an Xbox 360. Which I must add looking back was very strange. I mean he was tough on me later on. But he had a heart.
My grandmother... at the surface, she had the persona of the old granny archetype. You know, kind, old somewhat fragile. I say at the surface for a reason. I'll explain it once there is relevance.
Their house was a large mobile home. And it was rotting, the heater in the living room didn't work, only the bedrooms, I never questioned it at the time. But later on I kind of realized what conditions they lived in. Before I explain that. I have to explain my stepbrothers.
When I initially met them as to what I remember, nothing horrible stood out. JJ, my youngest stepbrother was only about... two years old? if that. And the oldest stepbrother was Chayton, who was the same age in years, but a couple of months behind in regards to birth month. Leaving me as the oldest.
Nothing really stood or bad about them. It wasn't until the age of 9, that I began realizing.
Like I said before, my grandparent's house wasn't exactly (comfort) but I often went there during the weekends. There was no room for me, I slept on the couch. And I never questioned it until later. But my grandparents slept in two sperate rooms. aka away from each other. I never picked up on it as a kid that there was something wrong. But there was. (and I'll have to explain that later) point is my stepbrother, Chayton wondered why I often went to my grandparent's place. And well went there with me one time... and for the last time.
It was through this that I realized that I was horribly wrong.
It went something like this. Chayton demanded he gets something (I was taught to always to say please and thank you and ask) My grandfather scolded him. He balled. Then during the night, semi complained about how cold it was.
And never ever went back again.
It was from that moment that I picked up on the details I was missing.
Like how my stepfather often gave harder punishments on me or used me as a scapegoat if something went wrong. And if my brothers were in trouble, they were not as badly punished as I was.
At some point, I learned of my stepbrother's grandparents. And they were vastly different from my own.
I guess it's now time to explain something. My biological family (excluding my biological father's side and the super extended tree of my grandfather. Which I didn't know at the time.) Was poor, borderline poverty. My stepfather and his family were middle class.
At one point my grandparents, my side, set up thanksgiving, and it was arranged that well, both families meet. I don't remember the specifics. But it didn't end well, with my stepfather's side attacking my grandparents for how poor they were. After that, they never talked again.
Speaking of families, my stepbrother's mother was a pothead... this also plays a role in the future.
So now with that out of the way, we can finally progress.
As the years went on, my stepfather was getting more and more angry at me. Even crying would piss him off.
Which at the time, none of us knew that I had autism, which part of that is I don't respond to yelling well, especially when it's up and close to my face. My reaction is to cry. Which just so happened to piss my stepfather off more. And so he would yell more. Making it just an endless bad loop. It was over the years that I became unspoiled. School was now picking up around grade 4 I believe. I would of been in grade 5 (at the time), but I had been held back in kindergarten due to emotional problems. Aka crying a lot. So I had to do pre-first. And I was bullied a lot for struggling to speak. I often stuttered my words, but also didn't understand the basics of social skills. Realizing other people's emotions. Which through this my mom started more suspecting that I had autism. And at that age, (9) it was confirmed that I had bipolar and autism high function. Which explained why I often did better with harder tasks, than simpler ones. For example, it wasn't until fourth grade I figured out how to tie my shoe. Meanwhile explaining or giving a theory about how the downtown concert soundwaves must have bounced off the houses in such a way that it made it sound like it was right by us. Where I lived was relatively small. Only about six stoplights. So when I say "downtown" it's a microscopic scale to people who live in the city.
I'll end here for now. there is still more. As things let's just say... take a bad turn at the age of 12.
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