Today marks the one year of my brother Andrew's death, and it still hurts as bad as the day I lost him. I've been depressed as hell, sad, full of grief, and just overall not in a good state of mind. I try to keep myself distracted with projects, but they're only a small bandage for the huge problem. We still don't know what the "official" cause of his fatal car accident was. Witnesses say he was passing a car, when he just kept going and took out a telephone pole and wrecking. But what I suspect actually happened was he probably went to pass a car and had a siezure behind the wheel. He was a rather aggressive driver, but not wreckless enough to drive off the road and into a pole on purpose. And he definitely wasn't suicidal by any means. He became pretty dependant on his anti-siezure meds to the point of missing a single dose would cause a siezure. He was running late for work that day, and I'm wondering if he forgot his meds that day. I dunno... The mind likes to conjure up a lot of "what ifs" after someone you love passes.
Andrew really loved making music. He started with an acoustic guitar when he was 12, and got his first electric guitar when he was just 13. The internet was in it's infancy back then, but even over dial-up he was able to teach himself how to read and tab out guitar tabulature (guitar tabs, for short), print them out, and teach himself how to play popular songs. After highschool, he started recording his own songs on our mom's old HP computer in her kitchen. He eventually got a girlfriend (Jessica) and they moved in with her dad. He gave them the garage as a hang out place, and he setup a small makeshift recording studio out there. That's where most of his material was made; Roughly a CD's worth of songs. They had a daughter eventually, and stayed living with her dad until their daughter was about 12 years old. Then they all agreed it was time to get a house of their own. They moved into the same town my parents moved to, in Vernonia Oregon. Once there, Andrew and my stepdad started making music together in my stepdad's music room, with much better equipment and software. They have recorded a little over 8 or 9 songs together, many songs left unfinished. My stepdad was working on a song with him, and Andrew had recorded the vocals before the song was finished, and so my stepdad is currently in the process of finishing that song for Jessica and our mom, to surprise them with. It's going to be bittersweet though, and I expect lots of crying when he finally reveals the song to them. I've heard it, and it's great.
Andrew was always the kind of guy that was high-energy, good vibes, lit up the room, and loved making jokes to get people to laugh. Always the class clown, lol. He could tell you a story about anything, and he would have you laughing, he was just an amazing guy.
I miss you bro, and I love you.
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