day two at 11:50pm
it's still day two. howard did the dishes. i told him not to though. he disobeyed me. again. every time howard disobeys me i die a little inside. maybe that's what he wants? maybe he hates me. maybe he actually loves me and instead of him admitting his love towards me that i totally know he has because the way he stares at me when i have my eyes close is hot as fuck to be honest. how do i know what he looks like when he does that? well good question obviously i cant see him when my eyes are closed because when my eyes are closed, all i see is black and black is good! black is life and so is howard.
some people think i have a sexual attraction to howard. and you know what i tell them? i tell them this: YOU ARE A FUCKING SLUT AND I HOPE YOU DIE AND YOU'RE GONNA WAKE UP AND YOU'RE GONNA BE DEAD and then i fucking punch them in the gut with my middle finger. sorta like how in the movie big stan the fuckin asian guy said some wacky chinese stuff and HI YA this motherfucking was like poppin these sick ass dance moves and he just went around reading all these fancy books and shit and what am i talking about again? oh right i was gonna tell you about the time i saw an emo hippo in the wild.
here i was, wandering inside the antartica jungle that i read in a book in fifth grade... i look over my shoulder, i see nothing.... i continue to traverse, hitting bowling balls with my left eye socket and the tip of my massive cock roach friend... i feel a sudden rush go down my spine so i turn my head, and what do i see!?
IT'S HOWARD. AND HE IS EATING A FUCKING CHICKEN LEG WHILE HAVING SEX WITH A DEPRESSED EMO HIPPO IN THE BLISTERING COLD.
I FLIP THE FUCK OUT AND START TO CLAP AND WHISPER SO HE CANT HEAR ME. why you may ask? why did i whisper? why do i not want him to hear me? because howard was lonely the other night. his wife was sleeping with the cat and howard didn't know... i knew though. i never told him because good friends lie to each other.
why do i feel heavy breathing on my neck?
OH HEY HOWARD I WAS JUST TELLING EVERYONE HOW GOOD OF A ROCK STAR YOU ARE!
false alarm he doesn't care. he just wanted to come and eat my fucking gold fish in front of me.
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