tldr; HELL YEAH I GOT A JOB IM SWIMMING IN MONEY NOW THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY EVER.
I know this seems kind of stupid but hear me out.
I tend to think that a lot of GBATemp’s blog section has some (unintentional) attention-whores who just claim to be depressed just to make people feel bad for them.
NOT NAMING ANY NAMES HERE. NOT NAMING ANY NAMES.
Obviously NOT EVERYONE IS LIKE THAT! I’m sure some people actually are depressed or whatever, but that’s besides the point.
Basically, I don’t wanna come off as an attention whore, and just writing stupid blog posts about stuff I hate or complaining about shit will make me one.
So, let’s talk about some happy news for once, shall we?
Basically, I got a Job.
In order to understand just how lucky this is you need to understand the background here.
Sense I’m pretty old now and employers out there know better than to hire some lazy teenager who’s been held back a couple years.
Which is a problem because my parents are starting to pull my weight less and less, meaning that I have to pay for my stuff now, I can’t just wait for them to buy it for me.
So I need a job. Simple enough?
Well it WOULD be simple if I was in 12th grade, had straight A’s, and a bunch of girls and voulenteering weighing down my balls but Nooo...
Instead I’m some hentai nerd who’s been held back two years, with no work experience whatsoever. Some of the applicants had all of those things and then some.
AND YET IM THE ONE WHO GETS A JOB!
Seriously there were a bunch of other applicants who all were super perfect. One was a person who gets straight A’s, is head of our schools student body, had a girlfriend, had work experience, AND volunteers at the soup kitchen for the homeless people! What a perfect kid! What a shining example for everyone! I would let him come to my house and fuck my sister! How did he NOT get hired!?
ANSWER TO THAT QUESTON:
I’m an genius.
Who would have thought that someone who’s been held back two fucking years IS SMARTER THAN that stupid Mr. Perfect kid?
I’ll tell you the whole story, from front to back, so strap in my boys.
Because I’m looking to drop out of high school and not go to college (read my second blog post if you need context on that), Basically, I either needed to have a miracle happen to me or somehow be able to pull a rabbit out of my ass in order to get hired by someone.
Like I mentioned before, in terms of raw job qualifications, I am lacking in nearly every department. So finding a job, especially when there are other applicants who have much better resumes, is practically impossible for someone like me. It’s why a lot of drop outs and failures like myself end up homeless or dead after a couple of years. It was either sink or swim, and swimming is becoming increasingly more difficult.
Obviously I’ve tried to get a job more times than I can count. Understandably, I would always get shut down because there would always be some better kid with a fatter resume standing next to me, and the employers eat that shit up.
So when I saw a hiring ad in front of a kayak rental store, I wasn’t too optimistic.
For one, it was by the high school, and all the kids there would be more than happy to steal some work from me. And second, I’ve been denied like 800 times there’s no way in hell I can get this job.
But fuck it,
I had nothing better to do.
I applied on their website and completed those stupid fucking personality quizzes, where you have to fill in multiple choice questions like: “how well do you communicate” and “how many friends do you have?” And just a bunch of other bullshit so they can judge me from the inside and out (seriously those things are so fucking stupid).
Anyway, there was a period when nothing happened after I applied. But then I was totally caught off guard when I was asked to come in for an interview!
At first I was happy, but then I quickly became worried.
I have only been asked for an interview once before, and that went about as horrible as you can imagine.
In fact, I don’t even want to detail it to you.
(Let’s just say that we both said some things that we probably ended up regretting...)
Anyway, I still wasn’t going to let my chance at not being homeless disappear from me! So I got on my dads laptop and looked at my employers twitter page. AND HOLY SHIT.
It turns out that he’s a huge fan of KoRn! One of my favorite bands! This was not only cool but it gave me a MASSIVE ADVANTAGE the other applicants didn’t have!
I went to my mom’s closest and took out my old KoRn shirt that I bought for myself (and my mom hid it so I wouldn’t wear it in public!) and planted it under my mom’s car seat. This was apart of my master plan.
Next I started researching my guy more, I noticed that he was the more laid back type. He’s kid of like the stereotypical stoner surfer dude, who doesn’t give too much shit over voulenteer work or whatever. This was GOLDEN for me! It gave me a better shot and eliminated some of the advantages that the other applicants had over me!
When the day came, my mom forced me to wear a full suit, which normally would be beneficial but in this case I think it would make me look to serious for someone as laid back as my employer. So when it was time for me to get out of the car, I discreetly took my KoRn shirt from under the car seat and hid it in my suit pants. So when I got out, my mother couldn’t see that I had bought my KoRn shirt!
Next I ran into some random restaurant on the street and changed out of my suit and into a bathing suit and my KoRn shirt, then I went into the waiting room area for the interviews.
I’ll admit I got some weird looks from the other people waiting on their job interviews because of my look (most of them had a suit or polo shirts on). They all looked at me like I was stupid, when in fact THEY were the stupid ones for not doing their research! It was satisfying to see all of them think they were miles better than me when in reality I was the genius in the room!
The interview itself was incredible, everything went as planned! We spent half the interview talking about KoRn, which was totally awesome, and then we transitioned to the second half of the interview. The second half of the interview was probably the part that gave me the job
He asked me “Everyone else is wearing neat clothes, yet you have the balls to come in here with clothes like that, why?” (Yes, he did youse the term balls, those were his exact words).
Right then, I did something unlike myself. I was honest. I told him how I was pessimistic about my life in the future and I told him how I saw his twitter and dressed and acted accordingly. I told him my plan with the shirt, how I changed out of my actual suit, how I came up with the whole plan and everything.
And it was perfect.
He actually praised me for being so clever in my tactics and for being smart enough to research my employer! Normally that would be a bad thing but he was actually congratulating me!
He gave me a man hug when the interview was over, just to put it in perspective.
When I exited the interview room I realized that our session ran almost an hour longer than the other applicants’s interviews did. Which kind of confused them, considering that I had a KoRn shirt on lol.
I changed back into my suit and walked home. I told my parents the i thought the interview went well and they didn’t believe me. Which made me laugh, it’s funny just how wrong they were!
The very next morning I got the email that confirmed me I got the job. I was happier than I’ve been in a long time. I told my parents and they were shocked, my mother started to cry, and then I started to cry too and my dad was just kind of happy/confused...
To celebrate, I got a ton of Takis and Brisk for myself and binged hentai for the rest of the day. I was truly happy for once.
Thank you all for reading my story! This was one of the greatest events in my life and I’m glad that I have a blog to share it on!
I hope you like the change in tone from the rest of my blog posts!
Thanks for reading and have an amazing day!
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