I honestly don't know why I am writing this. Or why I feel this way. Yet a part of me, feels.... "hurt" - If I had to put more words to it, it feels like a deep pain in my gut, and I feel like at any moment I could cry. And this feeling it feels like it keeps growing and growing.... why? I know this feeling well. From times, I've felt like there wasn't a single solution or a single person out there that wanted to listen. Nothing I do right now, seems to make this feeling go away.... Yet even though I'm in this state, it's like my logical mental state is running at 300%, reminding me, of everything I've done, everything that has passed, of how I have gotten through this, through worse, and while I'm feeling like this, I wonder what is depression? Is it, this feeling? Why is it happening now? It doesn't make sense.... All I know is I want it to go away... but it doesn't, like it's telling me, I've always been this way... always been this broken and hurt. Yet logically, I know that's not true, it can't be true. I feel like, I have done a lot, changed a lot since the last time I was here, since the last time I remember clawing and fighting my way out of here, but here I am, on the verge of tears, and this time, I am honestly scared, because I don't know why.
I guess the only thing for me to do is to reach out for help and just do things. I'm hoping this feeling will go away, maybe not today but with time.
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