so i got off the train station this one time, was going to go see some friends downtown. and i come across this homeless guy. he stares right at me you know, and i didn't think anything of it. but since i'm a paranoid bitch i do end up thinking about it, and look back to see what was going on, just ot make sure. so i look back behind me, and see he's stood up and looking at the wall. curious me walks up to him, and i ask him if he's alright. he doesn't move, he just sits there... staring at the wall. so i automatically think this guy's tweaking out of his mind right, and so i've also got some time before i meet up with my buddies. so i ask again, if he's alright. no response. so i take my hand and wave it in front of his face, and this motherfucker literally bites my hand dude. so i pull away right and he keep staring at the wall, and i start talking to him and i'm all like, "DUDE what the FUCK is your ISSUE!?!?" and he doesn't respond. of COURSE he doesn't respond right? because why would he. anyways, i wipe my hand and all this guys spit off my damned hand and i get closer to him, and i push at the back of his kneecaps with my foot. this guy just FALLS to the floor and keeps smiling at me. this was in the alley, and there was no one else around me. so i start to walk away. then i hear some scraping noises, and look back behind me. this guy is BACK at the wall, STARING AT IT. so i walk back to him, and i say, "that's a pretty nice wall dude. mind if i stare at it with you?"
he looks over to me, and says sure. so now i'm staring a=t a brick wall with some random homeless guy who's either insanely crazy, or extremely stoned off of who knows what. a few minutes pass by, i'm giggling my ass off because i'm able to realize how stupid and messed up this is, and then i'm like, i gotta go pee. i actually end up saying that out loud, and the homeless guy looks at me and says, "oh. i already went" but he said it more like, "ohsh. i alradshi wents HEAH"
i look down at his legs, and sure enough there is a massive wet spot all along the side of his pants. i turn around instantaneously and start walking away. he tries to catch up to me, i start running, he starts running. next thing you know i'm literally being chased by a fucking maniac without clean pants on. i look back behind me and sure enough he's still chasing me! why not, so i'm getting out of breath because i swear i ran at least 500 miles per hour dude, and he's STILL going. i think of a plan quickly, and so i run up to this busy intersection, wait for him to crash into me and at the LAST SECOND i move out of the way and this guy slams right into a moving truck and he WENT FLYING.
the man is completely fine, minor injuries. sorta.
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