Here we are once more, with a blog about my dad. It's been a good while since the last one, but I've collected little things he says here and there in order to make a short blog about the quirky things he's been saying lately.
Me: So this is a game that has both Sonic and Pikachu! Your favorites!
Dad: Wow! How you play?
Me: You gotta punch them off the screen, basically
Dad: Oh no! Why Pika punch Sonic? Are they not friend?! Put away sad game! Do not like!
Dad: So what you buy from the Amazon this time?
Me: A diffuser
Dad: Please speak real English
Me: ...okay, imagine a candle, but electric? *pulls it out of box*
Dad: Oh my gosh!
Dad: I am Aladdin!
Dad: The whole new wooooorld~
Dad: It is the genie lamp! You cannot telling me it isn’t!
Me: It’s...ah, no, you’re right dad, it is.
Dad: I bring home the money today. Can you make people delivery fried chicken?
Dad: Get me all the chicken. We deserve the GOOD chicken.
Me: What’s up?
Dad: I putting blanket on dog's head, heh
Dad: He looking like Persian woman now!
Dad: I not want dog to be the muslim though, so I taking blanket from his head now.
Dad: Can you help me to find tinfoil? I’m baloney to finding it.
Dad: Sorry, I use wrong word, I am being the blonde
Me: Still not it, dad
Dad: What is call? Balloon?
Me: Keep trying
Dad: How you say when you cannot see the thing? It is blonde! I am going blonde!!
Me: Oh, blind!
Dad: Yes!! Blonde like I say!
Me: Okay dad, here's a new phone for you, this one might be easier to use
Dad: Oh! It's a baby iPad! Maybe it will be nicer to me than old phone, he makes noise too much, I don't like him anymore
Me: I still don't know how you keep setting those alarms...
Dad: I'm going to make old phone jealous with this one! Ha!
Dad: Teach me to tax! (text) I want to be like the white boys who tax all day!
Me: You can just press the letters, and make words, then you hit send, okay? Try it!
Dad: Does it say hello? I make him say hello!
Mom: My laptop stopped working...
Me: Here, use dad’s laptop
Mom: Wtf is this weird thing, this isn’t Windows
Me: It’s called Linux, it works fine
Dad: Is that bad? Why line hacks on the iPad?
Mom: Oh my gosh we’re going to be hacked if we use this
Me: Guys, it’s fine
Mom: GO BACK TO WINDOWS! MAKE IT GO BACK!
Dad: Why you make my iPad go weird?!?!
Mom: Eek! There’s a wasp in the house!! Kill it!
Dad: Aha! So scared of bug, silly women
Me: Wait what are you--
Dad: I catch bees with HAND
Dad: Is sissy bees, it only sting me twice!
*wheel of fortune is on*
Dad: Guess one H!
TV: Can I buy a vowel?
Dad: NOOOO, H!
Dad: Is stupid!
Dad: [yelling as loud as possible] GO FOR AYYYYCHAAHHH
TV: How about an H?
Dad: Yessss!! He listen to me, see? TV man hear me be smart!
Dad: Oh oh! I know word! I solving! I know the English! Put me on the TV and I will show crazy American how to learn their own language!
Dad: Wake up!!!
Me: Wha...what’s going on?
Dad: I just want to make sure you aren’t died
Me: Um...I’m pretty sure I’m alive
*10 minutes later*
Dad: Are you okay?
Me: Ugh...I was trying to sleep some more, what’s up?
Me: Wait what?
*10 minutes later*
Dad: Wake up, are you still okay?
Me: Dad what in the world are you doing, it’s 6am and I want to sleep
Dad: I’m just being the best daddy ever! Yes, I am best dad in world! You agree!
Me: Um...yeah, you're the best, of course
Dad: Yay! I do good!
Mom: Hey, the sliding door is acting up, can you oil it?
Me: Can’t dad do that?
Dad: Oil door...? Okay, I do that.
*watches dad pour cooking oil on the door*
Dad: Americans are very weird, they never know how to fix things right way.
Dad: My phone, he sounds ugly when people call, how do I fix?
Me: Okay, you want a new ringtone? What would you like?
Dad: I...can choose? Yes! Give me Scooby scooby song!
*a week later*
Mom: Can you PLEASE change your father's ringtone? He's making me call him randomly just to listen to the Scooby Doo theme!
Dad: No! I love how phone sing! He is friend, he knows my favorite music!
Me: Hopefully this phone is easier for you to call on, yeah?
Dad: I just press button and it calls! This is much better magic than old phone!
Me: Yup! Just be careful you don't accidentally press it, okay? Only when you want to call.
Dad: Sure! I understand perfect!
*the next day*
That's all for now. In the meantime, I'll try to keep teaching my dad the wonders of how to use the magical miniature iPad responsibly. Hopefully, you all enjoyed this one, and I'm sure my dad will have plenty of other sayings to make blogs out of in the future.
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