The Big Sad.
I know nobody really cares about these emo blog posts, but bare with me.
So, I had a crush on a girl, She's rather cute, and I love her personality, we'll call her Lucy, because Lucy is a nice name. I was friends with Lucy's brother, been friends with him since 2016(?), he has Autism, which I didn't even know until like a couple months later after meeting him, when someone brought it up for some reason. Her and I have some stuff in common, not too much, but we do enjoy each other's company. we met in december(2017 not 1018), but we really didn't start talking until early summertime, we were in a same class (Learning to ride Unicycles :'D ), I really only went to help the person teaching, because I've known how to ride a unicycle for more than two years. her Brother showed up one day, and then she showed up the next day. So I pretty much hanged out with her brother, because he was the only one I really knew there, and so Since she was also socially awkward, she just hanged out with her brother. Like a week in, I eventually said something, and we just kept talking after that. In like end of 2018 we exchanged phone numbers. We kept talking from there. We haven't really met up and done anything much, but we played Dungeon world(more chill version of DnD), That was fun. we met up sometimes, but not too often. As you can tell, as an Edgy boy, I was infatuated of course. I denied it for awhile, because also during that summer, I was abandoned by a different friend, because she learned I had feelings for her, which I never told her, but I guess she felt weird about it(I just wanted to be friends, Because I knew she had a boyfriend, and wasn't ready for a gf, One of my family members or somebody told her I guess). So because of that, I tried to be just friends, because I didn't want our relationship to be ruined, incase she didn't feel the same way, and it ruined the relationship.
Couple weeks ago, some online friends and I were talking, and we decided that I should in fact tell her, because she's moving in the summer. and incase she did blow up and we weren't friends anymore, we wouldn't have to see eachother much after since she was leaving. The first time, I can barely remember, I just tried to tell her, which caused me to have a panic attack, and not be able to speak. The second time, I asked her to come over, and I was gonna whisper in her ear, I couldn't the words out, so I just said "Hey, It's free real estate." She laughed, I still laugh, because I couldn't think of what to say, so you know, I just said it's free real estate. (this is actually what I said). The third time, Oh boy, I sorta told her, I couldn't say I had feelings for her, or that I loved her, so I tried my best to show her, or say something that mean't what I felt. so I did, I made a heart shape with my hands, and told her "I heart you." I don't know why that was what I was able to say, but she knew what I mean't. and so, she didn't feel the same. But she was sweet about it, she said she was glad that I told her, and that it wasn't something that was gonna hinder our relationship. My goodness, I was heartbroken, yet really relieved at the same time. It's like changing a heavy pain, for a light pain. I was glad to know, that we would still be friends, yet still sort of sad, that she didn't feel the same way. And we still talk today, which, is something I am glad to say. But I still feel hurt, but I don't know why.
I still hurt though, I've accepted it, but I'm still trying to cope with it. Sure it might happen with everyone, but this is my experience, and my feelings. I might get over it, but I haven't been intimidated by a mountain before. I usually see them as molehills, yet this one makes me cry. I'd love you sympathy, I haven't felt well in a little bit.
I know nobody really cares about these emo blog posts, but bare with me.
So, I had a crush on a girl, She's rather cute, and I love her personality, we'll call her Lucy, because Lucy is a nice name. I was friends with Lucy's brother, been friends with him since 2016(?), he has Autism, which I didn't even know until like a couple months later after meeting him, when someone brought it up for some reason. Her and I have some stuff in common, not too much, but we do enjoy each other's company. we met in december(2017 not 1018), but we really didn't start talking until early summertime, we were in a same class (Learning to ride Unicycles :'D ), I really only went to help the person teaching, because I've known how to ride a unicycle for more than two years. her Brother showed up one day, and then she showed up the next day. So I pretty much hanged out with her brother, because he was the only one I really knew there, and so Since she was also socially awkward, she just hanged out with her brother. Like a week in, I eventually said something, and we just kept talking after that. In like end of 2018 we exchanged phone numbers. We kept talking from there. We haven't really met up and done anything much, but we played Dungeon world(more chill version of DnD), That was fun. we met up sometimes, but not too often. As you can tell, as an Edgy boy, I was infatuated of course. I denied it for awhile, because also during that summer, I was abandoned by a different friend, because she learned I had feelings for her, which I never told her, but I guess she felt weird about it(I just wanted to be friends, Because I knew she had a boyfriend, and wasn't ready for a gf, One of my family members or somebody told her I guess). So because of that, I tried to be just friends, because I didn't want our relationship to be ruined, incase she didn't feel the same way, and it ruined the relationship.
Couple weeks ago, some online friends and I were talking, and we decided that I should in fact tell her, because she's moving in the summer. and incase she did blow up and we weren't friends anymore, we wouldn't have to see eachother much after since she was leaving. The first time, I can barely remember, I just tried to tell her, which caused me to have a panic attack, and not be able to speak. The second time, I asked her to come over, and I was gonna whisper in her ear, I couldn't the words out, so I just said "Hey, It's free real estate." She laughed, I still laugh, because I couldn't think of what to say, so you know, I just said it's free real estate. (this is actually what I said). The third time, Oh boy, I sorta told her, I couldn't say I had feelings for her, or that I loved her, so I tried my best to show her, or say something that mean't what I felt. so I did, I made a heart shape with my hands, and told her "I heart you." I don't know why that was what I was able to say, but she knew what I mean't. and so, she didn't feel the same. But she was sweet about it, she said she was glad that I told her, and that it wasn't something that was gonna hinder our relationship. My goodness, I was heartbroken, yet really relieved at the same time. It's like changing a heavy pain, for a light pain. I was glad to know, that we would still be friends, yet still sort of sad, that she didn't feel the same way. And we still talk today, which, is something I am glad to say. But I still feel hurt, but I don't know why.
I still hurt though, I've accepted it, but I'm still trying to cope with it. Sure it might happen with everyone, but this is my experience, and my feelings. I might get over it, but I haven't been intimidated by a mountain before. I usually see them as molehills, yet this one makes me cry. I'd love you sympathy, I haven't felt well in a little bit.
