I hate this whole pandemic, and this whole online school thing.
At first, I liked being able to stay home and just relax. I actually felt like I could enjoy myself for the first time in fucking eons.
But no. School had to force its way back into my schedule, again.
I didn't feel like doing it, only to be told it was mandatory for getting credit in that class, and if you didn't do it, you wouldn't pass that class.
So I decided to do all my classes online. But the teachers posted a PDF on the district's plan on how they would handle everything.
Like they always do, it was handled terribly.
They recommended to only receive credit in 2-3 classes to prevent being overwhelmed and stressing yourself out. (Except that everything in school will stress you out.)
Here's the issue I have,
Normally, we have 5 days a week in school, 7-8 hours a day. with 5 classes.
I shouldn't have to fail a couple classes to not be overwhelmed.
We won't be graded, however the teachers get to decide if we get the credit or not.
They overwork us by giving us huge assignments in each class to cram them in before June.
Of course they cram everything in a short span of time, that everything we """"learn"""" doesn't fucking stick. Which is an issue because they expect us to be prepared for 12th grade. (I'm in 11th grade.)
Cramming is what my school does. A lot. It's a really big issue because most of the time, I can barely retain the information, because they try to teach us too many things in a year.
I'm doing poorly in most of my classes, which wasn't an issue back in 8th/9th grade. I was doing great.
Cramming is screwing with my grades too. Sometimes my math teacher doesn't even teach us, he just rambles on about unrelated garbage. And he just shows us equations but already solved, with no showing where some things come from.
I ask for help, but the teacher only seems to help with one specific equation but doesn't explain other things, so say if another equation had a fraction, I wouldn't be able to solve it.
He only shows himself doing the equation, but not being specific enough.
Online, it's hard to ask for help since, I don't like any of the students online, and its hard to break the ice and ask your teacher for help (which probably won't even help that much). No one at school talks to me, so why would I ask any of the students for help?
We can't just half-ass the work online, but I hate being told indirectly by my teachers that my work is half-assed despite trying my best.
Call me disorganized, lazy, and not willing to do the work. But I've been trying to do it.
But I just can't sometimes. They basically don't even teach us, and throw assignments at us to do by the end of the week. (There's so much to do in a week, a week isn't enough.)
I've been staying up late, screwing up my schedule, crying, falling asleep in VC, banging my head against the wall (not really), and hating myself.
I feel so fucking stupid. My memory isn't helping, which is weird as I used to have a great memory.
I keep doubting myself, and spending too much time on one assignment and passing in some assignments late. It's pissing me off and I'm stressing over it.
It's the same for other classes, English is so dumb and hard, writing essays that are a million words long, and History sucks because a lot of the stuff involves politics, and I know nothing about politics, and its very boring and doesn't feel very relevant.
All of the assignments have been taking a toll on me, that I've just grown tired of doing anything. I want to sleep.
I've been eating unhealthy food a lot more now, and I feel like shit because of it.
School's been taking a lot of my time, I can't even relax, play games, watch TV, draw, etc.
Now you might say, you just wasted your time by typing all of this out. That's true.
But I feel distracted too.
You can just blame me and say, well there's your problem.
But its just more than that. I've gotten a couple of assignments done. But after several hours of trying to motivate myself.
Its hard to keep on task, and work on the assignments. The school expects us to work every waking moment.
I don't even have a friend to study with either. Which could help with the motivation issue.
Let's be real though, with all this spare time, who wouldn't want to do anything but work.
It doesn't help when my English teacher keeps being so fucking extra, and putting more work.
We shouldn't be learning more than usual, just because the school is done in June, and it's May.
They always fucking cram.
It's their fucking fault for waiting so long to put everything online.
We should have been passed anyways, what's so important in these 2 months, that we would die if we didn't learn?
For fucks sake, I want to just enjoy life and not be stressed during a pandemic, but no. We must get work because we have too much free time.
I can't even play the game I pre-ordered which took a month and ten days to come in.
I thought this pandemic would allow me to connect more with my friends, but it feels like the opposite, the pandemic is just driving everyone away, and is making them salty. Nobody talks anymore.
It's really depressing.
Well, if you have gotten here, thanks for reading my rant. It means a lot to me. I just wanted to get this off my chest.
At first, I liked being able to stay home and just relax. I actually felt like I could enjoy myself for the first time in fucking eons.
But no. School had to force its way back into my schedule, again.
I didn't feel like doing it, only to be told it was mandatory for getting credit in that class, and if you didn't do it, you wouldn't pass that class.
So I decided to do all my classes online. But the teachers posted a PDF on the district's plan on how they would handle everything.
Like they always do, it was handled terribly.
They recommended to only receive credit in 2-3 classes to prevent being overwhelmed and stressing yourself out. (Except that everything in school will stress you out.)
Here's the issue I have,
Normally, we have 5 days a week in school, 7-8 hours a day. with 5 classes.
I shouldn't have to fail a couple classes to not be overwhelmed.
We won't be graded, however the teachers get to decide if we get the credit or not.
They overwork us by giving us huge assignments in each class to cram them in before June.
Of course they cram everything in a short span of time, that everything we """"learn"""" doesn't fucking stick. Which is an issue because they expect us to be prepared for 12th grade. (I'm in 11th grade.)
Cramming is what my school does. A lot. It's a really big issue because most of the time, I can barely retain the information, because they try to teach us too many things in a year.
I'm doing poorly in most of my classes, which wasn't an issue back in 8th/9th grade. I was doing great.
Cramming is screwing with my grades too. Sometimes my math teacher doesn't even teach us, he just rambles on about unrelated garbage. And he just shows us equations but already solved, with no showing where some things come from.
I ask for help, but the teacher only seems to help with one specific equation but doesn't explain other things, so say if another equation had a fraction, I wouldn't be able to solve it.
He only shows himself doing the equation, but not being specific enough.
Online, it's hard to ask for help since, I don't like any of the students online, and its hard to break the ice and ask your teacher for help (which probably won't even help that much). No one at school talks to me, so why would I ask any of the students for help?
We can't just half-ass the work online, but I hate being told indirectly by my teachers that my work is half-assed despite trying my best.
Call me disorganized, lazy, and not willing to do the work. But I've been trying to do it.
But I just can't sometimes. They basically don't even teach us, and throw assignments at us to do by the end of the week. (There's so much to do in a week, a week isn't enough.)
I've been staying up late, screwing up my schedule, crying, falling asleep in VC, banging my head against the wall (not really), and hating myself.
I feel so fucking stupid. My memory isn't helping, which is weird as I used to have a great memory.
I keep doubting myself, and spending too much time on one assignment and passing in some assignments late. It's pissing me off and I'm stressing over it.
It's the same for other classes, English is so dumb and hard, writing essays that are a million words long, and History sucks because a lot of the stuff involves politics, and I know nothing about politics, and its very boring and doesn't feel very relevant.
All of the assignments have been taking a toll on me, that I've just grown tired of doing anything. I want to sleep.
I've been eating unhealthy food a lot more now, and I feel like shit because of it.
School's been taking a lot of my time, I can't even relax, play games, watch TV, draw, etc.
Now you might say, you just wasted your time by typing all of this out. That's true.
But I feel distracted too.
You can just blame me and say, well there's your problem.
But its just more than that. I've gotten a couple of assignments done. But after several hours of trying to motivate myself.
Its hard to keep on task, and work on the assignments. The school expects us to work every waking moment.
I don't even have a friend to study with either. Which could help with the motivation issue.
Let's be real though, with all this spare time, who wouldn't want to do anything but work.
It doesn't help when my English teacher keeps being so fucking extra, and putting more work.
We shouldn't be learning more than usual, just because the school is done in June, and it's May.
They always fucking cram.
It's their fucking fault for waiting so long to put everything online.
We should have been passed anyways, what's so important in these 2 months, that we would die if we didn't learn?
For fucks sake, I want to just enjoy life and not be stressed during a pandemic, but no. We must get work because we have too much free time.
I can't even play the game I pre-ordered which took a month and ten days to come in.
I thought this pandemic would allow me to connect more with my friends, but it feels like the opposite, the pandemic is just driving everyone away, and is making them salty. Nobody talks anymore.
It's really depressing.
Well, if you have gotten here, thanks for reading my rant. It means a lot to me. I just wanted to get this off my chest.
