Sick of my mum!

The solution is pretty simple. If you don't like what she's doing, stop visiting her. If you mean something to her she'll stop over time and change. But if she doesn't bother, then meh.

Well, you know how society has these rules where adults stay in control for the rest of their lives, ergo, eternity for kids/teens? Tell your mother you don't care about what she does in this short timeframe. In the big timeframe, she already knows it's up to her to prevent cancer and potentially an early death, and most importantly keeping healthy.

Here comes a cautionary tale (you're very welcome to show this to your mother):
For many reasons, I can relate to you, gifi. I'm 15 myself, and have a person in my family who smoked extremely heavily. That person is my grandfather. He is 81 years old, and has been smoking ever since my mom was a teenager. He was and still is obese, but his smoking was worse than his obesity. He was forced to quit a year or two before I was born, and was recommended to start exercising and dieting. I've been told he walked and swam a lot, but I've been omitted the details of his diet. I remember when I was an infant at his house, going swimming with him and his dog. He already had slight breathlessness and needed a walking stick because of age and a poorer blood circulation in his legs due to smoking. I even remember walking out on the streets with him 3 years ago, and he was much healthier then. My mother claims that at his worst, he could be smoking 1½ to 2 packs of cigarette's daily.
Today, he lives in a retirement/rehabilitation home of sorts. He's had a stroke, possibly paralyzing parts of his left-side body, a heart attack, had bronchitis and diabetes diagnosed on him, an undiagnosed dementia, and a circulation so poor he's had to amputate a part of his left leg. He's been forced onto a special diet, but given the opportunity, he'd eat up everything in his fridge (which has already happened). When I've asked him if he misses the way he used to live before and his habits, he says he'd do it all over again the same way if he had the chance.
On top of all this, he's also a rather bad home personality, mostly because he's racist, and has a lot of prejudice towards the young because of the trauma he suffered in WW2. But with time, I learned to set all of that aside and still care for him, not out of sympathy, but because his positive influence has been great on me.
Most of these things I've named here has been caused by proper carelessness for his own health. I love him, but I suspect he won't last another year, maybe two.
The moral of this story is to say that proper care for yourself is ALWAYS a concern. You might not realize it, but the reason you want her to stop is because you are concerned for her. Because I don't think anybody wants to end up where my grandfather has, not even your mother.

[quote name='Maz7006' post='3384550' date='Jan 11 2011, 08:59 AM']your lucky to even have a mother.[/quote]

I just wrote a massive reply and accidently deleted it but in short im 14 too my mum smoke swear she wouldnt do it again saw her smoking she promised again thn i still see ciggerte packets in her bag and get reall upset and chuck them out, ive theatned to leave it didnt work

[quote name='Vidboy10' post='3384742' date='Jan 11 2011, 01:42 PM'][quote name='Maz7006' post='3384550' date='Jan 11 2011, 08:59 AM']your lucky to even have a mother.[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote name='TwinRetro' post='3384557' date='Jan 11 2011, 05:03 PM']That's it? She smokes? And you can't handle it 2 times a week?


My faith in this generation is waning day by day.[/quote]
I don't know about you, but I find breathing very useful. Not everyone's lungs are as stubborn as you are.

I'd say to try and convince her to stop smoking around you, otherwise I'd agree to come up with an ultimatum, whereby you won't visit her if she will continue. You shouldn't visit her if she doesn't care about you and it damages your own health.

My grandma smokes, but only outside.
Parents do have their bad sides. I hope your health will still be fine after inhaling those harmful smoke. >.>

Quick tip:

You will never get a smoker to quit by telling them all the possible consequences of smoking. Most, if not all of them, are very aware of the problems that could occur due to smoking, but live in a sense of denial about it all. Trying to use that as a reason why they should quit smoking though is ill-advised.

Really though, if you don't like her much and she doesn't care about you much, lay down an ultimatum. Either stop smoking when you're around, or you stop visiting until she stops. If she actually cares, she will make the effort to make a change of some sort, even if it is not smoking while you are there.

The only problem with that is that smokers have nicotine cravings, as they are addicted to some of the substances present in the cigarette. Telling them to go two full days out of a week where they can't smoke is something few smokers, especially heavy smokers, are even able to do. In short, your ultimatum could backfire horribly.

I've heard/read that cold turkey is the best way to quit smoking. Starting and stopping though won't help, and you have no way to monitor her smoking when you aren't there.

I guess, really, you either have to kind of endure it, or just stop visiting (although if visits are court ordered, which they generally are in divorces where control is divided only lightly, it will take some time to make that solid).

Really, it's all up to you.

Lucky to be alive, lucky to be born, man that crap runs me the wrong way.

This parent would gladly chew her ear off over the matter.

The child bears NO obligation or responsibility for being born and does not bear any need to be grateful all because dad knocked her up and resulted in the child.

Being a parent is an obligation that comes with real responsibilities. You can't just turn off those responsibilities just because life gets inconvenient or problematic.

You can't over rule those responsibilities with anything, including a need to indulge one of society's great fucking idiot addictions.

Mom should be told flat out to lose the smoking or she might as well be dead for all you care.

I don't think she's earned any visits, and it doesn't matter if a court awarded her X number of hours or days in some settlement with dad. Fuck her settlement. No judge is going to force you to go see her if you object to her smoking and she doesn't give a shit. In fact she might lose those too if you make a case of it. And when one parent gets full custody, the other parent gets to pay her share all the same.

My dad was a smoker. My mom was allergic. Thus, in order to enjoy his smoke, he had to stand outside regardless of how shitty the weather was.
In time he dropped the habit when the doctor told him either quit, or accept his funeral would be a lot sooner than later.

If you don't like it, move the fuck out stop visiting her.

Like breathing in excess car exhaust, constantly being inside playing video games in the dark, or any of the other things you might do?

She's stressed. Hell, it sounds like she's more than mildly depressed.

Also: have you ever thought that $35 is too much for her to pay? You're 14 now, you can get a job (Aussie minimum age is 14 and 8 months, yeah? Yay google!). Do you plan to immediately when you are able? Do you plan on working full time in addition to going to school?

What? No? Then fuck off. She doesn't magically owe you anything, despite what the law might say.

[quote name='ProtoKun7' post='3397364' date='Jan 17 2011, 11:34 AM'][quote name='TwinRetro' post='3384557' date='Jan 11 2011, 05:03 PM']That's it? She smokes? And you can't handle it 2 times a week?


My faith in this generation is waning day by day.[/quote]
I don't know about you, but I find breathing very useful. Not everyone's lungs are as stubborn as you are.

I'd say to try and convince her to stop smoking around you, otherwise I'd agree to come up with an ultimatum, whereby you won't visit her if she will continue. You shouldn't visit her if she doesn't care about you and it damages your own health.
[/quote]

Yeah, thats the thing. She already smokes outside, if you bothered to read his posts. The smell of the smoke ON her is what upsets him.

[quote name='TwinRetro' post='3397859' date='Jan 17 2011, 11:25 AM']The smell of the smoke ON her is what upsets him.[/quote]

I fail to see his problem, then.

I Smoke. my whole family smokes. Its not a big deal LOL

chill out and ya it is one of the best stress relievers IMO.

and yes we all smoke outside. You don't understand because you don't smoke

[quote name='monkat' post='3397865' date='Jan 17 2011, 05:29 PM'][quote name='TwinRetro' post='3397859' date='Jan 17 2011, 11:25 AM']The smell of the smoke ON her is what upsets him.[/quote]

I fail to see his problem, then.
[/quote]

And neither do I. All I see is just some milquetoast whiner.

It really looks like the best thing you could do is stop visiting her. If she cares at all and at least tries to quit or cut back, that's a good sign. If she makes no effort and values her nicotine over you, then you might be better off not visiting her anyway. BTW, I do understand wanting her to stop for her health, but it does seem a bit ridiculous to be "unable to handle" being around a smoker two days a week, especially when you said she smokes outside, so all you're getting is the smell.

Responding to everyone atm will take a hell of a long time and I'm pretty tired so, forgive me if what I write makes no sense as I'm tired and am nearly asleep... I know 2 days a week might not seem like much but to me, it is (TO ME) mainly because, it makes me feel so sick, I think I mentioned something about nearly upchucking? Too tired to check -_-

True, it's the smell of smoke that makes it worse, but the addition that the smoke seeps into the house, through the door and shit like that makes it a hell of a lot worse, didn't mention this in first post, but here goes: She smokes in the goddamn car with me, WITHOUT the windows down, I ask if I can put them down or anything and she says something like "It's cold" or something like that...

There's a lot more responses to make but that'll come later when I'm not so tired.

Oh and Monkat, seriously, $35 a week isn't much considering it was and is her fault...She decided to fuck over the rest of the family and thinks she will get off scot free, VERY minimal chances of that happening...oh and about me getting a job, I only turned 14 like 4 months ago, so I'm still too young, oh and about the age requirements, 9 months! =) 1 more thing, I actually plan on getting a job some time when I'm 15 or 16, but no, not straight away, but I don't think that had anything to do with the thread anyway, although do remember, I am nearly asleep here.