December 2022, I was making a mediocre zombie survival game and planning a game called "The Seven Stars" as a open world 2D game that used portals. All using PAlib because I had better experience using PAlib and because nobody uses PAlib I had no competition. At that time I also got a girlfriend, I wanted to make "The Seven Stars" for her, to impress her. I finished the Zombie Survival game, it was bad but I considered it learning.
So... January 2023, I was retiring from programming since I considered it quite boring, until... my girl, went gone. I didn't know anything of her, I would just spam her phone with notifications.
I went to my computer, at the time I pretty much broke my hand in a fall (couldn't move it for a few weeks and had pain afterwards because my family didn't sent me to the doctor) but I recovered just enough to use a keyboard, so I started working on a little game called Darnell, I wanted it to celebrate the years of friendship and the love we had. 3 months in, my SD card holding the project corrupted, but I went ahead and rewrote the entirety of the lost source code, then the girl came around, she told me she didn't miss me, expressed the hate to me and just left :/
I felt bad during that time, the person I loved the most, hated me. My "friends" and family didn't help me, they ignored me, at that point I wanted so badly to just cancel the game but I had so much progress and people wanted it... So... I finished it, I pushed through it.
The game released and people liked it somehow, I wanted it to be my last work on the earth planet and just kill myself after getting the game done because nobody cared about me, but these people cared about my work. I took a few weeks to rest, and afterwards decided that I wanted to try out some ideas on a new engine.
That new engine turned into "oh shit this has so much potential i can create a game from this" I created a Darnell 2 beta. I got many family problems because they started to become aware of my skill to make games...
I had so much pressure under me when making Darnell 2 I went mentally unwell.
I felt like nothing and just wanted to do the game since I had pretty much no one except the people on the internet that wanted to see Darnell 2... I became a very bad person. People noted and thus all the people who liked me, started to hate me.
I quit and left the internet for 8 months. In that time I realized my mistakes, I started to realize why my girlfriend left me, I started to realized that I was a toxic person within the community. I started picking up other activities, I got into sports, art, video games.
I felt pretty good apart from the PTSD I got from Darnell development. I tried to avoid the theme as much as possible, literally cried when I was reminded of Darnell or PAlib, and felt really angry when I saw a VSCode window, most people at my school started to bother me about me making a comeback.
I talked with love interest at the time, she told me that it would be cool to make a comeback but the final decision is mine...
For 2 months I refused to touch a computer but when I finally did I felt like a part of me woke up. I want to make games but, I don't want to overwork myself to the point I get mental health issues, I want to do it for the fun.
Sorry for all my acts on the DS dev community, I promise I will improve and become better as a person.
-- BG2CNT, formerly known as aerglass.
So... January 2023, I was retiring from programming since I considered it quite boring, until... my girl, went gone. I didn't know anything of her, I would just spam her phone with notifications.
I went to my computer, at the time I pretty much broke my hand in a fall (couldn't move it for a few weeks and had pain afterwards because my family didn't sent me to the doctor) but I recovered just enough to use a keyboard, so I started working on a little game called Darnell, I wanted it to celebrate the years of friendship and the love we had. 3 months in, my SD card holding the project corrupted, but I went ahead and rewrote the entirety of the lost source code, then the girl came around, she told me she didn't miss me, expressed the hate to me and just left :/
I felt bad during that time, the person I loved the most, hated me. My "friends" and family didn't help me, they ignored me, at that point I wanted so badly to just cancel the game but I had so much progress and people wanted it... So... I finished it, I pushed through it.
The game released and people liked it somehow, I wanted it to be my last work on the earth planet and just kill myself after getting the game done because nobody cared about me, but these people cared about my work. I took a few weeks to rest, and afterwards decided that I wanted to try out some ideas on a new engine.
That new engine turned into "oh shit this has so much potential i can create a game from this" I created a Darnell 2 beta. I got many family problems because they started to become aware of my skill to make games...
I had so much pressure under me when making Darnell 2 I went mentally unwell.
I felt like nothing and just wanted to do the game since I had pretty much no one except the people on the internet that wanted to see Darnell 2... I became a very bad person. People noted and thus all the people who liked me, started to hate me.
I quit and left the internet for 8 months. In that time I realized my mistakes, I started to realize why my girlfriend left me, I started to realized that I was a toxic person within the community. I started picking up other activities, I got into sports, art, video games.
I felt pretty good apart from the PTSD I got from Darnell development. I tried to avoid the theme as much as possible, literally cried when I was reminded of Darnell or PAlib, and felt really angry when I saw a VSCode window, most people at my school started to bother me about me making a comeback.
I talked with love interest at the time, she told me that it would be cool to make a comeback but the final decision is mine...
For 2 months I refused to touch a computer but when I finally did I felt like a part of me woke up. I want to make games but, I don't want to overwork myself to the point I get mental health issues, I want to do it for the fun.
Sorry for all my acts on the DS dev community, I promise I will improve and become better as a person.
-- BG2CNT, formerly known as aerglass.
