Mesopotamia

Today my body was on the ground
But it wasnt surpirsing what i found
Spent the night trying to make a fine life
Squeezing complicated lives into a simple right

I have your face here in with the county
But doesn't help me being safe in my country
I took a war knife from a ditch
but the knife gave me a pinch

I haven't seen a lot of people, it feels like for years
Thought this would be the end of me then i burst into tears
I see a tank go by as it goes
Then sat down in Diyarbakır I watch the Tigris river as it flows

The worst of us are a long drawn speculation
The best of us are geniuses of compression
You say you're not going to leave the truth alone.
I'm here cause I don't have a home

I see a smolian boat that has sank
A Civilian dies from getting shot for prostesting in West Bank.
I'm waiting on the bench for friend, he's taking a while to come to Babylonia
Watching the sun go down in Mesopotamia

Now I've got a head like a lit cigarette
Unholy clouds reflecting in a minaret
You're so low and deep, deeper than every damn one
Where are you in Mesopotamia?

What do you think? :)

Comments

I don't understand how this could be written with the intent of it being a song.

It has no rhythm and really awkward syllable counts.

You got some broken grammar in there too.
 
[quote name='BeatriceTheGolden' post='2597241' date='Feb 14 2010, 02:28 AM']I don't understand how this could be written with the intent of it being a song.

It has no rhythm and really awkward syllable counts.

You got some broken grammar in there too.[/quote]

It's called "rap".

I like it. Any reference to the Tigris River is good enough for me.
 
I'm not sure of the rhythm either. Maybe post a quick mp3 of a tune or something.

also
[yt]jAMRTGv82Zo[/yt]

usually avoid rhyming by using the same word as the previous line because most of the time it sounds bad.
 
[quote name='Guild McCommunist' post='2597247' date='Feb 13 2010, 07:30 PM'][quote name='BeatriceTheGolden' post='2597241' date='Feb 14 2010, 02:28 AM']I don't understand how this could be written with the intent of it being a song.

It has no rhythm and really awkward syllable counts.

You got some broken grammar in there too.[/quote]

It's called "rap".

I like it. Any reference to the Tigris River is good enough for me.
[/quote]
Really. You think rap can get away with no rhythm and awkward syllable counts.
 
The song is supposed to be sung by this type of rhythm.
[flash=200,20]http://podcast.gbatemp.net/dewplayer.swf?mp3=http://download262.mediafire.com/jxbmczb4jxgg/lhatr2zrmmj/U2[/flash]
 

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