OK, bear with me here. If you live with a female (Your girlfriend, wife, mum, carer) go to the bathroom and have a look at their products. Right, what do they smell like? Lemon, strawberries, kiwi, jasmine. Simple, right? Women have this shit sorted. Go to the shops, look at the shampoo. This one's orange. It has a picture of an orange on it and it's called orange crush or something. Like oranges? Want to smell like oranges? This shit's for you. Don't like oranges? No problem, try the strawberry and raspberry one next to it, pet.
Now what scents do your multi-purpose clean-everything body washes have? I'll tell you what they smell like, you have no fucking idea, because your stuff isn't called "Lemon body wash" it's called stuff like "Excite" "Fever" "Instinct" and "Ocean Spray." Things that don't fucking smell of anything. Well, apart from ocean spray maybe. And as someone who lives by the sea I can tell you if ocean spray smells of anything at all it's sewage or seaweed.
So when I'm in a shop, because I don't want to stand there like a pillock sniffing every bottle to see if Power Wave smells like menthol or grapefruit I just end up picking the yellow one. Because at least you know that's usually some kind of citrus stuff. But they can't call it citrus in case people go "What, citrus? Like, oranges and lemons and that? I don't want to smell like fruit, what do you think I am, some kind of hurmasex? I wanna smell like Sharp Edge!"
They might as well just be honest and call the scents "Teenage Desperation" or "Rapist's Choice" seeing as the naming conventions seem to be tied in with the whole marketing angle of targeting those groups.
Now what scents do your multi-purpose clean-everything body washes have? I'll tell you what they smell like, you have no fucking idea, because your stuff isn't called "Lemon body wash" it's called stuff like "Excite" "Fever" "Instinct" and "Ocean Spray." Things that don't fucking smell of anything. Well, apart from ocean spray maybe. And as someone who lives by the sea I can tell you if ocean spray smells of anything at all it's sewage or seaweed.
So when I'm in a shop, because I don't want to stand there like a pillock sniffing every bottle to see if Power Wave smells like menthol or grapefruit I just end up picking the yellow one. Because at least you know that's usually some kind of citrus stuff. But they can't call it citrus in case people go "What, citrus? Like, oranges and lemons and that? I don't want to smell like fruit, what do you think I am, some kind of hurmasex? I wanna smell like Sharp Edge!"
They might as well just be honest and call the scents "Teenage Desperation" or "Rapist's Choice" seeing as the naming conventions seem to be tied in with the whole marketing angle of targeting those groups.
