LittleSinchen, the naive and credulous tool

That’s it. I’m done with social contacts in real life! I’ve had sworn myself to never let anybody take advantage of me ever again. But it happened yet again. Some months ago I opened a thread on the topic “Does real/true friendship exist?” and got more replies than expected. Very interesting opinions. GBAtemp never ceases to amaze! While I agree with the “Yes, reliable people exist, but are very hard to find”-statements, I will not take the risk anymore in the future. In that topic, I deliberately kept the question universally. It was not about my private situation (which was only the reason for asking for opinions). Now that the dust has settled a bit, it is time to bring the topic to the personal blog/level.

I said “never again” the last time to myself, but then a “friend” from the past reached out to me and a little later he introduced me to his new girlfriend. Some nostalgic feelings and the urge of not wanting emptiness in my life made me want to believe… so I gave him a leap of faith. So many plans, so many promises, so good prospects. At the beginning it was alright. Gradually it shifted to the usual asymmetric taking advantage of me. The two even talked me into doing what I never wanted to do again in my life (a very weak point on me); right from the beginning. They wouldn’t stop until I backed down and accepted. They insisted on me doing this (and didn’t care for opening up old wounds and some more possible problems). Nevertheless it was all my fault at the end…


No use discussing with them. They will stay stubborn forever and pretend it’s not true. Nothing I say, nothing I feel is ever true (and even this wouldn’t be true and just a reason for salty comments or some meta-BS… he is always so high above everything, so very meta). And if I gave irrefutable proof for my claims… the discussion ended with: “We heard your stance on this. But it is still not true and we will stick with our opinion.”

On any given topic there are exactly two opinions:

• theirs
• the wrong opinion

Facts mean nothing. Examples mean nothing. Proofs mean nothing. Reality means nothing. They’re right, I’m wrong – no matter what.

Guess how angry I got… and guess how much they care(d). They seem to have complete lack of understanding that their behavior is wrong, mean and selfish. They are on a power trip. They are always right. He literally told me that I have to expect nothing in return for my efforts – and if I’m not happy with that (getting nothing in return) I shall stop my commitment. After everything I have done (several hundred unpaid work hours). “If you want something return: We can’t deliver that. So stop already if this is not yours and you feel taken advantage of.” Again: AFTER I’ve invested countless work hours with virtually nothing in return (but empty, broken promises) he told me I might stop. How gracious!
When this “friendship” started (again) I thought I could trust him/them. I told them what happened the last time… and they were both shocked. Told me it was not believable. Told me how wrong and mean it was from her to do this to me. And gradually they started doing the exact same thing. Again, and literally: They used the same words that they condemned when I talked about my former friend from the previous entry about friendship. I’m sure they won’t remember that they condemned those words. I’m sure it’s completely different in their case. No need to discuss. The result is and was clear:


Is that all? No, of course not. In the end I had to get something in return. As a reward for my continues efforts I got some verbal insults. And all my attempts of talking directly ended with “Will not discuss any further. ‘nough.” All attempts to use e-mail as well as direct communication for expressing problems went like this:

• Denial, denial, denial
• Repeating the already mentioned insults
• Accusation of playing “psycho-games” and “mail ping-pong” instead of a direct conversation
  
• Trying to govern me/order me around/tell me what to (not) do. This even included unsuccessful tries to nullify my self-determination concerning my own body(!) – while denying this, too. Of course it was not true…
  
• Confronting them with their own(!) words is considered to be nitpicking.
• Did I mention denial?
• ...

Yes, the last point is especially nice. Whenever I brought up some grievance… At some point I got nothing in return for my texts. No answer. For more than a month. No response. Nothing.

Now that I’m thinking about the way they treated me while denying it simultaneously (I’m always seeing it wrong, I’m on medication, nobody of them did […] or has the intention to […]), it meats the very definition of gaslighting (and now to deny this as well…).

Will continue in next entry can't type at the moment.