Apple Keynote 9-12-17

I don't really have any other words to describe it. let's go through it.

WOAH NEW APPLE WATCH 3!!!!!

56% FASTER BATTERY
CELLULAR???????
RED CROWN
boring stuff
Launches the 22nd go out and buy it

HOLY FUCK NEW APPLE TV FOR THE 10 PEOPLE THAT STILL USE ONE?
4K HDR?????
DOLBY VISION????
A10X PROCESSEOR?
4X GPU PERFORMANCE?
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Next up the IPhone
A little throwback pressentation to the first Iphone
then IPhone 8
new alluminum band
new 3 colors
Aerospace aluminum
7 layer color process
MOST DURABLE GLASS EVER
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK APPLE'S NEW PROCESSOR
A11 BIONIC BAYBEEEE FUCK YALLS CHINK SNAPDRAGON FUCK UPS A11 FOR THE WIN
6 CORE CPU
64 BIT
4.3 BILLION RESISTORS
METAL 2 HELL YEAH I BET ANDROID DOESN'T HAVE THAT
APPLE IN-HOUSE DESIGNED GPU 30% FASTER THEN A10
i don't really care about camera tbh 12mp camer ok
OH OH OH OH WAIT WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
BEST VIDEO RECORDER EVER IN A SMARTPHONE?
APPLE WINS AGAIN
BEST VIDEO ENCODER EVER
GOOGLE BTFO
WOAH ANOTHER BOMBSHELL
SAY WHAT MY n****?
WIRELESS CHARGING?
OPEN CHI STANDARD?
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
COME OUT SEPTEMBER 15TH YEAH BOY IM BUYING 2

OH WAIT WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
ONE MORE THING TO BEAT ANDROID HARDER
THE IPHONE X
FULL EDGE TO EDGE TOP TO BOTTOM DISPLY
STAINLESS STEEL BORDER
NO HOME BUTTON
ALL BASED ON GESTURES
WHATS THAT?
A ECOSYSTEM OF WIRELESS CHARGING?
I CAN CHARGE MY APPLE WATCH, EARPODS, AND IPHONE X ALL AT THE SAME TIME ON THE SAME PAD?
BUT WHAT ABOUT TOUCH ID VIN-CHAN YOU ASK?
THATS OLD POORFAG TECHNOLOGY
WE ELITES HAVE FACE ID UNLOCK
BUT WITH THAT COMES
ANIMATED EMOJIS YEAHHH
UNICODE IS OLD SHIT
WE HAVE ANIMATED EMOJIS WITH SOUNDS
DOERSN'T PLAY ON ANFDROID GOTTEM
AVALIBLE IN OCTOBER ON THE 27TH

so what have we learned here?

APPLE ALWAYS WINS BAYBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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Comments

NightScript
Can't tell if sarcastic or just being an apple sheep. (I actually can tell, but I just wanted to post something here)
 
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Jacklack3
inb4 in the future we'll hear kids say "this fucking stupid little black bar is covering up my minecraft porn"
 
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G
I'm actually kinda interested in the iPhone X. I more than likely won't grab one though because I'm poor and want to try using an Android phone first since I haven't yet had the chance.
 
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the_randomizer
$1000? What a deal! Why pay for medical bills or bail when you can splurge your month's rent when you can become one with Skynet, Er, Apple?
 
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G
FWIW most people get their iPhones through their phone contract, meaning they don't have to pay the full price up-front.
Not saying that price isn't insane though.
 
dpad_5678
Okay.... My Note 4 has a MUCH better display than the X. 1440p Super AMOLED vs 1080p+ OLED?

We've had NFC for YEARS. It's been around since the 90's iirc
We've had wireless charging since 2013. We've had fast charging forever.
Still no expandable storage? Even the 256GB model has less storage than my Note 4.

Another Apple failure.
TL;DR: Note8 vs X / 8 / 8+?

Note8 wins. Easy.
 
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H1B1Esquire
Meh, I'll wait for the flexible glass iPhone. I'll buy an iPhone sooner if it has the demon summoning app pre-installed, will make me part of the digi-destined, or comes with a built-in Mega Man to fight stuff on AT&T Battle Network.
 
G
when hte FUCK are we getting an ipad-sized iphone?/??
 
H1B1Esquire
@Tomato Hentai
You'll get an iPad-sized iPhone right before the iPad mini XL isn't something Nintendo can try to sue for but right after more NAND chips become available.
 
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DeoNaught
Tbh tho, alot of the features are already old/used

Face-unlock,
Wireless charging
NfC
I could go on, but I won't.

NOT that it isnt nice, I dont own any phone tbf,
but apple products are nice, eventhough they are overpriced
 
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Xanthe
I would love to see them change their firmware....They are more focused on locking your freedom than anything else - APPLE is in charge of your device
 
Minox
The iPhone 8 will most likely be a decent enough phone despite not having any amazing new features to speak of, but the iPhone X sounds like an utter joke. Whoever thought it was a good idea to make the screen go all the way up behind the speaker piece should rethink their line of thought. It looks incredibly gimmicky and I can't see how it'd be an advantage. Not to mention, no home button/fingerprint scanner with face unlocking being the way to open it? Why would anyone want to angle their phone at their faces just to open it? Sometimes you just want to open your phone quickly and have a peak, not give it all your attention.
 
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F
That apple conference was a joke. Apple should delete itself.
 
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Reactions: 4 people

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