SO. I'm back here writing a blog post, 1 year and 3 months since the last time. Warning: This blog post might have content that isn't pleasurable to read, and it might upset you or ruin your day. A lot has changed, to the world, you, and me. Lots of works, Driving off the road on a motorcycle, A failed suicide attempt. Three of the many things, although i won't go much into detail about the last of them. It happened, i'm still here, and i won't try again in a long while.
Let's take it from the beginning.
So i finished 10th grade. Felt alright, as i got away from lots of awful people, and some good people. The entire class split up, going to different types of schools. I continued taking general studies. I worked during the summer, and made a few new friends. We don't hang out much outside of work, but we're friends. Parties happened, an i was there. I'm struggling with anxiety, but i managed to not melt (in public at least). I never drink. I could, but i don't want to. I spent most of the money i earned. Laptop for school, a few pc parts, some useful stuff and some useless stuff. At the end of the summer, i got my A1 driver's license. I was free. At least a little bit more than before, now that i was able to transport myself without the aid of other people. I started 11th grade after that summer. Had a hard time trying to become friends with people, and i pretty much failed it all. Nobody talks to me. Is it because i'm so shy, or do they not like me? I think it's both. I had a relationship, and it failed. I had too many issues and couldn't be there enough for her. Lasted a few months, and i learned i caused more harm than happiness to people. I the autumn, i drove my motorcycle off the road by accident. At a very low speed, so i wasn't injured. I broke a mirror and a footrest, and got the footrest welded together the same day, and ordered a new mirror. A shameful experience either way.
The winter came. I was more depressed than before, and barely did anything during the holiday. I played games, slept, sat in my bed, and listened to music. I felt lonely, but found a certain comfort in this. The holiday ended and it was back to the regular weeks. School for 5 days and weekend for 2. Depression got a lot worse. I tried to take my own life at this point. I failed it, and life was even worse after that. My grades dropped in every subject. They never recovered either. I was sent to have a conversation with the doctor, and it was confirmed that i was depressed. I lied about some of it. I just didn't want to talk about how i really felt. I wanted to get out of there. Nothing has gotten better, and it doesn't seem like it is going to change in a long while. Whenever my dad is at home, my parents fight. I hate it, and i fight them too. I feel like they're abusive. Towards me, and my 2 younger brothers, and to each other. It's not fair. Now another disaster of a year is done, as i head into the last week of school. I don't even have any clue about what i'm going to do after i finish 13th grade.
I've changed. A bit of good, and a lot of bad
What happened to the world we knew. A world that had joy. Now the trees are grey. We're going full speed into the future, with no idea where it really leads. Why can't we go backwards?
Let's take it from the beginning.
So i finished 10th grade. Felt alright, as i got away from lots of awful people, and some good people. The entire class split up, going to different types of schools. I continued taking general studies. I worked during the summer, and made a few new friends. We don't hang out much outside of work, but we're friends. Parties happened, an i was there. I'm struggling with anxiety, but i managed to not melt (in public at least). I never drink. I could, but i don't want to. I spent most of the money i earned. Laptop for school, a few pc parts, some useful stuff and some useless stuff. At the end of the summer, i got my A1 driver's license. I was free. At least a little bit more than before, now that i was able to transport myself without the aid of other people. I started 11th grade after that summer. Had a hard time trying to become friends with people, and i pretty much failed it all. Nobody talks to me. Is it because i'm so shy, or do they not like me? I think it's both. I had a relationship, and it failed. I had too many issues and couldn't be there enough for her. Lasted a few months, and i learned i caused more harm than happiness to people. I the autumn, i drove my motorcycle off the road by accident. At a very low speed, so i wasn't injured. I broke a mirror and a footrest, and got the footrest welded together the same day, and ordered a new mirror. A shameful experience either way.
The winter came. I was more depressed than before, and barely did anything during the holiday. I played games, slept, sat in my bed, and listened to music. I felt lonely, but found a certain comfort in this. The holiday ended and it was back to the regular weeks. School for 5 days and weekend for 2. Depression got a lot worse. I tried to take my own life at this point. I failed it, and life was even worse after that. My grades dropped in every subject. They never recovered either. I was sent to have a conversation with the doctor, and it was confirmed that i was depressed. I lied about some of it. I just didn't want to talk about how i really felt. I wanted to get out of there. Nothing has gotten better, and it doesn't seem like it is going to change in a long while. Whenever my dad is at home, my parents fight. I hate it, and i fight them too. I feel like they're abusive. Towards me, and my 2 younger brothers, and to each other. It's not fair. Now another disaster of a year is done, as i head into the last week of school. I don't even have any clue about what i'm going to do after i finish 13th grade.
I've changed. A bit of good, and a lot of bad
What happened to the world we knew. A world that had joy. Now the trees are grey. We're going full speed into the future, with no idea where it really leads. Why can't we go backwards?
