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Today I was in the OR and a Filipina nurse asks the Vietnamese anesthesiologist
"So have you been to the Philippines?"
"Yes, when I was a kid"
"Ooh, what were you there for?"
"Camp, that's fun, like a summer camp? How long were you there?"
"6 months, I learned broken English from the other kids"
"6 months that's a long time!"
"What kind of camp goes that long?"
*Incessant questions go on like this for a few more minutes*
"Doctor, you are really gonna have to excuse me, because this doesn't sound like a summer camp"
"It was a refugee camp"
Awkward silence all around, anesthesiologist leaves the room as endoscopy is finishing and no one talks for 5 minutes after he is gone.
In this blog I am writing English using the Cyrillic alphabet. Why? Well, I found a Russian keyboard that approximates qwerty that has made typing in the alphabet way less trash (also I am bored)
Со аи хав тхыс быг тест каминг ап сун тхат аи хавнт стадид енаф фор, анд аи донт но хау аи ам гоинг то ду
он ит - бат ыт хас бын эи худж сорс аф стрэс лэитли
If you put it into Google translate Russian, and and press the speaker option, it sounds like bad English
I tried to run in the past, but never really got into it.
I would run for 10 minutes and stop. I was convinced it would get easier, and I would form a habit. Never happened.
Fast forward a bit. I am telling a friend this, and she says "Oh, of course you hate running, the first 10 minutes are the worst. It's what comes after that which is fun."
Light bulb. So I try to run today. And sure enough the initial 10 minutes were awful. My shoulder started throbbing and my achilles tendon was screaming at me. Then I break 15 minutes, and I stop caring. The pain goes away, and I start to feel like I could run for miles.
I keep setting goals in my head. I'll run to campus. Made it. I'll run to the chemistry building. Made it. I'll run to Griffy lake. Bam, made it.
The strangest part about all of this was when I finally stopped (And I felt like I could keep going). My legs had a mind of their own. They kept propelling me forward. I had to tell them not to walk.
Then I remembered a concept from medical school. We learned about neurons in the spine called central pattern generators or CPG.
Now these CPGs go against a basic rule most of you know. The brain makes you move. Not completely true. You have neurons in your spine which can unconsciously make your legs walk. And you can actually stimulate these in people with severed spinal cords.
So I was experiencing this strange phenomenon. I don't tell my legs to move, but the CPGs in my spine say "walk". It was super strange to see my legs moving without my permission or input. I focused on them and tried to make them stop, and they did.
Anyhow, medical science aside. I am really happy with how far I ran, and I hope to keep it up. Although I don't know if I'll run while I'm in Vietnam. Flight leaves this Friday by the way. Super excited and anxious.
My friend texted me and said an old fraternity brother was visiting, and asked if I wanted to come over to his place. I get to my friend's place and I meet his old frat bro. His name is Ben. Seems like a nice enough guy. He suggests we go to the gay bar for a drag show.
Now I wasn't too interested in going to a drag show, but I thought I would be a good sport and off we went.
We get there, and apparently it was a "kink" show, the drag show was last week. We already paid $5 to get in so we stick around. What followed was one of the weirdest things I have ever seen.
The show started out with BDSM. On stage a woman stood in leather shorts and a leather bra. An obese man wearing a monk outfit handcuffed her arms to a pole, and began whacking her with a stick. While this obese man is whacking this poor woman, an equally obese woman gets on the microphone and starts asking for donations. People donate a lot, and the guy that donated the most gets to choose how many times the cuffed girl gets whipped on the vagina.
The guy (who donated $35) spins a wheel, and it lands on 16. The obese man gets really happy and starts whipping the girl. His aim is good. The cuffed girl is smiling the whole time - but there are welts all over her. The bar is going wild with applause.
After a few more minutes the BDSM show is over, and the awful obese woman gets back on the mic and says "Now you're all in for a treat" - signalling that the next show featured a food kink.
A woman wearing only a thong and stickers on her breasts walks out with a cake, and starts twerking right above it. Now she was very attractive, but all I could think about was how she was about to ruin a cake and her butt. A moment later she twerks her butt into the cake. Everyone is going wild with excitement. She starts throwing cake into the audience and rubbing it all over her body.
At this point I'm starting to think the human race is very pathetic. And also how this woman's bald head kind of makes her look like 11 from stranger things.
She leaves the stage, and the obese man in the monk costume walks back on stage. I thought it was time for another bland BDSM segment, but it turns out this next segment was Ball hitting fetish.
A tall burly man (at least 6'2") walks on stage, and tears his outfit off in one movement. Underneath he was only wearing a golden speedo. Weird industrial music started playing - the burly man grabs a horizontal pole from the ceiling to keep himself still. At this point the obese man starts twirling around and whipping the burly man in the testicles. The crowd is loving it and throwing money on the stage. This went on for 5 minutes. It was VERY painful to watch. Near the end the obese man started sucking the burly man's right nipple.
The two walk off stage making out.
Next a woman walked onto the stage wearing pajamas and holding a 5 foot tall teddy bear. I'm pretty confused at this point and wondering what's going to happen next. Barbie girl starts playing from the sound system, and this woman starts twerking on the teddy bear. She rips her pajama pants off, and I have to admit she had a very nice butt. However, I was pretty conflicted about whether or not enjoying this made me a pervert.
The music skips, and this girl pulls out a knife and begins to stab the teddy bear. It's as this point I realized this was Murder teddy bear kink - which let it be known I did not even know existed. Fluff is flying all over the room and this woman starts decapitating the teddy bear. She tears off her pajama shirt and underneath all that remains is her breasts with stickers over the nipples.
At this point she places the decapitated teddy bear head on her own head, and begins to jump up and down - her breasts are swinging wildly. All I could think about was how the furries on this site would have loved this segment.
The show went by very quickly - after the teddy bear girl runs backstage - the obese lady announces that the performance is over.
All of the performers dance back on stage to bow. Butt cake girl had managed to wipe all of the cake off in her time backstage.
I turn to my friend and his frat bro, who are very drunk at this point, and suggest we go home. I drive them back (because I don't drink - so I was sober through all of this), and reflect on my life.
I learned two things about myself. I'm not into cake-butt fetish, and don't go to gay bars.
Rachel had lost motivation lately. She could barely force herself to eat and no longer found anything of particular interest. She always felt on edge - like there was something she had to do, and so she couldn't relax. She sat around her house and browsed image sharing websites for hours.
She used to have friends, but she alienated them months ago. Rachel was never interested in leaving her house, and so one by one her friends stopped contacting her.
One day Rachel was sitting on her couch in her empty one bedroom apartment, and suddenly the light left her house. Everything was pitch black. Quickly she fumbled her fingers into her pocket and pulled out her phone. She unlocked it quickly and looked at the screen. No signal. She turned on the phone's flashlight function and began to stumble about her living room. Fear overtook her and she ran into her room.
Rachel tried to flip on a light switch in her bedroom. She flipped it a few times quickly, but despite a click, there was no light. Her phone read 3:11 PM, but the sky outside looked closer to 4 AM. Fear began to overtake her. Perhaps this was a dream, or maybe she was going crazy.
Rachel ran outside and she was immediately gripped by fear. The first thing that she noticed was that the air felt cool and damp, and that there was a complete lack of sound - like that experienced only in the early hours of a Christmas morning. There was not enough ambient light to see even an inch ahead of her - and she could only see what she illuminated with her phone.
Rachel felt like reality had ceased - as one feels drifting off in a deep sleep. She was paralyzed. She was afraid to go back into her home, and also afraid to venture out. Everything was dark and uncertain. She looked again at her phone to see what the battery was at "43%".
"What should I do?" She thought
"Should I try to see if Steven is home next door? Everyone else must be afraid. Maybe someone has a generator and I can charge my phone." She made up her mind to find Steven. She thought
"If something is wrong I will be safer with a friend."
She used her phone's light to see a few feet ahead of herself and carefully stepped her way to Steven's front porch. There was no light on in his home. Rachel knocked on Steven's door, and waited for a reply.
"Where could he be? God please let someone answer the door". She waited a few moments and knocked again. Still there was no answer. She started to despair and began banging on the door. The sound of her assault on the wooden behemoth seemed to dampen as it flew away from her fists. The quality of the air was like that which dampens sound on a snowy night.
She turned about face to the door and let her weight fall on it. She slid down its face until her whole body landed on the concrete porch. She began to sob and her thoughts became muddled.
"What's happened to Steven?! Why is it so cold and damp out here?!"
Rachel sat crying and sniffling for several minutes. She regained her composure and raised herself back to her feet. She turned to face the door and this time she placed her hand on the door handle. She tried the nob, and to her surprise it was not locked. She felt wrong entering Steven's home, but the strange nature of the day weakened her moral resolve - and like in a dream - she as felt as though no action was impermissible.
She slowly opened the door and walked into the home. Rachel closed and locked the door behind herself, and she called out
"Steven? Are you home". There was no reply. She thought
"Where could he be? I hope he's okay. I need someone to convince me I'm not going insane."
She glanced again at her phone's battery, and saw that the flashlight was diminishing its power quickly. Again the phone read
"no signal". Rachel quickly searched around the apartment and found that Steven was not in any of its rooms. She began to feel hopeless again and a feeling of despair began to overtake her.
Just then she heard a voice from behind her.
"Why-" at that she quickly turned about and screamed in a high pitch, and her feet slipped from underneath her. She was on the ground pointing the flashlight into the air, and then all around.
"Where did that voice come from?" She thought.
"Who was that? What's going on?!"
Again the voice spoke
"Why do you-?"
At this she shouted,
"Where are you? Where's Steven?!" and a feeling of complete dread overtook her. She felt mortal fear.
Again the voice spoke out, now angrily.
"Why do you bring light into the world of darkness!"
Rachel quickly shined her phone's light in every direction, but she could not spot any source for this voice. She crawled backwards haphazardly with the awkward speed of a wounded animal. She backed herself into a corner and hit her head against a wall in her hurry. Again the voice rang out.
"You cannot see with that light, there is another way here."
Rachel became bewildered as looked about and tried to find a place to run. She rose to her feet and said aloud,
The voice replied, annoyed.
"Turn off your light, and I'll tell you whatever you want to know.
Rachel thought "If I turn this off I won't see if he rushes me."
*to be continued*
I dreamt that I was with a group of people in a remote wooded area. We found some silver powder on a rock - and we were chased off by some official looking people in uniforms. We figured out that this was the start of a mining project for gold and silver. We came back later with some pickaxes to harvest the ore. Right as someone made a strike at the rock - the same men from earlier spotted us and started shouting. We all started running again - except for one man who kept on striking at the rock (I have no clue who the guys I was with are - or why I was with them).
As we were running we ended up in a prospecting camp - and there was a native American there. He was dressed like everyone else - he seemed like just another prospector. He was bitter that white people laid claim to the land - and that white people got to decide who owned the silver that was just sitting in the ground. And he seemed even more disgusted that it was more white people (us) who decided to break the law. He thought if anyone should own the silver it was the native Americans.
We kept running and it seemed like we were in the 1800s - there were buggies and men riding horses everywhere.
I went to a Chinese Restaurant today with my roommate.
I opened the menu, and it was split between traditional and Americanized Chinese food. I had never had the real stuff before, so I decided to pick something from the traditional side of the menu.
I figured I would get traditional Kung Pao Chicken. Big mistake.
It was full of what's called "Sichuan Pepper" aka "Chinese Coriander".
This tiny spice is innocuous until you bite into it, at which point it numbs your mouth and blasts your tastebuds with pine sap.
This is thanks to the overabundance of the highly-basic Hydroxy alpha sanshool, pinene and terpene.
If you were wondering where "pinene" gets its name, it comes from pine trees, and it tastes like pine trees.
I have to ask, does anyone like this spice? It totally ruined my chicken ;Д;