i write dumb shit in hopes of making you laugh. and if you don't laugh well that's too bad you should get a good sense of humor you big tub of mayonnaise. well. actually i don't even care if you laugh. the real reason why i write these is because i like to laugh because laughing feels good. so i make myself laugh and then feel good.

  • TomRannd

    block writers

    so @OldBoi told me that i should take a break in writing lyrics for a bit and i was like yeah i should probably do that. but then it hit me today because... well i had a rough day, to say the least. and when i was feeling sad i just opened up my rhyme book and started to write. mind you i never got anything written because i can't think of anything, but yeah i don't know where i was going with this.

    it's more of an intro, to tell you about the funniest shit i've written before. back when i was just starting to get into rap right.

    i was sorting my google drive and i seen all my documents of songs and random rhymes i think of and it was awesome. some good shit in there, and i was thinking maybe i could use some ideas in these cyphers i used to write and use them now... idk it's just some thought.

    i'd show you all my lyrics but i'm not good enough for that :(
  • TomRannd

    outfit dream

    so i was wearing this super nice outfit, and it was like some nice denim jeans with a hot pink tshirt and a matching mask. and i was super stoked to go to school with it on, because i thought i looked good!

    but then i woke up and it was a dream and i punched the wall
  • TomRannd

    crazy thoughts

    ever wonder what the first pet was? and like, when it happened? me neither

    oh what about, have you ever wondered what pure raw alcohol or whatever tastes like? some people might know this, so tell me cause i don't wanna find out myself.

    i was playing with jazzy's dog and i managed to tear off the little stuffed gnomes hat, and the dog got so mad bro she got up, snarled and went over to cuddle jazzy. i was like, whoops!
  • TomRannd

    sumthin different

    usually i don't rant or vent to people. i like to keep things buried inside... for a good reason though. that's because most of the things i could vent or rant about are bad things, and shouldn't be known. that doesn't mean i'm a killer though! i swear. hehe

    lately it's been getting really hard for me to write music. and i can't tell why that is! i don't know if it's because the beats i'm using are trash and don't appeal to me, or maybe it's me losing that spark in lyric writing? i sure hope not. i have a dream, to become someone i feel proud of. and while i'm not really... close... i feel like this is as close as i'm going to get and i hate it.

    my lyrics lately, have been really sad... and depressing. and i'm not per say complaining about that, i'm totally fine with doing sad shit because i know how it can turn out. but see, i can't even write good when i write sad. but at the moment i can't write happy, either. i have no gangster life to write about either, and it makes me upset.

    i guess i just got nuthin to write about. nothing that makes me feel like i'm using my talents efficiently, that is.

    i'm also afraid that i'm going to start flunking in school again. lately, i've been smoking a lot more weed than usual. it's almost daily, and last time i started using daily i almost failed highschool courses. i don't need that

    i just gotta make the right decisions, as they come along. i'm tired of planning ahead all the time honestly. it's hard work! always thinking about what's gonna happen next... what this girl's gonna say... what this idiot's gonna do... how this and that'll play out. it's a lot, dude
  • TomRannd

    crazy psychopath plan

    so my friend was being creeped on, by some guy, and i just told her to block him and she was like, "no that wouldn't do anything." and so i left her on read.
    few minutes later, i responded with this CRAAZZZZY plan that would just FUCK the guy over. considering i know him.

    watch, it's a perfect plan, lemme explain-

    you block dylan right now, and he gets mad! knowing the guy he is, he'll tell and rant to us about it, because i'll contribute and start a talk about you for a sec, be like, "lol that sounds like savannah" or some shit idek. anyways, then he talks about you, rants to us and EVERYBODY starts to hate dylan, because he got rejected so hard, and people will think that because i'm a funny guy, and will start laughing at that and call him a loser.

    benefits?

    you block a creep,
    dylan's even more hated,

    AND i get to insult him and probably get away with it.
    HylianBran, IanSkinner1982 and XAIXER like this.
  • TomRannd

    grocery fall

    imagine a really old lady, with a shit ton of bags, crossing a street. i'm high as fuck, and i run up to her, offering to help. she says no, and i say oh okay fine then. and i walk away, and step into a giant ass puddle. now i'm like, SHIT!!! that sucks, and then i realize the old lady's gonna do it, and i think about warning her of the puddle. but i say no. and she falls and EVERYING falls out her bags.

    was stupid funny, but i still helped clean up.
  • TomRannd

    highventures 4/20

    so i'm sitting on the the couch right now, and i like have NO idea what's going on. people are taking MASSIVE bong hits of weed and i'm SITTING down on a couch, with a drink in my hand. now, this was a while ago right, and so i take a haul off off tristans vape, and i for some reason, take it THHROUGH MY NOSE. and i blow it out, and DIE COUGHING MAN. i fucking vomitted dude it came out my nose and like my mouth and i was just at it. so everyone's TOO high because it's 4/20, and yeah- so they're just laughing their asses off.

    so yeah that happened, and it was pretty crazy honestly.

    i'm stupid cool. now it looks badass, on paper. but it's actually cause i'm fucking plain old dumb. but i'm cool at the same time, take this time to make a plain rhyme.
  • TomRannd

    highventures part 10

    so i went to tim hortons with chris, jazzy and a few others. and chris bought us all ice caps. so that was really nice of him, and after we organized ourselves, we head for the park. anyways, we see this guy, who is obviously drunk. and you knew it before you saw the 4L jug of milk, filled with what seemed to be crown royale. so he comes up to us, slurs his speech and fucking grabs my ice cap from my hands, tears off the lid with his teeth and just dumps the entire thing into the milk jug. most of it spilt, but some got in there for sure. i'm in awe, because this happened to me and i was honestly just about to take a sip. but no, some drunk guy steals it and pours it into his drink. the others didn't see this, and before i could say something(because i was in shock) he manages to get away. jazzy turns around, sees me without the ice cap and she's like, "where'd your drink go?" and i respond with, "a drunk dead ass just stole it, and poured it into a 4L of booze." and i swear, everyone looked back and all said "what?" at the same time.

    imagine a really crazy person kidnapped a super fat lady, and this girl also liked it right. so they end up doing things, and the lady and her belly fat get flipped up during missionary, and she started to suffocate. then when she dies the guy who accidentally killed her has like massive ptsd for the rest of their life.

    look at this awesome thing i did on omegle today
    [​IMG]

    we made it to part 10!!! thanks for reading :)
    HylianBran, XAIXER and IanSkinner1982 like this.
  • TomRannd

    crazy granny

    so my neighbor's a really old person, right and she's like... maybe 90 years old? anyways, she's obviously been around for a long time and today i was hanging out in my backyard, vaping. she comes outside her house, and shimmies down her steps all slow like... and she starts to build a fire pit with some tiny rocks she has in her pockets. i don't question it too much, and just watch. some time passes by, and she ends up getting some wood too, and places it in the tipi way thing. she struggles for a while, and i offer to help but she completely zones out and focuses on building that fire pit. anyways, she ends up lighting it, and it catches on fire. and i think, alright, yeah! this old goon's gonna relax and drink some wine in front of her homemade fire pit.

    nope.

    this hundred year old woman, brings out a fucking 40 and starts to chug the mothertrucker back like a chug jug in fortnite. i'm in shock at this point, and i've got things to do but i decide to stay and watch for a little longer. so this old lady, finishes the bottle about 3/4's the way, then pours the REST into the fire. she freaks out, because a huge flame came out and she shrieks, i'm trying to get over the fence to help her out- she brings out her phone and fucking dials 911.

    so now, i'm needing to explain to the firemen why my granny-ass looking neighbor lit her backyard on fire.
  • TomRannd

    hookers and cowboys

    so i'm wearing this cowboy hat right, because why not. nothing really out of the ordinary there huh? i mean, besides the fact i'm a city kid wearing a cowboy hat. that aside, this hat was making my brain fucking cook dude. i was sweating like a leaking pool! anyways, i go up to my teacher to ask if i can go to the washroom, to clean up. and they see how much i'm sweating and ask if i feel okay. i tell them, "well besides the fact my forehead is pissing itself, i'm doing pretty alright."

    what if there was an app you could get on your phone, and it would tell you where the nearest hooker was. and it was like, secured with paypal and everything, too. so you could pay online, meet up, have sex and then give a rating out of 5 on the app. hookers could either be registered by their pimp(s), or if a young and upcoming hooker-star was looking for a good place to start, they could make an account and sell their body for sex online. MAN this sounds SO bad.

    we're going back to online schooling for the next 2 weeks. i can assure you, i am NOT looking forward :(
    Ricken, IanSkinner1982, Uiaad and 2 others like this.
  • TomRannd

    university vs college

    today in electrical class, we were talking about how fucking stupid college and university is. when you think about it, you're 'learning' for 8 months, and those 8 months are expensive as SHIT. i actually made a little chart to argue my points towards my teacher and i'll share it with you all:

    4 year degree:

    university / college
    8 months (full time)
    $7000 - $22000
    student loan / low paying job
    meant for core-subjects
    only 4 months to work (what employer's gonna hire you for 4 months?)
    pay back student loan (with interest) (cannot get rid of student loan debt)
    super hard work, might not be worth it

    what you get:
    a degree + debt

    4 year apprenticeship:

    8 - 10 weeks
    employment insurance (more money)
    $1000 - $2000 (grants, burseries, employer)
    already employed, 10 months to work
    meant for trade-work (which pays well, and is needed in the world)
    relatively easy work, will probably be worth it

    what you get:
    journeyperson ticket + job + actual skills

    so yeah it's pretty clear which route is the best. however it really depends on what you wanna do with your life. i know i want to be an electrician, because i'm;
    a) good at it,
    b) enjoy doing it and,
    c) get paid a lot for it.

    it's honestly a win win scenario!
    HylianBran and Scott_pilgrim like this.
  • TomRannd

    highventures part 9

    so i was hanging out with some friends after school, and come around 4 oclock, it was time for my buddy to go home! and i was like, alright. i'll catch the bus and go home too, right. and as i was waiting for my buddies bus with him, he starts to talk about his girlfriend and a silly story. i don't wanna explain that, but instead i'll tell you what i told HIM after i was done. so i said, that one time i was hanging out in front of this campfire, with this girl. and we were cuddling and all and it was pretty nice! and so, the fucking PALLET that we lit on fire, decides to FALL on us. and so i scream SUPER loud, my date also screamed, and i KICKED the pallet to my OTHER friend, who is now on FIRE. he was fine, btw. anyways my friend is laughing his ass off, and then his bus comes. so i say good bye, and go wait for mine.

    my bus comes back some time later, and i catch it! i get on, sit down... and notice, the guy right in front of me is the guy that's ALWAYS on the bus in the morning, jamming his ass off to some music in his headphones. and he's got his headphones off at this moment in time, and i ask, "why don't you have a left leg?" he tells me, "excuse me?"

    i honestly don't blame him for that response, because i have NO idea who this guy is, besides the fact he has a great taste in music. and then i get ready to apologize, and he tells me that he fought in the vietnam war, and was a heroin addict. and i'm like WHAT. so my mouth drops, and i'm like baked to shit right, and i deadass start crying.

    so now some random heroin addict is trying to comfort me, i get off the bus and stop crying almost instantly lmao.
  • TomRannd

    dead homeless man

    so i got off the train station this one time, was going to go see some friends downtown. and i come across this homeless guy. he stares right at me you know, and i didn't think anything of it. but since i'm a paranoid bitch i do end up thinking about it, and look back to see what was going on, just ot make sure. so i look back behind me, and see he's stood up and looking at the wall. curious me walks up to him, and i ask him if he's alright. he doesn't move, he just sits there... staring at the wall. so i automatically think this guy's tweaking out of his mind right, and so i've also got some time before i meet up with my buddies. so i ask again, if he's alright. no response. so i take my hand and wave it in front of his face, and this motherfucker literally bites my hand dude. so i pull away right and he keep staring at the wall, and i start talking to him and i'm all like, "DUDE what the FUCK is your ISSUE!?!?" and he doesn't respond. of COURSE he doesn't respond right? because why would he. anyways, i wipe my hand and all this guys spit off my damned hand and i get closer to him, and i push at the back of his kneecaps with my foot. this guy just FALLS to the floor and keeps smiling at me. this was in the alley, and there was no one else around me. so i start to walk away. then i hear some scraping noises, and look back behind me. this guy is BACK at the wall, STARING AT IT. so i walk back to him, and i say, "that's a pretty nice wall dude. mind if i stare at it with you?"

    he looks over to me, and says sure. so now i'm staring a=t a brick wall with some random homeless guy who's either insanely crazy, or extremely stoned off of who knows what. a few minutes pass by, i'm giggling my ass off because i'm able to realize how stupid and messed up this is, and then i'm like, i gotta go pee. i actually end up saying that out loud, and the homeless guy looks at me and says, "oh. i already went" but he said it more like, "ohsh. i alradshi wents HEAH"

    i look down at his legs, and sure enough there is a massive wet spot all along the side of his pants. i turn around instantaneously and start walking away. he tries to catch up to me, i start running, he starts running. next thing you know i'm literally being chased by a fucking maniac without clean pants on. i look back behind me and sure enough he's still chasing me! why not, so i'm getting out of breath because i swear i ran at least 500 miles per hour dude, and he's STILL going. i think of a plan quickly, and so i run up to this busy intersection, wait for him to crash into me and at the LAST SECOND i move out of the way and this guy slams right into a moving truck and he WENT FLYING.

    the man is completely fine, minor injuries. sorta.
  • TomRannd

    highventures part 8

    i have this bad habit of imagining everything i hear. sometimes it's proven useful though! since i wanna be an electrician, i actually end up using my hidden skills to imagine the circuit. however, it ends up being very annoying, too. a prime example of this is the other day, i was telling my mother about this 'skill' i have, but then she starts talking about her and my father... doing things. so at first i didn't realize what was going on, because i was too busy trying to suck out of those silly paper straws cause we got starbucks because yeah- and then i realized what was going on and the little cinema inside my brain just over heated. i open up the window in the car and puke outside of it and i was like WHAT THE FUCK MOM!!! and then she starts laughing her ass off, i'm wiping puke off my mouth then a fucking BIRD flies and not even kidding starts to EAT my vomit. i wanted to take a picture but i didn't get it in time:(

    upload_2021-4-13_18-45-16.png
  • TomRannd

    lego santa

    so when i was a little younger, i mean a LOT younger lol. can you imagine doing this shit at my age? nvm, listen up- so i was like 7 right, and i it was in december so that means the mall santa's where around and about. so i ask my mom and ad and i'm like can i PLEASE go on the santa can i PLEASE do it and they were like fine you can go on the santa and tell him what you want. and so i tell him that i want this massive lego set right, and deadass idk wtf this guys problem was so he said NO. i remember i look at santa and i was like in my little high pitched kid voice and said "excuse me santa" and i think my parents just burst out laughing like i am right now. iamfudjsnfa WOAH just sneezed lmao.

    but anyways i got mad and threw a fit in the mall, broke one of those giant candy canes B)

    edit: i just told my mom about this story, and apparently i also peed on santa's legs.

    whatever that means lmao