Taffy's Blag
Here I will mock current trends and events and stuff. Most of the mockery includes shitty art made in microsoft paint, but it turns out pretty well tbh.

Have something you want humored? Nag to me and I'll look into it.
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    Taffy I'm back. Stuff happened, like school. I'm gonna try to be more active here. I also need to revisit smwcentral a lot more, but I'm working on that.

    Fun Fact: I type all of these from my Switch. Long story behind that for another day.


    Anyways... here's what you came for. TEN CENTS GO! throws dimes everywhere

    edit: I fucked up massively and set the page's text size to 10 by mistake so everything beyond this point was massive lmao


    Taffy's Ten Cents - Theory of General Negativity

    This may seem like a vent, but it's not.

    The world is a shitty place, in a number of ways. Racism, sexism, extremists (which can make literally anything instantly 20 times worse), dumb people, forgetfulness, mean people, badly-made brusselsprouts (they're actually delicious if prepared properly), capitalism, Trump, asthma, forgetfulness, and people letting their dogs shit on my lawn without picking it up make the world a miserable place to live in. I'm not saying there isn't good, but this issue of Ten Cents is designed to make you regret living if you don't already while also giving you a good laugh.

    ... I forgot what I was gonna put here. And it was good, too. Oh well.

    I propose a theory that life becomes worse as society becomes "better". With changes in US government from a monarchy to a democracy came worse and worse politicians in this day and age. As newer phones get bigger and bigger (seriously why do they keep getting bigger) people keep getting fatter and fatter so their gigantic pants will have pockets to fit them (it may be the other way around though, the phones grow to fit the fat people). As Hasbro, the company that makes nerf guns, came out with the Stryfe, a reliable and cheap blaster that you can mod the hell out of, they kept making reshells and reskins of it most of which are pretty bland or just inferior. Along with this came kids blowing themselves up by using batteries not meant to power motors. Things get worse when you go into specialty 3rd-party motors that draw more than 3 times the current of the stock motors, which STILL draw too much current, but I'm rambling now. Oh yeah, and as babies learn to talk they blossom into people who never shut the fuck up.

    Clearly, life is terrible.

    My insipiration for this issue was reading... you know what, I forgot whose blog it was. And I feel terrible, because they're going through some pretty nasty stuff. Nasty to the point where I actually punched my desk, and it takes a LOT to make me punch my desk. They have a mental crackpot ex who got him in deep shit and he can't do anything about it because he's a suspect for something he didn't dom and he has a mental nephew who made it a bajillion times worse.

    Luckily, I'm not dealing with anything nearly this bad. What I'm dealing with is a birthday party compared to this guy.


    There's this guy I know and hate named Erik. Or Eric. One of the two. He's lazy, and a jerk. Doesn't seem to care for much. It's possible he's having his own problems, but a few times he's teased me in the right ways to piss me off. Everything from calling me smalldick to jackie chan to teasing me about Ninty.

    First, I'd like to clarify some stuff. I'm South Korean. I was adopted when I was 2 months old. I only speak English. I get a lot of people asking me if I'm "Chinese or Asian" (I quote. The guy who asked me that wasn't too bright, but I'm extremely naive myself so I'll shut up). A list of favorites follows:

    - "Are you Asian or Chinese?"
    - *I can't understand what they're saying to me because it's in another language*
    - "Are you Italian?" (I can't explain this one. It seriously happened once and I died on the spot.)
    - *Proceeds to ask me if I'm Japanese, Chinese, and Viatnamese while totally skipping Korea*

    Anyways, about Eric. Well, he thought it was fine to call me "smalldick" one day during class. At first I played along with it and thought it was a little joke. But he kepr
    t doing it, and realized I had shot myself in the foot. Best part was I was stuck doing a group project with him, so every time he needed something he referred to me by that classy name...

    "Hey smalldick pass me that pencil."

    "smalldick can you get me a pen?"

    "smalldick is your dick actually small?"

    "smalldick you suck."

    The teacher walked by, and I made a small enough scene to get her attention. Eric was suspended the following day, and I was stuck doing this project by myself. Yep, smalldick and his smalldick had to do all the work.

    Eric still got credit, which I guess is fair but still kinda pisses me off.


    More recently, he's taken to calling me Jackie Chan. That pisses me off too. But after talking to my parents about it, they say that A there will always be people like this and B Jackie Chan is a millionaire and that I should be proud of that.

    Also whenever this has happened in the past, I usually just tell people I'll go Jackie Chan on their butt. But then they go Jackie Chan on my butt. Talking with my parents about that, they said I probably deserved it. They're probably right.


    Now for something most of us here can actually get behind. Hardcore nudity Ninty. Except Eric is being Eric. A week ago, the guy follows me home. He also walks the same way, but he specifically ran up behind me and slapped my back in an exagerated homie fashion. The conversation is as follows...

    "YOOOO TAFFY!"

    "(anything but this. God, anything but this. please.) Oh hey, Eric."

    "I see you brought your playstation with you. That's nuts, man."

    "It's a Switch..."

    "Whatevs... I had a nintendo too when I was in 5th grade. The old flippy-thing."

    "Well, there were a few 'old flippy-things'... There was the Game n Watch, the GameBoy Advance, and the DS..."

    I try to babble about the gameboy advance for a bit. I lie about having an AGS-101, the one with the great screen. I also go on about processors iirc. It was nice to talk about that stuff. Even if he only pretended to care. Although something is telling me it's possible that he was being sincere. But then this happens...

    "Hey Taffy, do yo take medicine?", he asks me.

    "how'd you guess?" I reply flatly.

    "I can tell", he says with an odd smile.

    ....This was unsettling. I may just be taking it too seriously, but he seems to be implying I'm mental and taking meds as a result. I do have adhd and I take medication for it.

    "Oh hey, uh, I turn here. See ya later, eric."

    I walk into an alleyway. Had he followed me I'd be in deep shit.

    ...I'm rambling again ._. Let's talk about something else.


    ...Oh I know!



    A great example of the Theory of General Negativity would be camera systems in games. When we started out, we just had a more or less statuc 2D viewpoint in Super Mario Bros. Soon after we got Mario World with its Amazing Flyin' Hammer Brother Pannable Camera Thing where you could hold the L or R shoulder buttons to pan the camera left or right. This was cool. And the games got better, skip ahead a decade and a half and we get Mario 64, an amazing game on an amazing console.

    But that DAMNED CAMERA. LAKITU, FUCKING EARN YOUR MONEY!

    The game was great, don't get me wrong. But that camera. The cause of so many deaths. And for TASers traversing parallel universes, just a huge pain in general. Probably. You'd better believe I'm gonna make a picture of this.

    Another example of devolving would be the time it takes Lakitu to put you back on track in Mario Kart (although the time has just been terrible in all games in general tbh). Super Mario Kart took its sweet, sweet time (especially if you fell into water in Donut Plains). I haven't played 64 or double dash yet, but it got a little better in DS. I don't remember Super Circuit. I know it got a little worse in Wii. 8 was ok iirc, but DS was a little better.

    Then in 8 Deluxe you straight up watch Lakitu stall for a good half second (which is a LOT OF TIME in racing) before setting you down, only to have another racer slam you into that same lava pit to repeat the cycle for infinity.


    Lakitu has really sunken low. He makes his money by stealing your coins when you fall off cliffs. And in addition to stealing your money, he takes your social security number, your lead in the race, and your dignity. And in Wii, he stole your items. And during a balloon battle, he pops your balloons.



    ...Welp I'm out of ideas. Anyone have anything to add? It's 11PM right now wherw I live.
    SirNapkin1334 and SkillingCat like this.
    Taffy This isn't Ten Cents, this is just something that happened that I thought was interesting.

    Yesterday, I had my old 2011 Dell clunker laptop start smoldering on my lap. It had shutoff randomly, and I made the mistake of turming it back on...

    Smoke began to come out of the battery area. I freaked out, ejected the battery, then frantically ran for the fire extinguisher. It had stopped smoking, but it smelled terrible.


    This must be Dell's way of making you buy new products.


    I ran up to the dining room to tell my parents...


    Me: "Hey...um... the laptop nearly caught fire on my lap. It started smoking. A lot.... thought you may wanna know."

    Father: "...Okay."


    My mother looked at me like I was nuts. My father just sort of accepted it.

    I ran upstairs to get my screwdriver to see what had happened, and then they tell me to throw the laptop away.


    I took out the hard drive, RAM cards, and wireless cards (there are two for some reason), then tossed the rest of thw laptop into a bag.


    The insides of the laptop smelled bad, and I was faced with a single half-charred ribbon cable among otherwise intact... everything else?

    I originally thought the battery was venting or something, but it was intact? No weird smells or dings on it, anywhere.



    Now it's today, and my father found a used laptop at the office and is bringing it home for me.

    But, I've had... ifffy experiences with past laptops from there.

    My first laptop ever was a gateway 450sx4, powered by a pentium M (or pentium 2, I forget). It was old, and it ran XP.

    That one I dropped one day, and it stopped working.


    Then I got a gateway 450ROG. It was powered by a pentium 2 (or M, whatever the first one didn't have).

    That one just lost the ability to hold a charge, so we pitched it.


    Then we have my Dell, which as I already stated started smoldering. It didn't catch fire, but it was pretty close.



    I hope the used one I'm getting isn't a downgrade from what I had, the office hand-me-downs are kinda random.



    Have any stories about computer-related mishaps you'd like to share? Fires? Derps? Strange noises? Random part falling off?
    Taffy Images aren't ready yet, sorry! Try to enjoy it anyways.


    An amusing take on... "Gaming" devices!


    The latest craze is apparently slapping LEDs on everything and calling it a "gaming" device.

    See Temper Tantrums No.5 for more info on this.


    As rediculous as it may seem, it's a thing. We have gaming laptops, gaming phones, gaming watches, and gaming game consoles.

    It's a whole 'nother level of gaming! We're geting into the territory of prefixes. Amazing, right?

    Yeah...if you slap rainbow LEDs on something, it's instantly 9000 times cooler. No questions asked.

    But why stop there? We can go WAY cooler.


    ...Let's do an experiment. We'll make a Gaming Waffle Iron. Because who doesn't like to play Cave Story while making waffles?

    We'll make plans just like the real guys do it when they make gaming devices:

    Give some kids crayons and let them go nuts.


    Amazon tells me that waffle irons cost around $20 for a cheap one, and $100+ for a nice one.

    We'll compromise and get a $30 iron.

    Oh, and apparently fidget cubes count as waffle irons now.


    "ALD Kitchen Electric Muffin hot dog machine waffle maker egg machine Waffle Maker Waffle Stick Master (110v)"


    I'm serious. Look this one up. It's $11 dollars.


    That aside, gaming waffle iron. Go.

    --------------------------------------------

    This is our target:

    [waffle iron]

    Cost: $30
    Coolness: 3

    It makes waffles. They've already bought me over. Take my money now!

    But, compared to this guy I have terribly low standards:

    [12-yo "gamer" douchebag. "yo I'm a gamer i'm better than you bitches lollollollollolll fuck"]

    He is the pinnacle of fine-ass living. He lives in an apartment and is single.

    Don't worry, we're all better than him.


    What does he think of our waffle iron?

    [bro it needs to be black and needs LED strips]

    You heard the manbaby, add leds and make it black!



    [waffle iron (black) with LED strips]

    Cost: $40
    Coolness: 10

    Five dollars for spray paint, and five for some nice LEDs. Getting there!

    Whaddya think, mister?

    ["did you just assume my gender?"]
    ["it needs cooling fins. now leave me alone, I'm playing minecraft."]

    He's a jerk ;-;

    But, we need to heed his advice.



    [waffle iron with cooling fins]

    Cost: $55
    Coolness: 30

    I stole the cooling fins from his car. The crowbar and hacksaw cost me $15 dollars, the store was having a sale!

    Opinions, Mr. Attack Helicopter McJerkface?

    [make it portable.]

    Now THAT I can understand! Portable waffle iron! Genius!



    [portable waffle iron]

    Cost: $95
    Coolness: 60
    Safe: Probably not

    40 dollars for battery.

    This waffle iron violates a number of safety regulations. A free fire extinguisher will be included at purchase.

    But consodering the target audience, they probably won't care.

    The LED strips draw attention away from the fire hazard warnings.


    Eh. Their funeral.




    Hey Mr. Jerk! We're finished with the waffle iron!


    [does it run minecraft?]

    No, but it makes waffles!




    [make it run minecraft or ima noscope you in every fps]

    ..Uh, I don't play shooters. But I do play Pokken sometimes. Twenty dollars says I'll kick your butt if we play now.

    [deal. your gonna lose bitch. also pokemon sux]

    You could start a riot by saying that.


    [I CALL BULLSHIT, YOU CHEATED!]

    Fork it over, pal.



    I hate these kinds of people, the ones who act like they're better than everybody else.

    ...Let's end this crap once and for all.

    Forget the waffle iron.



    [GAMING BEAR TRAP]

    Cost: $405.99
    Coolness: Over 9000
    Safe: Does it look safe?

    $300 smackeroons for the bear trap, $5 for the paint, $10 for the LED strips, and $90 for the cooling fins.

    A perfect gift for that certain someone.


    Alas, this is my ten cents. Now to go deliver the gaming device to my friend Jerry. He wanted to borrow it.
    Titanica, Sinon and oofio like this.
    Taffy "Well if ya wanna hear my opinion..."

    Better name pending. Probably. If you can think of anything better, then suggest it. Give your own ten cents. Or two. Or negative 3.

    2 days ago, I thought "Hey. There's stuff going on now that I can humor! What if I made a blog about it?"

    So...I'll be making these blog posts every week or two. Each one will humor current events in the community and feature some art in the same style as my current pfp; cute-ish crayon drawings made in microsoft paint.


    So here's my ten cents. Stay a while, because I can guarantee a chuckle or two.


    On the 23rd of April, we got a huge torrent of Switch hack releases ranging from Fusee to ShofEL2 (edit: fixed spelling).

    Notably, we got the dirt about RCM mode.

    For those who don't know, jamming crap down the right Switch rail makes it do funny things.


    There was the short-lived trend of bending Joy-Con pins to jump two pins to trigger RCM mode. I'll admit some neat things came out of it, like reed switches and actual switches being integrated into the right Joy-Con.

    The switch to switch your switch.

    A few guys advertised that they do tiny bending. Take that, Mr. Tiny Soldering guy. Your searing hot metal sticks can't compare to our room-temperature metal tweezers!

    After bentpinhax came the RCM jig craze. Prospectors all over America were doing weird dances and...wait. wrong script.

    People were 3d-printing little inserts to jam down their rails to pull pin 10 to ground. Then came the paperclips, followed by wires, screwdrivers, and in some cases tin foil.

    It was a...unique... sight to behold.

    Men, women, and children all over America were raiding offices, break rooms, classrooms, and kitchens to find paperclips wires and tinfoil to jam into their game consoles to make them do things they shouldn't normally do.

    ...It was the pinnacle of science, folks. THE VERY FREAKIN BEST.


    After the "jam random crap down your rails like a nut" fad died down, we got a beta release for the SwitchBru DNS! Version 4.0.0, which adds friends and messaging and more! It's how I'm typing this blog!

    We also got some retaliation from Nintendo.

    nagtendo.

    Many users were hit with this new "Super Nag" as @Stercate79 dubbed it.

    Super Nag is FAR WORSE than normal nags.

    lol super nag sounds like a superhero whose power is to nag people to do their bidding

    supernag.

    I think I set the text back wrong...
    test...iddjsk....shxhksjs--Ah there we go. Probably.


    Now the super nag prevents you from using the browser applets. It nags you about updating if you try to use them.

    Luckilly, ReSwitched is trying to combat the issue!


    ...Part of me imagines this as ScriesM and some Nintendo engineer fighting each other with Joy-Con lightsabers. (Sorry if I spelled it wrong!)

    bentpinhaxwars.

    In reality, it's probaby gonna be ReSwitched making a giant fucking robot out of RCM jigs and Labo parts to fight a 3-headed Joy-Con Dog robot Hades a Fusee payload or something.



    Well, that's my ten cents.



    If you enjoyed this, tell me! I'd be happy to make more!
    SirNapkin1334, Chary, ry755 and 4 others like this.