Welcome to the personal blog of Silent_Gunner

  • Silent_Gunner

    Awesome Tunes #1

    Whether doing a grind session, playing a game you're familiar with for the 100th time, or just looking to chill, good music is like a refreshing drink for the soul.

    (why does this play when they haven't even made it to Egypt? Not that I'd want them to replace Last Train Home)

    cauliquackers and alexander1970 like this.
  • Silent_Gunner

    Well...I got fucking dumped...

    ...by the girlfriend who wasn't responding to anything or barely talking to yours truly. I was already suspecting she was only acting polite, but seeing it confirmed now is probably the most liberating feeling at this point.

    IDK, I've already had sex with the girlfriend I had before this one by acting nice (and it's not like she was a bad person or anything, but there was no future for this relationship by any stretch) and feeling somewhat sorry for her situation at the time, but we ended that amicably, and then, once I was notified of this girl's "supposed interest" in yours truly, I decided to get her number, text back and forth, go out on a movie date followed by getting something to eat at Taco Bell, and then reality hit the fan. She was drunk one night, she was acting friendly, and then, when I ask her whether she's up for texting, she then goes full "let's just be friends" mode. At first, it seemed somewhat legitimate, but then, with yours truly sending some texts somewhat innocently (like, I sent her this artsy post about some dude who painted his kitchen floor on Reddit, seeing as she's into the arts) and her not seeing them, I was starting to wonder why the fuck she was going on full ignore mode. Then, I figured, right before my lunch break was up, I'd ask her what's up. Then, she responds like this, and I quote:

    "Silent_Gunner, I do not share the same feelings for you as you do me. I also have no desire to move with you to Wisconsin or anywhere for that matter. Please stop talking to me and following me on Facebook. Please just leave me alone."

    And that was that. To be frank, she was kind of weird anyways. Her friends on Facebook all looked like freaks, and not to mention, she seemed to be making friends with some other guys as of late as well. As far as I'm concerned, she can get into an abusive relationship, come crawling back to me because, to use her own words, "I'm a nice young man," and I can twist the knife into her wound further and punch it in and make her cry like the bitches in this fucking video:

    But seeing as how I've already have had sex, and my shitty luck with women (trust me, having to put up with fundamentalist Christian parents aren't helping on that front), I'm kind of at the point of considering just giving up on finding an actual girl at this point. In this day and age, it's hard to find anyone you can truthfully trust. As in, you can be completely honest with someone, and they won't judge you or fucking get mad that you disagree with them or anything. To find someone you can see eye-to-eye with and not have them manipulate you can be extremely difficult with someone like yours truly who sees stuff like this happening:

    and this:

    and plenty of other incidents where women, knowing that there's bias in laws and the like when it comes to rulings, settlements, custody, and everything in between end up being able to lie about the truth and turn innocent men into criminals and absolutely destroying their lives. No wonder I see so many stories, Reddit posts, and even YT video recommendations where guys are more into video games, anime, music, or whatever hobby have you who are saying that dating is not worth the trouble anymore, and why birth rates among some demographics are declining.

    At this point, I just don't know what to do. You have to put up with other people in this world to survive, but at the same time, once I get my debts paid off, there's the part of my mind that wants to give the "real world" the biggest dual middle fingers I ever gave it and laugh as everyone rips each other to shreds over whatever they perceive to be true love when I doubt many are mature enough or have the character to truly understand what that means.

    Honestly, I'm kind of leaning towards just getting my debts taken care of, maybe finding a job where I can simply ignore other people more easily, and just kick back, relax, and not have to give a crap about whatever BS this world wants to throw at yours truly. It's certainly a lot less trouble and BS off of my back, that's for sure!

    I guess I'm posting this just to ask if anyone else is in the same boat, has hit this point, and what they did when they hit it and the like. Because I'm still young, but goddamn, my oldest brother is starting to get gray hairs at 39/40, and I'm starting to wonder what my future is gonna be looking like here if I go down this path of blissfully ignoring everything I hate while taking from this world the shit I need to survive as I now have everything I could ever want materially for all intents and purposes!
    erikas likes this.
  • Silent_Gunner

    How do you make a social life IRL?

    IRL meaning, hanging out with people in your local community, be it co-workers or childhood friends and maintaining some semblance of balance? I've tried to figure it out, but as someone who's just turned 25 a week and a half ago, I feel like an island when it comes to most interactions with people. Trying to talk to people in large groups at tables is kind of weird at work: they may talk for a little bit, and then its like they try to make conversations by turning to their phones and looking for something to show someone, be it some Pokemon thing (most of the people at my store who are gamers seem to be Nintendo fans, which is fine, but let's just say that I didn't grow up playing the N64 to the point of raving about how its the best system ever if that makes sense), or something to do with Fire Emblem, or even Smash Bros.. Out of all of these, the most experience I've had is with Smash, with Pokemon being only if a friend wanted to play Pokemon Stadium after I absolutely creamed them in Marvel Vs. Capcom 2, Street Fighter 3: Third Strike, or any Arc System Works game. Even then, a lot of my playtime with Smash was back on an actual Gamecube with Melee. I missed out on Brawl because I saw past the remote concept of the Wii and, with the limited income I had before mid-2016, didn't feel like it was worth the investment (and even getting Wiimotes + Nunchuks + maybe a Wii Zapper for Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles/Darkside Chronicles is kind of pointless because of the problem I'm trying to discuss in this post). I played more of Smash 4 because I dug the gimmick of the Wii U and its games more, but honestly, considering how unwieldy the Gamepad was and the catalog of the Wii U games that wasn't put out by Nintendo or one of its second parties, I just didn't play much of it unless if I was at a friend's house.

    Come Smash Ultimate, and I play through the Spirits mode and every available character at launch's Classic mode...and that's about it. Sure, I make some custom mode profiles for when I want the stage to morph to another, high items with Stamina, regular item spawns with stocks, etc., but otherwise, knowing how the game is online, I haven't played it. I would have loved to play this a little bit and hang out with y'all on those Friday nights, but my second shift job said "nope" to that idea, and thus, I feel like I'm stranded on an island anytime when it comes to this game, which I find to be crazy because this is the Smash game with the most characters!

    I think part of the problem is that I've started to view Smash as more of a party fighting game than your typical 1-on-1 or tag-team vs. tag-team affair of your traditional tournament fighter like with Street Fighter, Marvel vs. Capcom, Dragon Ball Fighter Z, etc.. As in, you need to have multiple people, preferably in the same room, to get the most enjoyment out of the game. Seeing as how I don't have any friends, be it co-workers I see almost every other day of the week of whom I don't agree with everything on (i.e., just tonight, one of my co-workers was talking up how Ubisoft acts like they've changed their ways with WATCH_DOGS Legion (? as far as I'm concerned, it's WATCH_DOGS 3), that they're not going to cut the graphical fidelity of the game down to backport it to the PS4/WindowsBox One, that every NPC is recruitable, has their own storylines, doesn't respawn, has their own voice actor, and it's like I'm talking with someone who's autism is such that they've never learned how to control it or understand why others aren't as excited about the thing they're excited about. I personally am on the more Aspergian side of the spectrum, and of course am high-functioning, but it feels so odd to yours truly here to talk to people in this way.

    Not to mention, I just haven't played that many games from this generation. Like, the only single-player games from this generation that I'd consider to be a part of this generation (as in, it doesn't have a port on a previous generation console) that I can say I've beaten (not completed, because I'm not Jirard the Completionist) right off the top of my head are Super Mario Odyssey, Nier:Automata, RE2Make, Yakuza 6, and Yakuza Kiwami 2. And I didn't do so much for the games that started on 7th generation consoles, either! Most of my life, I was stuck with the Dreamcast/Gamecube as my latest system that didn't have disc problems like all of the silver PS2s I purchased or the one I was gifted a year after it was on sale in the aftermath of the PS3's and 360's release. Note that a lot of these problems could've been solved if a certain two people in my life didn't give 10% of their money that they didn't have a lot of to an organization that still doesn't give them much in actual, tangible returns to spend time with other than a community of people who secretly believe the same way Steven Anderson does even if their public image tries to make themselves look all friendly to outsiders who don't know better. But that's neither here nor there.

    It's as if asking someone about their job, what's going on in their life, how one's relationship is with someone else, you know, the typical friendly small talk someone in my situation wouldn't mind going into to start a conversation is even a concern. Not to mention, how many people just tune the world out by looking at a screen as opposed to a person when talking to them, or their putting in earbuds. Stuff like this is actually why I had some troubles with the girl that I want to believe is still interested in talking and possibly hanging out with yours truly a month or two ago: I've always been taught that people can say one thing verbally while communicating something else nonverbally about their desire to talk with someone else as someone who tries to conquer their Aspergian mannerisms that don't work with neurotypicals, especially with people of my parents' generation. Some of it might also have to do with mentality as well: I am 25, and a lot of the people in this "nerd club" in my department at work are still in college at or around age 22-23, making Youtube videos and/or talking about Youtube creators and, today, about COPPA and I'm just over here like: "Dude, hasn't the last 6 years told you anything about Youtube? It's time to jump ship, make your own website for your content like what James Rolfe did with Cinemassacre, and take control of everything in regards to distribution, how users can access your work, the type of content you make and how you make it, etc.." Hell, they're just more involved in social media in general with stuff like Snapchat which I question the point of myself. So you're taking a bunch of pictures with a bunch of filters that make you look cute, crazy, or that turn your head into a screamer/dragon breathing fire or some shit?

    Last, but not least, their attitudes about things can be rotten at times. I know, everyone has different backgrounds from which they come, and unfortunately, some are rougher than others. I get that. But acting like, "OK, Boomer" is such a *pardon the dead meme use* SAVAGE CHAD THUG LIFE response to your elders just bothers me in how little self-awareness the attitude implies about how long they expect to live, and their expectations about life and relationships with their families and, assuming they plan on having their own biological children in the future, how they expect their actions, attitudes, opinions, and philosophies about how to treat others to not come back to bite them in the ass when those come around, unless they just plan on not having biological kids via the females getting their tubes tied or some other shit. It also doesn't help that a lot of the people in this group (not the co-worker who was met with misfortune this last week) tend to be incompetent at times at their jobs while I try my damnedest and they go and start hitting each other with fucking toy swords while a trailer needs to be unloaded so I can work the freight to the sales floor at my retail job.

    I know this post might come off as incoherent, but its hard to figure out how to describe in detail what the problem here is. It feels like I'm excluded from a group that I otherwise, if we were in high school, could get along with if it weren't for the things that I perceive as problems in the above paragraphs.

    tl;dr - I share very little in common with my co-workers in terms of how I socialize, my opinions, life experiences, philosophy and approach to life, and attitudes about the struggles therein. Not that I'd care if I had a GF who was a little more consistent about responding to things than she is (I mean, I understand she's in college and everything (with finals being this week), but a part of me thinks and feels that if I was that important to her, she'd at least look at the messages I send her on Facebook Messenger, especially when yours truly and another nice co-worker of mine is concerned about another co-worker and this GF's sister's fate after a certain misfortune last week, and not whenever she's suddenly active on Facebook the few times that I happen to be awake when she's active. I plan on seeing how she'll respond to yours truly after this week, but if it's still the same BS as the last few months, I'll have no reason to stay at my retail job anymore with how little it pays), but either way, I wish I could find people to hang out with that I could more easily make sense of and try to maintain the new hope I've found in the past month now that my life has changed for the better.
    cauliquackers and TR_mahmutpek like this.
  • Silent_Gunner

    Mountain Dew is Shit

    As in, it makes you have to go to the bathroom a for a few hours. I was celebrating my birthday from yesterday (where I had to work because fuck retail (I'm about to find another job at this point, where I can then tell you the name of the place, but it's in about every city in the US and several countries, if that's helpful ;) )) today, and since I'm not a morning person at all, I had to get ready within an hour to go to a restaurant to celebrate it with some members of my family. Because I only had, like, 5 hours of sleep, and the restaurant served Pepsi products, I asked them to order Mountain Dew since I was gonna be late. Well, I get there, and not only did they order a glass of Mountain Dew, but also a refill glass that refilled the main glass 3-4 times. I really have had to use the bathroom on and off for the past few hours ever since, and I feel like I used an item in an RPG where it keeps you going, but you have to leave the party every now and then in the middle of battle to go and "take care of business" or something, you know!? XD

    I mean, I love the drink itself. It's easily one of the more refreshing drinks that I've had. I just wish that there was a healthier alternative that tasted just as good, but didn't flood my body with the amount of sugar and caffeine that it does, in addition to having to make so many frequent trips to the bathroom that, shock of all shocks, when my body starts warning me that I got to go, I don't have time to put my Joy-Cons in my Switch and take the entire carrying case with it into said bathroom!

    I should have just went with this:

    And now I have to go again...
  • Silent_Gunner

    Google Stadia is the Virtual Boy of the Upcoming Generation of Consoles

    Here's my little Game Theory in the spirit of this episode (when MatPat wasn't whoring himself out to kids with constant FNAF theories that...really? Is FNAF still popular? In my mind, it's in the same position as Minecraft and Terraria at this point, which is a bunch of games kids play because they only watch YT when there's a bunch of other games to play on the market):

    *"Innovative" technology, but the rushed and not ready for the mainstream market due to the lack of infrastructure for those who aren't rich to use said streaming service. Not to mention being half-assed and poorly planned out with Chromecast Ultras overheating.
    *All of the games outside of those 1 or 2 indie titles are games that you can play better on other consoles than on the Stadia.
    *Lying about the games being in 4K when PCs and the improved versions of consoles display better visuals, with performance being a whole other can of worms.
    *Platform is literally a service where you don't own anything you buy digitally. You could argue that this is the case with all digital games, but at least you can backup your HDD or your SSD (thank whatever being you believe in that these are becoming more mainstream) in the event shit goes south.
    *The controller being gender neutral...what, I don't even...just...

    These are just some observations and musings on said observations I've had about the Stadia car crash. Sure is about as epic as this:

  • Silent_Gunner

    The Meaning of Life as I see it

    I said in a previous post that my life was about to change in a very positive way. Those changes have gone through, and I can safely say that, while there's a condition on this change, I have had a huge weight that was trying to crush me from above lifted off, it feels like. Ever since, I've had a more hopeful attitude lately. Some things that were going south, like my relationship with my friend that I mentioned in previous blog and forum posts around here, are going back in a positive direction.

    The only thing that's still going south for yours truly is the unfortunate reality of my dead end job. Let's just say this last week was rougher than usual, with revelations becoming known about next year and the very negative changes as of late that have been occurring in my department as of late. I've been setting up RPCS3 and PCSX2 to play nice with Steam throughout the week, and through it all, especially today, I came to the question that's been plaguing my mind ever since I broke free of the mental locks that my fundamentalist Christian upbringing has saddled me with: what is the point of it all, why suffer, why try to aim for anything higher? The intensity of these questions, when combined with my fears about my parents' love for yours truly, in addition to encroaching realities of continuing to live in Illinois with 50+ years ahead of yours truly if nothing out of the ordinary occurs and my desire for a better, more
    socially fulfilling life, all mixed together that became one nasty cocktail for my mental and emotional state that it's affected my college performance up until shit hit the fan earlier this year and kind of has ruined my prospects with one university for a certain department.

    I couldn't really ask my parents about these questions, as I knew from previous conversations how that would lead back to "Pastor Associated-With-Duggars-and-Jack-Hyles said this on Sunday/Wednesday evening," for all intents and purposes. I already broke so many rules and standards expected of the cult my parents have forced yours truly to associate with for most of this Temper's life throughout my teenage years, and still do to this day. Once I move out, I will continue to do that except I won't have to hide who I am and my true personality anymore. Still, why do all this?

    If I had to say one thing that's kept yours truly capable of functioning and been a beacon of hope in his life, it'd be my hope and desire to find a girl who will love yours truly for who he is. The only picture in my mind even as I type this out throughout all of this is the smile of the girl that I want to get to know better in the hopes of spending the rest of my life with her. I can only think about her face smiling and giggling. Sometimes, thoughts get...steamy, but even that has lost its appeal to yours truly as I desire more and more as I get older someone with whom I can hold their hand, hug, share a bed, kiss, cuddle with, all that sweet romantic jazz that is only supposed to be limited to "like-minded Christians at your local Independent Fundamental Baptist church" to sound like the pastors at the churches that I am allowed to choose from to go to. I can choose to go to either of these churches, but I don't have the option of opting out and just enjoying my second day off of not having to listen to an old man complain about a world that changes all over the place that he perceives to be part of some fantastical war between his scam and the reality of how the world truly works. Still, even if shit were to hit the fan (not that I ever entertain that thought in my head, mind you. I'd suggest projecting confidence if you want to attract the ladies) on this advancing beyond a mere friendship, I appreciate the company either way. All I truly want, at some point, is a relationship that's face-to-face (in more ways than one) and where we can be ourselves. That's the big goal for yours truly. I don't know about kids at this point, but I do know I want to get the opportunity to get work that's not destroying my body at some point. The dead end retail job I'm working at right now though, with the pay I'm getting, is really raining on my parade about saving up money so I can pay off one smaller student loan while also getting everything needed for living on your own. I'm already making a list on everything needed for living in an apartment complex. I just hope that, when the time comes, I can find somewhere safe, with a lot of businesses with openings, and everything in between.

    All of this, especially after watching the YT video "Who Is The Doomer?" by Pursuit of Wonder, is turning whatever gloom I had into blooming hope, and it's a light that I intend to follow until it gets me to my next life goals of trying to become independent of my parents and developing my relationships to see where things go with the goal of one particular one that I'm currently in to lead to an everlasting bond that won't ever be broken. It's certainly a road littered with challenges, but hey, that's life for ya'.

    I just got to get these stream of consciousnesses like what form up here under control, especially the streams that get me into dark places emotionally. It's actually part of the reason why I have a hard time trying to keep posts short and sweet sometimes; I feel like, if I don't get everything out in some written form, no one's going to know the full picture of what all is going on or what I'm intending to say.
  • Silent_Gunner

    I hate colds...

    ...Like, come on, I get sick this Tuesday, my throat has been dry as fuck until yesterday, yet this cough has to stick around like an asshole dog wanting a treat that I am forced to give him/her until it goes to find some other unfortunate victim's body to attack. Making the situation better is that I am in the Midwest, and Sub-Zero really doesn't like being stuck to his traditional 3-month period from December of one year to January and February of the next. No, he wants in on the Halloween action, because he knows Netherrealm Studios is never gonna have him on the front cover, so this his rebellion against the company, which so happens to be stationed an hour and a half away from where I live.

    Then again, who can blame Ed Boon? He probably prefers Scorpion because he has the money to pay for some Scorpion heater that makes his work room warmer than Chicago Deep Dish Pizza!

    What the fuck was I writing about again?

    Oh, yeah, getting a cold because of Midwest weather at this time of year. At this point, if you're stuck here for the next few months and plan to move out of the house after this next Winter middle finger season passes by, just wear whatever keeps you as warm as possible. Because congested coughs are the fucking worst parts of this cold shit.

    Fucking ass.
    alexander1970 and CallmeBerto like this.
  • Silent_Gunner

    Check out what just came in the mail...and a possible big change incoming on my life

    So, I was a backer of Bloodstained Ritual of the Night at one of the more...expensive tiers if I recall. And just today, my rewards have come in! Not all are pictured, but I'll go into those not displayed at the end. Without further ado...







    What's not in these pictures is the OST case with both discs (yes, it comes with 2 discs. I'm sure it will be higher quality than whatever's on Youtube right now...), the poster (which I won't be able to hang up on the wall not because Miriam is naked or anything like that, but because my parents will go full Puritan and act like she's showing off too much skin. I actually might have some good news on that front in regards to my living arrangement, though it's gonna depend on the deets of a certain other thing that I'll mention), and the spacer which comes with a sword keychain and some pins! I didn't want to take a picture of everything because it's honestly a big enough pain in my experience to upload images to Imgur in my opinion.

    Now, about my living arrangements, after a particularly tense conversation for yours truly with his parents this past Saturday (where I was dangerously close to coming out as an atheist, hell, I think my mom suspects that I am an atheist at this point. Not so sure about my father), my father made me an offer that I can't help but be suspicious of given how they like to hold things that they're doing for someone else over their head and as an excuse in the past to control my brothers' and my life: both of my parents will take on the burden of paying off both of my student loan debts.

    No, you didn't read that wrong.

    I accepted their help, and for now, my outlook is looking brighter than its ever been in a while...assuming that they mean what the optimistic side of yours truly is hoping they meant which is why I'm also kind of excited even if past history tells me that my faith in them (my parents, not God) may be misplaced. If they are doing that, then there's hope that, after building up my savings, I might be able to finally get out underneath their roof, find an apartment (that's preferably not in Illinois), and make it to where I can maybe find a better job, and truly be free to live my life without being forced to listen to shit like the following every Sunday:

    And last, but most certainly not least:

    (OK, this kind of shit is rare to have happen out in the open, but c'mon, these people are associated with this guy, and I sure as hell want nothing to do with anyone or anything with his organizations and especially his father-in-law's legacy in any way, shape, or form)

    So, if everything is going to be OK on the student loan front, what's keeping yours truly from looking at apartments right now? Well, a few things:

    1. Winter is coming. In the Midwest. 'Nuff said.
    2. My savings are...well...ahem...
    3. I have a car to pay off, though that's an expense I don't mind having to deal with, myself. Not to mention my Galaxy Note 10+ (though that's gonna be easier to nuke than one of my student loans)!

    Now that I've gotten through all of that, I got an artbook to go and appreciate. One last fun tidbit: Did you know that the main character for Bloodstained was originally going to be Gebel? Yeah, talk about on the nose for a game that's the spiritual successor to SOTN!
  • Silent_Gunner

    私は日本語を話します! ¯\ _(ツ)_ /¯

    こんにちは、gbatemp、今日はロシア語を話します! 私が言っていることを知りたいなら、Google翻訳を開いてください。 驚くばかり! はい、別の言語を話してすみません。 ¯\ _(ツ)_ /¯



    ;) @DoggaDude
  • Silent_Gunner

    Filling the void in life...

    To give some context, I'm talking about the one in this link here:


    Before I go into the details of everything that's transpired since I made that post, I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for their support and advice for this sorry excuse of an Aspergian 24-year old man who's trying to find friendship in a situation where, slowly but surely, I just want to go to my parents and scream at them about my true feelings about them, the churches they keep going masochistically to in spite of all of the times they've been kicked to the curb by the same conglomeration of churches that do nothing but preach what is honestly, at this point, Religious Right propaganda about everything in life right now. All I want to do is tell them that I don't care about Christianity in any way, shape or form, and that the girls I want to talk to and hang around will never be in their churches, especially how said churches, at this point, mostly consist of drug addicts participating in Reformers Unanimous (look it up if you're curious; all I'll say is that this is where Josh Duggar was sent after the Ashley Madison hack in 2015 as per the recommendation of his parents), families who are just going to the church because they think it will help make their kids more Christian in a world where the demographic shift is going more towards not caring about what any one religion is saying, and Boomers who are clinging on in fear of what may happen to them in "Eternity" if they leave even though, according to this particular conglomeration of churches, once you've "accepted Jesus Christ as your savior," you get a free ride to Heaven regardless of what you do afterwards. I wouldn't wish any girlfriend of mine to pretend in anyway to go through and have to listen to this BS just to date yours truly. It's the hand I've been dealt in life up to this point. To say I've had enough of it at this point would be an understatement.

    But in the meantime, I've been trying to get a manage the relationship in that link. We went on a date where we watched The Lion King remake in theaters and ate at Taco Bell afterwards. We talked about each other like anyone trying to get to know the other person at this point in a relationship would. I did the best I could to contain my nervousness and excitement at talking to someone I could be my normal, geeky self around at times, and the date in general went well. I paid for pretty much everything up until she volunteered to pay for the Taco Bell meal, which she told me was only fair later on. I held the door for her to enter the theater, I did everything I always had a desire inside me to do: be a gentleman, be friendly and courteous to a girl, and, at this point in the relationship, just take things slow. No kissing on the first date when we don't know each other very well, etc..

    We texted back and forth the next few days after...and then shit hit the fan...sort of. I asked if she was up for texting on this night in question, and she shot back a text that was a confession about her expectations of what she was looking to establish as a "friendship", especially as we didn't know each other that well. Now, this is something I'm fine with myself. I'm not ready to go out and buy an engagement ring or anything like that! But at the end of the day, she's more or less looking for a friendship, and yours truly is looking for...if I had to describe it accurately as it my desire is in my mind atm, just a girl to sleep with at my side in bed. As in, just be there to rub my back, take care of yours truly after a long day at work, and where I can offer my help and support to them. I'm not looking for sexual activity since, if I'm gonna be honest, after coming home from a physically, mentally, and emotionally taxing day at work, especially at the end of the week, doing anything that involves a lot of...unimaginitive activity would be asking a lot from yours truly after ruining my feet, shoulders, and back at the end of a long days worth of work (or at least, that's what it feels like to me) is just something I'm not in the mood for. If anything, lately, all I've wanted is a back massage and for someone to provide yours truly touch and I to them in return. It could just be that she doesn't see it working out between us romantically, or it could also have to do with the fact that her schedule and mine don't line up, like, at all. She's working weekends while I work weekdays. Hence, the only day that we have a chance of being in the same room together would be Friday, and that's only on breaks just because we don't work in the same department. Sure, we're friends on Facebook, but you see, before she dropped the bombshell on me, we were texting each other either via text or Facebook Messenger at least once every night, continuing on until we both went to bed. After she dropped the bombshell on me, I stopped texting her on the regular. I texted her on Messenger for questions about the dress code in regards to boots, and another time a few weeks after that one when she happened to be active on Messenger about what she was doing. She responded helpfully on the first time.

    Then, I want to say near the end of last month, on one break near the end of my shift, she was rather frustrated. Mind you, in this break room, a lot of co-workers have the problem of not having an indoor voice. I am hearing impaired on both ears, because of a long story of when I was in elementary and involving a Game Boy speaker. I could use a hearing aid on both ears, but only have one on my left ear as that one's hearing loss is worse. Unfortunately, she works in Customer Service, and has to work a good part of the day dealing with customers of whom many would probably qualify as being r/trashy material on Reddit where we work. Apparently, she's considering switching jobs and applying to work somewhere she doesn't have to deal with people. To be fair, yours truly is considering a similar job switch, though it's also because I'd love more cash coming in for my time. I tried to be as supportive as I could, listening to what she had to say as best as I could, given the circumstances I mentioned above. In the week after, though, I went to sit by her in a break room. Now, she had her wireless earbuds in, and was watching YT videos. The entire time, she didn't even acknowledge my presence. At the time, I got frustrated. Part of this might be because I just haven't been able to get this girl off of my mind, especially now that she's considering switching jobs. For this last Friday, I decided to test something: would she even acknowledge my presence? At this point, you have to also realize that I'm also afraid; I've read stories about girls making accusations against men that have landed them in prison or some other incident that ignited the war between the sexes, and I have no idea how she feels towards yours truly at this point. When I said hello to her earlier that day, she was about to clock in, and was on her phone. She didn't look up at me and get wide-eyed or anything like that. She said hello, but it was so quiet that it may as well have been her being polite. That was when I decided, for lunch, if she and I were to be in the breakroom, and she was to get engrossed in something, I'd go up to her table at some point with my wireless earbuds (the Sony true wireless-variants of the 1000XM3's) and just sit there while doing stuff on my phone. It might sound petty, but truth is, I wanted to see how much she wanted to talk to me. Eventually, after she finished her drawing (and not immediately upon yours truly sitting at the table) she put her sketchbook away (she's going for a Bachelor of Arts), and did look at me for a quick second. I didn't really know what I wanted to say at this point. As someone with Asperger's reading a face can be difficult for yours truly at times, and given how she acted towards me at this point, I just am not sure what to make of her at this point in time, you know? Maybe she just wants me to sit there and let her do her thing and just be there silently to "support" her? I can't tell all that well given how my mind generally prefers clear, concise communication not because I want it to be that way, but because I was born that way. Sure, I've got help to combat my Aspergian tendencies, but my nonverbal skills just can't be as good as Neurotypicals, especially when I have a girl in front of me that, if it wasn't for her behavior that I am interpreting as ambiguous at this point, I'd be all head over heels for because she and I are both nerdy!

    On the one hand, I understand that one might not want to deal with anyone after a long day of dealing with others. On the other hand, I'm taking time out of my break to be by someone who tells me that I'm her friend, yet she doesn't stop for a second to look at me or acknowledge my presence for Heaven knows what reason(s). The worst part about this is that, because of how close I was to getting my dream girl, this whole situation has just led to a huge void in my heart that is hard to replace considering she and the girl I was dating before her are all that come to mind in a lot of my time nowadays, and it's really been driving yours truly crazy emotionally these past two-three weeks!

    What is everyone's interpretation of the above? AITA? Am I confused? Or am I too obsessed with getting a SO that it's sucking all of the color from my life dry?
  • Silent_Gunner

    My feet...ow...

    ...and that's every day after a long 9 hours of hard, physical labor that has yours truly on his feet most of the afternoon!
  • Silent_Gunner

    Fuck Driver CDs

    No, seriously, fuck these things.

    I'm the only one in the house that really knows how to operate a PC. My parents, on the other hand, are technical illiterates. It seems like my mom wants me to print everything she finds online, using a printer she bought for yours truly years ago. All because I decided to do a fresh, clean install of Windows 10 on my PC to solve some issues that I had gotten fed up with (mainly controllers or any new device being connected or disconnected to my PC causing Steam to hang), now I have to reinstall this one thing for a group of coupons that, if I'm gonna be honest, aren't taking as much off of the price of shit as she's making it out to be, IMO. And these are people that force me to go to church because I live under their roof, so it's an hour out of my day that's already going down the trash compactor. Fucking great. And she passes off the amount of ink she's using off like it's nothing.

    Good news is that, at this point in my life, when it comes to hardware, I'm pretty much satisfied with what I got. I got some debts to get the fuck out of (not as much as other people in my situation, thankfully), and once I get that taken care of some time hopefully within this next year along with my car and phone, I will be much more ready to move out than ever before! ^_^
    grey72, Extrasklep and alexander1970 like this.
  • Silent_Gunner

    First World Problems

    Problems that those of us in the first world run into every day that, in comparison to the struggles others face, are ultimately nothing in the grand scheme of things. Ultimately, us humans have managed to survive and rise up to the top of the food chain dominance hierarchy ,which has allowed us to become free of having to worry about how we're gonna get food, get gas or oil, or other resources that we take for granted.

    That being said though, we're a few months from the year 2020. I ask, why isn't the future like this!? Actually, I kind of prefer it wasn't like this, but where's the real hoverboards that don't touch the ground, Back to the Future II!?

    We're 10 years past when Capcom guessed when Rock would go onto try and put an end to Dr. Albert Einstei-ahem, I mean, Dr. Wily's evil schemes of purchasing the work of artists who produce 8+ robot masters and other inventions that are packaged rather conveniently for annual releases! And Mega Man X takes place a 100 years after the fact!...or so they say.

    Discussions of this vein are what I am going to delve into in talking about my PC gaming setup. More specifically, why I have a Home Theater PC (shortened down to HTPC) that doesn't stream games from a main PC and instead handles everything I throw at it while being connected to a TV like a console if said console was slightly taller than the OG Xbox One VCR, but not as wide and had a goddamn good reason to be unlike that piece of privacy-invading garbage they tried to bundle with the Kinect 2.0!

    I've always liked being able to have my cake and eat it too. Having a Roccat keyboard and a wireless mouse with no latency on a lapboard while at my bed makes me feel like I'm living in a world where the only thing stopping me from doing anything is myself. Everything is on one PC with everything wired and connected to it, firing on all cylinders in ways that I wish my Switch could when docked, or how I hope the PS5 will in 2021 because Ryzen 3 is already out!

    The only problem in this equation is the mouse. No, it's not that it has issues with the surface, or that the lapboard angle is blocking the wireless signal to the mouse, it's-

    *mouse drops to the floor*

    Pictures are worth thousands of words. Somehow, my G903 mouse (not the recently refreshed one that our sis Chary reviewed with the HERO sensor+charger/mousepad/I forget what it was exactly, but it's a good name) is still in perfect working order after this has happened several times. The only problem is, when will I hit that one time where it drops to the floor and becomes a JoJo reference about biting the dust? (currently watching Diamond is Unbreakable atm, no spoilers!) Sure, I could go and buy the new updated version at any time should something go wrong (I don't buy extended warranties at Best Buy unless something I'm buying is known for having a shakier reputation than it should), but it's like, why not try to avoid it ever becoming a problem to begin with? Why not put in some kind of magnet underneath the surface that somehow would keep the mouse attracted to the mousepad so I can hold it upside down and have the Inverted Mousepad after destroying a green orb above this legendary vampire hunter being mindfucked by a dark priest named Shaft who never says anything at all about being damn right?

    Moral of the story: I don't want convenience to die out. If anything, in this day and age where everything is becoming smaller and more capable than ever before (have you seen this SBC as documented by our favorite bootleg Optimus Prime ever? ), having better options and more of them is why I am impressed with how much more convenient PC gaming has become compared to how it used to be: as long as you don't have any weird driver issues, most of the time, you plug in a controller, it works with a modern game, and it's convenient. In the rare case it doesn't, it either has a new release with updated software support or there's a method to add convenience options that my older brother who built the PCs that got me into it being my preferred platform for everything wished were around back then. GeForce Experience, FileZilla, Audacity (fuck Goldwave and its licensing BS), Steam having BPM that makes it possible to consoleize a PC, everything that makes PC gaming what it is and more is why I am honestly pretty happy where I am right now in terms of hardware and the games I have. I've let my backlog accumulate, with many games that I never had a chance to play back in my youth (looking at you, Devil May Cry) due to not owning the console or said console fucking up too much now being playable or getting PC ports that makes playing them on my PC problem free as opposed to hackjobs like a lot of PC ports were back in the pre-PS4/XB1 days (not to say that shit like Arkham Knight on PC doesn't happen time to time). Sure, it's a lot of work to make things convenient and easily understandable to someone just tinkering around with things who has at least a basic understanding of what to do and what not to do, but the end result is something those who decide to look into options appreciate as something that's viable and achieveable without having to write up a whole new program that will hopefully be multi-platform/OS compatible for years to come!
  • Silent_Gunner

    AMA Electric Silent_Gunner Boogaloo Edition!

    Title. Oh, and featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry series. Because this is totally original not inspired by any other individuals' threads as of late! ;)
  • Silent_Gunner

    Just got a Samsung Galaxy S10+, I get nitpicky about input lag...

    ...because even with all of the most "favorable" factors, this new phone with a shiny backplate (I went with blue because fuck trying to glow) has more input lag, even when using wired controllers like the Hori Fighting Commander Pro with RA, than my ODroid XU4 (btw, my Best Buy apparently sells the RPi4 kits and everything!). Sure, it runs DC/NAOMI/Atomiswave way better, but somehow, the input lag is worse.

    Let me explain my perspective when it comes to testing things: I grew up playing fighting games. The favorite of my older brothers had what felt like every good fighting game under the sun in the PS1/DC era, not to mention the ones that he obtained through totally legit means via torrents and other sites (we're talking back in the days of Kazaa, Limewire, and all that shit!). I played them so much that, while I don't think I'd make Daigo Umehara angry, I still know more than to just mash buttons like crazy.

    That doesn't explain why it seems like, every fighting game I try with a Fighting Commander Pro (I'm not using it with the phone because I necessarily want to. The 8bitdo M30 and the SF30+ (not the new ones that just came out, the one that looks like the OG SNES controller with the dual analog sticks) have even worse input lag, which is to be expected, but even on Windows 10 the input lag isn't this bad in the limited amount of time I spent using the former!)), it's like you can't push two buttons in the same straight row and have it be registered. You go for a throw which involves Weak Punch and Weak Kick being pressed at the same time? Registers perfectly. Try to throw out an EX Hurricane Kick (or Tatsumaki-Senpuukyaku)? Doesn't matter what buttons I push (usually strong and medium in my case), the damn thing doesn't come out as strong as I'd like it to!

    This isn't a problem limited to fighters, either. Try playing Kaizo Mario World on this thing. No, I dare you. It'll add more challenge, but probably not what the creators intended!...Actually, fuck that, they'd get off to that thought!

    Still, as someone who values their input being responsive and work like they expect, it seems like gaming on mobile devices with a controller, even with a not-docking-station attached and a wired controller, isn't worth the extra trouble. And that's not going into the fullscreen problem with Samsung DEX when it comes to RA.

    I don't know, are there some things that I don't know about that I could do/use to make my experience with this fancy phone better? To be fair, I didn't necessarily get this phone to be able to play games that a hacked Switch can't; it's more of a bonus if I can get it to play within spec in terms of this. Because every game I threw at it thus far has worked very well, it just sucks that all of the effort that the RA team has poured into porting the emulation solution to Android has to be hindered by input lag that would make any Yakuza player tense up unnecessarily when a do-or-die QTE pops up *looks nervously at Ryuji and Aizawa*.
    MicmasH_Wii likes this.