I wanna live in Digimon world :PMar 16, 2009
Basically this is what I think. I wanna believe in this Digimon world because my life sucks ass. It does.
I used to have a dream that when I felt really bad I would not die but I would wake up as a ghost like
stuck in kind of limbo. Like I would live in normal world nobody would not hear me or see me but I just
could go anywhere and do anything but I would not die and I would hear people thoughts in this parallel
world. It was my fantasy dream until I watched couple Digimon episodes.
My digimon world
One day I would go into this Digimon world just in case because I would have the pure heart which is needed
to tame Digimons. Digimons would appear like in those 3D sequences and not like cartoon style. Then I would
not go back into real world ever because I would be there having fun with my Digimon pal and smoke some
Digiweed with him. Then we would fight against all the monsters that are trying to destroy the Digiworld and
finally we would won all the obstacles and we would have great time in Digiworld. I was about to write a story
about how would I have great time in this Digiworld. Btw. I hope this is not going to end up in the Somethingawful
dickhead place because those guys are so evil dickheads. I feel like this world has nothing for me and Digiworld is
great place but I wanna go there for real and not just in a dream.
My Digimon would be Agumon. Agumon is bad-ass digimon and he would never tease me and make fun of me.
And ofcourse we would smoke digiweed! Btw. I look like normal guy I'm not fat, I don't like animu and I don't play
much videogames but still idea of parallel world to ours which I would be hero is so great. And I do believe in Digimons.
I think I once saw Koromon or maybe it was just a dream. My dreams are so realistic anyway.
Anyway we (me and Agumon) would sometimes just kick Patamon ass because he is just so lame Digimon. Then we
would smoke Digiweed and just chill out. So watch out. Someday I'll be there in the Digiworld just because this
world sucks ass and laughing and having fun with Agumon.
My mother pisses me off!Mar 15, 2009
Today I felt like shit. I went to eat pizza and drank 1 litre of coke. Just because I can't get angry to my
mother. I wanted to hurt myself, and I think I chose wrong option which is comfort food.
My mother has this patronizing style of helping me. Especially today I became really pissed but I just
can't say anything to her because I just can't. Imagine you saying your mother "Fuck you old cunt you
suck ass". It's just not right you know.
Today I transported few of my paintings to school with my mother. I sneaked the keys from janitor. I told
that I forgot my bag inside class so we got in. Then I showed her my paintings and she started to criticize
them like she would know anything about the art. Like "you should use bright pastel colors and blaa blaa".
And "that painting is ugly! why does it have cross upside down?" And I started to laugh just because her
criticism felt so funny like she would know anything about art.
My mother has tendency to take credit for anything that she thinks she helped me. Like "If you acted
like I told you, you never would have any problems" or "You are like your father! I told him that if
we would take central heating it would become so much cheaper and he didn't believe me until her
sister told the same!" "You never listen me you are like your uncle, he never listens me!"
Stuff that pissesme mostly that she will continue the same shit over and over again. Like "You should
listen to me what paintings you should send to academy of fine arts, look what I told your sister. She
got into school by my great advices!" Like if I would not get into second year at my school my mother
would constanly tell me "You should have followed my advices and blaablaa". But just so you know, my sister
didn't get into school with my mother help but with his own essay. And my mother thinks it's because she didn't
send the videotape to audition but essay she helped her. But it was about the essay what she wrote that got
I would just like to tell her "Fuck you old cunt. I fucking hate you and your 'good' advices". She gives me
sometimes good advices but sometimes I feel like she lives in other world. Like she was so much against
drinking and smoking drugs. Like if I would smoke pot I would be addicted and then be living at the gutter
and beating people to get money for pot. Or drinking. She gets drunk on one cider and hates drinking.
That's pisses me off so much that she tries to force me to her stupid lifestyle. That I should find some
christian girl that never drinks or smokes. I know there are girls like that but I just want normal girl that
"doesn't spit to glass". Like that christian girl is like 1% of girls. And normal girls are like 90% and those
weird girls that I also like are the rest Like she overprotects me from all the evil. Or sometimes it feels
like so. And I really can't say "Fuck you bitch" because it's not right.
Basically our fight today was about misunderstanding between of us. She don't listen me. Or it feels like so.
Or she hears what she wants to hear. And it's probably same with me.
When everything fails.
When she is out of arguments she takes the role of martyr. Everything has been shit in her life blaa blaa. But
look she is most the intelligent and succesfull now. I just hate to listen the same shit all the time. She doesn't
talk my father directly but talks to me like "Your father blaablaa". I would like to tell her "Fuck you bitch talk to
dad no wonder he doesn't give you any dick when you have your mouth open like that all the time. I don't care
about your fights. Please don't talk to me. Please" I said to her once "Please I don't care about the fight between
you and dad please don't talk to me" but she just continued martyr shit "You are like your father you just fade
away when we fight but listen your dad blaablaa".
Thanks for reading. It really felt great to write this all down...
My crush and thoughts...Mar 13, 2009
You remember my situation: This girl who smokes hash and takes acid. And I have crush on her. She has a computer
and MSN. And she asked "Why your screen name is rest0re" and I explained her. All about the demoscene and stuff.
And I have talked with her over MSN some time now. She only had computer for two weeks. I helped over MSN to to
install uTorrent and stuff like that so she could get the movies and such stuff what girls use computer for (to watch lame
series). And I even gave her my old a6 Wacom and pirated full Artrage. Oh yea. I forgot I gave her Valentine's day gift.
A binded sketchbook with stencil on cover (her name in beautiful gothic golden letters).
Anyway this is my problem. Or actually I think I'm dumb and I don't understand what is best for me. I was talking with her
messenger again today. She hangs with her friend who is girl also. She is not from the same town. Let's call this other girl
Maria for example. She said "Oh Maria called he is coming to hang out with me for a couple days but I'm on MSN today."(She
goes to trip next week). I asked her something. And she went like. "Oh wait a minute. We just took LSD"
Yep, great . I felt anger and then I felt like "I have crush on the most stupid girl on the planet." Coz at the school
I felt really connection between us. Or maybe I'm just daydreaming (like always probably). She smiles at me and is really open
and nice and I feel like she is treating me nicely. Especially after that present I gave her. We sat on dinner table together and
she was like "Oh you got blue paint on your cheek" like she is paying attention on me. And was really really awesome today.
I seriously felt little bit ill when she typed that LSD thing and I just closed MSN window.
I figured out that there is this little nice girl that has crush on me also. Or I think. We were hanging out with this older woman
and she was really laughing at my jokes and following me. But I don't have any feelings for her. She's bit weird and could
be gamer type girl but I just can't feel a thing for her. Also there is other girl who is two years older than me and she studied
architecture before and we even had a coffee together. And I felt strong connection on her too. But no love feelings. Just
confusion that I like this not-so-nice-girl. So it's kind good that my crush goes to trip next week. I just felt like when she smiles
at me I'm at heaven. Last sunday I was at the school doing some paintings with other girl (let's call her Heidi) and we were
discussing something. And I don't really remember how it went to that I'm being single and finally that "But you have crush
on her!" she said. And I was like "What you know too?" and I blushed. And she said "Everybody knows it".
Other non serious funny things
I would like to concentrate on demoscene finally but our coder is now at usa army. He liked army so much he recruited
himself to usa military and he will be stationed at Iraq. And this idiot rejoined Jasoft under different name and released some
shitty text on diskmagazine trying to hurt our group. Fuck him. So I'm looking for new coder. I think I'll try DBF/GVY democode
forums for new coder. We just need to put out some productions soon. I want to make DS or GBA demo. I just want my mind
out of this girl Anyway...
A girl problemDec 7, 2008
Yea guys! I did it, I finally managed to get into a artschool. I'm going to get BFA in painting. Yes I'm going to
be another jobless talentless faggot of the world Anyway... This whole thing is now pretty silly and
TL;DR if you care read it if you don't, don't reply.
How did I met this girl...
When I was at the selection course I first saw her. I thought "DUDE, SHE'S HOT" and seriously no fucking kidding:
she's hot. She has this perfect angel face. I went to sit next to her and I talked to her all kind of shit. She seemed
pretty shy and innocent. And then I cracked some stupid joke and then she smiled. And I was thinking "DUDE ... IS THAT
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SMILE YOU EVER SEEN OR WHAT". I wasn't really having high hopes with the selection course.
I just did what I did of course and I was surprised that established artist who was judge told me that he liked my stuff.
And I was of course pretty fucking happy. And of course I talked some funny things with this hot chick and she seemed
to enjoy my company even though she didn't speak much. Okay I got into school . I went to get my stuff and I also
saw her name at the list because I remember that her name was pretty special. I don't translate it but it means "flower bud"
and surely she is flower bud. Very fitting name for hot chick like her.
Well I had this shitty job during summer and I really didn't think her. I just thought "This ... Is ... Horrible". Yea then school
began and I started to hang around with this chick more. We talked and she seemed more open. And we talked and talked.
She seemed bit shy and stressed somehow but I liked that she gave me attention and wanted to hang around me. She even
sit front of me and it felt teasing when we draw some shitty outside views and I was really having the most hard time on
concentrating at drawing. Okay I asked her after school "hey wanna go grab a coffee" and she came with me. And I thought
"Damn now this perfect angel is coming with me at coffee" Well. She didn't order coffee but a cider. And I orded a cider too.
And she started talking all kind of stuff and I listened her and talked all kind of crap too. We are both 21 so it's legal to drink
What she talked...
She told me that her ex was pretty fucking dick on her. She didn't say it but I understood that she was beaten and maybe
something like that. Her ex went to jail on some crimes and shit and she was really talking like "I don't
want to see that pig ever again." And I went like "Damn that's nasty". Then she said "I haven't dated anyone like in two
years or so" and I was thinking like "Shiiit this is my change!" But I had to go and we left and I said "Bye, nice weekend etc."
What I gathered on her
Well she isn't that innocent what I have gathered. She is pretty heavy drinker but she says it's only because she is shy. And
surely I can understand it. I also drink for my shyness but she was more drunk at our school party than I was. And she said
to me "You are not drunk enough". Also she said "Everytime I had lot's of money I get lot's of hash and I smoke everyday
when I have money. It relaxes me." Well hash smoking is not that bad but she's into acid too which I'm not into. But she seem
to trust me so she told me about some funny stories she experienced and stuff. And that hash smoking I don't know if she was
After school party...
I started to hang out with her more at the school. Somehow maybe she got that I have crush on her and she started to withdraw
more. Or what I felt. Because one day I told her "You look so beautiful" when she was looking really beautiful. Maybe I was
bit drunk on her company and too excited and talked some stuff like "I would like to take you out someday" and she went like
"We will see". It just boggles me that one day she is totally withdrawn and then other day she is like "We could go to bar someday
and discuss about that book what you borrowed me". Like... what is going on? Like she has these brave days when she seem to
be normal and enjoy my company and then she have these withdraw days when she is not. Lately I felt like she had these withdraw
days more but I think maybe she has PMS. Or she hates me? Because I was thinking that maybe she thought I was a faggot like
all the other boys in the class. We don't have many other boys. Just like 3 and me and those 3 are bunch of fags who are not probably
into girls. Then when she found out that I wasn't into boys she started to withdraw because her past experiences with her ex?
Dunno... anyway. What would you suggest?
1) Just keep her as friend and talk her at the school and forget her because she seems to be impossible crush too many problems and
get a girlfriend from internet or some other chick from our class...
2) Talk with her more and hang out her with more and siege her like fortress until she lower the fortress gates over trench?
3) I should tell her her that "I have crush on you. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen" and I will probably get some answer
like "Blaa blaa my ex and shit I don't want to date anyone at the moment" but should I still tell this to her?
Or what? I'm confused so help me out... this is only forum that can help me because I was banned from the Digimon do exist