A job? studies? love life? eh, none of that. gaming!Jun 11, 2020
Even though all these 3 factors are a part of my goals, they can really wait.
It should be no surprise that I'm a gamer. After all, I wouldn't be here, writing these long blogs, if I wasn't.
I've been gaming for over 2 decades. Yes, ever since I was 4! FOUR!
And that's because my brother introduced me to the likes of DOOM, which then he introduced me to many other games from his collection, in good 'ol home consoles like the Mega Drive(or Genesis, for you american lads), the SNES, the Dreamcast, etc etc. he was a hardcore collector. Was....
...So yeah! I've been gaming for a long time, but I'm not one of those "fanboys" or really those that stick to a certain type of genre, or a certain type of platform.
The only reason i'm gaming more on PC nowadays than on consoles, is because I have too many reasons NOT to afford a PS4 or a Switch, mainly money issues.
The Switch is still on my radar though, but I keep seeing less and less reasons to buy it, unless i could hack it and go nuts with everything.
But what I do like? Weeeell..... you could say I'm almost an "All-Rounder"? Basically I found a game in every single genre to love, but I love quite a lot of games in most genres.
The only exceptions are Horror games, Stealth games, and Simulation games.
I love FPSes(well, duh. DOOM and all?), I love RPGs and many of it's sub-types, I love Racing games, Puzzle games, SHMUPs(especially Bullet Hells), Beat 'Em Ups and Run 'N Guns, some Trading Card games, Survival games, Platformers, Rhythm games, Metroidvanias, some Visual Novels, only to name the majority from my mind, but there's probably more.
OH, and Open-World Adventure games as well.
So with that mindset, I can get easily interested on a lot of new games, if they appeal to me. Either through their story writing, their characters, their gameplay formula, pacing, replayability, designs, graphic styles, there's many factors to count on, but at the end of the day, I want to like games that I can enjoy from a lot.
I mean, I buy or download games in order to play them. I have no reason to earn them if they don't interest me.
And there ARE a lot of games that don't interest me on my lovely genres. Tons of generic FPSes are off my radar, multiplayer FPSes especially, and many JRPGs that really feel the same on dimensional levels.
Nowadays I seek unique games, these that have something that I either didn't experience for a long time, something that enhances my overall experience, or gives me a completely new experience.
For example, there's that indie game called Superliminal. It's a puzzle game about perspective, and how you can change the way everything shapes based on your perspective alone. For example, you can pick up a door from far away, but it'll be exactly the size of how it LOOKS from your position.
It was mind-blowing, It served a life lesson, and I wouldn't mind playing it again eventually.
But of course, sometimes I just wanna have stupid fun without taking anything seriously. That's why I keep playing custom maps for DOOM, with gameplay mods as well.
It's endless replayability due to the amount of effort the communities inject their projects with, is what makes me keep going back to DOOM.
But enough about DOOM. Time to play something else!
How I guessed my country's future correctly, and daily masksApr 28, 2020
On my birthday, I talked with my uncle through phone. He asked me "How long do you think the situation here is gonna last?"
So I said: "In 5 weeks from now, the hysteria and panic will be completely gone, and over 7000 people will be recovered from the virus."
Absolutely called it. Unbelievable. Currently around the total of 15k cases overall, almost half of which have already recovered, and 95% of active cases are in light condition.
Most of the stores are open again, takeaway is acceptable, and the education system is planned to return in the coming weeks, slowly but safely.
The ratio of New Cases/Recovered goes in favor of the recovery, because we keep getting less and less new cases every day, while more more people recover.
we have over 200 deaths though...It's sad. Fortunately, All the people that I know in my life, are safe.
We still can't meet up with family members, hug or shake hands with anyone, but things are almost back to normal for me.
Weeeeeell....except for one thing. MASKS! Just like in many other countries, we in Israel, are required to wear masks when we go outside(except for work out, if it's unmanageable).
I'm not sure what's the big deal about it....it's kinda funny. We're going through a weird phase in history that we'll laugh about for many years after it's done.
I actually want to design my own mask. Maybe draw a pirate skull thingy like in flags, or creep out kids with a overly realistic skin mask.
After all, if I have to put it on for many occasions from now on, might as well go for it with style.
I kinda halted my saxophone lessons. Trying to have a lesson through Zoom is really uncomfortable. There's a significant delay, audio quality isn't well from my end, and my parents keep listening so it makes me lose focus.
I don't know when I'll get back to lessons face to face, so for now I'm gonna practice on my own.
Ah, and I started writing a novel. There's this MangaToon app that has tons of webtoon-styled comics and even novels, so I wanted to give it a shot.
It's gonna be hard to be recognized, since there are way too many novels about romance or really all these genres that aim more for girls.
Either way, it's a comedy novel called Self Approach. If you wanna give it a read, look for it in the MangaToon app!
I'm trying to keep a daily schedule of 1 chapter per day.
Be safe, everyone! And don't forget to wash your hands :3alexander1970 likes this.
Birthday, Limitations, and DOOM EternalMar 31, 2020
So as of 8 days ago, March 23rd I am now 25 years old. This body is still young, but mentally i feel like i've grown up a lot over the past year.
And that is proved by the fact that i seem to care less and less about birthday celebrations...
I mean, considering the current situation in our world, and my country is no exception, celebrating with friends and family seem to be impossible(well, there's my parents, but you know..)
Even so, I ate a lot of snacks on that day. We have a tradition that whenever one of us three have a birthday, he gets a table full of stuff he likes to eat, such as cheetos, chocolate bars, etc etc.
It was standard, but I enjoyed the feeling of moving up a number.
Speaking of which, our country undergoes many changes because of the COVID-19, one of which is forming an emergency government. Everyone in the country got limitations, such as not moving 100 meters away from home unless it's for necessary means(like buying food or medicine). This has been going on for 6 days, and they keep adding more every 3-4 days.
In my city, there haven't been any new cases since 5 days ago, and the amount of people in the country who have recovered keeps going up.
I'm confident that by the end of April, at least in my country, things will go back to normal. If my prediction turns out to be true, then that means the COVID-19 was nothing different than previous epidemics and even pandemics. Maybe in a year from now, we won't only be vaccinated for the flu, but also for the COVID-19, and this is fine. i have no doubt that in a matter of 3 years, there will be enough vaccines for the majority of our country.
And on a completely different topic, March 20th was a very special day to me. DOOM Eternal came out, and I played it's campaign for 2 and a half days, on 3 sittings.
I can confirm that it is officially my newest favorite game ever, although it's not flawless.
It's an amazing FPS experience with tons of combat and intensity. Music is phenomenal, mechanics are smooth and comfy, the "body destruction" formula is so juicy, and it's the hardest DOOM game I ever played(as in fair hard, not unfair hard like Final Doom Plutonia).
I can brag about it's greatness for hours, but for now i'll say that it's pure satisfaction, and I cannot wait what comes next for the series(weeeell, there's DLC campaigns coming soon, but you get what i'm saying..)
Surviving under stress? fear? It's less about my own safetyMar 14, 2020
What a time to be alive. An active pandemic, tons of hysteria, restrictions and national isolation from the truth of the situation.
COVID-19, the planet-scale threat, is something that can be seen as a world-ending virus, or really..something that can be destroyed.
Here in my small country, we don't even have any death cases, and most of the people who were infected here, are in light condition.
over half of them are actually handling things well, despite being a bit sick.
Of course I'm not here to create envy or jealousy. It's quite the opposite: Despite our country's state is on the lower tier of danger, MANY people are in panic here.
Things have gone too far when tonight, our prime minister announced another wave of restrictions, one of which is "10 people and above cannot gather in the same spot".
And sure, this is for people's safety and all, but this is straight out extreme!
The most embarrassing thing about it is that there are A LOT MORE cases of illness and death every year in this country, and the prime ministry haven't gone that far to stop it.
And yet, we gotta get used to the new lifestyle. Fortunately for me, besides the possibility of not going to saxophone lessons for a while, I'm pretty much continuing my daily lifestyle....well, with a face mask included. That doesn't stop me from worrying though, because..well, my dad is old. He also has diabetes.
Because we live in an apartment, if any of the 3 of us(my dad, my mom, and I) get infected, we have no choice but to share it.
If there's something that I don't want right now, is for any of my parents to get killed by a virus. My birthday is in around a week, and i'd prefer not to share that period with the death of any of my loved ones.
So because of that, I don't wanna just go outside for my usual activities from the fear of getting infected. I also don't want my parents to go outside recklessly.
And despite that there aren't any death cases here, i still have my fears.
My dad coughs regularly, way before the whole outbreak have started, so whenever he starts coughing recently, i get a bit paranoid.
After all, it's a possible symptom.
So who knows what happens next... well, DOOM Eternal comes out on friday, and i'm on maximum hype for it. If things get a lot worse here, i'm afraid that playtime would have to wait....
My birthday, to be honest, isn't that important to me this year. My health comes first.CORE likes this.
what's been going on recently + valentine's day is filled with pointless cliche'Feb 16, 2020
I'm still alive, as you can see...uh, yeah.
Anyway, if I had to describe the last month and a half with one word: terrific. in a good way and a bad way.
In no particular order, I had 3 interesting situations, all of which are relevant to my bank account, because oh boy..money wasted like an expired package of chocolate buns.
The first situation, speaking of chocolate, was related to valentine's day! You know, that certain day in the year where all the sweets stores go nuts with their stock.
Personally, I don't care about all that crap between lovers on valentine's day. If I had a girlfriend right now(yes, ladies.....i'm single. don't @ me.), i would give her something more to her taste rather than a box of chocolate. I mean, there are girls who don't like chocolate! and if vice versa, i'd rather not pay it any importance. it's the thought of making me happy that counts.
But yeah, dealing with that cliche' is not simple. I know for instance that some guys who are single, put too much emphasis on this "holiday" and how depressing it feels to be alone.
Well I say: Cut the crap! If you have time to feel lonely on valentine's day, then use that time to enjoy whatever you like! Playing video games, drawing stuff, reading comics/manga, or even the most random thing like going to solve Picross or Sudoku!
Oh yeah! the situation...well, it speaks for itself. Turns out there's a girl who is associated with a former classmate of mine. I wrote a rant about this dumb valentine's day cliche', and she approached me on chat. Not sure if it'll go further beyond friendship, but I find it quite nice to have another new friend every now and then.
The second situation is related to computer stuff. Remember the whole thing with my GPU? Well, looks like the grim reaper knocked on the PC's door once again. This time both of my RAM sticks malfunctioned. The inevitable wave of BSODs appeared and for a first time, I was scared. I was already familiar with BSODs because of other people and, uh...memes, but getting one is real business.
It's all about identifying the problem, and I lacked the courage to do so. So after asking a technician to check things out, we learned that: 1. system drivers must be updated. 2. RAM went boom.
Long story short, he sold 2 new RAM sticks to me, and after struggling with attempts on inserting them inside, things went back to normal.
It costed quite a lot, but it costs a lot more anywhere else, so i couldn't dismiss the opportunity.
I think there are a few things i need to tweak more, but that's not crucial for now...
The last situation is related to driving. To put things simply, my dad...bought a new car! W-Well, he replaced the old one with a "new" car, but that "new" car is just an already-used car that went under a lot of repairs.
It includes a multimedia system, adjustable steering wheel(height-wise), back-camera, and comfy seats. I can confirm that it's quite enjoyable to drive in that car.
The whole thing with the multimedia system has a catch: in order to use most of it's features, you need an active internet connection.
Nowadays you can easily use mobile data for these kind of stuff, but the multimedia system needs to be synced with a smartphone.
So for example, if i want to put a youtube playlist(or these 3-10 hour music mixes), i need to activate hotspot on my phone, then use mobile data, and connect via Wifi.
And before you mention, my phone does not work with the auxiliary jack, since it's too old and can't be updated to a newer android version.
That means bluetooth won't work either, so I only had one option.
But yeah, as long as I can listen to music, I don't mind torturing my phone's battery. I'm planning to buy a new phone next month anyway.
Oh yeah, I've made a bit of progress on the saxophone as well! learned a few songs, worked on solos, practiced some dandy scales, and bought some slide grease because inserting the mouthpiece became painful!
My brother is actually friends with one of the best saxophonists in the country. He told him about me, and the guy wants to meet me.
I feel intrigued, since i'm still inexperienced and I don't want to disappoint him. I really see that entire ordeal as a hobby, something for fun. If I'd like to do anything beyond that, It'll happen when I feel enough confident to play in-front of people. My brother told me I have a lot of potential, considering I learned a lot in less than half a year, and as much as it makes me happy to hear that, I haven't decided if this is what will truly push me forward.
So for now, I'm gonna enjoy playing the saxophone and learning more.
An early upgrade, a vast improvementJan 6, 2020
Continuing from the topic of my previous blog, in the end I learned that one of the fans of my GPU is broken.
Considering my GTX 970 is not sold around here anymore, and they can't "fix" that fan, i decided to upgrade to a newer one.
Got a great deal for a GTX 1660ti, and they also installed it there.
Was it worth it? Totally. Not only all my games work the same as before, but i'm capable to increase the graphic settings all the way up in most of the games, while some require more power that the 1660ti can't produce.
Well, even if it can, framerate will be lower.
I also improved a lot more on the Saxophone. I can freely listen to songs I love and learn to play them by myself. My teacher also taught me some unique scales, like 2 of the Blues scales.
It helps a lot when I perform solos. SPEAKING OF WHICH, the most fun is to share a solo with my teacher. Kinda wish i'll find a partner who can sync up with me when the time to perform in real-time comes.
I also played some songs with my brother, who played the piano. It was fun, and we're planning to play together more stuff this year.
Maybe we'll also work on a project together, since he owns a studio.
I got better at driving, but my parents still underestimate my capabilities. They do let me drive alone any time the car is free to use, so there's that.
If I had to say, the new decade started off with a bang
Not a fan of cleaning my computer...fansDec 24, 2019
So yeah, my computer is pretty much a beast. amazing specs, runs 98% of the games decently, and has tons of cool features.
BUT THE FANS! oh god the fans...this is what i gotta pay for when i use my computer for 3 years straight without cleaning it physically.
Since that issue is pretty common, you could say i'm just another one who bites the dust...heheh.
Anyway, all that dust is there, and it makes my CPU fan sound like a jet engine, and sometimes like a chainsaw. Maybe I'll take it to the zombie apocalypse.
The weirdest thing to me is that, despite the noise that seems like it's about to explode any second, my computer works completely fine.
no slowdowns, no crashes, no freezing and really, everything normal.
But I'm not stupid. Even if the computer seems in great condition, I gotta make these damn fans calm down.
It happened a few months ago, and for some reason, it stopped when I ran the same game that caused that noise to happen in the first place.
This time, it doesn't work. The noise remains...
I'll probably take it to the store where i bought it. they have a lab there, and it's nearby too!
Whatever's gonna happen, money is on the roll, especially considering my computer's warranty have already expired.
I don't mind waiting for a few days anyway. After all, it's just noise, and just like every not-too-loud noise, i can just cancel it with music or just turn off my computer when I don't use it.
Hopefully if they'll be able to clean it immediately, i'll be able to learn how to do it myself. many sources claim how to do that, but it requires some tools that aren't currently in my possession.
And really because they show that on different computers, and I'd rather see a fancy cleaning operation on what I own.
I doubt there's anything that needs to be replaced though, because otherwise, I would notice actual problems or slowdowns.
Training Wheels in the form of Music SheetsDec 16, 2019
I've been improving with my saxophone over the past month. maybe improving too much than expected.
When I started, I only struggled with finger coordination and tongue-slapping, and now it just feels natural.
Because I'm practicing almost every day, I managed to clear my homework songs in a single day occasionally. Some of these really inspire me, to the point I wanna play them in actual performance.
There's this song called "Mercy Mercy Mercy", by Joe Zawinul.
I actually play it faster than in this performance, but it's a really great song. I even worked on my own solo!
Can I play everything for a duration of 4 minutes without making major mistakes? Hmmm, not yet. Need more practice.
Then again, I have time. I have a lot of time to put my heart and soul into practicing the saxophone.
So when I completely memorize my music sheets, I try to play with Backing Tracks. It's a good alternative when I'm not a part of a band or really when I'm not playing with someone else.
My teacher and I sometimes play songs together, and it's hard to sync in with his piano, but eventually we manage to pull something out.
Even if I currently memorize my music sheets, I still keep them. After all, it's important in case I'll get a blackout or be too much under pressure and I'll forget them.
The most important thing is that I enjoy this. All of this. It's a great hobby and I wanna keep going forward with it.
I might not turn it into a big-shot career, but I do want to perform in my city just for fun. There are certain times over the week when people play music at the main street. Most of these people are actually middle-aged, but from what I understand, some people even younger than me play sometimes!
Technically my private teacher gives me lessons in a music school, which is tied to our city's government. I do have some connections there from my activism days, so I only need to request a permission to perform in certain locations, and hope I'll be allowed.
However, it's gonna take a while until I'll decide to go for it. Need more practice...maybe 8 months, maybe more. Or you know.. when I'll feel ready.
Dealing with overprotective parents as a young adultDec 5, 2019
There are people who seek many goals once they finish high school. 1st degree? Common. A successful career? Also common. Live independently? At some point, yeah.
I met people who managed to leave their parents' house. Packed up their stuff, found a roommate, and kept doing whatever makes them move forward.
In my case, considering that I'm unemployed, it'll be too soon to leave home. One of my greatest goals is to manage my own life with the money I'll earn on my own.
It may be pretty common to set that for the future, but a goal is a goal. You either dive in, or stay back.
But starting whatever you want to do in life, doesn't always go smooth. After all, there are people who worry about you.
My parents are pretty good at worrying about me. they could make a career out of it!
It's one thing to understand and accept their intention, but it's another thing to cope with it when it collides with my plans.
First of all, as I already noted in my previous blogs, I passed my driving test. Technically I can just take my parents' car and drive anywhere I want(It's a new law in our country, based on age. I probably explained that already).
Problem is...yeah, my parents underestimate my capabilities as a driver. I can't enjoy the highway for a whole minute without one of them telling me tips or telling me where to drive.
It's not like I haven't took 40 lessons plus finished the driving test on my 2nd try, right? "Yeah, but you just started driving without a teacher, so you lack real experience." That's the usual excuse.
It's even more annoying since all the tips I get, are things that I'm fully aware about. I learned everything I need to know as a driver, so it's not like I'm driving fully blind on the highway to hell.
Secondly, my own health. I've got instructions from my doctor for all my needs, and I'm keeping up with everything pretty nicely. It all falls down to weight problems.
To be frank, I don't care about my appearance. I do care a lot about my body, because I already need to deal with a pair of problems, and I wouldn't like to have any more of those.
But when I actually manage to start working out, my parents start putting their noses into my own business. They recommend me things that go against my planned routine, even after I told them I already have stuff on schedule.
They feel responsible as my parents, but in my opinion, if something happens to me(like I dunno, sprain my leg), it's my own responsibility. It would be their responsibility if they were the direct cause to my injury.
And lastly, my social life. I've made some new friends recently in a party. A great bunch. We're gonna watch movies together from now on, and have TV marathons at one of these guys' house.
I'm also considering to find myself a date again. And as you expected, wild parents appear! Obviously using Tackle is not the answer(not throwing a pokeball either).
They're worrying about me meeting my new friends since they never met them and aren't sure if they're dangerous or not. Even on the positive side, they were always suggesting me places to go with friends, and that trend moves on to present day as well.
When it comes to dates, even when it's not on my mind, my mom keeps checking my hygiene, to the point I can't even take a shower in peace without being told to "Wash certain parts carefully" before I go inside the bathroom.
"Girls won't feel comfortable being with you if you don't take a good care of yourself." As true as it is, it irritates me to hear that.
Yeah, sometimes I have important things that i can't leave aside at the moment, so I tend to forget taking a shower and/or taking off clothes I wore for many days, but going with a big remark like "Girls won't feel comfortable being with you" only makes me feel worse.
I know from real experience how uncomfortable it feels to be near someone who stinks, so I'm already capable of preparing myself before I meet other people.
All of those are the main examples, and conveying them my feelings about all this became hard to do as well. I can't find the exact words to say in order to make them understand that I'm capable enough to handle my own problems without their help. They ask me how I'll handle situations that are very likely gonna happen in a few years from now. Why? Why talk about things that will only be relevant in the future? When I'll get to the bridge, I'll cross it. Simple as that.
It's either that kind of response, or they respond in a way that make it sound like I'm blaming them for my troubles, and that "They are bad parents". That alone makes me feel guilty for my OWN FEELINGS, like I can't be true to myself without hurting someone close to me in the process. I can't blame them for things they do from a good and caring intention, so I can't tell them to stop that either. They can only stop this by themselves, which can happen if I prove them I'm capable enough to do all this and that....and as I was implying throughout this huge wall of text, their own intention, is what prevents me from proving them my own capabilities.
Here's a simple example: I almost made a traffic accident out of high pressure. That pressure occurred to me because my mom didn't stop criticizing me and giving me tips on the way, so it made me lose my focus and I moved to another lane too early. (Luckily, the car on that lane slowed down a little, but he still honked on me for what i've done)
In other words, she wanted to help, but didn't understand that it makes me lose focus in real time. Even in my driving lessons, me and my teacher didn't talk in areas that require my full focus.
So if telling her she's to blame for my own pressure is wrong, and asking her to not talk to me while I drive is wrong(because she'll insist that I need to listen to her), then how I'll prove her I'm a capable driver that doesn't need anyone to watch his back?
I'm working on solutions for all these issues with my psychologist. we might come up with a miracle, for all I hope. Despite everything, they are still my parents who helped me grow up to the person I am today, and no one else can replace them.
If things do get better, I'll make another blog post.
Internet and MaturityNov 25, 2019
People grow up. I grow up. You grow up? maybe not, maybe yes.
The internet is a second home to society, but there are many moments when it feels like a prison of entertainment.
Because even when things suck, it's hard to quit them.
Memes, ideas, pictures of cats, fan animations, there are many things that keep me stuck to the chair and blind-type all over my keyboard.
heck, even GBAtemp is entertaining to the point i log in every day.
But a lot of times, the behavior or sense of humor of people on the internet, it's not to my taste.
Makes me wonder if i'm actually surrounded by adults or just kids.
Youtube for example, is full of videos of many varieties. there are videos which I love, and videos which I hate.
Youtube's comment sections are the real reason why I even write that blog, because watching the video is not enough for me. I wanna see other people react to it.
BUT RECENTLY, a lot of top comments have that overused meme of "(insert anything here): exists", or similar things like "Nobody: |Not a single soul: ".
And of course, overused jojo memes, "when (insert moment here), i felt that", jokes that focus on the lewd stuff, just quotes from video, and many more examples that seem to be MORE FREQUENT nowadays.
If someone told me to describe Youtube's comment section in one sentence, i'll say: "it's full of clowns". Seriously, overused jokes are NOT FUNNY, and that comes from a guy who makes puns all the time.
Even I do my best to not repeat my own puns.
The point is, the way i see things as they are, it's hard to find actual good comments, because there are too many immature people that waste my time.
Facebook might not have that many kids(at least not in my friends list), but it's filled with the most casual content, that i'm too bored to even check it. I only use it to chat with a few people.
I don't use twitter, i do have experience with Discord, and i'm mostly active on forums and Disqus threads.
I think the sole reason why i can't enjoy whatever most of these kiddos do enjoy, is because i grew to starve for originality.
If it's overused, it's either boring or annoying. If it's something that i didn't expect to see or read, chances are i'll be amused.
There are memes that them being overused is an understatement. it's like there's a HUGE culture behind a single meme.
I played Undertale when it came out, enjoyed the heck out of it, and did all the routes. it's one of my favorite indie games.
quite a few months later, it gained huge popularity. the fandom evolved and split into healthy and unhealthy portions, and it's a really long story.
NOWADAYS? even people who aren't undertale fans, are enjoying memes about sans(or as they call him, "sans undertale").
It makes me even more annoyed when Undertale's worldwide success took further steps and had crossovers with other games, since all these kids keep going "sans" this, "sans" that.
Sans the Skeleton is super overrated, and people treat him like a god. This is dumb. I hate this.
Other memes like the Fortnite default dance, anything earrape, dabbing, "yeeting", these just reek of quality.
I'm really just ranting, but it's really a matter of accepting that this is what the new kids like.
To be honest, outside EOF, i barely see these type of things on this forum. I guess that's why I still enjoy being here.
It's Time to Hit the RoadNov 19, 2019
As the title implies, I am officially a new driver! passed the license test on my 2nd try.
That is actually a really big deal, because there are a lot of things which i'm able to do now due to holding a driver's license.
And to make it more exciting, because i'm over 24 years old, i am not required to drive with an experienced adult for the next 6 months. i can pretty much drive alone now!
Obviously I still need to pick up the license itself, and pay a sum of money in the mail office, but other than that, i'm pretty much done with the training wheels!
My plans are pretty simple: drive around my country and enjoy the peace that exists outside the cities. maybe put some music on background, and just..drive alone.
As for whenever i'm gonna rent a car? hmm, maybe in a year or so. i don't really have anywhere to go, but i should consider that when i'll be accepted to a job in another city.
BUT i'll definitely rent one before i leave my parents' house.
So yeah, pretty happy right now!
Learning fast is boring sometimesNov 13, 2019
"But Redo, you already wrote a blog post yesterdaaayyyy" What can I say? I have too much to talk about.
You know that feeling when you can handle specific homework tasks quicker than the average student?
I'm merely referring to stuff that actually interest you, so for example, i really liked literature, so when i had homework about a certain song, i finished it too quickly(we had a great teacher btw).
But because i was way too curious about that song, i couldn't remain patient and i willingly looked up it's history. it just feels boring that you're already done with your task and have nothing further to do.
I really don't want to show off, but it seems that i got tons of progress with the saxophone on a really fast pace. i only practice each piece of homework for a week, and my teacher moves on to the next pieces.
Once i can handle a piece more than enough, i find myself unsatisfied. "I wanna play more songs", i think.
Fortunately, the internet exists, and so is youtube. as it turns out....i can also play songs on the saxophone by ear!
It's great because not every music piece has music sheets for certain instruments, which leaves me to just figure out the melody by myself.
You know Mega Man X? Remember Armored Armadillo's Stage Theme? Even if it's not intended for the saxophone, i learned to play a great portion of it(still need to finish one big part) just by listening to it.
For now i play it a bit slower, but i wanna try to put some swing in it so it wouldn't feel just like an import, but more like an actual cover.
then i just tried other songs from my head and had a great time.
I can't do solos yet, or anything that resembles a hard saxophone solo, but i really gotta say that some video game music sounds incredibly fantastic on the saxophone. just fantastic.
The fate of the world, as I see itNov 12, 2019
Long before we grew in numbers, before politics, before racism, and even before enslavement, humanity learned to conflict with each other. Violence, words, there are many ways to show their disagreement with the other person, but eventually, that conflict drove further by hatred. nations were built, cultures were created, and more continents were discovered.
What I mentioned at first are a few of the ways that were born from conflict, and ever since, the possibility of uniting the whole world together has become non-existent.
I live in a country, Israel, where we're in cruel conflict with other countries of the Middle East. At first, we were seeking peace...and we got it with 2 countries.
But not the rest, as history keeps repeating itself...we might never be in peace with them.
I live in a city that has been safe for over 3 decades. even when rockets fall in the neighboring cities, our army managed to destroy the only 2 rockets that were about to drop on our city.(that was 5 years ago)
But the fear still exists. even knowing that i'm in a safe place, I still worry. After all, these bastards could nuke our entire country easily, but that will instantly cause another world war.
Wiping an important country such as Israel would be one of the largest events in the entire history of humanity, and no one has the courage to manage that.
So the least they can do, is launch rockets over us, or send terrorists that will do a huge mess.
That is the most realistic state around here, and it gets really tough since this morning(you might seen it in the news, or not), but sadly, some countries are also in crucial times.
The world's fate as I see it, is endless conflict. what causes peace, will cause a new wave of conflict. it's impossible to have only of each. Some countries hate when other countries are at peace with each other. They fear their own destruction, when sometimes that's not really the intention of the other side.
Not even a world-ending meteor that would start falling down, would stop the conflict that humanity created, as they have different opinions on different matters.
However, while conflict exists, we're not in a state where every single country disagree with each other.
If you can find the people, the groups, or even those of authority, that they all accept and agree with your ideals, opinions, offers, then that's more than enough to feel alive, and stay alive.
The world is not fated to end, the world and it's people are only evolving further and further, whatever you see it for better or worse.
As we go forward into the future, we can understand how conflict forcefully involves us, and can decide whatever to take that as an opportunity to fight back, flee away, or remain frozen without an answer.
Personally, I think we need people that can help those on the latter, since as they are now, they are exposed to the terrors of death, manipulation, harassment, chaotic injustice....people need to help them come with an answer.
There's nothing wrong with running away, if it means that your life can be saved. whenever you leave someone behind, is a dilemma of it's own. Do you only think of your own safety, or do you instead only think of others' safety?
These questions are also a source of conflict, because whenever it is solved with violence or through debate, conflict is born from difference in opinions.
On the bigger picture, we work in a way that even our own thoughts are in conflict. whenever it's with other people, or with ourselves,
conflict is what helps us keep moving forward.
In a nutshell, Endless conflict might cause bloodshed, but it is also what keeps our blood running through our veins. we're using our full potential when we need to make a hard decision.
conflict causes the death of people, but it also what keeps them alive.
Despite all which I earned, something is still missingNov 5, 2019
Remember remember, the 5th of November....it is fine to remember, but it's really just a number.
Numbers don't always reflect what we seek. I could own 50 pieces of silver, but it means nothing if that isn't what i need.
If it means I could obtain what i need using that, then that's cool and dandy....but what if i don't know what proves to be needed?
Saxophone lessons are fun, and I've done a lot of progress. Driving lessons...are also fun, even if i make mistakes.
My plans for every week are always scheduled, so i feel at ease knowing what i need to do next.
I do the groceries, take care of my medical needs, and clean my room every now and then, all by myself.
When I'm hungry, I prepare food for myself, or buy something outside. All by myself. I buy these with my own money too.
I enjoy my games and shows, talk with people on the internet, and even go for midnight walks, just to enjoy the silence which is very rare at day time. All by myself.
It's just doing all that stuff by myself. Just a daily life for a guy without a job.
But a job is something i'm aware of, and I know when it'll be the time to search again. So it can't be that thing which is missing.
I'm not sure it's about having friends to hang out with either. Most of my friendships didn't satisfy me. Some people weren't enough sensitive to me, less than your everyday average person, while other people were way too sensitive to me.
What I see when I pass through people around my age or younger than me, are people who enjoy their accompany.
I only enjoyed that temporarily, and it heavily gets in the way of my goals. these so-called "goals" of mine didn't last for long. Reality is harsh, after all.
I don't have any life-time goals right now. I'm not even sure i'm gonna have any for the next few years or so.
Maybe that's what i'm missing...a goal. a big goal. Something that would keep me on my feet for a long time, something that a person like me can be capable of handling.
Reality is what destroyed a lot of my goals in the past. heck, when i was a little kid, i wanted to work at frigging SEGA. Now i don't want to have a job related to technology at all.
I was an activist for 2 years, only to realize that society will never listen to someone like me, who doesn't have a degree or anything that proves me to be trusted. Well, they can hear, but they won't do anything with what i said.
What i'm saying is that there is fear in looking for what is missing in my life, because if it ends up being the things which i left behind, then i'll be back to the loop which I wanted to leave in the first place.
But what i know for sure, is that as long as i won't find what is missing in my life, I won't be truly happy.
Breath-taking homeworkOct 28, 2019
I am a fast-learner when it comes to music instruments. Not all of them, of course, but if someone tells me to memorize music sheet, I can do this in an hour.
Turns out the Saxophone is a good example of what it takes to learn it's basics. it's a big piece of gold/silver pipe, filled with unfamiliar buttons(NO TOUCHING DA BUTTONS YET! LEARN FIRST!)
The lessons which I take, are still at their first steps, so understanding how all buttons work and which I need to use for different sounds, usually takes more lessons for the understandable explanation.
BUT THEN, turns out that just pressing the register key to produce higher sounds is not enough. It's
BREATH AND LIPS CONTROL!
...err, yeah. pretty hard. especially considering my current homework requires me to shift between octaves on 2 specific songs, and it's hard as heck.
then there's that "problem" when all the notes on a high octave(not highest, just high) sound like shit.
It's either my fault, or there's an actual issue inside my sax. Unfortunately, since i only have a lesson once a week, i need to endure these shitty sounds for now.
i mentioned 2 songs, but there's actual 3. weeeeeell....the 3rd song was pretty easy :3 it's usually fast, but if i play it slower i can keep up with tongue-slapping.
Which reminds me! In the previous lesson, my teacher and I have started to play duets! Fun fun fun! Makes me wonder if i'll ever find a saxophone partner when i'll have enough experience.
It's obvious that a song could feel incomplete when only one instrument does it's role, which is why I got excited when my teacher played his own part.
I also maintained my speed to sync in with his, and apparently it's some sort of instinct that you develop automatically when you learn songs by ears.
Mind you all that I'm not looking for suggestions. Heck, all the stuff which you sent me in relation to saxophone...is quite meaningless.
After all, I have a teacher who can help me. If it's only about music sheets that i could play in the future....well, yeah, the future. I'm not familiar enough with all the buttons.
I tried to play the Pink Panther today, but since it requires a fuckton of sharp notes(or as we refer to it as Diez), most of which i don't know how to produce, it remains in my wishlist.
Long story short, it ain't a cakewalk, it's not easier than i expected, but i discover tons of potential on it.
I really hate it when people tell me how many years i need in order to learn enough so I would be eligible to play in front of an audience.
Seriously, there were many cases when young adults learned only for 2 years before they made their debut. they were dedicated to practice, learning, they even learned stuff by themselves! (as do I, but only by accident)
It took me 2 years to play the piano by EARS when i was in middle school, and people mention learning to play the piano is HARDER than learning to play the sax.
Which is why, the moral of my story, is that "No one can truly claim the maximum potential of your own experience, and even if you can claim it yourself, there's always room for more"MicmasH_W likes this.