Welcome to the personal blog of Raisingod

  • Raisingod

    Something about being a Transsexual

    There are Some definitions at the end for those who need it
    Note The Writer is in Transition (she is over the coming out issue and just pissed off that society hadn't let her be her on her early years)


    I am writing this post because of the events of the last few weeks ( including some articles I read and the tgeu convention) . This post isn't the easiest thing to write as its a sort of a "coming out" post in this forum ( I never clearly stated that I am transsexual on this forum {as far as I remember} though I did talked about it on the IRC channel).

    I guess I should cut to the case and say that being a transsexual ( and transgender ) isn't easy nowadays . In every country I know of there is at least one regulation that discriminate transsexual ( thus for example in my country transsexual can not get married { although if they marry abroad the legal status is the same as those who were married in my country). Its even worse from a social point of view where we are ridiculed and bullied on a daily basis ( not daily but whenever the topic arise there is at least one transphobe in the area).

    After this intro i shall go on to my life story (a striped down only bits of what relevant version 0.5):
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    My Story (Version 0.5b)

    I was born about 20 years ago as what the doctor describe " a healthy baby boy" . I had a normal life for a toddler ( I can't remember much of that time but it was pretty normal) . Once I reached the age of 5 ( at least thats the earliest I can remember) i became pretty aware that something wasn't right , socity treated me differently then the girls , the group that I have associated myself with ( although they did told me I was a boy at that time). I became a bit closed and always wondered why I can't play with things I want and wear the clothes that seemed so good on my friends(mind you I wasn't all over party dress {never liked those } but a simple summer dress would have been nice) they also told me I can't have my hair long . Although my mother was pretty tolerant about my "different" behavior most of society thought it was weird and they tried to stir my away from the things that made me feel so good

    As I moved out of kindergarden and into to school the situation only got worse and so did my social problems. I became closed and hung out with a small and non-popular crowed as I couldn't be with the people who said that being me is so wrong. Also Gender roles seem to be a bit more prominent in primary school and further things became "not right" for me , having stuffed animals slowly became a thing to be ridiculed about and being over exited about some things became a reason to stay away from me. They told me I was a boy so I need to learn how to be though and like rough things, I knew that this wasn't right even for boys ( as my clearly boys friend weren't rough) so for me , a self proclaimed girl it wasn't true either. I was an stright A+ student ( in my country we had percentage based scoring and I always got 100 in every subject) but they refused to bump me up a grade although I was two years ahead of my classmate, they said I need to learn how to deal with society. Their idea for "the proper way to deal with society" as my school concealer said was to be "who you are" meaning playing the role of a boy.

    As I progressed through primary school I learned several things about society like that school doesn't treat the students the same ( those who were more of a leaders can get away with almost everything , the smart ones was supposed to realize how to fend for themselves). The thing that bothered me the most was the realization that if I want to survive school I should hide who i am .Yep at that point I had now doubt that I was a girl inside and society gave me a hard time about it, beating was a twice a week issue at best and I was ridiculed on a daily bases.Those beating only made me sure that one day I am going to be a girl ( i knew it was possible as the LGBT community had just started to get vocal and gay,lesbian and transgender were all over the news).

    I was the student with the highest grades in school (by the time that I was in sixth grades I knew algebra and a bit of calculus) but they still didn't gave me an honorer student award, later i realized that my teacher though I was to immature to get it. Immature,me ? I was told I was too mature for my age by most people including the school advisor at my (soon to be) new school heck when they sent me to a shrink after my parntes divorced he told my mother that part of the reason I had social problems was that I was too mature and that this frightened and threatened my classmate. it seemed like being myself was too much for my teachers who couldn't realize why I would avoid brawls like a plague . Yep they actually wanted me to fight!!!

    And so I moved into middle school where suddenly I became a top student. The teacher realized I was smart , well mannered and guess what MATURE! I was still playing the part of the boy the wanted me to be( I wasn't very boyish even in my social disguise but it was enough to get people of my back). I also became a bit popular, people liked the way I could interact with almost any one and I slowly became the class smart guy and really likable geek (Everybody knew that what ever their "geekdom" was I was able to talk about and share experiances { everything from board game to rock music}) . I still had problems with showing my true self because most of my annual at my school was homophobic and transophobic but I slowly built a social confidence. I even did the not so popular thing and started growing my hair.

    I also started had a full realization of what i was (transgender to be transsexual) and that there were support group and other people like me

    And then i reached high-school. I was about to get out to my mother when I met the person who would delay the start of my transistion 3 years : My math teacher: He was openly agianst trans genders and say they were stupid and had lower IQ and EQ then normal people . I was enraged about it and started getting depressed at the thought other people might react like he did . So I did what most people would do : I closed up for a year trying to convince my self that I can deal with those kind of asshole.

    In that summer I made an important step I started talking with other transgenders and transsexuals. This thing led that by the start of my 11 grade I had a name and was pretty confidence in myself. I came out to my mom who was supportive and told me we should look for a psychologist .

    I also became much more open and happy . I was an honorer student with one of the highest GPA in my annual ( which was considered one of my school's best and it was a school for gifted teens). I got A+ in physics,computer,robotics and English and an A in pretty much everything else (got a B in my State studies class and thats it) . The reason I only got an A in math was that I couldn't focus in class due to my teacher common anti-transgender remarks.

    At my last year of school I was already in therapy for enough time to start HRT ( Hormone replacement therapy ) but me and my psychologist thought it would be best to wait till I was out of school ( since i would have had to told them about my condition other wise).so I sailed through this grade and a year later I had my turn at my endocrinologists, I was starting hormones.

    And thats when some new trouble arrived , My friends all started acting like i am weird and like I have some sort of a mental problem , some of them looked down on me. I had to close many relationship due to the other side problems with dealing with me. I also got some awful experiences in the pharmacy ( I still get them from time to time) .

    Currently I am still in mid change and i see society miss treatments toward us . They treat us like a were have some terrible disease and like we aren't fit for society or that we are lower class and should be treated as such . They laugh at us and they say we are sinners and would be punished for what we do , yet we don't hurt no one and they do.Still I see hope as things are becoming a bit better lately.

    So to wrap it up my I have two questions: Why can't you just let me be myself ? and Why the hell do they treat me different?


    For any kind of feedback, questions, answers , support ( both ways) and random cookies Please replay .

    Finishing TRANSmission number two ( still with this wretched keyboard) and promising to write more often:

    LGC
    :grog: :yayds:

    P.S
    Be Kind Rewind



    The author is a transsexual and for those who ask somewhat of a girly girl . Has an ever growing collection of : Stuffed animals, Board games,Books and Magic the Gathering. She is also a movie buff and an history buff and as appoused to what comes from this post genrally Happy and very social (** Author note: I really like people**).Her hobbies are not limited but include: Drawing, Cooking , Math, Writing, Reading, Playing games, Basketball (And several other team sports) and the ever lasting programing :)
    At the moment She is working and geting ready for starting a degree in one of the local University honorer programes ( she tries to quit on caffeine as well { damn coke }).
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    Sex: a physical definition of male and female . There are several definition to it including : chromosomes (XX=female XY=male) , genital structure ( penis=male ,vagina=female) and various other .

    Gender role (sometimes called sex role): This is the set of socially-defined roles and behaviors assigned to females and males. This can vary from culture to culture. Our society recognizes basically two distinct gender roles. One is the masculine: having the qualities or characteristics attributed to males. The other is the feminine: having the qualities or characteristics attributed to females. (A third gender role, rarely, though possibly increasingly, condoned in our society, is androgyny combining assumed male (andro) and female (gyne) qualities.) Some people step out of their socially-assigned gender roles or "crossdress (wear the clothing traditionally reserved for the other sex). Though not universal or even precise, some of the terms used to identify these individuals include "transvestites (often heterosexual males and females who crossdress), "Drag Queens (male homosexuals who crossdress), "Drag Kings (female homosexuals who crossdress).

    Transgender (TG): Originally, this word meant (1) what are also known as full-time cross-dressers or nonsurgical transsexuals, people who live and work in the [other] (of their physical anatomical) [sex], continuously and for always. Now it also means (2) the group of all people who are inclined to cross the gender line, including transsexuals, cross-dressers, and gender benders together. This is the main way the word is used today, and is referred to as the "umbrella definition as it covers everyone. A few [people] use the word transgender as (3) a synonym for transsexual.

    Transsexual (TS): Anyone who (1) wants to have, (2) has had, or (3) should have a sex-change operation. (The third definition is for those in denial.) This word also includes (4) nonsurgical transsexuals (see above). TS,s want to appear "convincing as their new selves.

    Transphobia/transphobic: The fear and hatred of cross-dressers, transsexuals, and gender benders and what they do [or are feared to do], and everything that results from this, from disrespect, to denial of rights and needs, to violence. Though some have defined this as an "irrational fear and hatred, in actuality, from the time most of us are young, people and institutions (parents/guardians, peers, teachers, clergy, the media, etc.) have taught us to conform to societal notions of "proper gender behavior, and to hold in contempt those who challenge or transgress these standards. Transphobia is indeed a form of oppression.

    Definitions from Transproud :http://www.transproud.com/
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    :rolleyes: :unsure: :rolleyes: :unsure:
  • Raisingod

    And so it beggins!

    This story start in a place a bit remote on our plant with me getting oh so annoyed about the clickty-clack sound my (Devilish) keyboard keys make. As we all know stories useally have a villan and keyboard seems like an worth-while opponent.

    While I try to use my "Fast posting" skill to prefform a " One hit KO" move on my keyboard alot of things come to mind , most of them about the fabric of the universe,people and Choclete this world magic potion. I gather that while I might not be able to beat my keyboard I do have the ability to rumble aimlessly about my daily affair and different thing that happen in my sort of crazy life ( building a game, dealing with some frantic issues , physics and general computer mindlessness).


    So in order to make some people suffer ( pet kitty While writing)I'll write in here ,hopefully in a 'twice a week' basis, about the stuff I mentioned above.


    Till next time : Let us hope my devilish keyboard will die an horrendous death and burn in the fire of hell it created!