Welcome to the personal blog of Kaosu-Noko

  • Kaosu-Noko

    Im Back

    I know I don't post here much, sorry I try to be an active member but other things have kept me pretty preoccupied. Anyways Back around...January i made a blog about a girl that I had liked (Or Loved?) and ever since then its been ups and downs with it. Anyways I'll TRY to keep this from being a TL;DR. But Who knows.

    Well shortly after the Blog i made...I never got a direct answer, it would always be dodged with a sort of...playful attitude. Later around Valentines Day she dated a friend of mine. As devastated as I was i continued on with a fake smile. Facing him and her together. Shortly after I got a new phone. I got her number, we texted and I found out she had pneumonia. I was there asking every morning if she was ok but ya know. Eventually him and her broke up. (They almost barely had anything in common) and in my head it seemed I was becoming more of a friend. but i was just imagining things. We communicated with trolling, each playfully taking shots at each other, while mines were kept at minimum her jokes came full force driving knives into my heart. But skipping forward (It gets better) In march I met a new girl. She added me on facebook after I 'Trolled' My best friends Ex-girlfriend (Not the girl I liked) and it was very amusing to all those who seen the post.

    Anyways I met her and we talked for a bit online and she asked for my number. We texted from time to time..I wasn't really into it...But we finally met at some kind of church gathering where other teens could hang out and stuff. And pretty much after that we texted almost non-stop. In the morning waking up for school then at night until we both fall asleep. Eventually after about a month i confessed that i had feelings for her but i subsequently still had a little feelings for the previous girl (I didnt tell her that). As time went on we gradually feel in love with each other and when summer came we feel even harder. We'd go to the movies and sometimes she would come over and as time went on so did our 'friendship' starting from hugs, to kisses on the cheek, then biting (the neck biting stuff) and eventually making out. We'd pull off all nighters on the phone and text more and more. And finally we both have fallen deeply...( i think) In love with each other.

    Im pretty sure she's sincere and most of my friends do too but every now and then I get a feeling of doubt. She uses the love word 'loosely' Meaning she said she love someone in a friendly way and considering she hangs out with mostly boys. It gets kinda... irritating hearing about another boy. (Not to mention she is Bisexual) Anyways Im sure that she means as friends and that she doesn't love them. We talked about a relationship but she wanted me to not love the other girl anymore. She wanted me to be sure of my emotions and sure of my love for her, Which is understandable. Im sure now and she no longer doubts me. But I have a few questions

    1.) Shes 14 turning 15 and October and I just turned 17 In june...Is that to big of an age diffrence?
    2.) I know shes kidding around but should I let her use the love word so loosely?
    3.) I Never ACTUALLY asked her out yet. and I wonder if that whats she waiting for. Im sure that if i asked she would say yes, but a discussion would ensue question my feelings for her beforehand.
    4.) I'm new to this, I never actually asked a girl out before...So I'm unsure on how to word it. Any Help? Lol

    But All in all thats been pretty much it. Things seems have been going well. Occasional ups and downs. Over all that time, Ima going to be a senior, I have a job, And I just got a Drivers permit. so from someone else's perspective I have no reason to really be depressed. but life gets you down. I believe this whole experience has changed me as a person, I've become more open because before hand I used to keep what I feel and how I thought to myself. In a way Im glad that other girl broke my heart. I felt it pushed me through that door of maturity i wanted to avoid. So yeah. Thats it. Looks like this became a TL;DR anyways.
  • Kaosu-Noko

    Simple Blog

    lately I've trying to figure things out for myself. I've recently got over a crush that I had and because of it. I've been thinking a lot more about my life. My close friend told me i need to be more open to others otherwise I'll never find happiness and what not. I'm generally not depressing but at times (The past 7 Months) i have been. I'm 16 and my childhood years are running out. Everyone in my family is religious, I'm atheist but at times i find myself questioning religion. Also what is it called if you don't believe in race? I generally don't care what race anyone because everyone is human. I also think i have misanthropic characteristics. I don't like society and how its run and i don't really like those around me at times i find it hard to stomach classroom discussions yet i try my hardest to fit in. Maybe its all just low self-esteem? Anyways on Monday i have to take the ACT. Anyone got any pointers? is it a hard test and what not? The only portion I worry about is math. I struggled all through algebra and geometry and i have took trig yet. So any idea's will help.
  • Kaosu-Noko

    Another Girl thread

    Took my awhile to convince myself to actually post this but so far only one person has been helping me through this. I decided that i may need the opinion of others to help so i decided to add yet another girl related issue to Gbatemp

    So over the past three months theres been this girl who I can't seem to stop thinking about. It all started when she decided to move closer to her friends in my 3rd Period Class. I noticed a small things about her thats rare in girls in at my school such as liking anime's, playing video games and the ability to actually use her head instead of complain to the teacher about how much work was given. Anyways we started talking in 3 period. She ask to use my book and what not and sometimes would let me copy her work if she see i hadn't actually done it. In 5th period Algebra i was moved to a seat next to her because my teacher said i was to busy talking to my friends. So we began to talk a lot more. We'd talk about the work i couldn't be much help though because i suck at algebra but she was really good at it. I notice the she would make me do work and actually learn it. by thanksgiving break i was sure that i Like her.

    After 5th period we wont talk again until the next day because of lunch and we both had a different set of friends. I got a Dsi the day we came back from break and the same day my supercard dsonei came. I went to school and started playing Pokemon Black. she would ask if she could play. her birthday was the 8 of December and i didn't get black and white as promised. All the way up to winter break my affinity for her grew stronger, I found myself becoming depressed because every chance i had to tell her something personal would be interrupted. She noticed this and after a while (maybe a week) turned to me and said She knows why, i didn't believe she did but she wouldn't tell me exactly what she knew. She would beat around the bush. All she said is that i was depressed cause i liked a girl. I couldn't get her to tell anything else. The first week back from Christmas break i had gotten an R4 and loaded White so that she could play it and told her it was a Christmas present/ late birthday present.

    My friend told me to write a note to tell her how i feel Which i always though was sort of a corny idea but after realizing that every chance i had to tell her got Fucked i decided to do it he is the only person who knows i like her. I would tell him stuff and he'll keep telling me she likes me back and that i was blind for not noticing it but i didn't really believe it. She also said she had a boyfriend and would brag about him, but what she told me about him and what she told others didn't add up and it lead me to believe that she actually didn't and was saying that to judge my reaction. Before Christmas break i had told her that one of her friends (who was also my friend) had been making fun of her.

    he some how got her to believe what he was saying sometime on Wednesday and had the situation turn on me. I noticed that she wouldn't talk to me as much as she used to even though she said she wasn't mad i could tell she was. I tried to tell her but i couldn't find a good enough wording to so i decided to give her the note, apologizing and telling her the true reason why i was all depressed. Tomorrow i go back to school and i have this bad feeling that the response i'm going to get is not going to be satisfactory. Any help, or suggestions is welcome :unsure: