Online Dating: You're Doing it Wrong!!!May 4, 2017
Okay, first blog entry. (Yes, I'm doing a topic on Dating, on GBATemp lol) Anyways, I've been doing Online Dating for some time now, and just recently found someone I'm happy with.
I've noticed that many people (Guys in particular) have issues with getting responses and keeping the conversation going. I'm not sure how many of you guys are into dating at the moment, I know I wasn't until after I graduated High School.
Before I start getting in depth, for those of you who have tried Online Dating, I'd like you to ask yourself three questions:
1. How many messages did you send to different women?
2. What did you say in your message? Was it long and detailed, or short and sweet?
3. How many responses did you receive?
Based on the answers to those questions, statistics say most of you aren't really putting any effort into it.
No, I'm no psychologist, but from my personal experience, and decent response rates, this is what helped me succeed:
1. Be Sincere in Your Message.
One of the biggest turnoffs for a women is when you're not genuine or unique. Saying "Hi", "What's up" "How's it going" or anything of the like, doesn't require any thought process. It's mindless and women usually are under the impression you just said the same thing to ten other women and a lot of times won't respond to it.
Do: Actually look at their profile. You know, read it and take some of that information and message her something regarding she mentioned in her profile. Hobbies, interests, goals, fun facts, anything that sets you apart from the other twenty messages she received in the last 24 hours.
- Send dick pics (Seriously, that's a big reason why a lot of women won't try Online dating)
- Use small responses or the dreaded "K".
- Expect a response, and when you don't receive one, harass her and tell her why she's too picky or why she's never going to find someone. (They deal with this crap almost daily)
- Message her something that's already answered in her profile. This tells them you didn't bother to read it, or are forgetful.
2. Have a Detailed Profile and Main Picture that Stand out.
I can't tell you how important this is. Many times, after a women receives a message, before opening it they read your profile. Sometimes, they delete the message without even opening it, especially if you haven't filled it out or they think you're not their type based on what they read.
Do: Talk about yourself, what you're looking for in a relationship, friend, hookup or whatever it is you're seeking. Upload a clear picture of you, hopefully something you enjoy doing. Whether it's catching a fish, being athletic, catching 'em all, loving on a pet, etc. It's a little unnerving when someone uploads a picture of a cartoon or has a picture of something that rattles them (Yes, sometimes killing animals and uploading a picture of it can be a turn off to some women)
- Have too many shirtless pictures or selfies.
- Come off as desperate or cocky.
- Lie about something. Believe me, it will come back to haunt you.
- State something obvious: Hanging with friends or Listening to music is hardly hobby, and everyone does that anyway. Remember, you're trying to stand out.
3. Don't Send Too Many Messages to the Same Person in a Short Time
This was partially my issue. My anxiety got the best of me and because of it, they never gave me that chance and rightfully so. Desperation is bad M'Kay? Wait for a response, and if they didn't respond the first time, DON'T message her again. Either she's not interested or she hasn't read it yet. If she has messaged you back at least once and you're waiting for another response, it's okay to follow up with something like "By the way, you have a pretty smile", or "Hey, we root for the same sports team, go you!" but don't go overboard because that's pretty clingy.
Do: Be patient, show them you have a life outside of trying to find a mate.
- Try to convince her that she's wrong on stopping the conversation. Sometimes, what seems so right to you isn't to the other.
- Message her too many things and overload her with questions/comments if she has shown interest in you. As mentioned above, give her time. You're not the only email in her inbox.
4. Make a Move.
If things seem to be going well, and both you and her have connected for a decent period of time, ask her on a date. Tell her you'd like to get to know her and ask her to meet up. Pick a time and a location and ask if that sounds good. If so, congrats - You have a date! If not, maybe wait a little longer if she shows interest.
Do - Before the Date: Make sure you guys meet at the same place. I once had asked a date to Starbucks and we ended up going to two different locations. Make sure to have a set time and location.
Do - During/After the Date: Show interest and look her in the eyes. Make conversation and listen as well. Be humorous and keep her interested. After the date:
- If everything went well, tell her you had fun and you'd like to continue meeting up. Ask her if she has a place she'd like to meet up at and go from there. Continue to keep in contact as well. That's really important!
- If the date was awkward or didn't go well, be sure to tell her that you appreciate her time and ask her if she'd like to stay as friends, sometimes the first date is too much to handle and she may have more to offer. If things went terrible or she's not who she came off to be - Run! Run and don't look back... No not really. Remember you're not the only one who's had a bad date. Many people fail to stay on the same page and a lot of the times it just wasn't meant to be.
Don't - Before the Date: Text her repeatedly, or ask too many questions the day of the date. Save them for the meeting. That gives you more to talk about during the get together. After the date: DO NOT: Ask for sex (At least on the first date, it makes you come off as a pig to many girls. Yes, there are females who want sex on the first date, but it's usually not a good time to ask (In my honest opinion)
I really hope to those who read this, it helped. I know there's already a ton of articles about this on the internet, but I thought I'd give my two cents. I'd also like to know your personal experiences with online dating and if I missed anything you think should be added or if I'm just completely wrong on something.
If you're new to online dating and want to give it a shot, I'd recommend POF or OKCupid. POF has the most members and is free to everyone. However, women for some reason have full access to additional features that men must pay for to use. (Like telling if they read your message or seeing people that just created their account) I assume because the male to female ratio is like 3:1 or something like that.
Regardless, I wish you the best of luck! Cheers!
- Jordan (Jastolze)