Well so much for taking things into my own hands...Mar 27, 2020 at 9:09 PM
Some of you may remember a while back how I discovered the storage space my parents had my stuff in was lost. Well I flew across the country and took it upon myself to dumpster dive in the hoarder's paradise of my parents' main storage space to salvage what little of my property was left that I could. It was a pain but I was able to grab a couple things, certainly not everything I wanted, or even half really. But some notable things were: my electric guitar, all of my tools, my computer, among a couple others I can't quite remember (I believe my n64 collection was also salvaged). I opened up a contract for a storage space right around the corner, and walked all my stuff there. I've been paying nearly $100 every month since. Before I flew back, I took what I could from my computer: power supply, hard drives. I never found my graphics card from my parents' storage, so I ended up having to buy a new one. My mother was kind enough to package up the rest of my desktop and ship it to me using a label I paid for online.
Nearly a year later, I receive a phone call from the storage unit. It turns out somebody robbed 5 units, which included mine. I'm on the opposite side of the country so I can't physically go there and assess the loss, but I'm not hopeful there's even anything left. I asked my dad if he could stop by to take a look, hopefully he'll actually do that.
So, by pulling myself up by my bootstraps, digging through my parent's mess and taking things into my own hands, I've wasted nearly $1000 and lost what little left I owned after my first big storage loss. Life, huh?
[Political] What a great way to fuck yourselves over again.Mar 18, 2020
With much lamenting I must accept that Biden will probably be the Democratic nominee. This republican-in-disguise now cost our nation, no matter what political beliefs its people have, its last chance at repairing itself. We are going to see a repeat of 2016. Even if he does win, it'll still be a shit show, and long enough for people to forget all about the current traitor. Nothing will get fixed in our system. Thanks, Hillary 2.0. Thanks, Democrats and Republicans. Congratulations, you played yourself.
On another note, anybody familiar with Canadian visas? Asking for a friend
Stream of ConsciousnessMar 5, 2020
This year has sure been eventful. I went from absolute bottom to starting a successful career. I struggled through many years just to be able to begin this climb out of the crater called poverty.
I don't worry about affording food, housing, or clothing. I can buy videogames, software, and hardware. I have plans to own a car soon, used and a little aged but good condition. It's an experience like no other, to have the unbearable weights of life lifted from my shoulders. I truly appreciate the chances I was given to get where I am today, even if I had to push myself perhaps too hard many a time. There were many close calls... But here I am, sheltered and working hard.
Medical expenses and student debt still hover over my head but those too will lighten in time. The one true force weighing me down however is still ever present. Anhedonia, over-analytical consciousness, lack of motivation, no real social life offline, little interest in my hobbies, loneliness, desire to accomplish but lack the will and pleasure to do.
I muster up enough to get through the day and stay on the track to financial stability and hopefully comfort later in life. But once work is done, I just sort of vegetate. I'll bounce between looking at my phone's home screen, to twitch, to gbatemp, to my phone, the fridge, ad nauseum. I'll boot up my pc and open discord, maybe browse a couple posts, then open steam and look at my library for a couple minutes. "I really want to play and stream all these games!" But i don't really feel like it. I'll start one or stream something but I don't quite feel fulfilled.
I really don't feel fulfilled. I just want to actually enjoy life, you know? I over eat and don't really exercise, those seconds of bliss when stuffing my face with pizza are incredible but the second I stop I'm back to feeling empty. Then I struggle in a battle between eating more and enduring no further eating. I'm in this super uncomfortable heavy self-esteem-lacking state because I eat large portions and don't exercise enough.
I just don't really have the motivation.
What's ironic is that I'm probably at one of the highest points in my life, things are finally going well and I no longer feel hopeless about the future. But I'm just not...fulfilled.
Will I ever be? Will I find what I'm looking for?
Let's try to be positive. Again, I'm extremely grateful to have been given the chance to work my ass off to escape the hell hole my home life was. What my upbringing was. What poverty was. Drug addicted parents and showering in the old un-attented pool in the backyard for a month because we couldn't afford the electric/water bill. Daily fighting, junk food eating, chore neglecting.
That's right, positive, my bad. My apartment is nice. Not amazing, but the walls are painted, I have a dishwasher (awesome!) and a fridge that got fixed recently by maintenance. I have decent internet connection and can buy little things for myself here and there. I don't have to be cold at night or hungry ever. I have a shower that works and mostly stays warm.
Not really sure what to say from here so I'll just close this with another positive: I am alive.
I bought both video editing and image editing programs for the first timeDec 30, 2019
Boy it sure is nice to have the money to buy these things legitimately. I used to have to resort to other means to make creative media as a teenager, but I kept my word that once I had become no longer poor and broke, I'd actually buy software legitimately. I'm thankful I had the access to such creative means even if I didn't have the money.
[Vent] My Brief Trip to the ERDec 6, 2019
As some of you may have known, I had the flu recently. Well, lucky me, whenever I get the stomach flu, it is accompanied by unbearable, excruciating abdominal pain, requiring a trip to the ER just so I can get pain relief. I'm talking pain so bad, I can't help but scream in agony and conversation is nigh impossible.
But first, let me explain my situation. My medical "insurance" (more like medical treatment paywall) requires that I just pay out-of-pocket for $1500 of my medical bills in the year before they even start to cover anything. That's on top of the twice-monthly fee to simply have the plan. So, I had finally just reached that, and not a moment too soon as it is now December.
So now, on select services only, they'll cover 80%. However, some things like x-rays they only cover 50%. Because America.
Anyways, here I am, in excruciating pain. I order a lyft, because that's the only economical means (and still quite expensive) of travel in this country if you can't drive or don't have a car. My roommate left me his car while on vacation, but I was in way too much pain to drive, plus I was in the tail end of my vomiting bout. I had just returned from driving my roommate to the airport an hour away, pretending like I wasn't in pain on the way there, then throwing up every 10 minutes on the way back (luckily I was smart enough to bring bags for this very possibility). What was an hour drive took me 3 and a half as I had to constantly pull over to puke and bear the pain. But I digress.
So they take me to the local emergency clinic right down the road. I try to relay my situation to the front desk, but I immediately burst into tears and cannot quite form sentences. The pain was just too much.
She tells me they won't actually open for another hour and a half, and asks if I want to have an ambulance called. Anybody who's not rich in the US knows: don't take an ambulance unless you're going to die. The costs are out-fucking-rageous. So I mutter a "no" and go and sit in the corner.
At this point the pain had escalated so much that I could not help but bellow screams of pain. Once again, the front desk lady comes and asks me if I want the ambulance. I again refuse. When she asks why, I try to piece together the phrase "too expensive". She then urges that I take one, and with the pain still escalating, I reluctantly agreed.
So, I'm in the ambulance, and one of the 2 emt's keeps asking me a million questions, then when I can't answer or he didn't hear me or I scream out in pain, he scolds me like a fucking child. "Screaming's not going to do anything for you." Bull-fucking-shit. I don't know if you've ever been in so much pain you want to literally die, but I tell you screaming is the only thing that helps in the moment. Try telling someone who just got their arm cut off to "stop screaming, it's not going to do anything for you."
Yada yada eventually they finally give me pain meds. Fentanyl. A super strong, super addictive pain killer. Now, I tell you the pain was so bad that they pumped a fuck ton in me, then had to wait before they could pump a fuck ton more.
Finally the pain subsides to bearable, and with the second batch it is nothing more than a cramp. Relief at last, after 7 straight hours of gut wrenching pain.
Fast forward, after CT scans, urine sample, etc. the doctor comes in.
"Not sure what the problem is but you're fine now. Could have just been a bug." I would have been furious were it not the xth time I've had to go to the ER for the same condition and given the same evaluation with the same "lol I unno, but good luck paying the bill" treatment.
So I get the bill. Mind you, I've met my stupid $1500 deductible to finally have my insurance be, well, insurance. $80 to have the doctor go "I unno, see ya" , not too bad I guess. The gross bill was $400, but since the insurance now covered 80%, finish the math.
Well, I sure got a neat surprise when checking my medical statements right now. That $40? That was literally just for the doctor to say "I don't know". The ACTUAL bill for all the"treatment" (legal monitored opium injection, and people wonder why there's an opium epidemic) was a whopping $900. AFTER deductible. AFTER insurance.
The gross bill before any coverage? OVER TEN THOUSAND FUCKING DOLLARS. To have an asshole drive me in a fancy van to a location to have 50x strength opium injected into my veins for a couple hours before kicking me out (and having me order a lyft back home, which is now far away so that wasn't cheap either).
Bag of water for your IV? $400
CT Scan? $5000
Butt-Fucking the American Dream? Priceless.
God I love the US.
Asus Tinkerboard Isn't So Useless After AllNov 16, 2019
I've finally found a purpose for my Tinkerboard that works: my own personal Terraria server .
I got a little pi case for it with a little fan, it's pretty cute.
And here's my server rack where the server sits, next to my NAS.
I set up a script to regularly log the cpu/gpu temps as well, as I don't think the Tinkerboard has proper passive cooling or throttling.
[email protected]:~$ cat ~/Desktop/tShock/poll_temp.sh #!/bin/bash LOG="/home/linaro/Desktop/tShock/temp.log" touch $LOG while(true); do date -Iseconds >> $LOG echo -n " Zone 0: " >> $LOG cat /sys/class/thermal/thermal_zone0/temp >> $LOG echo -n " Zone 1: " >> $LOG cat /sys/class/thermal/thermal_zone1/temp >> $LOG echo >> $LOG #tail -n3 $LOG sleep 5 done [email protected]:~$
I found that the fan only knocks off a few degrees, but that's better than nothing.
Idling with the server open but nobody in it, it runs at about 32-40°C 21-40°C. When 1 person is in the server, it jumps to 40-52°C. I have yet to log temperature when 2 people are in it, though last time it ran flawlessly the entire time. It runs the same with 2 people
I wonder what else this red-headed step child of arm microcontrollers can do (successfully).
Behold! My Newest Electronics Purchase.Oct 27, 2019
Time to flash my epeen and show off how much expendable income I have to everyone who didn't ask.
Today I bought the Asus ROG Strix RTX 2070 OC edition, my first major upgrade since I bought the Asus ROG Strix 1070 OC edition 3 years ago.
What spurred this upgrade? No, I'm not rich. And honestly, I probably shouldn't have spent the money. But there were multiple factors contributing to my spontaneous money-stack sacrifice; I'm finally going to be reunited with my desktop pc after 9.5 months. Only, it is in need of a graphics card to run.
Now for some ambiguous and unsatisfactory backstory. I have had some major life changes earlier this year and as a result had to travel across the country. Unfortunately, I could not take much with me so my precious electron baby had to stay behind.
For a myriad of reasons I won't get into, and after a series of tough events, my computer had been lost-then-found and ready to ship to me, from coast to coast. Alas, misfortune had struck, for the poor thing got separated from its graphics card. Despite the whereabouts of the card being known and within meters of grasp, they were not accessible. Many promises later by others wishing to ship it and I had lost hope.
Goodbye, my sweet 1070. You were a bit of a hot-head but you never failed to deliver on your duties. To say you served me well over the years would be an understatement.
I am not in the most comfortable financial position to be spending large amounts of the green paper on such luxuries as electronics, but who can help spoiling their baby now and again. Besides, I haven't been there for it since, well, I became employed. I'm sorry baby, Daddy won't neglect you for work anymore. Even if the time and money is tight.
Now, with my sleeping desktop arriving in a couple days and with no graphics card to paint its vivid electric sheep, I had to make a choice: go cheap now and upgrade overtime, or go more expensive and save money in the long-run? Huzzah! Fortune smiles upon the destitute.
I stumbled upon a great deal: $50 off + $30 mail-in rebate on a new Asus ROG Strix RTX 2070 OC edition. Oh, but only in-store, with the nearest location 57 miles away in another state. What's this? The store is only minutes away from the very location my roommate happened to plan a drive to that very same day?! Thank you, RNGesus. May your seeds be well salted.
So I have chosen. And I believe I have chosen...well, perhaps not well, but to see my baby's bright glow again I can live with it.
So I just learned you can order your favorite fast-food pizza even easier! (lazier)Oct 11, 2019
At first you could call in your order. Fuck that, I don't want to even talk to the people making my food.
Then ordering online was the crazy new thing. Fuck that, it's too much work to turn my computer on.
After that there was ordering on the app on your phone. Fuck that, I ain't got time to go through menus.
But FINALLY, an option for me: texting in my order! Or, if I'm a social media sucker, there's Tweeting my order! Now my legion of followers can indulge themselves in my sad, mundane task of ordering fast-food pizza via text string.
Oh, but you think that's too hard still?
How about setting up a raspberry pi to send a tweet with a button, so you can order your pizza with a single press of your finger? Yeah, fuck that, too much work.
Who would've thought that after 6 years I'd still miss you.Oct 8, 2019
I really hope you're doing well, wherever you are.
I'm streaming again! :)Sep 28, 2019
It's been a while but now that I've finished moving and signed up for awesome internet, I can stream once more. I bought a new mic today too. It's cheap, but much better than the ear buds I used last stream.
Currently I only have my laptop which isn't very powerful, but I'm arranging to have my desktop shipped to me. So for now I'm going to stream some oldschool classics and maybe some lighter indie games.
Time to go prepare!
I am a genius!Sep 24, 2019
I figured out how to configure and run joy2key in linux.
The Concept of AmnesiaAug 21, 2019
I'm going to be in surgery for the first time tomorrow. Doctor says that sedation will put me under and I won't remember anything, which is a weird concept to me.
I imagine, would I still feel pain? Am I still me? What is consciousness without memory? It is like a stream of "me"s being created and destroyed as the seconds go by, but the only one that remains is the one when I wake up.
Am I going to suffer, and then forget it like it never happened? Like thinking of generations before, having toiled and passed, today known only to history.
What can I do for my birthday?Aug 14, 2019
I'd like some ideas on how to celebrate my birthday alone. I don't plan on drinking more than a beer, if anything. I don't have a car, and I'm in a small town of nothingness this month. I can't stream games or video chat, so I feel relatively isolated. Restaurants are all too far away and don't deliver, except for a local pizza joint. Thoughts?MicmasH_Wii likes this.
I foresee a mighty storm on the horizon;Aug 9, 2019
the torrential downpour of nights prior presages no dessication. With procurable resources mustered, I shall construct a transcendent bastion in which to ensconce myself.
I lost half of my lifetime thingsAug 5, 2019
Just found out that 1 of the 2 storage units my parents rented didn't get paid for way earlier in the year. This one had most of my childhood electronics, consoles, games. It had some mementos, and I'm sure plenty other things I'll slowly realize I lost years down the line. Gameboy/Color games, GBA, couple n64 consoles, controllers, and games.
It also contained quite a few family heirlooms.
They never told me, either, until I asked them multiple times, and finally received an answer today.
RIP things. I hope the vulture fuck that you got auctioned to respects them enough to preserve and make good use of them.
Oh, I almost forgot to mention: the second storage unit was days from being auctioned, and this one has $1000's of my electronics and personal files, drives, paperwork, medical histories, cards, pretty much the most important things. I had to shell out almost $400 a few days ago and now I have to keep making that payment every month. Ain't having irresponsible parents great?