Welcome to the personal blog of Edgedancer

  • Edgedancer

    Been here for over 8 years now.. And I missed the anniversary

    Hey guys,

    A lot of you probably don't know me/remember me but I've been gone for ages. It's been a long time since I was an active member of this community, but I just logged in after ages and figured out that I'm over I years old on this website. This was an amazing place that really introduced me to interacting on the internet. I'm going to try and resurface here now since I'm finished with my study cause I feel like I've missed out on a bunch of things. Anyone able to fill me in on the big news regarding the site these last couple years?

    Cheers guys. I'll try to see you around more.
  • Edgedancer

    Been a long time since I have blogged about my girlfriend...

    Is it possible to be blinded by love?
    My girlfriend certainly thinks I am and she is expecting me to one day realise that she isn't as amazing as I think and just up and leave. We were having a discussion yesterday and the topic came up that she feels inadequate for me. That I am so much better than her. It really struck me, but even more was the idea that she will "act like a bitch" (her words, not mine) in a relationship so that when it falls apart, she knows its her fault. She does that because she never understands why someone would care about her due to her extremely low self-efficacy. Unfortunately, whatever I say in response to that, the response is "You are saying that because you have to" or "You are blinded by love." Now while I may agree with the last part, I am also well aware that she isn't perfect. She has cerebral palsy which makes her voice slur at time and gives her little fine-motor control over her left side. She can be inexpressive when it comes to emotions which was something it took me a long time to get over. She can be mean at times and tease me, but I know her heart is never in it. So yeah, its a little frustrating that she feels that way because i really do care about her and love her. Its coming up on 18 months now, 18 amazing months, and I hope she just isnt resigning herself to the idea that I will just up and leave on day out of the blue.
  • Edgedancer

    What excellent timing...

    Gah. Been hit with Tonsillitis in the past week and it couldn't come at a worse time. Just started my new job last week and uni is starting again tomorrow. Hopefully I get better soon, because I really dont have time for this right now.
    No reason for this blog. Just wanted to vent.
  • Edgedancer

    Its been a whole year now...

    ...with my amazing girlfriend. I honestly have no real need for making this blog,but I cannot believe that its already been a year, probably one of the best I have ever had. So I guess this blog is nothing but bragging, but I think I have earned enough goodwill on the temp for people to overlook it.

    Also, finally a picture of the two of us.
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  • Edgedancer

    5 years on GBAtemp.

    Hey there everyone. As of today, October 5th, I have officially been a member of this website for 5 years.

    Believe it or not, I still remember joining this site, though there was a gap of about 7 months between signing up and my first post. I signed up to this site at 15 when I learnt about flash cartridges and proceeded to manage to mess up ordering the wrong stuff. Eventually, I managed to get my m3 miniSD working and promptly forgot about this site until I decided I wanted to mod my Wii. And then I came back that next April and posted my first topic about soldering a wiikey.
    From that point, I tried my best to learn more about hacking in general and this became my go to location for most of it, after DS-Scene was not active enough and m3-forum.net was shut down.
    Now, I have slowly gotten over the hacking scene. I am still interested in it but I rarely partake in anything about it anymore. But what keeps me here is the community. Many of you probably dont know me very well (though thats not due to a name change since I have always been Edgedancer right from the beginning), as I am much more of a lurker than active poster, but I have tried my best in my time here to help out as much as possible, whether it be Confirming that Smash Bros. works on PAL or helping TrolleyDave out with Know Your Tempers a few times while busy. I cant say I have made a huge impact on the site like many other, more memorable people can claim, but I feel that I have tried to do a bit here and there.
    Now on this forum, I usually browse User Submitted News, General Off-Topic Chat and Blog Articles, simply because its the community that I enjoy. The most active I have been recently would have to be in the GBAtemp Writers Guild where for a short while, I posted a lot of my stories, though that has slackened off in recent months due to other commitments. And as what seems to be a recurring theme in my post, I have stuck around for the community and this has always been a constant. In the last 5 years, I have:
    - Finished School
    - Moved States
    - Made a whole new group of friends
    - Started University
    - Gotten some jobs
    - Started a relationship
    - Interest in nds and Wii has pretty much diminished (play 360 a lot more now)
    Now that probably doesnt sound like much, but it sure is to me and despite all that, I have probably logged more hours on this site than any other site on the internet and still visit it daily. So to all the people that complain about the community here being horrible, I honestly dont see it because I have seen this site grow from being purely gaming related to a site that creates connections between people, where they can get things off their chest without worrying too much that people will mock them. Sure it is hacking that brought them here but its the quality members that keep them here.
    There are a few members in particular that I would like to thank for making this site awesome for the last 5 years.
    - Hadrian, Spikey(NDS), Little, MR_COW, Lagman, and all of the other hosts of the Tempcast. I will admit that I havent listened to any of the recent episodes but the originals that came out years ago introduced me to podcasting in general and entertained me for quite a while.
    - Mthrnite, I was tempted to include you in the podcasting section also, but I chose to give you your own section since you have also done a great job moderating the forum (not meaning to discrdit Hadrian in any way though). You always have good advice to give for those willing to listen and have always come across as approachable.
    - Costello and Shaunj66 for running such an amazing site that I visit every day. You continually strive to move the site forwards rather than simply let it stay still.
    - Toni Plutonij, you are just a great guy that I always look forward to seeing on the site, though you dont seem to be around too much anymore, which is a shame imo
    - Vulpes Abnocto, simply an awesome guy that is always on top of stuff thats going on, with quite a humorous side as well.
    - Rydian, I will admit, that when you first came to the site I did think that you chose to post quantity over quality, and though that may not have been off the mark at the beginning, you certainly made yourself an important part of the community very quickly. You do have my respect mate and it wasn't long before I came around to you like most others.
    - TrolleyDave, you are a top bloke. I cant really say much more than that without repeating myself but I am glad to know that you are turning your life around and glad that your charity work is enjoyable.
    - OSW, you may be former staff but I can say that you were a great guy
    - Issac, you are another top bloke that I very much identified with when you were going through your relationship issues around a year ago. i was having my own issues and it comforted me to know someone else was having issues as well and I am glad its now working out for you.
    - Tanveer, I know that you are not around anymore but as I said in your going away thread, you are certainly one of the most recognisable members in recent memory, and it certainly didnt hurt that you had awesome taste in music. PoTF forever!
    - Sterling, you gave me an opportunity to share some of my writing which I am always grateful for.
    - Satangel, you are a great guy that i always make sure to read posts from. We also share a birthday which doesnt hurt. Haha.
    I know there are more members than that that have made this site such a wonderful environment over the years. This topic is just a big thank you to everyone on the site for making such an amazing website for the last 5 years. I hope that this has helped you guys understand a bit more about me and how much this site means to me. Thanks a million and hopefully we will be around for quite a time!
    And just remember, I may not always be in clear view, but I am generally always watching you guys, and who knows, maybe soon, I will try to be a little more active so I can change my personal title to something else!
  • Edgedancer

    Simply Amazing

    For close on the last 9 months, I have been in a relationship with the most amazing girl ever. A few days ago, we celebrated her birthday. It is actually September 11, but in fairness, she had the date first so I never really think about the other significant event of the day. Haha.
    Celebrating her birthday was one of the best times I have had in recent memory, with spending time with mutual friends and her family, which is awesome. It was spread out over 3 days with dinner at a rotating restaurant with everyone, and then actually delivering her proper presents on the actual day. I got her 2 old school journals, a set of Harry Potter metalic bookmark emblem things and they were the small gifts for Friday. I got her a huge box of roses and a silver heart pendant necklace.
    I am so smitten for her right now. :wub:
    Sorry if this comes across as bragging and everything, but I did it for 2 reasons:
    1. Its making me so happy and I wanted to just talk about it
    2. There is a lack of actually happy posts in the blogs at the moment.
  • Edgedancer

    6 months

    On the 20th of this month, it will be 6 months with my first ever girlfriend. It has been a wonderful time so far but I am not sure if I should do something to celebrate 6 months. We havent celebrated any other events so far in the relationship but I was just wondering what the general opinion of celebrating should be. She was not particularly enthused about valentines, and apart from that there has been nothing much else so far for special occasions. Any opinion is appreciated.
  • Edgedancer

    Yet another Christmas blog

    This last week has been absolutely amazing for me. This has been one of the best christmas' I have ever had. But the main reason is that I finally have a girlfriend. :)
    Basically, there was something going on but it was uncertain until last Monday. I surprised her by trying to giver her the gift without her knowing that I was coming to visit. I got an address off one of her close friends and trekked out, huge present in hand. I ened up waiting for close to five hours for her to get home, since she was out and got to come inside and meet her family. I wont go into the details but I was there for about 3 hours and enjoyed every minute of it. I even got to meet the sister from New zealand that is doing her circus training. Basically, her famiy is awesome but I pardoned myself around 9 and she walked me to the local bus stop, rather than walk 30 minutes to the interchange. The walk was the important part as I finally shut my brain of and just did what came natural. The only problem about having a girfriend now is that I miss her even more, since I havent seen her since last Monday but both her and I return to Canberra tomorrow and I will have to arrange something then. I would love to sepdn New Years with her.

    In other christmas news, I spent it at Golbourn with my Dad's side of the family and friends and it was pretty awesome. My swag this year consists of:
    - 10 Books
    - Driving Lessons
    - A couple of bottles of Cologne
    - Deodorant
    - Movie passes
    - Invader Zim shirt (from GF)
    - Magnet novelty thingy
    - Chocolate
    - Beard and Nose hair trimmer
    - Old Spice Aftershave

    This Christmas has been an amazing end to the greatest year of my life. So much has happened this year and I have changed so much, so expect my next blog to be a 2010 retrospective. I will post it around New Years.
  • Edgedancer

    I am surprisingly happy

    Due to SoulSnatcher pointing out that everyone is depressed here in the Blog section, here is my tale of (surprising) happiness.

    Yesterday, it was raining so much. We had received warnings of flash flooding and fair enough, I woke to it. It was fine until I had to leave for work. I had to walk to the bus stop and nearly forgot an umbrella but I didnt.
    The walk is only a couple of minutes but fair enough, it took ages, battle the wind and rain. I had to walk through a puddle a couple of centimeters deep which showed me I had a whole in my shoe. I then had to climb a slippery hill which caked my shoes in mud. I then stand at the bus stop and a sudden gust of wind blows my umbrella out of my grasp. So I chase it down, all the while getting drenched. Luckily there were no cars on the road at that time and I retrieve it without to much fuss. I dont miss the bus which is a plus but I get to work dripping which doesnt go down to well.
    The highlights from work include:
    - Dropping a cup of coffee
    - Giving a huge amount of gristle to a customer and having them return to complain (I was at the bank at that time though)
    - Working to slow and getting yelled at
    After that, I left for home and caught the bus. That hill I mentioned earlier is my next falling (literally) as I slip down and land face-first in the mud. Get some in my mouth and feeling a bit aggravated about it because I knew i had an assignment to finish for uni taht was due that night and I didnt want to waste time cleaning my clothes. But I do anyway and after the shower, I am happy.
    I had so much shit happened to me that day that I just didnt care about it anymore and just laughed at it. Best I had felt for a while. I dont exactly know why I felt so good but I just did and I am still feeling the effect so that today.

    In Summary: So much shit happened to me today but it made me smile and feel happy.
  • Edgedancer

    An epiphany

    I am writing this not for advice but as a way of simply getting it off my chest but feel free to give your two cents.
    I have moved cities and come down to Canberra for study. I am doing a bachelor of Primary Education with a minor in Creative Writing. You may be wondering why I would mention my minor but that is where I met her. I immediately fell for her and looking back on it (this is back in late Feb/early March) I should have acted sooner but I was more focused on making friends rather than relationships.
    We had a great friendship right from the get go and I was successful at pushing my feelings aside for a while but there was tension. It wasnt always there but sometimes as we were saying bye after doing something together, I got the sense of unfinished business but I would brush that off.
    Everything between us was golden until early August when I finally told her how I felt. I dont know what I was expecting but I certainly didnt get it. She said she felt the same way and that was great, until nothing happened. There was then evident tension between us.
    Now, I should make it clear that I am a rampant overthinker. I try to chart out every way that a situation may go, and then look at every outcomes out of those. All in all, it screws me up and I feel terrible.
    Fast forward a month later to her birthday. Nothing at all has happened between us. We have rarely talked about us and the close friendship we once had is fading away. So, being the nice guy I am (and trying for a reaction), I make her something special as a present. Its a video but that's beside the point. Just know that it was nice and such. I thought that I may get a reply about it, since I was invited to her birthday dinner (and was the only guy there) but considering how well I know her, I doubted anything would happen then without any privacy.
    No reply and this sets me off again. I actually get her alone and basically, make a fool of myself. I say the wrong things and though nothing is messed up, yeah, I feel like a goose. This was last week and though we haven't spoken properly since then, (ie, face to face or over fb chat like usual) we have exchanged some emails.
    I have no desire to go into the details of what we discussed but it has alleviated my worries to a degree. She is still interested and would like to have a relationship, to which I was ecstatic. I thought everything was great, and it probably is, but the issues now are my own.
    We have a guy in my tutorial that rubs me the wrong way but he is a nice guy. Looking at him objectively, I can see he wouldn't do anything but right now I hate him. He gets the responses from her I wish I could get. I have never been in this situation before (well once before but that went even less distance than what I am talking about) and I never thought I would be the jealous type. I guess it is because I feel I am on tenuous footing with her right now and though she says everything is good and I trust her totally, that irrational part of my brain persists.
    So I have been fuming all day since this happened this morning and quite frankly I am sick of it. But I have come to an epiphany and though I will probably be told I am an idiot, I shall wait.
    I know her. I want her. I knew I was running a risk and though none of it has paid off yet, its only a matter of time. She has a lot on her plate and though I dont know the details, she has trust issues to deal with from her past. This is a quote that really helped me.
    "A great love is a lot like a good memory. When its there and you know its there, but its just out of your reach, it can be all that you think about. You can focus on it and try to force it but the more you do it, the more you seem to push it away. But if your patient, and you hold still, well maybe, just maybe, it will come to you."
    Its from a dumb source but it fits.
    Uni break is coming up and hopefully things pick up then so I will keep you updated.

    PS. This has just been typed out off the top of my head so if it jumps form place to place without making much sense, its because there are certain things I refuse to divulge, even over the relative anonymity of the internet.

    EDIT: I noticed I screwed up the title of the topic. Please dont bring that up if you are going to reply.
  • Edgedancer

    Rest in Piece Rex

    I just got a call today from my brother. He got home today and found Rex dead in the backyard. He was 15 years old and i knew he was sick, and dying was a possiblity but I just couldn't prepare for this. The worst was that I couldn't say goodbye as I am studying away from home. I am going to miss him so much.

    In loving memory of Rex.
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  • Edgedancer

    A couple of creative writing pieces

    I am currently in University and am doing a creative writing piece. I was just wondering if any of you would have anything to say about them. Please not that they do not have titles as of now. The first one was from school last year when the story had to be based around the concept of belonging while the second one is just something I thought of. Constructive criticism please.

    -----------

    As long as I have been able to remember, I have drunk.
    I think it was caused by my parents who would often end the day by drinking till they forgot all of their worries and did they have worries to forget! They believed that the best way to approach a situation was to drink until they forgot, waiting till the last minute, when they would finally have to do something.
    I still remember their apartment from so many years ago. The stained brown carpet, the scuff marks on the walls and the massive cargo trains that passed the apartment block so close that the ornaments would shake and dust would succumb to gravity and fall back down to earth.
    But all of this didn’t matter as long as there was alcohol in the liquor cabinet. It was usually the cheap stuff that lingered on their breath for hours on end. Just thinking about it brings the smell to my nostrils. The dank, tepid breath that would make you want to gag.
    All in all, I was an unhappy kid. I was unable to go to friends houses as I had no way of getting home. Both of my parents received DUI after DUI until it became cheaper and easier to just stop driving. And no one wanted to come to my place after school as we lived in the south side of town. Cheaper rent meant more booze.
    All in all, even without drinking, alcohol was an omnipotent force in my life that directed the way that I would live. When I moved out of home after 18 years of oppression under the bottle, it still would not let me go. It started off with a drink to finish the night, a simple way of relaxing with an arm around my girlfriend, but nowhere near the amount of my parents. I will admit that I enjoyed alcohol. I loved the taste of it, coating my throat in pure euphoria and the warmth that it delivers to my core when I have a sip. Life was great, as long as I kept drinking in moderation.
    But then I got laid off at work and my slow spiral into the depths of alcoholism began. I would go to the liquor store with the money I got from centre link and spend about half on drinks, knowing that I needed that money for food and rent. It tore at my conscience every night until an inebriating haze would settle over my senses, liberating myself from my common sense. The type of alcohol did not matter, as long as it gave me the buzz I needed.
    Vodka.
    Beer.
    Spirits.
    Rum.
    Whiskey.
    I drank them all and as the drinking accumulated my life got worse and worse. I lost my apartment, my car and my girlfriend and this made me drink evermore. It was a vicious cycle that took me to the edge of my life.
    I was alone. I had no hope of salvation and in desperation I turned my back on morals, ethics and possibly life itself.
    I attempted to move forward in my life but I just couldn’t. I took several different courses in dealing with alcoholism but it was so hard. Throwing away such a significant part of my life is harder than I ever thought possible, despite knowing that it was not good for me.
    The bottle had become a slave driver, cracking it whip with such ferocity that I had no way of relinquishing its grip. Instead of owning the alcohol, it owned me.
    In my happy stupor, I came to a conclusion. It was all my partners fault. She had seen my parents drink and vowed never to let it happen to me! But she did!
    And when she couldn’t face me, she deserted me, throwing me out of her life a faulty toy. I whipped myself into a frenzy of anger, hate and desperation. Some part of me knew that I was just making excuses but I continued anyway. I silenced that nagging voice in my head and gave myself to hate. And I drank until I had enough liquid courage to confront her. Silence her. Make her pay.
    I found her home and raved like a madman. I threw rocks through the windows, shattering both glass and my self-respect at the same time. I ranted and raved until my throat grew hoarse and when they tried to stop me, I pulled out a knife.
    I only remember a flash of images now. A slash of a knife. A throw of a punch. The crying of my partner with the whole ordeal being painted in a horrible blood-red. The last thing I remember being a fist crashing into my nose and myself falling to the ground.
    The police were called and while they read me my rights, I gained a clarity that had evaded me all night. I was in a pit. A pit of my own depression that only an addict can know. Fit only for the meanest and rotten of society and I was in the dankest and darkest corner of it. I had no hope. There was no God to guide me and no friends left to assist.
    I was discharged later that day with a trial date and returned home. Immediately I went to the liquor cabinet, more out of habit than need. I was about to take a sip when I caught myself in the mirror and I finally had a good look at myself and found that I was almost identical to the mirror. Its cracks were mirrored in the trenches across my face. The dim lighting was shown in my grey hair. The yellow tinge was the same as my lifeless skin. And my breath fogged up the glass, like a poisonous mist that threatened to choke me. It was the same dank, tepid breath that would make you want to gag.
    I had no one. Not a living soul to help me and comfort me.
    I am now required to attend Alcoholics Anonymous due to my assault charges. I am required to attend these meetings during the period of 6:00 to 8:30 every evening of every Wednesday of every week of every month until I got off the bottle.
    Its drab yellow walls are peeling and all of the chairs are creaky, threatening to break at any moment and I only have one thing to say.
    ““Hi. My name is Andrew and I am an alcoholic,” I would state in a monotone of boredom and resignation.
    “Hello Andrew,” they would reply.
    “I am here because I made the mistake of drinking and I finally asked myself a question. Did I belong to the bottle or did the bottle belong to me? As long as I have been able to remember, I have drunk...”

    ----------

    I dart around a corner and delve underneath a low awning, beckoning the shadows to hide me. I knew these streets well and knew that there was no hiding place from someone that is determined to find you. I knew that you can stall it but not stop it. I knew this because it was my home.
    I slow down my breathing with difficulty. In and out. In and out. I may have slowed down my breathing but my heart was beating loud enough that it should be heard from a street away. I will myself to become part of the wall. My mottled-grey coat helped me break up my silhouette to make me harder to see and embraced the shadows for any help it will give.
    I stand absolutely still, knowing that any movement right now could betray me. My moving may dislodge any number of piles of trash, causing them to cascade to the ground and alert my followers. It may also allow their peripherals to catch a quick glimpse of something that isn’t quite right.
    My eyes are constantly moving, scanning the ground in-front of me. I see everything but my head never moves. Practice has taught me the benefits of seeing but no seeing.
    But my ears are what I am placing the most value in. They are listening for sounds that may reveal a threat.
    Drain pipes.
    Footsteps.
    Cars.
    Dull chatter.
    These are the sounds I know. This brings me comfort. Anything else and I would have to make a choice. Run and hope my swift feet carry me away from my pursuers or stay where I am and pray my years or learning to remain unnoticed will keep me hidden.
    I stand still for god knows how long. I can feel a rock in the bottom of my shoe and I have a massive desire to remove it but I know that it would be a reckless act. It would simply make it easier to convince myself that I should remove any further aggravations. And no matter how quietly I could remove the pebble, it would be the action itself that would give me away. I end up just gritting my teeth and putting up with it.
    Almost as soon as I make that decision not to act, I know it has paid off. I hear footsteps pounding down the pavement mere meters from me. Had I been removing the pebble from my shoe, I would have definitely been found.
    That said, some sixth sense seemed to tell him that someone was hiding there. He cautiously entered the alleyway and cast his eyes around. I saw him looking carefully and knew that he believed that his prey was nearby. He cast his eyes directly over me and found that I was staring into his eyes. They were kind and gentle enough but I knew they were looking for me and I knew exactly what he was going to do if he caught me.
    Any movement now would be fatal. Even lowering my eyes could cause a small involuntary movement of the head. That would be all that it would take to find me. I could close my eyes but I couldn’t. I just kept staring.
    He started moving slowly in my direction, though I was confident that he didn’t know I was here... yet.
    Suddenly a bin 20 meters up the alley from me toppled, scattering garbage everywhere. It was probably knocked over by some cat or dog but I saw it as a message from god. My pursuer got distracted and glanced up at the bin, destroying his concentration. He cast a single glance back into my web of shadows and departed up the alley, running away in pursuit of who he believed was the maker of that sound. Me.
    I suddenly felt tightness in my chest and realised that I had been instinctively holding my breath. I exhale and the pressure recedes. The footsteps have departed into the distance now and though I was sure he wasn’t too far away, I was confident that I was safe for a little while.
    The pebble in my shoe quickly becomes apparent again. Still pleased with my previous success, I take this opportunity to reward myself. I feel the relief as my foot comes free of the shoe. I wriggle my toes and shake the shoe upside down to remove the pebble.
    I am just moving back into my hiding spot when I hear a man yell “GOTCHA!”
    My head spins and I look exactly like a deer caught in the headlights of an unfortunate car. Standing a mere 30 meters away is my stalker. He must have doubled back to see if I made a stupid mistake. I fell right into his trap and if I had had more time, I would have berated myself for making such a rookie mistake.
    I bolt. He pursues. I know that he is unarmed but he won’t need a weapon if he catches me and it’s only a matter of time. When I escaped previously, I had a larger lead and a good break in the traffic. Despite the fact I was about to be caught, I smiled. In a way it would be a relief.
    After all… it was only a game of tag.

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    PLease tell me what you think of them. I know they are not the greatest but I think they are alright.
  • Edgedancer

    Just figured out where my username came from

    Even though I have used the username Edgedancer as my alias for the last couple of years on most forums, I never once knew where I got the name from. It was something that just popped into my head and I decided that I like it. And now, I can finally announce that I can remember where my name came from. It came from a sky ship in the Edge Chronicles called the Edgedancer.
    Despite reading the books only a year or so ago, I still did not make the connection and it was only when I google my username. Turns out, there is also a Harry Potter fan fiction that uses the word as well.
  • Edgedancer

    How times change...

    I have been thinking alot about how I have changed much. I dont feel I have changed but finishing the HSC has made me realise that I am not the same as I used to be. I dont feel different but I really can't tell because I have always been "me." Just looking back at my original posts on GBAtemp has revealed to me that I have learn't, grown and can now use google.
    I guess there is no real point of this blog but I just felt like typing it anyway.
  • Edgedancer

    God Damn Matthew Reilly

    Ah. I am so pissed of right now. His new book was released today but do I get to read it. No! I get to study for my HSC which is important but god damn, is "Belonging" really that important.

    PS: Belonging is the theme of the English paper tomorrow.