Welcome to the personal blog of DeadlyFoez
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@XFlak is here in Massachusetts and will be arriving at the clubhouse around 10 AM on November 5th.
I gladly welcome XFlak and family.
This is going to be stellar.
It has been too long since we have caused trouble together.
...not as if anyone else cares. But this is a show of what a true friendship can develop from two individuals that start talking on GBAtemp.
@Costello Thank you for giving this forum for that XFlak and I have met each other. This has been awesome.
This is the rest of the meat from our 2 piggies. I don't have enough freezer space for all this meat. This is crazy.
cearp likes this.
Well, honestly, we are all slowly dying, but this is a little different.
Cancer has run in my family, same with alcoholism. I must admit, I am a rather heavy drinker.
Over these past few years of having my children taken away from me by my evil ex, my depression has taken over me and I have been drinking even heavier than normal. Normally, after a night of drinking, the following morning when I go to drink some milk it will usually just run straight through me. For almost 2 weeks now everything comes out the other end almost as fast as I take it in. I have been almost non stop nauseous. My vision is getting rather fucked up as I now have some white patches in my field of vision. Lastly, my brain just isn't working right anymore. I find myself struggling to find words that used to be normal for me to use on a regular basis. My thoughts are just rather cloudy at this point and it does not go away.
The vision and neurological deterioration is indicative of a cancer that has reached someone brain. All other symptoms are signs of liver disease.
My wife keeps bugging me to make a doctors appointment, but I really don't want to. I kind of am hoping that I am on my way out of this world.
Surely, I need to stop drinking alcohol, which I will do at this point. Not so much to save myself, but I don't want to be sitting here in agony from making my condition worse. On the other hand, being non stop drunk would numb the pain at least, but it still would not be fun.
I have known that things would go in this direction for me, which is why I decided to drink so heavily, just with the hopes that it would kill me quicker. Now I feel like I am finally on that downward slope and it will hopefully be over soon enough.
NutymcNuty likes this.
"Team Your Mom"
is proud to announce its
Third Official Members Meeting
Team Your Mom is proud to announce the third members meeting.
During this meeting we will be getting really drunk, crunk, probably break lots of things, and of course, we'll be teaming your Mom.
Book your reservations now!!
Q: When is this meeting happening?
A: November 7th to November 14th (2018)
Q: Where is this meeting happening?
A: Massachusetts, where weed is completely legal
Q: Why are you having this meeting?
A: Because we can and we need a break from daily life.
Q: How do I become a part of 'Team Your Mom'?
A: You can't. Don't bother.
Q: Is anything official happening at this meeting?
A: We will be officially wasted. Does that answer your question?
Q: How can I contribute?
A: Send money or booze.
Q: Will hacking of any sort be involved with this meeting?
A: Depends. Partying comes first. Hacking comes second.
Q: May I come to this meeting?
A: Yes, please do. PM @DeadlyFoez or @XFlak for details.
Q: What else will be happening at this meeting?
A: That is still kind of up in the air. We're not trying to make any scheduled plans so that we can be open to do whatever the hell we want at any given moment, but we do have a few things that we are planning on doing. We have to do some updates to ModMii, some minor hardware fun and soldering, eat lots of good food, and who knows what else will come up. There will be one day that we plan to have a big party, likely November 11th.
We went to the fair today, and I couldn't help myself. I love little piggies. They are such awesome animals. So we decided to get 2 of them.
Sadly, our pot bellied pig is REALLY pissed right now. Her mohawk is fully spiked up and I can almost hear her saying "Let me at them. LET ME AT THEM!".
As always, when we get animals that will be destined to become our food, we name them food related names. Smokey is for smoked ham, and Honey is for honey ham. They are so damn cute. I absolutely love them already. They are going to be taken care of very well.
Ok folks. I need some help here. This is fucking ridiculous.
Read my previous blog entries to get yourself caught up with all this bullshit.
So, last where I was left off with is that the DA's office had closed their investigation and the woman there told me that they can not release any info to me because I was written by me ex as the perpetrator in the case. They had said that I can get a lawyer of DCF to request a letter stating that the case has been closed, but they can not give that info directly to me. So I contacted the woman at DCF for whom we have been working with for well over a year now and asked her to get that letter from the DA's office.
The woman from DCF contacted the DA's office and they told her that they can not give her a letter because the reason that the case was closed was because they never got to interview my daughter, and not because I was innocent. Basically, my ex is purposely making it that they can not interview my daughter. My daughter has been able to compete in the Special Olympics in 5 or 6 different competitions and even won first place in the long jump. My ex is deliberately hindering this "criminal investigation" but they are not willing to do a damn thing to hold her accountable. My ex started this investigation, but is refusing to comply with it to let the investigators do their work. She knows exactly what she is doing, all in the name of keeping the children from being a part of my life.
IDK WTF to do from here. I am livid. They should be charging her. They should bring her to court and make her answer to a judge, but of course, with how biased the justice system is towards women, they will not do a god damn thing.
Hell, the complaint only listed my oldest daughter as being a victim, but I have had my rights taken away from both of my daughters when I was never convicted or even charged with a crime. How the fuck is this fair that some scum bag bitch can do this and ruin the relationship a father has with their children?
I need some advice and some help on this. This is utter bullshit.
Thank you all.
So, if you haven't read my previous blog entry about how my ex caused a bunch of problems and that I haven't seen my 2 daughters in over 2 1/2 years, well then I suggest you read it otherwise this won't make any sense.
I finally got in contact with the District Attorney's office down here. The woman tells me that the case is closed and it has been closed since fucking June. Oh how fucking great that these god damn scum bags finally closed the case but couldn't be bothered to reach out to me and tell me this info. Whats worse is that they clearly told my ex that the case was closed many months ago. The court had ordered my ex to inform the court once the case had been solved or closed, and she failed to do so.
NOW I AM GOING TO COURT AND HAVING THAT FUCKING C&%T HELD IN CONTEMPT OF COURT FOR FAILING TO FOLLOW THE FUCKING COURT ORDERS!!! I am going to have this fucking bitch dragged through legal system and charged in every fucking way possible. God damn. I better get full sole custody of my children at this point, especially after all the shit that her ex-boyfriend had told me that she was doing. This fucking whore IS GOING DOWN!!!
Sadly, I have to find a way to get up around $10k for a retainer fee because my lawyer wants to have a Private Investigator tear this little bitch apart and ruin her in the court system.
The tides are starting to turn and Liz is going to be getting the fucking payback that she deserves.
With my previous hacking stories, a few people have called me out and said that I was full of shit. Although I don't really have a way of proving that my previous stories are true besides contacting people that I haven't spoken to in ages and getting them to join GBAtemp and vouch for me, all of which people would still say that it is bullshit and that I am faking it by making a second account, I might as well tell the story of how I became a wii repairman that has repaired wii's for people even as far as Brazil.
Back in 2007 ish, I started going to a small computer store in my town named PC Authority. I was just a customer at this point. The store sold individual computer parts as well as built custom computers for people. They had many contracts with different schools systems in the area. It was quite the awesome store even though it was small.
There was a man named Jeff that worked there, and I spoke with him mostly whenever I came in because he was a down to earth person and had quite a bit of knowledge about things. Jeff was their sole laptop repair technician doing DC jack repairs and such.
After about a year of me being a customer, he told me that he might be able to get me a job there. He knew that I had the technical aptitude and I understood everything whenever we chatted about stuff, much more than ever other customer that came in. Now, I was still kinda green in that area. I had much experience with building computers back in the 486 era and I just understand computers. I did do one DC jack repiar on a laptop for a friend on my own. Hell, I had never taken apart a laptop before, but I take apart everything so I knew I was capable of doing the repair for my friend. That was a big part as to why Jeff wanted me to have a job at his place of employment. Basically, I am not an idiot.
So I started working there for a few months. Jeff had bought one of those new awesome Wii's. After Team Twiizers release the HBC for the wii, he told me all about it and what the wii was capable of. So shit, I went and bought a wii. Piracy was still in it's infancy at this point for the wii. Waninkoko was the big name that his (stolen) code did enable back up loading. But Waninkoko was a shmuck hacker. He did not understand all the code that he was given and writing. Truth be told, his "safe" updater software bricked MANY wii's.
This is where Jeff came back into play. Jeff decided to use Waninkoko's 4.2 updater. But even before running that shitting code, he decided to uninstall bootmii from boot2. Why? IDFK. It was that very day that he used Waninkoko's updater that Nintendo released a FW update that stubbed IOS's. So Waninkoko's updater, grabbing the newest IOS version, which at that moment the SM IOS was a stub, it bricked his wii. Whats the chance? So jeff told me about how his wii was completely bricked. Being a good friend, I dropped the money to purchase Marcan's SaveMii device. Sadly the SaveMii was useless to this type of brick.
I decided to look into it further. I contacted Marcan and Bushing on IRC. Marcan taught me about the wii filesystem, the different blocks that are part of the boot1 and boot2 process.
Jeff's wii did have a vulnerable boot2, but he had uninstalled bootmii from it. It was essentially completely bricked.
I started researching about NAND programming. I found out that I could use an Infectus board to reprogram the NAND. I was certainly uncertain about what could be done, but I was willing to pay the cash to buy an infectus to help fix my friends wii, because hell, I like to help people.
So I went over to Jeff's apartment and we tore apart his wii. We spent many hours with our multimeters to see where the traces lead to so we could find point that we could easily solder to.
Jeff had some rather crappy soldering equipment, but it had done him well for all the laptop repairs that he did for PC Authority, but it was still shit equipment.
So here we are. I had some information that Marcan has told me about the different blocks and boot levels in them, but the info was still vague. I had to figure out quite a bit on my own.
Jeff spent about an hour trying to solder to some vias to make the connection to the infectus board, but he still failed. I decided to take a try at it myself because Jeff nearly gave up all hope to the point that he threw his soldering iron to the floor out of fustration that he could not solder these connection points.
I took my stab at it once Jeff lost his patience. I was able to make it work.
So we were now able to extract the data from the NAND chip, but we did not really understand the data that we were trying to work with. Jeff and I messed around with a hex editor for a few hours trying to match the data set so we could inject bootmii into this nand's boot2 area.
We were partially successful. The reason why it was only partially successful is because we did not compensate for the ECC bytes of the data that we were trying to inject into this nand chip. Surprisingly, after injecting bootmii into the nand, it did boot up to bootmii. But, we did our math wrong and the hackmii installer did see some inconsistencies and refused to installed bootmii to boot2, but that code in boot2 was already essentially there. We did not correctly inject he data like it should have been done to pass all of the HBC installers checks, but what we did was enough to have bootmii running from boot2.
At this point, all we had to do was just go into HBC and use a wad manager to install the correct IOS and the right SM, and the Jeff's wii was working again.
Now I understood a lot more about how the wii worked. No one else besides the elite of Marcan and Bushing knew how to fix this kind of a brick, but they certainly were not going to publicly write up all this info.
I fixed a bricked wii. And from me being outside of the privy hacker group of Team Twiizers, this was quite an awesome feet.
Now that I had this knowledge and information, I wanted to be able to help other people whom had their wii's bricked. But I needed to prove that I knew what I was talking about and that I wasn't just making things up.
I spent about 2 days writing up a bunch of detail information of how other users could fix the Waninkoko brick, hence my "Wii Brick Fixing Tutorial" thread. I needed to make sure that I could explain it to other people and prove that I knew what I was doing if I were to try to get other users to entrust with my abilities.
To this day I still get people asking me to fix their bricked wii's. I have done MANY HUNDREDS of wii repairs, fixing many different types of brick.
My point is, I do not bullshit with what I talk about. I may do an april fools joke, but even that is rare for my character. Otherwise, I have proven my skills and there is really no reason that anyone should doubt what I say at this point. If you still think that I am full of shit about anything I say, then fuck off. I have proven myself enough.
P.S. I now have a pint of rum in me. I will likely have to edit this blog so it actually does make sense because I am sure I have jumped around a lot with my information.
Have a good night folks.
So, this past Sunday we brought our 2 meat pigs to the slaughterhouse. Today I picked up a portion of the meat. The rest I have to wait for because it is getting smoked.
Here is a video of our pigs having fun just a few days before we brought them to the slaughterhouse.
Here are the pictures of what I brought home.
All of this meat, plus the stuff I still have to pick up, will help feed my family for close to a year.
I will upload the pictures of the rest of the meat when I get it.
Thanks for viewing.
So, back in the year of 1999 I was attending a school for children with behavior issues. No real surprise there. It was a small high school with maybe 70 students total. They had just gotten into the digital age and with an addition they added a computer room.
There was our principal, MT, who was a complete douche. No one liked her. Apparently she had to adopt children because her and her husband could not produce children.
Of course, I was a computer guy and I knew some things more than the average person by a large degree, but I wasn't some super hacker or anything. I just liked to fiddle and discover things.
Our computer system was set up where each student had a folder on a network share that was only accessible by the student, staff, and the IT admin. There was also some software running on the whole computer system and network that was similar to Fortress 101. It would block student from typing in cuss words and blocked any questionable website and it blocked nearly everything. Generally, if we were working on a paper or project but the website we wanted to go to was blocked, we could ask the computer teacher to type in the administrative password to allow us access. Our computer class basically consisted of us doing whatever we wanted, no real lessons taught. The teacher was always browsing yahoo or whatever, but basically only paid attention when a student asked for help. She was worthless. Everytime I went to the computer class, I used the same computer, mostly just for position preference.
Whenever someone would log onto the computer network, there was a command prompt screen that would show up rather quickly and then disappear. I figured out that it was a script that logged each computer and user onto the "server". I put that in quotes because it was not a real server by todays standards, and it was such a small shit school that it was likely just a simple 486 that could not do much besides give permissions. The logging that it did was reliant on the client side of things.
I discovered that if after I logged in, I could hit the spacebar 3 times and then press Alt+F4, and it made the perfect timing to abort the script before it could run. The spacebar pressing just made for the perfect timing.
There was this girl, we will refer to her as TH. TH absolutely hated me, and for no real reason. I think she just hated men. I was cool with most of the other students and the teachers loved me because they knew I was intelligent and I never really caused any problems. But this girl TH, she was ruthless with me. She always talked trash to me and treated me poorly even though we were in the same clique. But she treated me worse than she treated the other men at the school, and I still do not know what I did to piss her off.
TH was a HUGE X-Files fan, and another student had figured out what her password was, and her password was something like "David191". This other student told me what her password was, and IDK why, but he did.
So, during computer class one day, I downloaded a keylogger and installed it on the computer that I always used. Then I went to one of those blocked websites and asked the teacher to give me access to the webpage. So she type in the administrative password and gave me access. BINGO! Now I had the administrative password.
I screwed around with the security software for a few weeks. I disabled it's blocking of typing in cuss words. I even accidentally locked up the whole network by blocking all traffic, which made everyone go into a frenzy for a few minutes until I reversed the setting that I made. Oh, that was fun times.
But at this point, I had complete control of everything and no one knew it. Hell, I didn't even understand my power nor did I understand everything that I was doing with the security software.
So I hatched my plan. :evilsmile.gif:
In computer class one day I restarted the computer and went into the BIOS and changed the time to something like 3am. I restarted the computer again in safe mode, which allowed me to change the name of the computer as it would be identified on the network. Then I restarted the computer again in safe mode with networking. I did my thing with the spacebar and Alt+F4 to cancel the logging script. I logged into TH's account. I opened her student folder and found a document that she had been working hard on. I deleted all the text and replaced it with "MT is a fat c&%T which is why she can't have any children". I saved the file and then did a complete reverse of all my previous actions. My intention was just to erase all of her work and fill it with garbage.
The next day, there is a broadcast on the intercom system for TH to come to the office. Now, mind you, this was a rather small school with maybe a total of 8 classrooms. After about 5 minutes everyone hears TH SCREAMING "It wasn't me. I didn't do that". And she ended up absolutely freaking out to the point that the school had to call the police. TH started thrashing anything that was around her. Hell, I don't blame her. TH ended up being arrested because she damaged property in the middle of her explosion.
TH ended up having to go to court and got expelled from the school. We never saw her again.
Now, what is funny about this is that that they actually believed TH that she did not write that because once the IT guy came in and saw that someone had logged into the network at 3am on a computer name that was not even identified with their system, they started to see that she possibly might not have actually written that, but her freak out and property damage made it that she could not be forgiven for it.
I remember sitting in my guidance counselors office with the schools IT guy, another student that knew very little about computers, and myself. We were all trying to figure out how this all had happened at 3am on a computer that ID that was not conforming to their naming standards, that evaded getting logged onto the server at the time that it actually happened, and that bypassed the security software that would have blocked the typing of any cuss words.
This one bitch pissed me off. In the end I won.
Looking back at it all, I do feel bad and I have tried to find TH on the internet so I could apologize to her... but she can not be found. IDK if she got married and then changed her last name or something, but I can not find her by what I know her as.
Lesson to be learned. Don't fuck with me.
PREFACE: The woman Liz in this story is not the same Liz that I was married to before. They are 2 different people, but are equally as stupid. It seems like there is some confusion in the comments so I just wanted to clear that up.
So, my wife Michele had 2 children with her ex, Mike. The 2 children are Arianna and Daniel ages 13 and 10. Mike has a lot of issues with substance abuse of opiates and alcohol and is in rehab again for his 3rd or 4th time in recent history. Mike also has a long history of domestic violence where he abused Michele, his wife Caitlin, and now his girlfriend Liz. He has a terrible temper.
This past weekend Arianna and Daniel were with their father up in Maine when Mike decided to have have an explosion, and still no one knows exactly what he was upset about. Mike threw a carseat at Liz, luckily Liz ducked but it smashed her windshield. Mike was spitting in Liz's face, called her 10 year old daughter a "c*&t", told her to kill herself, and told Daniel to take his BB gun and shoot Liz in the head. Both Arianna and Daniel witnessed all of this happen. Mike's mother had to drive up to Maine to pick the children up and bring them back home because of the explosion.
As much as I hate this shmuck, I have always tried to be helpful because he is the father of these children. It is the right thing to do. I have offered to help him in any way that I can because his children need him in their lives, but only when he finally gets his head straight. I tried to contact Mike's mother, Kathie, because I wanted to ask her some questions about unrelated things, but I also mentioned that I want to be there to help Mike however I can and that we should sit down and have a talk about thing. Kathie then goes and texts Michele saying that this is none of my business. This woman is fucking crazy. For 5 years I have been the primary caretaker of someone else's children. I am around these kids more than anyone else in the world. I have been more of a father than Mike ever has. And this lady is going to try and tell me that the stupid shit that her shithead son does that traumatizes the children that I care for are none of my business?!?!? Bitch, are you fucking high!?!?
Kathie has been enabling Mike for MANY years now. She always bails him out whenever he gets himself in a situation. She took all the money that she go for an inheritance and used it to pay for Mike to go through rehab, just for him to get out and start using again. She bought a new car just so she could give him her old one because his last vehicle died, but then he went and drove that car into the ground.
Liz does not want to press charges against Mike. Instead he called up begging for her to forgive him saying that he would get help, so of course she took him back. Kathie is pissed that anyone would want to press charges against Mike. And of course if someone does press charges then she will likely bail him out again.
Kathie is sick from trying to help her loser of a son all his life. He never holds a job for more than 2 weeks. He never pays child support, except like once or twice in the past 5 years and it was negligible. Hell, Mike has even gone for more than a year without seeing his kids. He will regularly go months at a time without seeing them.
But I am the bad guy in this situation. I'm taking care of someone elses children, but I am in the wrong some how and I need to mind my own business.
How about a nice "Thank you for doing the job that my son fails to do", or a "I'm sorry that you keep having to deal with my sons bullshit and you do not deserve it". No, instead I get shit on when it was her son that was abusing another woman in front of these children. Stupid bitch.
lcie nimbus likes this.
Ok folks. This is going to be a long read.
My ex has issues, many issues. She was abused as a child both physically and sexually, from what she has told me. I believe that stayed with her. She has an issue with stealing pain meds before I met her, and after I introduced her to marijuana and alcohol, she ran with it and became physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive to me. Certainly our relationship went down the shitter.
One of the thing she would do is just nonstop taunt me. I even had times that I have literally had to screw 2x4's to my door to keep her out. She would say I have a small dick, call me the N-word, and a pedophile. Keeping in mind that my pecker pleases every girl so far, I am white, and I certainly don't diddle children. Just anything to degrade me.
I had 2 daughters with my ex-wife, Neaveh and Brianna. Both are functionally autistic. At the time of this whole situation they were ages 11 and 10 years old.
She has gotten protective orders out against me many times. Anything to continue to try and control me.
Lets fast forward a bit here as I don't need to get into the details of all that other shit. That can go into another post.
So I have been living with Michele since October of 2015. We have custody of her nephew whom was born premature as an addicted baby. The kid is almost 18 now, but still have the mentality of a 13 year old, but the hormones of an average teen. We had him tested and his IQ was said to be 76, so really low. We have struggled with this boy since I came into the picture because he was always stealing everyone phones and such to look at porn. I caught him masturbating in his bedroom while his 7 year old cousin was in the room. I would punish him with yard labor, and even brought him to a therapist but the problems continued. We got him into different programs and such, but his behaviors were progressing to where he was even bringing knives to school and stealing money.
In January of 2016 I had a skiing accident that dislocated my left shoulder and I had to go to the ER and my arm was stuck in a sling. About 3 weeks later, I dislocated my right arm and then I had them BOTH in slings at the same time. Pretty fucked up, huh? I couldn't do a damn thing, not even wipe my own ass. My step daughter had to miss school to help me with my toddler while my wife worked, it was that bad.
So come February vacation, and I had my 2 daughters with me for the week. At the end of the week they went back with their mom like normal. 2 days later I get a sheriff delivering me an Ex-parte notice, which is much like an emergency order. She was ordering full custody of my children because she claims that she thought my daughter had been sexually abused. Oh yeah, vindictive bitches always try to play that fucking card. She was also claiming that I I had just beaten my daughter with a belt. And took pictures of a bruise... that was directly in her ass crack. In reality, my daughter jumped off a swing and somehow landed her ass on part of the swing set or something. IDK, I didn't see it happen.
So my ex brought my 11 year old autistic daughter to the fucking and had a traumatizing rape kit done on her. Like WTF IN THE FUCK!?! The god damn C*&T couldn't just ask me what happened and instead has to jump to an extreme like that. I went to the police station that my ex started the investigation at, and the detective in charge said she had nothing she could tell me because the results of a rape kit take a long fucking time to do and I am under investigation.
I went to court to fight the order, but since my evil ex label me as a suspect in my daughters rape, the judge would not even allow me to have supervised visitation.
Months go by. DCYF was involved in the investigation, but they closed the case because they found nothing. I kept calling the detective, but she would not return my calls, and was conveniently never there when I went to the PD.
I went to court again with an attorney, the judge still would not change anything because there was still an investigation going on from the PD and the District Attorney.
During this time our nephew was still having issues with his sexual behavior, and they were getting worse. We found him with my step-daughters (his cousin) bras and underwear in a binder that had a whole bunch of porn pictures and such. I got scared as fuck and brought him to the hospital and had him admitted because I did not feel comfortable with him being around my other children. We got him into a group home program that was to help with sexual behaviors. He was in the program for about 2 months and then they released him with orders to go to counseling with a special therapist.
Things kept getting worse. He had somehow bought a phone and was going to the local donut shop and using the wifi there to download THOUSANDS of images and cartoon depicting young children engaging in sexual acts, even shit like the 3 Despicable Me girls. He created a Kik account and posed as a woman and had men sending him pictures of their junk. Just lots of fucked up things. I brought him back to the ER, and he went back to the group home to figure out a more long term treatment program for him. He currently has been living in a group home for a year now and he is never moving back home with us. We had a total of over 20 different agencies working with us to get this boy treatment and to help keep our children safe because his behavior was scaring us that he could abuse our children.
A year and a half go by. Knowing that obviously nothing was found in the rape kit, otherwise someone would have been arrested by now. I assume that the investigation is all about me beating my child. The detective finally calls me up and asked me to come in for an interview. I was there almost 2 hours. They start with asking just basic questions about who sleep where what room, how is laundry handled, and other shit that I thought was just to get a general feel of when I am telling the truth about things that no one would have a reason to lie about. I came all prepared with a doctors note proving that I just had 2 shoulder injuries and it would have been impossible for me to swing a belt, plus other documentation.
Half way through the interrogation, one of the detectives drops on me "YOU KNOW WHY WE ARE HERE! Just fucking admit to it!", and of course I am like "Now what in the fuck in going on?". They go on to tell me that they found semen in my daughters underwear. I am completely blown away by this info. I never crossed my mind that anything like this would have ever happened. Then it hits me. THE NEPHEW!!! The little fucker had taken my daughters underwear out of the hamper and jerked off onto it. I am LIVID at this point. I explained everything that we were going through with the boy and how he is currently in treatment for things exactly like this. They finally boosted me out the door. I emailed the detective a list of every person involved with his treatment and all their contact info, close to 40 fucking people in this list. When the boy finally had his sexual risk assessment, I offered it to the detectives as well, but they would not respond to me.
I get a hold of a person at the district attorney office, and of course, she can't tell me anything because my ex wrote me in as a suspect. I keep calling the detective and the DA over the next year, and no one tells me a damn thing.
I go see a lawyer, he tell me there is nothing that can be done until I get a note saying that the case is closed. I finally talked to the detective 2 weeks ago, and she tells me again that she can't tell me anything or write me a note because my name is on the complaint, but she did say that I am no longer a suspect. WELL NO FUCKING SHIT!!! She then goes to tell me that the person whom was in charge of the investigation at the DA's office had quit and is working elsewhere, and now the case is just fucking sitting there in limbo. WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCKING HELL IS THE GOD DAMN BULLSHIT!?!?
I did absolutely nothing wrong, and I have had my rights taken away. I have not been charged, nor convicted of a crime, but they can take my rights as a parent away?!? Fuck this god damn system that is so fucking biased towards women. I work my fucking ass off as a parent to do all the right things, and some bitch can make some shit claim and I get my children taken away. 2 and a half fucking years now that my children have been without their father in their lives, while my ex is smoking synthetic pot, getting STD's, sleeping around like crazy, absolute alcoholic, smoking 2 ounces of pot a month, living off my daughters social security because her fat fucking ass is too drugged up and lazy to get a fucking job. Someone else was even providing the pot to her until she got herpes from some fucking transvestite and the guy figure out that she was cheating on him.
No one can help me. I even have DCF heavily involved with our family because of the nephew. A woman from DCF comes and visits our home every month and says that we are her best parents she has encountered, and just loves coming over to see the animals. She has to do the visits because of department protocol with the boy even though he doesn't live here. But even she is unable to do a god damn thing.
Lawyers, the PD, the DA's office, DFC, and everyone I call can not do a single fucking thing to help even though they all know I am absolutely innocent of ANY wrong doing. The court won't fucking budge an inch. I AM FUCKING STUCK.
And then to see all these feminist liberal shitheads that bitch and complain about my white-male privilege. Yeah, here take my privilege and I hope you fucking enjoy it!!! I dont fucking want it!!! Maybe if I start identifying as a black female then I will at least have one up on my fucking ex and the court will finally listen to me.
2 and a half fucking god damn years!!! And all the whore had to do was just give me one simple phone call and I could have explained it to her. But no! She was afraid that I would get custody of my children and then she would lose their $1400 a month social security. So this was just the perfect fucking thing for her to pull to make sure she never loses that income. It does not matter that she is hurting my children, she is just a selfish whore!!! And I am sure because of her being molested as a kid, she was just hoping that I did do something to my daughter. Twisted fucking bitch.
And seriously. This is why I fucking hate this world. This is why I hate people. This is why I take dangerous risks that will hopefully result in an untimely death to just end my fucking suffering on this god forsaken shithole.
The only chance at all that I fucking have is coming up with shitloads of cash for a retainer for a lawyer and a private investigator, but I ain't hitting the lottery anytime fucking soon.
The only thing that would help is immolating myself. I would would rather suffer through the physical pain of hell and fire than this fucking heartache that others continue to make me suffer through. At least then I would be in control of my suffering and it would cover the rest of the pain that I am dealing with.
I am not exactly sure why I am making this blog post. But here we go.
For a better part of a decade now I have been living with severely crippling depression, the kind that no amount of joy can make me feel like my life is worth living. I absolute hate myself, hate everything I do, and I just wish that I was never brought into this world.
I have suffered from depression most of my life with repeated suicide attempts, self medicating with alcohol and marijuana. If you have read my previous blog posts, that can shed a little light on to where this all stems from. I have been nothing but a failure to myself, my family, my friends, and everyone around me.
I was diagnosed with aspergers a number of years ago, which does help explain my feelings a bit more and it certainly puts into perspective why I was the way I was as a child. It is believed that my father likely had some form of autism as well, which probably contributed to his suicide.
The biggest reasons why I am so depressed right now is I haven't seen my 2 daughters in 2.5 years because of my ex wife made some bullshit up that she could not prove, but the court sided with her and gave her full custody. I love this white male privilege of mine. I get my rights taken away when I have not been charged or convicted of any crimes. Gotta love our judicial system.
I am also depressed because I have been stuck in this damn house for 5 years now, almost like a prisoner. I rarely get to leave. My only time alone is at night.
I am not happy in my home. I feel like I am a single parent, worse off is 2 of the children here aren't even mine so it is a constant fight with them to get them to do anything and I can't they just don't respect me. My wife does not work with me on parenting issues. Hell, I feel like I have to parent my wife as well. It is just a shitty situation.
Q: Why don't you just buck the fuck up and get your shit straight?
A: When depression is this severe, it is near impossible to find the motivation to make anything better for myself, especially when failure is part of my DNA. I have no problem using all my energy to make others happy, but when it comes to myself I just can't care enough to do something, at least not anymore. I have tried in the past and shit just never changes.
Q: Dude, why don't you take some meds or something?
A: I am strongly against taking psych meds. It is only a band-aid. It does no good in the long run. Have you ever heard the saying "He must be off his meds again"? Yeah, I would hate to rely on meds so much that if I run out for whatever reason and can't get more, I don't want to become a raving lunatic. I also get every side effect. I actually am taking some meds right now, something that I have had for over 5 years in my cabinet just to prove a point. Sadly, these meds are making it impossible to climax. My wife loves the 5 hour long sex sessions, but it sucks for me. And now, when I get depressed, it is more of a dulling depression instead of an emotional depression and I hate my life even more.
Q: Why not go to a shrink?
A: A few reasons. I don't want to change. I hate my life and I kind of like loathing in my own torment and hell. I don't trust shrinks. If I were to tell them how I really feel, and I am a brutally honest person, they would probably lock me up and throw away the key. I'm not a dangerous person, just extremely hurt and angry with the world. I want to make sure that I don't ever have anything on any record that would prevent me from getting a hunting license and cross bow. I want to be able to hunt and provide for my family that way. Also, all the shrinks that I have come across don't honestly care. They are only there for their paycheck. Hell, I have even had one start to doze off on me before.
Q: Why haven't you just killed yourself already?
A: I honestly don't know. I have many resources here that I could at any given moment. I have even purchased things in recent times to facilitate doing so, but people are relying on me for things and I can't leave them high and dry.
Q: Why don't you seek god for help?
A: Seriously? No. Just no. Don't start that religious shit with me.
Q: Why don't you talk to friends or family?
A: GBAtemp is about the extent of my friends and family at this point. I have tried talking to people, including my wife, and my feelings, thoughts, and concerns constantly get ignored. Nothing changes because in the past I was the only one that would put the effort forward to change the existing problems while no one else gave a shit to work with me.
Q: Why not start working out and eating healthy? Thats helps everyone.
A: I have been trying, but the other people around me are making it difficult to make that kind of a lifestyle change. I can't get anyone to do it with me, and when I need to feed my family I can not make 2 separate meals for dinner. Plus, it is difficult to cook things for just one person.
Q: Boy, you sure seem to have all of the excuses, don't you?
A: If that's the way you want to see it.
Q: Are you just crying for attention?
A: IDK. Maybe. I figured someone else here might be able to relate or this might help someone else. Like I said in my very first sentence, I am not sure why I am even making this blog post. Possibly just boredom.
Q: Why don't you just leave?
A: I have been trying to. @XFlak has been kindly offering to bring me up to canada to spend time with him, but no one in this house is capable of doing what needs to be done here. We have many livestock animals that need almost constant attention, and my wife needs to work. I have asked my wife MANY times to take a vacation from work, but she just doesn't fucking listen to me. At times it seems like I am the only one here with a god damn brain. I have considered just running away, but that will not solve anything, instead it will only make things worse. I have even considered just leaving my wife and starting new, but then I would not be fulfilling my vows.
Q: Does this mean that you are going to kill yourself?
A: If I was planning on ending my life, I would not be dumb enough to broadcast it online. I would be silent about it as to not be stopped from being successful.
So, now that I have gotten all the stupid questions out of the way. This will now open up to an Ask Me Anything... as long as it isn't stupid.
Hell, I might as well go with the trend.
Feel free to ask me anything. It doesn't mean that you will get a response, but go the hell ahead anyways. This could be fun.
Back in the beginning of May I purchased a 10' by 12' greenhouse kit from Harbor Freight. My wife and I spend 4 days building the greenhouse including digging the holes for the posts that act as a solid foundation, pouring the concrete, and assembling the structure.
A few weeks later we spend 2 days making the floor and then moving our aquaponics system into the greenhouse.
It was a hell of a lot of work, but it is well worth all the effort.
Here's some pictures.
As you can see, we already have some plants growing on in it, and they are doing EXTREMELY well.
Some of the plants include Cucumbers, Summer Squash, Butternut Squash, Pumpkins, Watermelon, Honeydew, Cantaloupe, Garden Beans, and Peas.
Thank you all for looking.
EDIT: How can I forget the most important part. THIS IS ALL COMPUTER CONTROLLED!!!
I have a computer that runs the whole system. The computer controls all the pumps, exhaust fan, plays different music depending upon the time of the day, detects if it is raining, graphs out the temperature of the greenhouse, the nutrients temperature, and the humidity.
I still have to hook up a few other sensors like some float sensors and a door sensor to detect if the door is open. I will also be adding an anemometer (wind speed sensor). Other things to come will be an electrical sub panel, lights (likely LED's), more fans, peristaltic pumps for nutrient dosing, and soooo much more.
In the end, I want this to be a completely automated greenhouse that all I will have to do is drop in some seeds and harvest my fruit.
I will add some pictures of the computer system in a little bit.
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